Me and my friends was eating steamboat at Johnny's one day.
We started talking crap and just so happen.... one my friend said out loudly a chinese swear word. Beside us is a family with kids eating.

"I shouldn't have said that"
He was a mamak.

here my contribution

I'm sure you've heard about the two Chinese shops selling cooking gas right opposite each other. One's called Wee Kien Fatt while his competitor across the road's called Soh Kien Wee.....

Is a joke from a forward mail tat I receive long time ago,

Malaysian in Space

Dr. Mahathir was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.

3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only  asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained  Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."

Redirect from Malaysian's uncycloppedia: (Actually I saw this somewhere before the uncyclopedia, so it's not origin from that page)

In Malaysia...

If you're not lazy, you're not Malay,
If you're not greedy, you're not Chinese,
If you don't get drunk every night, you're not Indian~~~

What does CIMB bank stand for?

CIna India Melayu Bank

haha, well, not exactly funny, but something u can randomly say at mamak stall XD

A: Cerita pasal makan, Malaysia manyak muhibbah ma~ Cina makan Melayu, Melayu makan India, India makan Cina dan Melayu
B: ??
A: Cina makan Melayu punya nasi lemak, Melayu makan India punya roti canai, dan India makan makanan Melayu sama Cina.

BTW - change the title to "Jokes about Malaysian races". The current title sounds racist.

Old jokes, but anyway...

How the 3 races buy a car...

Chinese will ask: Boss ah, resale value good anot?

Malay will ask: Encik, minyak dia satu tank bape ringgit?

Indians will ask: Inche, ini kereta brapa orang buleh masuk?

---

Q: When a Malay guy marries a Chinese/Punjabi mix girl, what will their child be?
A: A Mah Chi Bai.

---

When Hari Raya comes close to Chinese New Year, they call it 'Kongsi Raya'

When Hari Raya comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Deeparaya'

When Chinese New Year comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Kongsi Gelap'

Name setiap angkasawan negara adalah berbeza:

USA = Astronaut

Russia = Cosmonaut

China = Taikornaut

Malaysia = Can Or Not? 

THE GENIE

A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a lamp. He rubbed on it and a magical genie Singh with a turban appeared and said "I grant you two wishes, Macha.." The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want to be rich like a Chinaman! Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was smartly dressed, hair jelled and combed back like Chow Yuen Fatt complete with handphone in hand. As he walked towards his brand new shiny Mercedes, he noticed his own reflection. Not only was he smartly dressed, he was also much fairer in complexion. The shocked Indian angrily summoned the genie and complained " Are you deaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a Chinaman, not become a Chinaman!" I don't want to be a Chinaman because they cheat, lie and con their way to become rich..." The genie reminded him that he's entitled to one more wish "What do you want then, Muthu?" To which Muthu quickly replied " I just want to be rich and I don't want to work!" Poof! He was transformed into a Bumiputra...

Why cant the indians win the world cup?

Every time they get a corner,they set up a mamak stall.

don't flame me

One fine day 3 good friends died in a car accident, one chinese, one indian and one malay. They all went to heaven.

At the gate of heaven stood god, he said that they'll need to pay a large sum of money to enter heaven.

The chinese immediately found an Ah Long and borrowed the money from him, god let him through.

The Indian asked his family and relatives in heaven for the money, he too entered heaven.

So they both waited happily inside the gates for their Malay good friend.
After waiting for some time they felt weird that their friend hasn't show up yet, they then went outside to look for him and saw him standing there.

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you go in?" asked them both

"I'm waiting for the government" he replied

I got one..very very old joke based on the way each race's drum beating rhythm (I think during the 70's this joke was first mentioned - my dad)

Why Chinese are mostly rich?
Ans: The rhythm of drum Chinese beat " Un Tung, Un Tung, Un tung"

Why some Indians rich and some very poor?
Ans: The rhythm of drum "Kadang - Kadang Un tung, ka dang ka dang untung"

Why are Malays poor?
Ans: Tak Un Tung, Tak Un tung....

hope u guys understand la..

Dating Malay, Chinese, and Indian chicks.

Malay girl

1st date: You get to hold hands

2nd date: You get a goodbye kiss.

3rd date: You both get caught by JAIS.

Chinese girl

1st date: You take her to a restaurant.

