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 Relationship Joke v2

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TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 29 2010, 01:01 PM, updated 8y ago

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Welcome to version 2

Version 1:
http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/398704

------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A bloke goes to the doctor and says. "I got this sex problem doc."
The doctor asked, "Ok, tell me about your average day."
"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up at 3am for nookie and then again at 5 so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

"Oh I see", says the doc. "No, hang on". said the man." .... you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl everyday and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No you dont" said our hero, "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No no you dont" he said"
When I go lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm really fond of and we nip out for a quickie."

"Now I understand", says the patient doctor, "No, hang on" said the bloke. "When I get back to office, my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll sack me."


"Ahh...", said the doctors, "now I see..." "No, there's more", said the man, "when I get home, my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and sex again afterwards."

"So, whats your problem then?" ask the doc.

"Well....", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Oct 29 2010, 02:22 PM
humanfly
post Oct 29 2010, 01:06 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Oct 29 2010, 01:01 PM)
A bloke goes to the doctor and says. "I got this sex problem doc."
The doctor asked, "Ok, tell me about your average day."
"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up at 3am for nookie and then again at 5 so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

"Oh I see", says the doc. "No, hang on". said the man." .... you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl everyday and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No you dont" said our hero, "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No no you dont" he said"
When I go lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm really fond of and we nip out for a quickie."

"Now I understand", says the patient doctor, "No, hang on" said the bloke. "When I get back to office, my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll sack me."
"Ahh...", said the doctors, "now I see..." "No, there's more", said the man, "when I get home, my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and sex again afterwards."

"So, whats your problem then?" ask the doc.

"Well....", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"
*
why need to masturbate if he is having sex all day ??
pkiensing
post Oct 29 2010, 01:11 PM

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QUOTE(humanfly @ Oct 29 2010, 01:06 PM)
why need to masturbate if he is having sex all day ??
*
he miss the private time with his own hand
hizperion
post Oct 29 2010, 02:25 PM

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yeahhhh V2
lets keep it up with non-repoasta relationship jokes!



Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about vaigras?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

This post has been edited by hizperion: Oct 29 2010, 02:28 PM
laica
post Oct 29 2010, 02:41 PM

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bravo for V2 smile.gif

great job aLittleMisFit
TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 29 2010, 03:05 PM

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My wife told me she's going out and getting pissed tonight. I said, "Way-hay! Blowjob for me tonight then!"

"No, you have to stay in and look after the weekly maids work," she said.

"Exactly." I replied.
Shadow Kun
post Oct 29 2010, 03:24 PM

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woohooo v2!
hizperion
post Oct 29 2010, 03:24 PM

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The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?
laica
post Oct 29 2010, 06:22 PM

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new thread so i contribute also la

QUOTE
  A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up
ahead of  him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't
know what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7;
you're on 6."  He thanked her and continued playing golf.

      Later he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again
kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can
you please tell me what hole I'm on." She told him "you are one hole behind
me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."
      Again he thanked her and continued playing golf. when he finished he
saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a
drink for helping him out. She accepted.
      As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a
living.
      "I'm in sales." He replied, "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know
what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He
promised.

      She said, "I sell WHISPER (Sanitary Napkins)" . He immediately fell
to the floor laughing hysterically. She said, "You promised you wouldn't
laugh".

      He replied, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet
paper........I'm still one hole behind you."




-SNSD-Fan-
post Oct 29 2010, 07:10 PM

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Whoa sudah V2,

thumbs up thumbs up! Keep up the good jokes

Anyway, here's a joke:

QUOTE
Bad News: Your wife is not talking to you.
Even Bad News: She wants a divorce.
Worst News Ever: She is a lawyer.


This post has been edited by -SNSD-Fan-: Oct 29 2010, 07:23 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Oct 29 2010, 11:30 PM

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i know this is not a relationship joke... but post too...

Go onto google maps
Get directions from japan to china
Look at instruction 43..

Now tell me that isnt cool!


gregy
post Oct 30 2010, 01:41 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Oct 29 2010, 11:30 PM)
i know this is not a relationship joke... but post too...

Go onto google maps
Get directions from japan to china
Look at instruction 43..

Now tell me that isnt cool!
*
Well I tried it and it says on 43: "Continue straight". Well funny in a way cos you can't really go straight across all terrains.

