I'm not really sure what I expect to gain from posting on these forums. I guess I'm just looking to see if anyone here has been in a similar situation and what they did. My GF and I have been dating for more than a year now and we're usually very careful about our sexual activities, but she missed her period this month (kind of - there's bleeding just not a lot of it ) and so we did a pregnancy test that came up positive. She's going to the doctors today to get confirmation whether or not she's pregnant.

This is happening at a not so good time as although I'm working and earning a decent salary, I don't have much saved up as I've only been working for about a year. She is also earning a good pay and technically speaking we could afford to raise a kid together. But the problem is that our parents would definitely freak out about this and her mum is especially sensitive to these matters. To make matters worse, her mum is not in the best physical shape and telling her this is likely to cause enough stress to break her...

Me and my GF have discussed this and no matter how we try, if she is pregnant, we don't seem to be able to come to a comfortable resolution.. It seems that the only way out of this situation is to terminate the pregnancy...

I'm really reluctant to do this...

This post has been edited by ravager877: Mar 24 2009, 08:23 AM

The decision is 100% yours.

Just FYI, abortion is illegal in Malaysia (but you can still find clinics that do it quietly) but legal in Singapore.

abortion is killing an innocent human being. U r as good as your child's killer.


Happy Father's Day.

responsible for it... terminate the pregnancy is not the best solution, it just make you feel guilty in the future... please , if you're not ready for the pregnancy , go look for hookers la... shame to the girl... cannot imagine, even if i'm your gf parents, i'll kill you...

just my 2 cents

dare to do it dare to face it

Abortion is quiet easily said by by male, but for ladies...that is very important and seriously affected to her body... Hope that b4 abortion, u 2 able to discuss as well...Lets say , change the situation on u, the ppl pregnant is u....if apply abortion , what side effect that able to cause ur healthy... IMPORTANT,. is the communication between both of u. Dun simply discussing and make decision.

be a good dad and raise your child.Abortion may endangered her life

why don't you both get married? is it that much harder than to kill your own child?

dun simply say wanna do abortion lar..shame on u..

Hopefully the results from the doctor is something that you would like to hear. N from there may you make the right decision.

Good luck!

get married and raise the child.. be aman... face the reality

If i am in your shoes now, i will walk her to her parents and tell them Im ready to be father.

You are so careless, anyway the decision is on ur gf whether to do abortion.

how old r u n your gf?
Whichever decision you made would be the right choice for the both of you, but do consider keeping the baby, there is never a right time to have a baby and in this century its never shameful to marry when ya pregnant.

90% malaysian struggle raising a child, so its a common thing not restrict to just both of you (financially)

congratulation, and good luck

That's why we are taught not to have sex before marriage!

Abortion is holy damn cruel, don't ever do that. Give the child chance to live. He/she deserves that.

If you do so, your girl might not be able to get pregnant again. That is one of the risks of aborting child. Do you want that to happen?

Take your time, wisely use your mind , think carefully.

Be the man.

This post has been edited by mannquin: Mar 23 2009, 09:55 AM

tak cukup skill then become pregnant.
get married raise the baby.
some ppl wants child even after 10 years marriage also dun have one
some ppl dont want child but gets it

Think of the female, the side effects of abortion....

Did you really want to harm out your GF in this way?

If u're both financially capable then maybe u should give it a shot? Not all couples who have an unplanned pregnancy are necessarily emotionally ready, and it just takes some time to get used to the idea..If u're really committed to ur gf, and u can see her as ur life partner, why not? Also due to the sudden revelation of her pregnancy, perhaps u guys are still in shock. Maybe once u calm down emotionally, u could make the right decision for the both of u, whether u choose to abort or not.

happy father's day...and please don't do abortion...

Since you guys sound pretty steady & seem to be able to go the distance, why not have the child?

Else, if both of you think this child is a mistake, & that you wont be able to care for him/her properly, then its better getting an abortion imho. No reason making your future child suffer & be stigmatized for your mistakes.

do some calculation my friend...calculation about ur future ...

Marriage... is easier said than done. In his situation (mom bad physical condition, financially insecured, no savings, etc) if you consider all those and take into account while being RATIONAL, abortion is the way to go.

Dont go all ethics on me. Getting married for the sake of a baby WITHOUT considering the shit you are in, is even worst for the future of the baby.

However, Im not saying you should abort. What Im saying is, be RATIONAL, dont make decisions emotionally. Only do what you think you can manage. Give it a thought.

be a man...face d problem n solve it...all u need is some courage and sweat...escaping like a coward (referring to those considering abortion like d one above) is not a solution...