2nd date: You take her to an expensive restaurant.

3rd date: You take her to a very expensive restaurant and buy her a diamond necklace. You get to hold her hand later that night.
[I]
Indian girl

1st date: You meet her parents.

2nd date: She meets your parents.

3rd date: Wedding night.

I remember one from my primary school days.

A Chinese, a Malay and an Indian were on a plane about to crash.
They have 4 seconds to jump out of the plane before it crashes.
They decided to count to three and jump out of the plane.
However, only the Chinese survived. Why?

This is kinda an old one but wana share it with u guys

Row your boat

One day god was watching over the world when he saw 2 people in a raft rowing away in the sea.
The 2 people were singing    Row,row,row your boat"  

God said :"Hmm these humans are so hard working that they continue to row even while in the middle of no where,i wonder what will happen if i
took out half their brains"
So god stopped time and took out half their brains then let time resume.

The 2 people continue singing but slower    Ro...w,ro...w,ro...w yo....ur bo...at
Then God said :" WOW,humans are so amazing they can even function after taking out half their brains!!! i wonder what happens if i take out another half" (means 1/4 left)
So god did as before and stopped time to take the brains out.
After resuming time the 2 people were singing but sloower still
R........oooo....www, r.....ooooo......ww, r.....ooooo....w, yooo............ur booooo.......at
Spectacular God thought so he decided to take the brains out completely to see what happens.

When god does that the 2 people sang
  DA.......YUNG, DA.....YUNG.......,DA....YUNG, KA....PAL

If this one tickled your funny bone i got alot more ^^

very very rude joke,so i'll spoiler tag it.(open at your own risk)
found it online,btw

what do you call an indian priest?


if anyone thinks this is way too rude,let me know,i'll delete it

4 friends, an Indonesian, a French, a Malay, and a Chinese, went hiking on a hill together.  When they reached the top, the Indonesian took out a cigarette and started smoking halfway before throwing his pack of cigarettes down the hill.  He said, "My country lacks of everything except of cigarettes." 

Not to be outdone, the French took out an expensive bottle of fragrance, put it on, and threw the remaining down the hill.  "My country lacks of everything except of fragrances."

When they both turned their heads to the Chinese, they looked in horror as the Chinese kicked his Malay friend down the hill.  "My country ah, what also don't have, only have alot of Malays."

this is a different version

3 guys are in a boat in the middle of the sea. One Cuban, one Indonesian and one Malaysian.

Then the Cuban lits a Cuban cigar and took a puff then throws away the RM80 cigar to the sea. Bedazzled by the Cuban, the other 2 guys asked him why did he throw away the expensive cigar.

He said "Back in my country, i have a lot of cigars" and he smiles.

Thrilled by the Cuban, the Indon lits a Keretek and took a puff then throws away the Keretek to the sea. Bedazzled by the Indon, the other 2 guys asked him why did he throw away the rich in aroma Keretek.

He said "Back in my country, i have a lot of Keretek" and he and the Cuban then looked at the Malaysian.

Puzzled by their expression, the Malaysian grab the Indon and threw him into the sea.

The Cuban was suprised and demands an explanation to this rude behaviour.

The Malaysian answered....."we have a lot of Indon back in my country"

LOL

this abit different version...

one night an angel was flying around. She saw a guy is counting sheep at bed: "one, two, three, four, five, six, ..."

the angel removed his left brain, and the guy counts: "one, ..., three, ..., five, ..., ..."

then angel then return his left brain and removed his right brain, the guy counts: "..., two, ..., four, ..., six, ..."

finally the angel removed both brains and the guy counts:

what is the diffrence between an indian and a bucket of shit?
dont click if u dont want to see the joke

Heres a few  more! once more no offence
When a Malay and an Indian is in a car whos driving?



What is Yellow out side black inside and funny!



2 Malay guys jump off a cliff who reaches the bottom and dies first?



What do u do when u see a Malay with half a face?



A Malay person on the moon is a called?



A group or Malay people on the moon is called?



The entire Malay population on the moon is called?



An Indian under the ocean



The entire Indian population under the ocean



If these offends anyone at all ill take them down on the spot
ty for reading 

I got one.

A Indian,Chinese and a Malay guy walking down the street then suddenly a Car came and knock all 3 of them in 1 shot.