Then I saw 42: "Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean". I think this is funnier lol...
MyKy44
post Oct 31 2010, 12:27 AM

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last time it was KAYAK across the pacific ocean man..... hgahaha
hizperion
post Oct 31 2010, 12:45 AM

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i got canoe across pacific ocean last time lol

-------------------------------------

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.

This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

This confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 1 2010, 09:11 AM

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I have two rich sexy lesbian close friends and for my birthday they got me a Rolex.

Its great at telling the time but i don't think they understood what I meant when i said

"I wanted to watch!"
-SNSD-Fan-
post Nov 1 2010, 10:05 AM

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QUOTE(gregy @ Oct 30 2010, 01:41 AM)
Well I tried it and it says on 43: "Continue straight". Well funny in a way cos you can't really go straight across all terrains.

Then I saw 42: "Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean". I think this is funnier lol...
*
Last time 43 is jet ski across the ocean.
You are supposed to see that on 43, maybe changed number liao
CrisisX
post Nov 1 2010, 02:15 PM

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for me:
43. Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean 782 km

and yes it's damn cool
don^don
post Nov 1 2010, 02:52 PM

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this thread (and the last one) freaking need a 'like' button!!!
stenut
post Nov 2 2010, 10:32 AM

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why not u guys try getting directions from taiwan to china, and look at instruction 24...that's even awesome LOL
hizperion
post Nov 2 2010, 10:43 AM

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Unusual Funeral

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her
morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession
approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long
black hearse about 50 feet behind the
first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary
woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance
back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully
approached the woman walking the dog and said,
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a
bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.
Whose
funeral is it?"

"My husband's."

"What happened to him?"

The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."

She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was
trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Get in line."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 2 2010, 10:54 AM

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my revenge turn!

REPOSTAAAA!!!!!!!!
hizperion
post Nov 2 2010, 03:02 PM

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wey how come
i search liao
dunt simply accuse mad.gif vmad.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 2 2010, 09:28 PM

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A Gay bloke is sat in the Undertaker's Office crying his Eye's out Hhe has just lost his Partner.

The Undertaker ask's the usual question's,such as preferences on Burial or Cremation.The Grieving fella,through his tears,insists on having his dead boyfriend 'cut into chunks and cooked up into a ring stinging red-hot curry'.

The Undertaker explains to the Bereaved bloke that this would be highly illegal and that Burial or Cremation really are the only services available.

the Puff still insists on the curry. He insist's on this for some time before The Undertaker finally ask's why he would want to eat his dead Partner in a hot and spicy Curry, to which the Gay fella replies....

'I just wanna....feel him dribble out of my arse...just one last time'..
Zephyr_Mage
post Nov 2 2010, 10:19 PM

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That is just sick! shocking.gif
gregy
post Nov 3 2010, 12:19 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 2 2010, 09:28 PM)
A Gay bloke is sat in the Undertaker's Office crying his Eye's out Hhe has just lost his Partner.

The Undertaker ask's the usual question's,such as preferences on Burial or Cremation.The Grieving fella,through his tears,insists on having his dead boyfriend 'cut into chunks and cooked up into a ring stinging red-hot curry'.

The Undertaker explains to the Bereaved bloke that this would be highly illegal and that Burial or Cremation really are the only services available.

the Puff still insists on the curry. He insist's on this for some time before The Undertaker finally ask's why he would want to eat his dead Partner in a hot and spicy Curry, to which the Gay fella replies....

'I just wanna....feel him dribble out of my arse...just one last time'..
*
LOL... I kinda knew that was "cumming".
hizperion
post Nov 3 2010, 01:18 AM

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lol ohmy.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 3 2010, 11:24 AM

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A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed long way from home for a year.

A few weeks after he got there, he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here after work. Besides that we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted?"

So his wife send him back a harmonica saying. "Why dont you play this?"

Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"

She kissed him and said, "First, lets see you play that harmonica."
CrisisX
post Nov 3 2010, 01:28 PM

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lolz, smart move!!
bluetopaz
post Nov 4 2010, 12:20 AM

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REPOSTAAAA!!!!!!!!

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hizperion
post Nov 4 2010, 09:52 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 3 2010, 11:24 AM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «
QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 23 2007, 09:17 AM)
***
haha tongue.gif

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Getting screwed


The old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been lost. Fortunately, the peach orchard had done really well.

