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 My GF may be pregnant (Confirmed 4 weeks )

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silverhawk
post Mar 23 2009, 12:37 PM

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Man this is pathetic. The amount of people here saying "don't kill the baby! its innocent", "Abortion is murder" , "Think about the baby!" yadda yadda yadda. You all need to bloody grow up and start living in the real world.

Do you people have ANY F*CKING IDEA how much it costs to raise a baby? I'm not just talking financially, I'm also talking emotionally, physically and the amount of time it takes. The responsibility is HUGE, and most people won't be able to handle it well, which leads to poor child growth.

Its bloody annoying to see the same stuff being posted everytime someone creates a "omg im gonna be a daddy" topic. Try to empathise with the TS, try to imagine you're in his situation now. How can you help him? What advice can you give? Be helpful, instead of repeating things he already knows, just to make yourself seem morally superior.

TS, abortion seems to be your most likely solution. If you go ahead with it, bare in mind that the emotional trauma on your GF would be quite significant, pay more attention to her during the aftermath. Even if she doesn't show it, she may be suffering from guilt inside of her.
silverhawk
post Mar 23 2009, 01:15 PM

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QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ Mar 23 2009, 12:43 PM)
Its all about you, you, and yourself only.
All you can see is u might not able to support the child, yeah right u were thinking u were so good to think for the child's benefit instead u are just selfish.

Its not that hard to raise a child, futhermore he had mention their financial are quite stable and both party seems to able to take the child without any problem, except TS scared of her mom might shocked to death?
That excuse is pretty lame to me.
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he's been working for a year, that's hardly stable enough. Do you understand the current status of the economy? His GF will have to take maternity leave, and that would mean no income for several months, on top of that, there is no guarantee she'll be able to re-enter the workforce. To add insult to the injury, he may not even be able to hold on to his job for the next few years, considering the global recession. Did you even think of these factors?

If you think its not hard to raise a child, have you even tried? I used to help my mom take care of my sis when she was a baby.. I was not given full responsibility, but it was tough enough. Seriously, grow up and enter the real world, there's so much to think about in raising a child. His consideration for his GF's mother is just one of the factors. He's hardly being selfish, he's simply being rational. Unlike you morons who are unable to use your mental faculties.

silverhawk
post Mar 23 2009, 01:41 PM

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QUOTE(daruma @ Mar 23 2009, 01:32 PM)
i'm sure ts still stay with parents.

let the granny look after the child, if possible get a maid under supervision of the granny. then both husband & wife get a work. RM1k each also can la.

what so damn diffucult about that?
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doh.gif If you think RM1k is enough, have you actually done the math?
silverhawk
post Mar 23 2009, 02:13 PM

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QUOTE(sakura81 @ Mar 23 2009, 01:49 PM)
maternity leave = 2 months with salary
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From my experience, they often take longer leave.

QUOTE(LeechFever @ Mar 23 2009, 01:58 PM)
There already are ALOT of abortion. Do society a favor and NOT add to the blood pool.
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This doesn't even make sense. Abortion means there's nothing being added to society doh.gif
Do you know that criminals are often produced by poor upbringing? Sure, go ahead, add another life to society and not take care of it. You know what you're doing? You're just adding to the pool of highly probable criminals. Yay. When will you idiots learn to think?

silverhawk
post Mar 23 2009, 03:02 PM

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QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ Mar 23 2009, 02:46 PM)
Yes, its all about YOU again....

What about you oh Noble One? If you're so passionate about the life of the child, why don't you finance them during the pregnancy then take care of the child when its born. You said its not difficult right? You can certainly talk the talk, but can you walk the talk? Its so damn easy to say things, to condemn others, to act superior, lets see some action.

QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ Mar 23 2009, 02:46 PM)
You are just too scared to take the challenge but rather stay comfortable becoz its all about YOU.
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Of course he has to think about himself and his partner FIRST. If they can't take care of themselves, how can they provide for the child? I'm trying to lay out points for you, and give a proper argument for the pros and cons of the choice. What can you do besides using emotionally loaded arguments and attempting to take the moral high ground based on complete and utter ignorance?

Abortion is not a choice I would always advocate, it really depends on the circumstances. Think about the situation, and see what's the best available choice. There's really no point in making everyone's life miserable. A child you can make again when the circumstances are better. I've been avoiding turning this into a discussion about when life begins... but lets face it, this first trimester its not even "alive" yet. You might as well call all females murderers cause they shed an egg once a month rolleyes.gif

As I said, get out in the real world and start actually having some real responsibilities. Then you'll start to understand that life is filled with tough choices. He doesn't like the idea of an abortion. He knows its impact. He knows the responsibility it entails. He knows that he's not ready to raise a child, so he's not going to let a child suffer for it. Yet you people can't see that, all you can do is try to act like you're morally superior, like you know better. The level of immaturity and lack of rational thought is simply amazing in this forum.
silverhawk
post Mar 23 2009, 06:27 PM

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My response to wacky-angel:
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


To all who are against the abortion, and who think its easy to raise a child. Why don't you offer to help take care of TS's upcoming child? Go help them bear the medical cost for labour, and you can also help take care of their child for them. Its easy ma right, money can get wan ma right... you want to save a life don't you? See if any of you would put money where your mouth is. Its sooooooo damn easy for you condemn others and judge them, but NONE of you would walk the talk.