Soon it attracted a Crowd as there try to help the victims. While waiting for the ambulance , The Indian guy suddenly woke up and the Crowd ask what happend?

He said when they all 3 were hit they when to heaven. God told them that it wasnt really their time so with a fee of $100 they can return back to their body.

So the Crowd ask where was the Chinese and Malay guy. He said
"Last time i remember The Chinese guy was bargaining for a lowwer fee and The malay guy insist that his Goverment pay for it.

Ok here another one.

A Korean guy ask God
"God when will Korea wins the World cup"
God said
"50 years"
The Korean Guy cried because he wont live to see his country team wins
A Singaporean guy ask God
"God when will Singapore wins the world cup"
God said
"100 years"
The Singaporean guy cried because he and his son wont live to see his country team wins.
A Malaysian guy ask God
"God when will Malaysia wins the world cup"
God cried instead.

Here's a Chinese one!

One day a chinese, malay, and indian guy died and went to heaven. The guardian of heavens gates said that heaven was overpopulated and he can only let a person in if they are truly and purely holy.To determined whether they are holy enuf or not they had to climb the "100 stairs of dirty jokes" where at every step an angel will appear and tell them a dirty joke,if they can climb the stairs without laughing at any of the jokes they would be able to enter heaven.

So the malay guy started first....on the 3rd step he laughed and *BOOM* was sent to hell

2nd the indian guy went......on the 40th step the laugh so loud he craped his pants *BOOM* he was sent to hell

Finally it was the Chinese guys turn....he climbed climbed and climbed without laughing at any of the jokes...amazingly he made it to the 99th step!! 1 more to go and he would make it to heaven. BUT as he was going to climb the final step he laughed out loud and *BOOM* was send to hell

The Malay and indian guy in hell was confused and ask him why did he laugh!! he was to close to getting into heaven

The chinese guy said :" i finally understood the first joke"

got 1 here

kinda lame,

mat salleh is Guai lou(ghost)
indian is Keling cuai(ghost)
malay is Malai chu(pig)
chinese is TONG YAN(human)

only chinese is human.haha

One day there was a magical room that if u tell a lie in it u will...*POOF* vanish. There was a Malay,indian and chinise guy in the magic room and they must say something about themselfs to get out of the room..The chinise guy started

Chinese guy:"I think i am........HANDSOME!!!".....a momment later nothing happened and the chinese guy could get out....then the indian guy said.

Indian guy:" I think i have......FAIR  SKIN!!!" and *POOF* the indian guy vanished. the malay guy after seeing this thought to him self and thinking he should tell the truth...so he said..

Malay guy: I THINK....*POOF* the malay guy vanished
no offense as usual 

I think you meant hell there ^^
Great joke nontheless xD

Heres one:

They were selling brains for brain transplant at the hospital and so the doctor was explaining to the customer:
"This here is a brain of a fellow doctor, he has a lot of experience and knowledge in medicines, it costs 10 mil"

At the next brain:
"Here, we have a brain of a professor, he knows alot of theories and have seen alot of the world, it costs 50 mil"

At the third brain
"This is a brain of a malay man, it costs 100mil"

The customer was startled at the price, "Why?" he asks.

Doctor: "Because it can store alot of things"
Lol, no offense ^^

The competition

There are 3 guys,a Mat-Salleh,a Chinese and a Malay.All of them wants to compete with each other by using their traditional utensils.

So,as usual Mat Salleh using steak knife & fork,chinese using chopsticks and Malay using a hand
1st ROUND, eating steak

Mat salleh guy use his steak knife & fork and finish his steak in the fastest time.He won the 1st place.

Chinese guy use his choptick is a bit difficult to eat,but he is in 2nd place.

Malay guy use hand to eat and is very troublesome,because the steak is very hot.He is in last placing.
2nd ROUND,eating rice

So,chinese guy comes the 2nd round by suggesting eating rice.

Chinese guy use his chopstick and finish his rice in no time.He is in 1st place.

Malay guy use his hand to eat,but not as fast as chinese.He got the 2nd place.