The only way he was going to make it financially was to cut out the middle man and sell the peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and headed to town.

Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. So he took a basket of peaches and went up and knocked on the door.

A gorgeous blond in a sheer robe answered the door. In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey, what can I do for you?"

Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice peaches for sale". The blond, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she opened the top of her robe showing her breasts.

She said, "Are those peaches full and firm like these?"

Very shaken, he managed to whisper, "Oh yes, they're really good peaches."

So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties. She teased, "Would they be succulent and delicious like this?"

The old farmer popped out crying and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful peaches."

She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?"

The old farmer whimpered "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop and the weevels ate all my cotton and now I think you're gonna screw me out of my peaches."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 7 2010, 01:09 AM

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I was very drunk last night when I got pulled over by a really good looking female officer with huge breasts. She walked over to my car, and after finding out that I was drunk cuffed me and led me to her car.

She said, "Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law."

So I replied with, "Your tits please.
PrinceHamsap
post Nov 7 2010, 09:46 PM

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f***er damn horny even drunk laugh.gif
Anything you say can and will be held against you
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 9 2010, 12:08 AM

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I got an erection whilst I was on the bus today.

So I casually put my hand in my pocket and pulled my c0ck to the side so nobody would notice, then I got off the bus.

I just stood at the bus stop for about 20 minutes waiting for my c0ck to go soft.

People on the bus must have been thinking, "What the f is this driver up to?"
PrinceHamsap
post Nov 9 2010, 12:25 AM

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dont really get this

some kind of gay joke?
hizperion
post Nov 9 2010, 12:33 AM

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narrator = bus driver
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 9 2010, 02:02 PM

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During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French were soundly beaten in, the French just happened to capture a British Major.
An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why do you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you."
The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared." The French general said, "That is a very good idea,"

The general turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants."
gregy
post Nov 9 2010, 02:26 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 9 2010, 02:02 PM)
During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French were soundly beaten in, the French just happened to capture a British Major.
An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why do you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you."
The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared." The French general said, "That is a very good idea,"

The general turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants."
*
Lol. Old joke that I read many yrs ago, but still a good one.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 10 2010, 09:07 AM

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Impotence : Natures way of saying
" No Hard Feelings...."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 10 2010, 11:44 PM

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I went on a date with this really hot model yesterday. It wasnt a 'real date' date though, we just had dinner and watched a movie.
Then the plane landed.
hizperion
post Nov 11 2010, 10:26 AM

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The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.

The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle".


Added on November 11, 2010, 10:30 amOne day God came to Adam for a brief discussion. "I've got some good news and some bad news." God said.

Adam looked thoughtfully at his maker and replied, "Please give me the good news first."

Smiling, God explained, "I've created two new organs for you. One is called a brain. This organ will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and carry on productive conversations with Eve. The other organ is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your intelligent life form and begin populating the planet. Eve will be very pleased that you are now equipped with this organ as she will be able to conceive children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great and wonderful gifts you have given me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

God then looked upon Adam, and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time."

This post has been edited by hizperion: Nov 11 2010, 10:30 AM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 11 2010, 05:43 PM

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I've just been banned off Ebay...

Apparently a piece of string and a house brick doesn't constitute as a penis enlargement kit.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 12 2010, 11:51 AM

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My boss asked me to work through my lunch break today.

I shouted, "You f**king b*st*rd! I come in at 8.30 and don't get thanks for it, work till 7 at night and don't get thanks for it, while lazy bastards like you leave at 2 just to play golf all f***ing afternoon!"

Then I emailed him back and said, "Sure boss, no problem"
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 13 2010, 10:46 AM

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The missus was watching a cookery programme the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn too."
bluetopaz
post Nov 13 2010, 11:31 PM

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Contribute abit

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Vengeance_Mad
post Nov 14 2010, 10:35 AM

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QUOTE(bluetopaz @ Nov 13 2010, 11:31 PM)
Contribute abit

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
*
Some of the jokes are not related to relationship joke already. =/
gregy
post Nov 14 2010, 07:24 PM

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QUOTE(Vengeance_Mad @ Nov 14 2010, 10:35 AM)
Some of the jokes are not related to relationship joke already. =/
*
In the broader sense, a merger between two companies is also a relationship. Aiya, anyway who cares? Just sit back and enjoy la
Kinci
post Nov 15 2010, 12:33 AM

