What Every Person in a Long Distance Relationship Should Know

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Jan 11 2018, 03:30 AM

Hello!

Hi all.

LDR sucks

Mandy hasn't logged in since 3 years ago and lots of the old timers don't hang out here anymore.

I guess only 3 of us including kenzie are still here.

Reporting in! And currently in LDM phase again before next visit

. Going through one?

I hardly come on LYN anyway. I used to be very active in CC, but now I just maintain information threads and check in every so often.

I used to have you on Skype. Do you use any sort of chat program? Discord maybe? It'd be nice to keep in touch

it was a 6 years of relationship (first love). 3 sdr + 3 ldr. on june 2017, she dumped me.

I switch job and the company doesn't allow skype. Whatsapp can? I don't have discord.

Discord has a phone app and there is an LYN server on it
Whatsapp is a bit personal, don't you think? exchanging phone numbers?

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Jan 12 2018, 02:13 AM

my LDR is coming soon...

me malaysia and she korea

Penang & KL considered long or short ?

To me, any distance where it is inconvenient to go to your SO's place on short notice is far enough to be considered LDR. 1 hour? 1.5 hours? 2 hours? Far enough that any emergency means you can't reach in time - to me, that's far enough.

lyn discord? is it from /k channel wan?

i'm currently in that distance with my partner, PEN - KL.
to me it's considered long distance because meeting each other daily or whenever you need it immediately is not exactly possible although it's not impossible..haha!

wondernoob describe it quite accurately

Things will get better!

All the best! This thread is here for you

Hope you both are going strong

In a relationship where it involves a minimum of 16 hours flight just to see each other, 1~3 hours car drive? I WILL BE JUMPING IN PURE JOY!

Not really to me considering we've known each other for like 10 years here? Even though we never met before. I'm ok with that actually.

How do I join discord?

omg now that you put it that way, we HAVE known each other for 10 years lol. I have ken_zie on FB, are you on FB?

https://discord.gg/ph7hTsN

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Jan 13 2018, 01:43 AM

yes, but I don't really chat in there anyway.

Are singles allowed here?

Time does fly...without realize how fast it flies, it has been 3 years since my last LDR...

all of the nice people are welcome.

Hmmm...

Ok la. I think FB would be a better choice. Not active in posting but I can be reached anytime on messenger. I'll pm you my email.

Imisshim. Its hurt when i cannot contact him..

It's weird that we virtually known each other for so many years but never meet or speak to each other. The power of technology.

Yeah.. when I looked back only then I realise how long it was. Time flies.

yeah I didn't realize it myself lol

This post has been edited by spunkberry: Jan 17 2018, 01:48 AM

on certain days like this, LDR really sucks because all I want to do is curl up beside my significant other and just sleep!

Haha yeah I know that feeling. Makes you miss them even more.

LDR member here.

Been 3 months and doing great so far.

More freedom, less clingy.
Of course, less intimate session as well.

But enjoying it so far.

LDR and the love is slowly fading away...

On ldr for 4 months already. She's from sg and im from MY. Never met before, but going to next week...

LDR for one year, met only once a year.

This is my first time in a relationship. They say couples usually plan the future together, buy house together, 2 years then marry..etc. But no.. we have been together for 6 years and have never planned any of this before. Sometimes I doubt my own relationship.. haha..

yeah I know right!

HI!~ not LDR, but happy to say hi here :3

so why haven't you two talked about plans?

hi!

Then you really need to talk with your partner about this lo. Whether it's a matter of feelings or planning, you could open up the subject and start. Or question yourself, why? and how come?

Kinda reminds me of my first LDR which is the reason why I am here lol.

My first ex was Singaporean.

This is my first time too! Lol
Hope everything is going well...
Tbh we're kinda diff, im kinda introvert type while she's like the opposite eventhough she always say she's kinda introvert too... Lol

Welcome and stay strong and in love!

as we all know, in every ldr, one person will have to make the move once you take the rship into marriage.

for those of you who have to make the big move, what's the biggest hurdle for you?
and how do you overcome them?

Actually Nowadays technologies are very advance and LDR have alot of advantages than olden times. Got smartphone to video calls, voice calls, whatsapp etc... Even far also can contact.

It's depend on both person whether really love and care about each other dearly and stop thinking about far far cant touch cant meet etc.

Just think you both are able to contact and talk everyday is good liao.

This post has been edited by Strawberry<3: Jan 29 2018, 11:22 AM

Thanks!!! We will

I've been quite lucky that his job prospects are more flexible than mine, so where we go depends on my job and he can just work remote.

I personally have not had the experience of already being established in a job and having to make the move, but I think that even if it did happen, I would always go to him.