Mat Salleh sure lose because is impossible to use steak knife & fork to eat rice.He gave up.
So,the Malay guy still not satisfied due to he can't win any round for a 1st placing.And finally he comes out for 3rd ROUND.Which he suggest 3rd ROUND is......(click the spoiler)

Dr. Mahathir was thinking about sending a Malaysian into space.
Three potential can-a-nauts were called for an interview - one Indian,
one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. Mahathir interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a
dangerous mission.
How much do you think you should be paid?
" Muthu replied: "One million ringgit."

"Why so much?" asks Dr. Mahathir.

"Very dangerous mission, Datuk. Maybe I no come back!" replied Muthu.

"That's understandable," says Dr. M. "Thank you...
Please ask the Malay guy to come here."

So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.

Alamak, 2 million ringgit only lah Datuk," replied the Malay candidate.

"Two million? That's twice as much!
Even that Anneh (Bro in tamil) before you asked for only one million."

"You see, Datuk," explains Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children ...
With so many of us, it is a big family to leave behind when I am gone..!"

"I see," says Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask that Chinese guy to come then?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, as you heard,
This is a very risky mission, how much do you want?"
Ah Chong smiles for a while, and says, "3 million linggit only loh Latuk."
Mahathir appears shocked. "What??? 3 million! Why so much?"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, where-upon he quietly whispers
into his ear,  "Latuk, one million you keep, one million I keep, and
then one more million to send that Anneh into space!"

---

Added on October 11, 2007, 11:05 amAh Beng and his ever nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told Ah Beng, "You can have her shipped home to Malaysia for USD$2000, or you can bury her for in the Holy Land for USD$150." Ah Beng thought about it and calculated that it would cost him a whooping MYR$6889.70 (Malaysian Ringgit) for the shipping expenditure. After due consideration, Ah Beng replied - "I take Option 1 lah". The undertaker was puzzled and asked, "Why would you spend USD$2000 to ship your wife home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only USD$150?"

Ah Beng answereEd, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and in 3 days later, he rose from the dead. I just can't take the chance... "

One day, in the plane .. a flight to London on AIR INDIA, there was an Indian man and a British man they were sitting beside each other so while on the flight ... the air stewardess started serving food but the Indian man, he brought his own food. He took out his own food .. Thosai, Rice, Chicken Curry and Mutton curry. The British man asked him " What is that? " the Indian man then replied " This is food India" Then the stewardess started serving drinks .. the Indian man took out his bottle of Lassi(yogurt drink) and started gulping it down, then the British man was curious and he asked "What is that ?" the Indian man replied and said "This is water India" . So after a few minutes everyone in the plane was relaxed .. the British man was sleeping and the Indian man was reading his newspaper .. SUDDENLY the Indian man farted .. the British man startled and he woke up and he asked the Indian man "WHAT WAS THAT !?" the Indian man replied and said " That is Air India"

Ahmad, Kumar and Ah Beng was walking along a street when they suddenly spotted a mysterious object on the floor. They drew closer to the object and Ahmad made a remark, "Looks like shit lah!!".

Then Kumar take a sniff at the object and said, "Smells like shit also!!"

Ah Beng then poked his finger in the object and put it in his mouth. He said, "Confirmed..it's shit!! Phew..luckily we never stepped on it!!!".

if russian is called cosmonaut
and american is astronaut
and malaysian is can-or-naut

wat do we call the indons if they were to go to space (i dunno if they've been there b4 lol)

ada 4 orang buruh kasar..
1 dari China, 1 dari India, 1 dari Indonesia dan 1 Melayu dari Malaysia..
masing2 cerita kenapa mereka bekerja diMalaysia...

China: saya duduk kampung.. adik ada 15.. 1 org perempuan sahaja.. sebab papa mau anak lelaki untuk bekerja.. saya datang sebab mahu cari pengalaman..
India: saya juga duduk kampung.. adik ada 4 sahaja.. duduk kampung jadi petani sahaja.. duit tak banyak.. datang sini sebab gaji banyak..
Indonesia: Saya pula duduk bandar.. adik ada 10 sahaja.. kat Indonesia susah mau cari kerja..jadi datang sini mau kerja la..
Malay: aku duduk kampung.. belajar sampai SPM je.. nk masuk U xlepas sebab aku malas belajar.. aku kerja ni sebab dah xda benda nk buat..  ( adeh kutuk bangsa sendiri  )

dalam masa rehat tuh buruh dari China terjatuh Handphone nya ke bawah.. pecah Handphone die..
die cakap : tak pa.. kat China ada banyak benda mcm ni.. Malaysia pon pakai Handphone China maa...