And your question is?

For me, no matter what or how the parents will freak out but eventually they will have to accept it.
Afterall their daughter/son is already big enough so they should be held responsible for their own actions and parents should let go their control.

And like RUI says, be a man and do wat u should and not running away from the situation

I think u guys have gotten me all wrong. I'm all for keeping the kid (if she's pregnant) but my GF doesn't think her mum will be able to help it. My parents would be fine with it. I will marry her if she wants to have the child but what if because of this shocking truth, her mum pass away from stroke? Can you live with that?

I'm doing all I can to give the kid a chance but if the cost of having the kid is the loss of her mum and her family.. I'm sorry but the choice is not a choice.

(PS. She already lost her dad so she only has her mum left. )

Law fact - Abortion in Malaysia is illegal after the first trimester. Not before. She's only been pregnant at most 2 weeks which is before the 3rd trimester which means that abortion would be legal.

This post has been edited by ravager877: Mar 23 2009, 10:43 AM

Proposed ASAP. Tell the good news to the mother. Bring parents to meet up. Plan the wedding ahead.

propose to her before her stomach is visable.
then get married asap.

TS, i strongly agree what Buggo say.
I got friends with 1 kid only 3yr. Both also not able to bear the baby expenses. Even their parent hav giv help a lot.
Maybe you can ask ur friends who get baby already. What they feel if their financially cannot cover a kids..
KiDs study, susu, pampers, health etc etc will cost you a lot.

And please dun just "lahir dia keluar tapi tak jaga, biar anak lepak kat luar"..

U dont need to tell her mom about it.
Just tell her u both wants to get married and make it fast.

try and give the baby a chance.
ask your gf to read all our replies also and then calm down and think
if there is any chance of saving a life it is always worth it.
riskas are meant to be taken, who knows it might be a good thing for you and for her too.
mind telling us how old u guys are?

hehe wacky angel is right..........

This post has been edited by jabelix: Mar 23 2009, 10:54 AM

"i'm pregnant"
vs
"i aborted the baby cos i sked u get heart attack"

i wonder which is the one that would give the hear attack...

I wonder what will be the resction of your GF's mum, if she heard that both of you decided to come into decision to abort, because of the fear of freaking out your GF's mum...

use a condom

do not kill your child.

your gf's mum will live.

i repeat, do not kill your child.

rourou i veli sleepy

how sure are u ur gf's mom will die of stroke/whatever it is if u tell her she got a grandchildren?

certainly not as sure as KILLING your own child.

Just have a guy next to you and say "It's his fault".

Well the 2nd one will nvr be spoken off so definately no heart attack on second one. And please stop with the 'dont kill a life' arguments cause its not a very good argument. If you bring a child into the world without being able to support it, then u may as well have left the child in a trash can. And her mum is very very sick so yes, its is very likely to send her into cardiac arrest. Take the facts I've given you without speculating that I'm over reacting to her mums condition.

Also, don't give me the "you should have taken precautions" approach. We've been together for more than a year and been sexually active for that duration so we've been taking all the proper precautions. Its just fate that she may have gotten pregnant now. Besides, there's no point crying over spilled milk. I'm just looking for some helpful advice. Not "I told you so's"..

This post has been edited by ravager877: Mar 23 2009, 11:09 AM

damn. condoms can be easily obtained from convenience shop and yet people choose pleasure over protection.

Are you referring to me?

Can I ask, have you started working? Do you know how much it costs to raise a baby? Do you know what happen to marriages when there is a financial crisis? Do you know what happens to the baby's growth when you are no longer capable of raising a kid or if you have constant arguments with your wife? Do you know why there are SO MANY kids up for adoption? Do you know why people sell children in the black market?

Like I said, be RATIONAL. Live within your own means. Dont just jump in and go all "Save the baby, save the world" without considering the future ahead. If an abortion will give you more pros than cons, then that is the solution. Unlike people who just spout nonsense about keeping a baby WITHOUT thinking AHEAD.

Ps. No one needs to know your gf had an abortion. Having an abortion might not give her mom a heartattack. You telling her, might.

I think you should inform yours and her parents, in the first place you already wrong, still want to continue? Face the challenge, if u scare,ur girl will also scare. Bring the MAN spirit out!

come i slap you want??

TS, what is her decision then? what does she feels about it? does she wants to keep the baby or not? if you're both not ready, then you proceed with your decision. but if both also wants to keep then if you're capable financially and emotionally why not? parents can be very forgiving when it comes to these things and who knows, she may count it a blessing when the child is born.