So if you can't do as you talk, just shut up.
silverhawk
post Mar 24 2009, 12:41 AM

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QUOTE(PinkGenie<3 @ Mar 23 2009, 07:50 PM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «
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Does your case make all cases true, or are you the exception to the rule? Take a look at the bigger picture, and try to understand why some of us will advocate abortion rather than giving birth to the child.

I certainly respect and commend your courage, but whether or not things really work out for you is yet to be seen. There are many more years ahead for your child to grow up, and I do hope you can continue to provide a good environment for your child to grow up. I wouldn't mind another "good result" statistic to show up against abortion smile.gif

QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ Mar 23 2009, 08:34 PM)
ROFLMAO...

If u didnt noticed, the JUDGE i mention is the God.
But heck, i know you are your own god.
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Not my fault you write so poorly that no one really knows what you're talking about.

QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ Mar 23 2009, 09:54 PM)
SilverHawk birdy says that infant hasno life before some stages...3 months or something? i dont know..
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QUOTE(blackwings @ Mar 23 2009, 10:14 PM)
the life he refer to maybe the formation of heart and beginning of heartbeat gua? but the life i refer to in a spiritual way, usually not easily to be understand by the people who easily deciding on going abortion. coz they think abortion does not involve destroying a life.
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Don't take my word for it. If you want to say something is a "human life" you will have to define it. You have to know what constitutes a "human" and what constitutes a "living human" both attributes must exist in the fetus before it can be considered a human life. There are many debates on this, but like a religious debate, the pro-life will just say "life starts here, because we say/feel/believe so" while the pro-choice side will actually try to define when a bunch of cells actually becomes human.

QUOTE(nickisthemost @ Mar 24 2009, 12:13 AM)
hawk you got something else to said about this, people that are married and have kids, and they seems to be immature to you tongue.gif ?
i'm totally agree with her tongue.gif human are just full of excuses
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She is married, and she has a kid. Does that mean she is automatically right? Her experience does give her much more credibility, but she alone is not the entire case. Once again, look at the bigger picture. There is strong statistical correlation for abortion and reduce crime rates. There's also strong statistical evidence for poorer child upbringing due to couples bearing children before they are ready.

Most of you don't seem to realise that the TS is making a really tough choice. You may say humans are full of excuses, but life is also full of tough decisions. It is their decision to make, and their responsibility to bear whatever the outcome. He understands the issue, he took the appropriate steps and arrived at his conclusion. We may not agree to it, but we can at least understand and empathise with him.

What I can't stand is all the judgemental morons who post in this topic. All trying to make the TS feel worse, and for what? their own amusement? To make themselves feel that they're better than others?

QUOTE(WaCKy-Angel @ Mar 24 2009, 12:15 AM)

Y u agree with her but dun say agree with me?
I know she pretty and im not.....  shakehead.gif  shakehead.gif  shakehead.gif
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Cause she actually says something useful, unlike you.

QUOTE(ravager877 @ Mar 23 2009, 10:59 PM)
Well, for those who are interested, the baby has been confirmed. The doctor confirmed the embryo is 4 weeks old and is about 1.5cm's in diameter. After much discussion with the doctor as well as family planning therapist, it has been decided that we are going to terminate the pregnancy. Termination will proceed this Wednesday so I hope that if indeed you are morally good people as you like to think you are, please pray for me and my gf as we make this very difficult decision. I asked her to keep the pregnancy just because I would like to have a child but after discussing things rationally we both have to agree that this is the best for all parties. On the brighter side of things, I have asked her to marry me and she has accepted. This does not change our decision to terminate the pregnancy as we cannot give the kind of support a child deserves in this troubling age. I may have lost a child... but at least I have gained a fiancee...

Thank you once again for your advice and kind words, especially to those who have supported me in this very difficult choice that I am forced to make...
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You have made your choice mate. Don't look back, look forward. G`luck with your life, hope less shit happens to you smile.gif


silverhawk
post Mar 24 2009, 12:04 PM

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QUOTE(PinkGenie<3 @ Mar 24 2009, 11:28 AM)
I posted the amount of money TS would need to spend until the baby is out to see the world so don't use it to scare those who has no experience here. It is true that having a child is a long term commitment, but think about it, sooner or later you'll have one soon so why kill the one you have now?
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QUOTE(nickisthemost @ Mar 24 2009, 11:31 AM)
i guess not every people are not ready for it, it's like some kind of weakness, they sked this sked that, it's not easy to change these things, to be honest i'm sad too lulz
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I will lump both your quotes together, since you two are basically saying the same things and I have the same things to say to you too.

Personally, abortion is not a choice I would normally advocate. The difference between you and me is that I know how to be objective in giving advice, and I know how to give advice based on the person's character. The problem with you people is that you can't see pass your own values, and try to push your believes upon others. All you end up doing is guilt tripping them into an action. That is not advice, that is coercion.