kemudian masa mengambil makanan dikantin.. buruh India tidak mahu lauk kari.. kawan2 nya bertanya mengapa tidak mahu kari itu..
buruh India tuh cakap : Kat India hari2 makan kari.. Malaysia pon mintak rempah2 dari India..

selepas makan mereka menghisap rokok dihujung bangunan.. buruh dari Indonesia menghulurkan rokok Surya.. 
kemudian dia bersuara : kalau xcukup bagi tahu.. saya bole bagi 1 karton kat kamu semua.. Malaysia pon mahu rokok dari Indonesia.. apa Malaysia ada?

dalam keadaan bengang buruh Malaysia itu menjerit kuat.. buruh Indonesia terkejut lalu terjatuh ke bawah dan mati.. 
buruh dari negara lain terkejut dengan tindakan buruh Malaysia itu..
dengan selamba dia bercakap : Dia sorang mati berpuluh2 buruh asing berterima kasih sebab dapat peluang masuk Malaysia.. sebab buruh2 asing semua dapat duit dari Kerajaan Malaysia..

The End

sorry im writing in Bahasa MALAYSIA..
im focusing on using our Beloved country language.. 

Sun Exploration

Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations' Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations:

China Delegate: 'By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project. '

Russian Delegate: ' We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.'

Bill Clinton: ' We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.'

Malaysian Delegate: 'By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.'

There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate: ' Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?'

Malaysian Delegate (smiling): 'I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.'

from a standup comedy show i saw in singapore.

chinese eating philosophy:

"if can move, can eat. if cannot move, can eat faster!"

1)there a conversation between 3 frens, malay, indian n chinese

chinese: u see are, we chinese are the most smart human in the world.. we only eat using 2 chopstick, while u indian n malay using 5 fingers to eat..
indian: eh, how come....
malay: walaneh, we are the most smart bcoz we eat using 5 fingers, while u eat using 5 fingers n 2 chopstick,,, count by urself.
indian: huhu!! 

2) There are also 3 frens indian,chinese n malay walking in the jungle n suddenly they found a white chick swimming in the river... n they started to do something evil  ... they gangbang the white chick n suddenly her father saw n catch those 3 bastards.... the father said they must be punished... but 3 of them must go to the jungle find fruits n came back to see him, or else u r dead meat. so three of them went to the jungle n find the fruits...

then a malay guy bring back grapes n give to that man..

the father: do a doggiestyle position( n he try to push that grape into the malay guys' as#h#les...
malay: oh shit!!!!!!!!!!!!! its hurt.....wtf r u doing???!! ( said malay guy to that man),...

then.... an indian fren comes with lemons n saw a malay guy with the grape on his ass.. n hes worried n scared  ...
later that indian fren also kena like his malay fren....

suddenly, they both laugh like hell...   bcoz....

Chinese people? Ah, we all knows them are lanun cetak rompak.. Everything also they want to modify illegaly
Lanun!

A chinaman and a jew are drinking at a bar when the jew gets nasty. "You motherf***ers ought to be ashamed of yourselves for Pearl Harbor. Sneaky little shits, bombing all of those innocent sailors, f*** you." The chink replied, "Hey! Wait a minute, that wasn't us! I'm Chinese. Pearl Harbor was done by Japanese." The jew said, "Ahh, Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" So the chink says, "Well, what about your people? Sinking the Titanic and killing all those helpless women and children, I should f*** you up right here." The kike exclaimed, "What the hell are you yapping about? Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it hit an iceberg, you jackass!" The chink said, "Ahh, iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

How do you know if a chink robbed your house?
Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the chink is still trying to back out of your driveway!

What do you call a fat chinaman?
A Chunk!

How did chinese learn to speak? they dropped a spoon and heard, ching, kong, ting, king.

Hohoho!

A chinese woman went to a job interview to be a secretary. When the manager saw the woman's colorful attire and gold & white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming inside his head "NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still has to accommodate time to this woman.

So he asked the chinese woman,"if you can form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will consider you as a candidate for the position. 
The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE AND BLACK."