Abortion = gf's future health complication, trauma, guilt feeling for the rest of your life, black history in ur karma.

It's only effective 90% of the time.

Another option besides abortion is to keep the child, and let other couple to adopt him/her/they. Good luck !!!

Majority here can tell u not to abort the baby which is probably the right thing to do. But lets get into the untold details. Do u know most of those who underwent abortion will live to regret what they did? The guilt alone will destroy ur relationship, especially on her side.

way much better than other methods. and well, i haven't known anyone who complains about getting pregnant after using them.

ts if you dont mind why not u tell us the untold details.
how much you guys roughly earning.
how much liabilities you guys having.
what is stopping you from keeping ur child
if the doctor says she is really pregnant......
but as rourou says, if you are really dont wish to be pregnant,
use a condom....less headache.

Well the 2nd one will nvr be spoken off so definately no heart attack on second one. And please stop with the 'dont kill a life' arguments cause its not a very good argument. If you bring a child into the world without being able to support it, then u may as well have left the child in a trash can. And her mum is very very sick so yes, its is very likely to send her into cardiac arrest. Take the facts I've given you without speculating that I'm over reacting to her mums condition.

Also, don't give me the "you should have taken precautions" approach. We've been together for more than a year and been sexually active for that duration so we've been taking all the proper precautions. Its just fate that she may have gotten pregnant now. Besides, there's no point crying over spilled milk. I'm just looking for some helpful advice. Not "I told you so's"..

reposting this again since some of you are too lazy to scroll up to read the edited posts....

For conservative parents, it is a shame to marry of their daughter due to pregnancy because it shows that the mother fail to do her job bring up her daughter.

TS, you can tell your parents that your GF is already pregnant. You and your GF already prepared to be parents and welcoming the child into this world. But you only wish to inform your GF’s mother after the marriage. And the marriage is required to be done within two months. If your parents as supporting as you believe, this should not be an issue.

Btw, is both of you already ROM. If so, your mom-in-law should not get a big trauma from the news.

Hehe, can ask from Deimos

anyway, isn't its a good news to hear that her daughter can get pregnant?

This post has been edited by psychodize: Mar 23 2009, 11:38 AM

rourou u always use dom dom one ah?

Just do whatever it is appriopriate...

Yeah, we need to consider the future of child too...no point to see kids brought up in non-conducive environment if both of you are prepared yet heh?

At the same time, please consider her possible health implication too...

At the end, again, do whatever you think it is appropriate

y not just say you guys going to get married? no need to mention the baby?

edit: only if you want to keep the child... otherwise, no need to talk anymore. if you dont' want the baby just go for abortion and be done with it. no need to use the mum as excuse.

This post has been edited by rourou: Mar 23 2009, 11:33 AM

i second.

Seen u already think carefully need abortion or be a father now.
U open this thread is asking which clinic to "do" it or which Kedai Khawin is better now ?

a boh?

---

Added on March 23, 2009, 11:34 amsiapa??

This post has been edited by rourou: Mar 23 2009, 11:34 AM

rou rou.. dom dom only can up to 90% safe..
Y dun u use dom dom + pil ?
90 + 90 = 180%

pills are hormones. different ppl get affected differently. and definitely got effect, see if i shot some estrogen in your system what will happen?

condoms also protects from STD. way better than pills.

rou rou. ur posts are probably the least useful. please leave this discussion.

wah rourou very experienced...
teach me later ok

lolz so fierce...

I think u are just trying to find a reason to do abortion..

Else, just get married fast and no need to tell her mom about the pregnancy.
Nuff said

TS, dont expect any really helpful replies here. Probably you could look thru past threads & PM the posters directly to see how they dealt with the situation

Just trying to think of the possible outcomes...

Outcome A : Decided to abort, and life goes back to normal

Outcome B : Decided to abort, but if there is future health complication, and later both of you wanted to have child, at the end of the day, the in-laws might be upset

Outcome C : Not to abort, the child is there, but question of cost and viability/ preparedness of both of you in taking care the child

Outcome D : Like #49, this is the compromise solution, a bit of gamble, but still, this is the compromise...

This post has been edited by Kampung2005: Mar 23 2009, 11:45 AM

Think for the child's future.. U want he become rempit or F1 racer.

Live within your own means. Be rational. Looking at things you have described, abortion is the best solution with compromisable outcome. Dont listen to all the crap about killing a child and all. Obviously, they do not think of possible future complications.