Up till yesterday only i realized im probably just a spare tyre, we were supposed to meet tmr for the first time. But she sent me "I have a boyfriend, i dont think we should talk anymore, don't ever reply or msg me again" last night.
It hurts so much, because of her, I've planned to throw everything i have here and go all the way to SG to work. I know its just a 4 months relationship, some ppl might say its just a v short time, no need get so sad over it, that might be true. But its still so hurt when you try to commit so much and it ends like this.

That's like the biggest joke ever happened to you. Get yourself back up buddy.

U were too deep into own false hope.

This is about getting bailed on the first meet up only.
I can’t imagine if you have actually dated her for a month.

Ur expectation on her blew out of proportion.

So sorry to hear that.

I got some information from one of her rl friend which i cant 100% confirm if its legit or not and found out that alot of things my "ex-gf" told me were actually lies. I actually get kinda mad and hurt. But I've been thinking for awhile, and decided to tell her that lets get back to be just normal friend, i hope thats the best course of action and probably i would feel better and get over it sooner.

You do you, bud. Sorry to hear but as with what others have pointed out, you might have put in a bit too much into the relationship this early on. Be careful for wanting to remain in contact and in a friendship as I worry you will be taken advantage of due to your willingness to continue. Better in my eyes (but not easier) to douse the wound in antiseptic, move on and heal faster.

i'm sorry to hear that buddy

Sorry to hear dude. Might be best to stick with people you meet in person first

Give your heart some time to recover.

It is a blessing in disguise. You have yet to give her much of your time, efforts etc but you have already found out the truth. Pretty much saved you a lot of trouble

Hello spunk long time no see haha

sry to hear that. i think those girl working in Sg prefer to have SG bf because of SGD

ha hello I'm hardly around anyway - I just check in daily to my threads that I maintain and then I'm out. Rarely post.

Yeah, ive tried to put in too much during early stage, im not thinking straight too, I just blindly believe whatever she said eventhough it sounds suspicious, thats what i supposed to get...
Im trying to get over this, i tried to keep myself busy during the day, but when i went to bed, I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about how i got cheated/played, blablabla, sometimes i cant go back to sleep, sometimes yeah i fall asleep but then will probably wake up again in the next one or two hours.

I see. Nowadays I barely have time for discord.

But still, I hope that everyone is doing well. I can see that you are doing well ^^ Still got cook fry rice?

I experienced the insomnia part as well. Waking up at 3am and can't went back to sleep. No matter how tired i was.

As for blindly believe, well normally most of the people will get blinded when they are in love.

haha yes actually we made some last week.

Nice, still remember how you told me about cooking and advised me

and the cats still plotting something?

Don't worry, everything seems extra hard right now but you will get through it. I find that sports really help megatons during heartbreaks. Well, it keeps you busy one thing for sure, it makes you extra tired so that you get some sleep because your brain won't even have the energy to think! And best of all, if you keep doing it, you will get fit, healthy and feel good about yourself!

Of course XD

Haha give them some warm hug and cuddle 😊😊

How often do you guys contact each others? Im having problem which i want to contact him every hour.. if not im feel alone.. except during sleeping.

There's no benchmark on this, but contacting every hour seems a bit excessive.

How long is your relationship?

We try to stay connected with each other for as long as we can whenever we are free.

Yesterday i just sent off my LDR gf to the airport, we are now 1338km apart... i feel really really miss her! I miss her a lot to the point that i cant live my life normally like abnormal eating and sleeping habits. As a guy, i know i shouldnt but i cried while hugging her at the airport even though many people are staring at me, i dont care because i really love her and going to miss her. Her eyes was watery but she help me to wipe my tears... after we bid farewell, i cried while driving back to my home....

I really miss her.... its been 16 days since she come here and spend time with me. Out of a sudden, she now gone. I still cant adapt to it...

Dis. Every hour? What on earth do you have to talk about every hour?

Given a chance, I would like to be in LDR again.

In the meantime, I must complete my lifelong dream by next year before considering to get to know someone.

from my personal experience and also some dating advice i read in regards to LDR, give each other some space too, yes it might be unbearable at first (i'm just going to assume it's the start/honeymoon period of your rship.) but the absence and missing each other makes the next phone/skype call/meeting really really sweet.

and go slow on the conversation, you have a whole lot of time with each other to talk, don't sekaligus talk everything.

anyway, me and my gf skype almost every day/night. we text each other across the whole day when we are free or got things to ask each other.