The chinese woman thought for a while and said, "I hear the phone GREEN,GREEN, GREEN. Then I go PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW. . . . BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number lah... Don't disturb PURPLE and don't call BLACK. OK!?!? Thank you."

The manager fainted.
Bwahahahhaa! 

There was a chinese man from China and also another chinese man but from Malaysia standing at a pond. The chinese man from China was standing there and told the chinese man from Malaysia, that if you skip a rock across the pond it will tell you one of you greatest ancestors. So, the chinese man from China skipped a rock across and the pond said, "Ching-Chang-Chee." The chinese man from China said that it was his great uncle. So the chinese man from Malaysia said, "let me try." So he skipped the rock and the pond said, "Chim-Pan-Zee".

Hahahaha! Yee hoo!

Ah! I dont care liao.
Heres another one..

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's
been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could
forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One
afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines
covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the
area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someoneis home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down
to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a
decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I
could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight."
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You
cannot mess around with my grandaughter."
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't
cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tommorrow morning."
The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give
you the three worst chinese torture tests ever known to man."
"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought
to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all herlife?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he
saw how beautiful the grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and
while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months
without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk
besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off
each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a
time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to
his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests
would be worth it after that experience."
Well, the next morning the man awoke to find a heavy weight on his
chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On
the rock was a sign saying "First Chinese torture test: 50 kg rock on
your chest".
"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and
walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out.
On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "Second worst Chinese
torture test: Rock tied to RIGHT testicle".
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps
out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign
saying "Third worst Chinese torture test: LEFT testicle tied to bedpost".

OMG! Wahahahhaha!

this one really chinese joke ....

One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building and
wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial , they
could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As
they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea
what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and
hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wow, how you know one?"

The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

A mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son haven't shown the
slighted indication of getting married. So one day she called her son to her
house. The son came home from work, grudgingly.

Upon arriving, he found out that his mother had gathered a few beautiful
ladies at the house for him to choose whose to be his future bride.

The first one was a well-endowned telephonist-via-receptionist. he
immidiately rejected " Aiyaa... mother, when they answer telephone one, they
always say.... HOLD ON, HOLD ON........."

The second nominee was a leggy secretary. This was rejected also"Aiyaa...
mother, this one aaa..., when taking down short hand notes from her boss,
always say..SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN...."

By this time, the mother is nearing frustation. She called a sweet, but
plain-looking teacher. The son suddenly agreed!! The mother was surprised...
"Why this one? The previous two were a lot more better looking!" He replies
" Teachers  aaa.... while teaching, always say to their pupils...REPEAT,
REPEAT AGAIN...SOME MORE, SOME MORE....!"

Her youngest son, who is 10 years old, was listening quietly all this while
at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted "Brader aaa.....female
bus conductor more better laa....they always say..NAIK CEPAT, NAIK CEPAT...
MASUK LAGI DALAM, BELAKANG KOSONG!"

An elderly is sitting on the bench in a park, and not long after, a Chinese Ah Beng  comes by and sat himself next to the old man.

The old man gave the Ah Beng a good look. His hair was dyed in all different colors. Lime green, orange, purple, red and blonde. The old man was obviously amused.

Realising that, the Ah Beng turned around and gave the man a gaze and said "What is it, old fag? Never done something this crazy in your life before, eh?".

To which the old man replies... "Yup, once, I had sex with a parrot."

"And now I'm just wondering if you're my son."

i got one that i heard frm my father...

hope u guys find it funny...

LAST TIME... CHINESE, MALAY, INDIANS IN MALAYSIA ARE BLACK IN COLOUR, DARK SKIN.

So one day, GOD decided that he should put in some different colours to all the races.

HE said, "People, there is a magic water in a swimming pool 100 meters ahead of you. In 20 seconds, the water will dry up. So run as fast as u can towards the swimming pool and use the magic water to wash ur skin."

So all races sent out a representative. Chinese one person, Malay one person and Indian one person.

God said, "GO!" and all 3 of the representative started racing towards the swimming pool.

The chinese arrive in 10 seconds, so he strated brushing his skin with the water. (There was still a lot of water)

The Malay arrive in 15 seconds, and he too started washing his skin. (Water is less, but still got 5 seconds before all water is dried)

The Indian arrive in 19 seconds and quickly jumped into the pool. (left abit of water)

So at the 20th second, GOD take a look at all 3 representative.