Only keep it if you are financially secured and you are serious about this relationship, other matters should not make you think otherwise. Live in the present, while you plan for your future.

maybe you could be more specific of what kind of answers you'll like to get and we'll gladly provide you with it.

well i thank everyone who gave constructive feedback. i will just have to patiently wait for my GF to get back to me with the results from the doctor. We will take it from there. But honestly speaking, we're 80% leaning towards termination of pregnancy. Its a decision being made by both of us and we are prepared to live with the consequences of it. Makes me really sad but that's the best rational outcome....

Just tips, u rather kill YOUR OWN CHILD or discuss with both side parents? i think your gf parent.. they also dun1 saw u kill their grand children as well..
Think wisely..

Omg,another fella that have same fate like me ... abortion O_O

Then, go for it...

You have your own consent and importantly, your GF...

In abortion, it doesn't necessarily mean that you may have future complications, just the possibility is there...

I don't condone abortion but then nevertheless, if you want to abort, please do it early!

Again, if both sides of parents found out, you maybe in cockles and that is a serious one in terms of impression

This post has been edited by Kampung2005: Mar 23 2009, 12:01 PM

whatever your decision, no abortion please. A child raised in difficulty, will grow up stonger and understanding, more than those pampered.

To save the situation and for the sake of her mother and your life, just propose her.

Even if you're not ready from any aspect like financial, emotional and stuff, just go with the flow.

Where there's a will, there is a way.

Kill the child, and be a murderer ? OR

save the child and be a father.

You choose.

This post has been edited by mannquin: Mar 23 2009, 12:14 PM

U confirm or not..? a lot ppl get married coz pregnant. After that discover because the child also !
Dun simply say murder.. abortion s'time is good the baby !

imagine if your mum would have to abort you long time ago.....

no offense, just my 2 cents

Life isnt a fantasy story tale. Reality bites harder than you think. Get real.

stick with her. she'll need your support emotionally.

---

Added on March 23, 2009, 12:24 pmraising a child is not just abc or not just about money. it's difficult... and even more if you're not ready for it. it's one of the reasons there's so many orphans around. worst yet, blaming the child if you're stuck in an unhappy marriage. if can't provide why bring the child to suffer? even married couples aborts at times.

TS has made a decision. let it be.

This post has been edited by rourou: Mar 23 2009, 12:24 PM

I would be very grateful if jigsaw in SAW exists.

People like you guys who suggest to kill the child should be punished

This post has been edited by mannquin: Mar 23 2009, 12:34 PM

Man this is pathetic. The amount of people here saying "don't kill the baby! its innocent", "Abortion is murder" , "Think about the baby!" yadda yadda yadda. You all need to bloody grow up and start living in the real world.

Do you people have ANY F*CKING IDEA how much it costs to raise a baby? I'm not just talking financially, I'm also talking emotionally, physically and the amount of time it takes. The responsibility is HUGE, and most people won't be able to handle it well, which leads to poor child growth.

Its bloody annoying to see the same stuff being posted everytime someone creates a "omg im gonna be a daddy" topic. Try to empathise with the TS, try to imagine you're in his situation now. How can you help him? What advice can you give? Be helpful, instead of repeating things he already knows, just to make yourself seem morally superior.

TS, abortion seems to be your most likely solution. If you go ahead with it, bare in mind that the emotional trauma on your GF would be quite significant, pay more attention to her during the aftermath. Even if she doesn't show it, she may be suffering from guilt inside of her.

TS and his gf will be the one greatly affected by it. not you guys. stop screaming murder!!

www.babynames.com

Its all about you, you, and yourself only.
All you can see is u might not able to support the child, yeah right u were thinking u were so good to think for the child's benefit instead u are just selfish.

Its not that hard to raise a child, futhermore he had mention their financial are quite stable and both party seems to able to take the child without any problem, except TS scared of her mom might shocked to death?
That excuse is pretty lame to me.

A or B, the simplest and right thing, the BF should concentrate on pacifiying her GF, giving her mental comforts

i do think that abortions are always harder for the gal. TS will have to be extra sensitive to her needs emotionally.

In that sense, a person really need to ask GF to see if she really, really wants to do it...

crisis brings the best in everybody.

OK TS. Why until now you think getting ur gf pregnant IS A MISTAKE. Did you thought whether it WAS A MISTAKE before you bedded her ?

Nope, don't shove off responsibility by simply admitting its a mistake, and then abort the baby. You don't go around playing with life.

With arrival of a baby, treat it as a FATE, a path that's destined.

