boss I feel you

I don't dare to say I have the same scenario as yours as my case was not an official relationship.

My side of story:

For me I feel outrageous and betrayed at that time. (Our time difference was 11 hours)

Fixed myself up, go get a job, continue do the things I liked, completed degree, get self busy.

There are times I keep thinking "was I not brave?" "was I a loser?"

I don't think is fair to blame anyone, I think is the environment that changed the way we behaved.

It become a questions to me for 5 years. FIVE freaking years. I was like "why? why?!? why she choose him? why why?" "What went wrong?" "How am I not brave enough?"

I feel like the longest programming debug I did


Afterwards, she reconciled with me. We exchanged our thoughts and feelings. She said she feel awkward and was not ready, she DO see the effort I put into (key-point).

In the end, angmo or banana man or money man or muscle man, we're all the same. It just the environment is like that. It's not that she fell for angmo and ditched you. Its the instinct, impulse that drives us.

I'm glad I get rejected, because I was forced to learn, forced to change myself

I'm glad it was a lesson for me to grow, it was not easy (I have financial and family difficulties during that time)

I'm glad I have a good emotionally support from my parents

Her point-of-view:
- She feel awkward
- She was not ready to commit
- She DO see the effort that I did

My point-of-view:
- "was I not brave?"
- "was I a loser?"
- "why? why?!? why she choose him? why why?"
- "What went wrong?"
- "How am I not brave enough?"
- "It is because I'm broke?"

tl;dr version

Don't dwell into the past, move forward; occasionally is fine to reflect on the mistakes
Do NOT ever ever blame and revenge. You'll just dig your own grave if you do so
Find something to fill the gap, like workout for body, or self-learn for new job
Put effort in, when you have the chance with the person you're interested in, no matter how stupid or how small it is
Pray for their success. Yes, one of the way to let go. Not sarcastic-pray arrrrr . Pray sincerely