The chinese is fair, coz he had 10 seconds to wash his skin before the water dry up.

The malay still quite fair, coz he only had 5 seconds to wash his skin.

The indian landed in the swimming pool with ONLY his hands and feet touching the water so they are black everywhere except on their palms and feet.

THAT IS WHY TODAY, THE INDIANS NATURALLY RUN FREAKING FAST!!

Ah beng brough a new auto honda civic.

He went home and show ah lian...
"ah lian a... zee zee wa got new car... hondar civic a.. dun play play ar... can race with felali wan"

ah lian was so eager to test drive...

so ah lian got into the driver seat while ah beng sit in the passenger seat..

start the engine, shift the gear, floor the pedal and crash the car...

ah beng shouted at her... "lan eh, why u go klash my car?"

ah lian say "sorri lo beng, u say race car, so i tot R for racing lo"

==============================

hmmm since no one writes this one before, so im going to. hope u guyz find it funny.

there are three men, a malay, an indian and a chinese. all three are working for a contractor. one day, the contractor got a new project of building a small guard house. he then instruct all three of them with different task.

first the malay guy. he says "you, you are incharge with the foundation and the walls".

then he told the indian guy, "you, you are incharge with the roof and the paintings"

finally, he told the chinese guy, "you, you are incharge with the supplies of the material".

a month pass and only two guys are working on the project till its finish. the malay and indian guy. when the contractor arrives to have a final look, both of them complain that they have to procure the material themselves because the chinese who are incharge with supplies are missing since the first day.

so, the contractor decide, its ok, he wont pay him and go ahead inside the guardhouse to inspect.

when he opens up the door, come this chinese guy jumping from behind the door yelling "supppppliessssssss" (suprise!).

the contractor faint.

One day The Chinese went to a posh restaurant down Trafalgar square

The waiter asked "what do you like to have sir"
Chinese:err...olange juice pls
waiter:You mean orange juice sir
chinese:yea yea
waiter:and what do you like to eat sir
chinese: Flied noodle
waiter:Sorry sir we don't have that
chinese:har like that ar,
waiter  :I thought Asians like rice how bout our Mariated beef with lemon juice with plain rice
chinese:ah i know , i want flied LICE

Copy from another website:

In Malaysia,

If it's a Malay problem, it's a national problem.

If it's a Chinese problem, it's a racial problem.

If it's an Indian problem, cheers, it's not a problem!  (Nooooo pmrobulem lar, machaaa~)

The great  Samy Vellu announced today:
"Saya syukur angkasawan kita telah meninggal dunia 10 hari, kini selamat dikebumi"

Samy Vellu ditemuramah tentang program angkasawan negara.

Samy: "...Bagi saya, ini semua adalah satu pembaziran atas duit rakyat.
Kita sepatutnya tidak hantar mereka ke bulan, tapi hantar mereka pergi
matahari. Barulah USA, Russia, respect sama kita...."

Penemuramah: Tapi Dato' Seri, matahari kan panas. Macam mana mau pergi
sana ?

Samy: Cit! itu pasal la u tara jadi mintri. Saya suda lebey 30 tahun
jadi mintri, saya musti ada jalan penyelesaian. Kita jangan pergi siang,
manyak panas. kita pigi malam, baru ada sujuuuuuk....

I have a few also . Enjoy

The Aliens had invented a new machine , but it needs a human brain to function. So they came down to earth , and looked around for a suitable brain. In the end they found the Malay's Brain . Guess why?



Another one

A chinese, indian and malay went into a lift .

When the chinese fart , he said " Excuse me "

Then the Indian fart , he said " Pardon Me "

Then again the Malay's turn to fart , he said



Might be offensive to some , open at ur own risk

chinese who cannot speak any chinese dialects are called BANANA!!!

malays who cannot speak malay are called COCONUT!!!

indians who cannot speak any indian dialect are called OREO!!!

i dono this post b4 or not here it go

2 indian feller stove each other from far
normaly indian have red dot on their head
when there ar communicate they will shake their head
why? because pour signal using inf red .
now they have upgrade to blue dot
so they shake their head lesser why?
because blue tooth signal better the inf red

random racist joke.

Why is the Australian smarter than a Malaysian?