The thing i like about LDR is it's really a test of faith, trust and communication between two people. When you are in a committed LDR that you both agree to work through it, one really gets a very good chance to truly know the partner, because you talk damn a lot! Sometimes I do see other couples having meals on the same table, and just playing with their mobile phones/food and not just talk with each other, which is kinda sad cause some people don't realise how hard and precious relationships can be,, and they take for granted. With all that said, I do envy those who can be with their significant other 24hours/7, because in my LDR, we are very emotionally connected, but I do miss the physical part of it. You know, just having the other person there to lean onto, during bad and good days.

i agree with you miyakochan. but i'm replying to FriskaMedina leh, where she say want to contact every hour, that can be a bit excessive and if you aren't careful, it might end up suffocating/stressing the other person (or end up making you looking like "overly attached gf".)

it's vday today, kinda wish i can be physically next to my gf right now

Aiya.. i have been in LDR since Uni, working, marriage, have 3 kids until now. Trust is very important. Wish u all the best!

Now on the way back, lol..

This post has been edited by lil_flank: Feb 14 2018, 07:41 PM

We broke up last 2yrs, but we couple back last 4months. But during that we okay.. he always contact me..
But now he take it for granted. If he busy and inform me its okay.. icould understand.. but he just keep quite and ask me to understand him. Why he need to change? hmm.. our relationship is really complicated and he make me feel unsecure..

I am sorry to hear that. This is something that you need to have a real talk with him, like a set a timeline and agree to speak your heart. Communicate your needs, and listen to his.

https://markmanson.net/long-distance-relationships

To those still in LDR, stay strong!

I really wonder how those people in the past handle LDR, with all the wars and etc, and only with letters to communicate, even letters could go missing! Talk about dedication, commitment and pure trust!

reporting in since my first serious relationship since August 2017.

proposed for marriage but there's a lot of uncertainties and doubts growing within my gf/fiancee as we're both very different individuals and my financial status is not at a comfortable level to most girls and definitely not to her as she's financially much stronger than i am.

i definitely want to pull through this even though it is very difficult.

as justnits mentioned on the previous version, 168km is actually quite short, but at the same time, every weekend traveling has definitely put some strain to my already weak financial capabilities.

that "convenience" does lead to more frequent traveling and in the end, the cost turns out to be very similar anyways.

in a way, worse for me because i've blown my sports car clutch housing from a seized clutch bearing, and my sportbike's engine requiring a complete rebuild.

the added amount for just those 2 issues is an estimated (because i can't afford to deal with the bike currently) 6-7k.

Play racetrack is only for the rich earning >RM15k/mo.

for one, it doesn't have to be the race track (figuratively or literally), and secondly, there's always cheaper alternatives.

if anything, i believe in "when there's a will, there's a way"
otherwise LDR would be so much more difficult/unbearable.

is there a reason why it matters that your financial situation is weaker than hers? if hers is stronger than yours, then great, both of you can work together and support each other.

Erm, you kinda miss the whole point. If travelling is going to damage your "assets", then opt for bus, train or even plane? Regardless, it's easy for you to meet your other half. And many of the LDR couples here probably don't see each other every weekend. So you complain about your damages here, don't make sense at all.

i think it isn't so much on who's weaker, more on how she's financially stable with savings and reserves, while i barely have any savings (actually none before i met here, working on that around!) and recently i've having employment instability and losing my job soon so that does bring huge concerns and worry to anyone, or to any girls/female i suppose.

perhaps, you probably missed mine when i was emphasizing over justnits 's post.

sure there is public transportation but even that cost money and it surely will add up.
and besides, considering my hobby of driving/riding, you can see where my preference lies.

personally i don't want to view it as a complaint (although clearly that's how it is for you) as it is something more related to my own personal hobbies than a LDR matter.

if i were to recap/re-highlight on the original point, it's probably a matter of give and take, pros and cons.
and in online/social media or even forums like these, people tend to only see the good side of others (other couples) and often missed the negative side of things.

i get you man. though having said that, is the option of not travelling to meet her for a weekend or two possible?
are you always the one doing the travelling?
i take it that both of you are aware of each other's financial status also.

i used to have the same thinking as you, as in like if my financial status is not good, then in some ways, i am not worthy of loving anyone or deserving love.
but over the years, i come to learn that if a girl really loves you for who you are, your financial status doesn't matter much. (as long as you have proper job and decent income, and in certain ways responsible with your finances eg, know how to save, not boros, not a gambling addict and with massive ah long debt.)

btw, you have fully recovered from your previous accident already?
are you still paying for your medical bill? (just making some assumptions here as it concerns about financial status.)

very possible, we both fairly matured working adults after all, and both in the same IT industry so we understand how hectic it can be at times. Just that i believe our relationship is still very young (since August 2017) so we probably still in that honeymoon stage and we both wanting to meet each other a lot.
Things toned down a huge notch after i proposed and we got engaged, maybe because of the things happening around me, and her being worrisome by nature. (having doubts of marrying me)

i'm mostly (almost always) the guy doing the traveling, probably cuz im a guy but i dont mind anyways since i really love driving/riding anyways lol
yes we are very well aware of our financial status, can say she's the finance minister already