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QUOTE(Vengeance_Mad @ Nov 14 2010, 10:35 AM)
Some of the jokes are not related to relationship joke already. =/
*
already broke the 'relationship' thing long ago. give it up n enjoy. its cool. cheers to V2! rclxms.gif
hizperion
post Nov 15 2010, 10:02 AM

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cannot
relationship jokes only pls

user posted image


Added on November 15, 2010, 10:04 amuser posted image

This post has been edited by hizperion: Nov 15 2010, 10:04 AM
bigbangformula
post Nov 15 2010, 01:41 PM

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QUOTE(hizperion @ Nov 15 2010, 10:02 AM)
cannot
relationship jokes only pls

user posted image


Added on November 15, 2010, 10:04 amuser posted image
*
Lol at 2nd pic laugh.gif
gregy
post Nov 15 2010, 02:07 PM

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QUOTE(hizperion @ Nov 15 2010, 10:02 AM)
cannot
relationship jokes only pls
This ain't your thread, biyotch
MyKy44
post Nov 15 2010, 02:22 PM

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he forgot /sarcasm tag la aiyo
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 15 2010, 02:44 PM

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aiyo!

-------------------

80 minutes gone at the emirates and it's still 0-0. Arsene Wenger turns to his assistant Pat Rice and says.

Arsene: should we change it Pat?
Pat: you need to be more offensive.
Arsene: should we change it you fat c**t?

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Nov 15 2010, 02:45 PM
hizperion
post Nov 15 2010, 03:30 PM

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QUOTE(gregy @ Nov 15 2010, 02:07 PM)
This ain't your thread, biyotch
*
this IS my thread, stfu


---------------------------

After a trip abroad, a lady inquired of her maid:

"Lucy, do you and your husband quarrel now the same as you used to?"
"No, indeed, ma'am," was the reply.
"That is good. I'm sure you're very glad of it, aren't you?"
"I surely am!"
"What caused you to stop quarreling, Lucy?" the lady asked.

The explanation was simple and sufficient:
"He died."
gregy
post Nov 15 2010, 05:30 PM

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QUOTE(hizperion @ Nov 15 2010, 03:30 PM)
this IS my thread, stfu
---------------------------

After a trip abroad, a lady inquired of her maid:

"Lucy, do you and your husband quarrel now the same as you used to?"
"No, indeed, ma'am," was the reply.
"That is good. I'm sure you're very glad of it, aren't you?"
"I surely am!"
"What caused you to stop quarreling, Lucy?" the lady asked.

The explanation was simple and sufficient:
"He died."
*
Oh, so you're really alilmisfit?

allinuff
post Nov 15 2010, 07:28 PM

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Why so f**king serious?

If butthurt GTFO somewhere and remove the filing cabinet!
gregy
post Nov 15 2010, 07:34 PM

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QUOTE(allinuff @ Nov 15 2010, 07:28 PM)
Why so f**king serious?

If butthurt GTFO somewhere and remove the filing cabinet!
*
lol look who's getting serious...
allinuff
post Nov 15 2010, 07:51 PM

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user posted image

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


This post has been edited by allinuff: Nov 15 2010, 07:51 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 15 2010, 08:15 PM

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guise... joke site... be nice and cheer up


---------------------------------------

A guy walk over to the pub and sees a sign:

TODAYS SPECIAL
Chicken Sandwich: $3.00
Salmon Sandwich: $5.00
Handjob: $10.00

So he walked into the pub packed with a very attractive lady serving some eager looking group of mans.

"You the one providing the handjob?" he asked.
"For you, sure do hon," answered seductively.

"Ok, get my a chicken sandwich lady, and make sure u wash your hand before making it"
Kimichi
post Nov 16 2010, 09:32 AM

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I dont know if this have been posted or not..

Extra Office Work
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary.

He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."


hizperion
post Nov 16 2010, 09:35 AM

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A new bride was embarrassed at being known as a honeymooner.

So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way they could make it appear that they have been married a long time.

"Sure," he said. "You carry the suitcases."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 16 2010, 09:19 PM

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Female drivers:

The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.
Aishinka
post Nov 19 2010, 04:17 PM

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lol @ the jokes ! keep it up biggrin.gif
AhTeo
post Nov 19 2010, 05:18 PM

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Thanks for all the jokes from v1 until here.
Cheers my day up!