Meeting your gf is a FATE
Having her as your gf is a FATE
Being horny is a FATE
Being horny until she's pregnant is a FATE
Now, the baby is your FATE
Embrace this fate of yours.

Killing innocent life IS NOT solving. Unless you're heartless.

*i skip all replies*

juz read ur statement that both of u r ready then y not? seems the problem is juz to confront wit ur gf mum. mayb find a better way to discuss wit her.

if u plan to marry anyway so dun choose abortion which may cause health problem to ur gf or the worst will have negative effects such as unable to be pregnant again.

anyway, the choice is urs. juz make sure u dun regret it later.

If my mum abort me long time ago when she still very young and can't bear the expenses. I nvm..
Better then raise me out without care.
Pregnant and raise a child only take 10month and spend around RM3000-5000.. Take care a child hav up to whole life and expenses is more then what u imaging.

is that mean if u choose abortion juz bcos both parents will freak out? excuse excuse.......

well even for a gal, with all her motherly instinct may not be ready for a child. having a child takes its toll, emotionally and financially. even if she is financially capable doesn't mean she is emotionally. it's a difficult decision to make. she may still be scared and confused with the whole issue.

but no mattter what, they have made their decision so be it. just find the best way to go around it.

sometime,rm5.50 per 3 piece is usefull..it's safe for ur both...
dare to do it..dare to face it....
dun simply kill a baby....

But all i see is that TS is afraid of her mom will shocked to death.

he's been working for a year, that's hardly stable enough. Do you understand the current status of the economy? His GF will have to take maternity leave, and that would mean no income for several months, on top of that, there is no guarantee she'll be able to re-enter the workforce. To add insult to the injury, he may not even be able to hold on to his job for the next few years, considering the global recession. Did you even think of these factors?

If you think its not hard to raise a child, have you even tried? I used to help my mom take care of my sis when she was a baby.. I was not given full responsibility, but it was tough enough. Seriously, grow up and enter the real world, there's so much to think about in raising a child. His consideration for his GF's mother is just one of the factors. He's hardly being selfish, he's simply being rational. Unlike you morons who are unable to use your mental faculties.

Sigh. Most of you 'bleeding hearts' are convinced I'm doing this to avoid responsibility. Just so you know I'm gonna marry this woman whether the child is kept or not. But we cannot simply say hey we get married now and have the kid just cause its there... As pointed out countless times, its costly to raise a child and time consuming. Its not like a bloody digital game that you can just turn off whenever it suits you. Me and gf are not ready for that responsibility and it would make for a lousy upbringing. Sure we have the cash, but do we have the time? Its easy to say that we are murderers but I think i would rather be a murderer than a person who neglects his child. Least if i murder a baby they go without knowing anything rather than i torture someone from years of neglect. Hate me if you will curse me if you will I'm already upset that I have to make this decision because believe it or not I was very happy to hear she was pregnant. Its just that this is a terrible time for it to come along...

For those of you who have managed to see things from my end of the deal, thank you and rest assured I will take very good care of my GF. I love her very much and will definitely support her in the rough days to come.

And I will not show her this forum simply because too many of you are out to guilt trip us into keeping the child. You already know that GUILT will be a big part of the process and yet you seem intent on making us feel even guiltier. YOU ARE NOT HELPING. Taking the moral high ground just because you can does make you a better person. It just makes you a snob saying "I'm better than you".

Good for you to make your own decision...that means the decision is already there, go for it, and stay with your GF, whenever she needs you...

For her safety, do it earlier....

And of course, take care of your GF

TS, no need care what they wrote.. they only look for the surface.
Next time more more more carefully when ML.

I would assume most of the replies telling him to keep the baby and live happily ever after with no worries, are from immature people who had no idea whatsoever about responsibilities, both financially and emotionally as well as the time involved (not to mention the normal 9-5 working hours). Learn to be realistic.

He has only worked for 1 year. He has near to ZERO savings (anything less than 4 months of your own salary is NOT savings to be worth mentioning) and he has only been with the gf for 1 year. That is HARDLY STABLE.

For Gods sake, THINK with your brains. Ethics play no part whatsoever in this scenario if you cant even make it for the first FIVE years.

i'm sure ts still stay with parents.

let the granny look after the child, if possible get a maid under supervision of the granny. then both husband & wife get a work. RM1k each also can la.

what so damn diffucult about that?

Not staying with parents. Living on my own terms with my GF. How?

don do that man. the baby is the blessing. it is a give for both of u. baby is a good sign for couples.

u may regret in the future coz abortion means killing some1.