Thanks for asking! it really depends on how defines fully recovery.
my implant is permanent, and according to doctors who have no idea themselves, my pain seems permanent as well.
and yes i am still in pain to this very second as i am typing this post, be it sleep, laying down/sit/standing anything, there will be constant nagging pain at my back, and it gets worse as i move any muscle involving my upper torso/neck (which means just about any activity lol)

technically only paid once, and thats fully paid by insurance. unless you count the occasional pain relieves like salonpas/yokoyoko lol
but naw my condition isnt a problem in our relationship.
we've been living together since our 3rd date (only weekends, obviously) and needless to say there's no way to hide a super long scar lol.

mine's around May/June 2017
and you proposed faster than me! lol! (need to cut down on expenses, and that includes travelling if wanna get married )
so yeah, there's a little bit more distance between me n my girl compared to yours, so we can't be seeing each other every weekends.
even once every 2 weeks can put a huge dent already. so i've been trying to control the frequency of travelling, we both can travel, but like you, i prefer that i'm the one doing the travel because it's more economical for me to do so. (and maybe a little bit got to do with the "guy-must-do-this" punya thing lol!)

whoa, what's the part about having doubts about marrying you? did she mentioned it to you or you go by your own assumptions?

yikes man, sorry that you have to go through that. glad to see that you have good spirit and are able to ride normally again despite what had happen to you, keep it up!

bolded

while i do agree/can relate on the "guy must do this" bit, it mainly comes down to my hobbies/passion in motorsports and while the north south is a little boring, there is a few nice curves during the ayer keroh exit and also the back roads at batu berendam air port that always put a smile in my face tackling them lol

realistically and ironically, it is actually more economical for her to travel as her HRV is much more fuel saving and her foot is obviously lighter than mine
until i use 2 wheels of course, but no longer an option for the time being cuz the engine seized and i have no money to rebuild it

referring back to what you said:

except its what she thinks of me.
"will our kids suffer?" "what about child expenses?" "what about expenses living together?" "what about marriage expenses?"
i'm more on a "fuck it (obviously altered a little lol) let's do this leeerrroooyyy"

we've actually had many many long talks about it, and i don't blame her because they are all valid concerns.
but we'll eventually work to a good ending or at least a good compromise

Thanks for the kind words!
really miss my bike - been 2 months i havent ridden it already. Actually went gohtong/genting on my new kapchai (that i had to park a number plate lol), but my god so.very.slow. on the uphill LOL
if the damn thing isnt that slow, my LDR traveling cost would actually be quite low considering the crazy 40+ km/l FC lol
never in my life i've swiped my card, start fueling, and shortly after the fuel nozzle stops/clicks at rm2+
even on ron97.

So there is such a place here?

Hi everyone, I am in LDR since December 2016. I studied in Malaysia and she was my junior, still studying there until now. I graduated July 2016, continued to find job in Malaysia, but it isn't easy being a foreigner looking for job there. Summore, my visa was terminated after I finish my studies. So I always do visa run every month and give reasons to the immigresen every time.

I eventually came back to Indonesia and found a job, I even moved to the capital city (which makes our distance even further), but still going strong until now. For now, I just plan to keep working and ask to be transferred to the KL office so I can get back there. Looking at circumstances now, I am pretty sure she don't want to move to Indonesia. I still prefer Malaysia, too. LOL.

EDIT: BTW, going back to KL next weekend and will be there for a week! So happy, we last met on January this year. It has been almost 4 months.

This post has been edited by HwangTommy: May 17 2018, 11:21 PM

welcome

Same here. I learned this in a hard way with my ex and my current gf. My ex dumped me because of my family financial status BUT not big of a deal because it is all sorted out. Whereas for my current gf, she earns more than me due to her higher qualification but she loves me dearly for who I am.

It's a stark contrast from my past and current experience.

the right ones and the ones you should left
glad you found happiness there!#kipidap

How the f u guys got together without even meeting once?
U guys whatsapp bf-gf or what?

Wow... last post was nearly 4 months ago!

Anyway, just wanted to update anyone who knows me regarding my current LDR status. I had decided to end this 10 years relationship of mine. After like 8.5 years of LDR, we're not really progressing to anywhere near to end it. He needed me to move to where he is but he couldn't commit to when to end the LDR which I'm getting tired of. There are a lots of other underlying problems (in my opinions) but he doesn't think so. Whenever I tried to calmly talk to him, he will always said I'm thinking too much and will tell me to find something to do. Then, we communicated less and less, no longer feel motivated to even plan to meet up and.... I also changed I guess. It's so difficult to really explain it out here but, I wanted to move on with my life instead of always wondering when will this end?

Anyway, best of luck to all who are still in LDR!!!

This post has been edited by ken_zie: Sep 18 2018, 08:06 PM