What's the point of telling someone to keep the baby when they aren't ready? Why do you want to force them into it? One major reason most couples who pull through with a baby succeed, is because they believe they can. Its something they already decided to do. If the couple wavers in this decision, that will affect the quality of commitment to the decision in the future. How can you advocate such a choice?

Giving advice, is giving guidance, you have to be objective and fair with the facts. This means, you don't emotionally load your arguments, you let the facts speak for itself. Then let the couple themselves decide what is best for them, and just hope you could give them proper guidance. It is THEIR CHOICE, and THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to live with the consequence of their actions. Whichever path they choose, it comes at a price, so don't judge them just because they didn't follow your advice, be supportive either way, even if you don't agree.

QUOTE(alanyuppie @ Mar 24 2009, 11:41 AM)
It's a matter of making lifestyle changes and adjustments and pure hard work, which I believe some sexed couples REFUSE to take up the challenge, in fear of losing their "comfortable" baby-less lifestyle , splurging on  unnecessary stuff and food. While they're at it, they never thought about "inability" to buy a better gadget/car if their salary doesn't increase.
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I don't see how you cna compare gadgets to a baby doh.gif Can you re-sell your baby for 60% of its value when you don't want it adi? laugh.gif

Seriously, some people just can't take the hard work necessary, and if they don't have the commitment for it, why push them for it? Would you tell a lazy dumbass to enroll in MIT? Of course not, be realistic and find what would be most efficient. If a couple don't want to take care of a baby, there's simply no reason to force them to do it. Forcing them would just lead to an unhappy life for everyone involved.


silverhawk
post Mar 24 2009, 12:24 PM

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QUOTE(alanyuppie @ Mar 24 2009, 12:11 PM)
Yes, indeed. they can abort it , since its their own flesh and blood. Outsiders have no rights to judge them. They're young and naive. The baby is a burden, hence to reclaim their happiness and continue the preferred lifestyle. Everybody happy.

But deep down inside, any decent humans (strangers and relative alike) would really PRAY and HOPE there are no more of these cases. And if such cases happen, the "perpetrators" must not be encouraged on to do the abortion (as if its the right decision always ).

And of course, let the remorse sets in after they turn 40, perhaps? Before that, life is an oyster to these people.

Seriously, the male is doing his spouse a BIG BIG damage to her body and mind. I hope he can cope with her depression/remorse for "killing" her child prematurely when they gets older and more mature. Who cares about his lifestyle and financial condition. maybe TS should get a course on "handling" her wife emotions and console her always if the topic regarding their "unborn baby" crops up once in a while in the near future.
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I don't see why you all keep blaming the TS for the abortion. He wants the baby, he's been DISCUSSING IT WITH HIS GF. He went for counselling, consulted family planning etc. etc. He did all the necessary steps, and as a couple, they decided to abort. Why is HE getting all the flak as if he's being an irresponsible prick. You people judge too quickly
silverhawk
post Mar 24 2009, 03:08 PM

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QUOTE(nickisthemost @ Mar 24 2009, 02:57 PM)
TS said that it's mostly about the money that make him take this decision, i don't know but it doesn't feel right, i tried to put myself in his position, and it would be difficult for me, not for choosing between the choices, but for maintaining the choice that i makes, but i shall not wine or get emphatic for it, cause that's how i repent my mistake, not running away from it, let say i choose to abort i don't really know what i should do to repent my mistake, support her of course, but the scars will remain forever, what about you ? what would you do if you choose to abort ? would you have sex with her again until she is healed ?
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Exactly, the choice is hard because either way you have to live with the choice. The TS isn't running away, he can see that both choices come with its own set of consequences and responsibility. Personally, I would rather choose to keep the child, but if abortion is the choice I chose in the end, I have to stick with it. Sex or not, depends on the couple, if she doesn't feel like it then there's nothing you can do. Whether abortion was an issue or not, doesn't change that fact. I don't see why you have to make sex an issue here. They will definitely be a lot more careful from now on before having some happy time together on the bed tongue.gif
silverhawk
post Mar 24 2009, 03:34 PM

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QUOTE(nickisthemost @ Mar 24 2009, 03:22 PM)
weird, if these things doesn't happen so they deserve the right for not being too careful ? there's actually a message here, no PMS tongue.gif, either we learned it or start to live with it tongue.gif why ? so that we don't live a regretful life =)
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I'm sure they were careful already, who knows, maybe they got unlucky and the condom they were using at that time had poor quality? Happens in any manufacturing process. Just like anything in life, even though you're careful, you may still get into an accident. When that happens, you'll be even more careful than usual. She may even not want sex for now, and its something they will have to live with.

We should live life without regrets, I agree with you. However, that doesn't mean you always avoid things which may cause you problems. Doing so, is not living. Mistakes, accidents, unforeseen circumstances, etc will always appear in life, you can't run away from it. Might as well live the way you want to, and handle the problems as they come. He chose to have premarital sex, and now he has this problem, and he has to deal with it. Both options to him are equally painful, so lets not judge him based on your own values of the sanctity of life.
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