Keep it up guys!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 20 2010, 12:35 AM

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Boy: "What u doing?"
Girl: "Playing CoD"
Boy: "Do you know how to make a sandwich?"
Girl: "Obviously!"
Boy: "Marry me?"
bluetopaz
post Nov 20 2010, 12:55 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 20 2010, 12:35 AM)
Boy: "What u doing?"
Girl: "Playing CoD"
Boy: "Do you know how to make a sandwich?"
Girl: "Obviously!"
Boy: "Marry me?"
*
I'll Marry that girl!! no doubt
ths1995
post Nov 20 2010, 02:32 PM

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LOL
rcracer
post Nov 21 2010, 02:04 AM

?????
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gregy
post Nov 21 2010, 04:27 AM

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QUOTE(rcracer @ Nov 21 2010, 02:04 AM)

*
LOL... This is too funny
PrinceHamsap
post Nov 21 2010, 08:18 AM

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wahahahahaha
the last one was epic
Kinci
post Nov 21 2010, 09:42 AM

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LOL the vid!
junnie87
post Nov 21 2010, 03:40 PM

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A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the size. 
He has an extremely small penis and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees the size. 
One night when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show her. 
The man unzips his pants, whips out his small d***, and shoves it into her hand. 
He sits there, waiting to see her reaction. 
His girlfriend says, ‘Thanks for offering, but you know I don't smoke.’


Added on November 21, 2010, 3:59 pmTwo guys sneak into a farmer's fruit garden and start eating the fruit. The farmer sees them and comes out with a shotgun. ‘Since you guys like fruit so much go pick 100 of which ever fruit you want,’ said the farmer. 
The first guy decides to pick grapes. When he gets 100 he goes back to the farmer. 
The farmer says,’now shove em' all up your ass.’ 
The guy gets all 100 up his ass. He feels really bad, but then he starts to laugh.
‘Why you laughing?’ asked the farmer. 
To which the man replied, ‘My friend is out picking watermelons!’


Added on November 21, 2010, 4:00 pmA 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator.
‘What are you doing?’ asked the mother.
‘Mom, I'm 40 years old and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married, so this is pretty much my husband.’ The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head. 
The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room, found his daughter using the vibrator.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ he asked. 
His daughter replied, ‘I already told Mom. I'm 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married, so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband.’ The father walked out of the room shaking his head.
The next day, the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other, watching a football game on TV. 
‘What on earth are you doing?’ she cried. 
The husband replied, ‘What does it look like I'm going? I'm having a beer and watching football with my son-in-law!’


Added on November 21, 2010, 4:02 pmA blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. ‘I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there.’
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. ‘Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.’ Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. 
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. 
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. ‘Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man.’ 
‘I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork.’ The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, ‘That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli.’
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. 
He tells his wife, ‘Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man.’ Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
‘Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.’ 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, ‘Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?’


Added on November 21, 2010, 4:06 pmAfter the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician. ‘Doctor,’ he said, ‘I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine.’
‘Nonsense,’ the doctor said. ‘Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.’
‘It isn't possible,’ the man insisted. ‘We're pure Asian.’
‘Well,’ said the doctor, ‘let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?’
The man seemed ashamed. ‘I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month.’
‘There you have it!’ the doctor said confidently. ‘It's just rust.’


This post has been edited by junnie87: Nov 21 2010, 04:06 PM
bigbangformula
post Nov 21 2010, 04:55 PM

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Haha Juniie87 awesome jokes!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 22 2010, 10:51 PM

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I text this girl who was renting a room in my house "I want to lick you out"

If she likes the text then I go with it, if not I blame predictive text and it was meant to say "I want to kick you out".
Majinity
post Nov 22 2010, 11:23 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 22 2010, 10:51 PM)
I text this girl who was renting a room in my house "I want to lick you out"

If she likes the text then I go with it, if not I blame predictive text and it was meant to say "I want to kick you out".
*
+10000
tajukagebunshin
post Nov 25 2010, 01:11 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 22 2010, 10:51 PM)
I text this girl who was renting a room in my house "I want to lick you out"

If she likes the text then I go with it, if not I blame predictive text and it was meant to say "I want to kick you out".
*
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
PrinceHamsap
post Nov 25 2010, 08:42 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 22 2010, 10:51 PM)
I text this girl who was renting a room in my house "I want to lick you out"

If she likes the text then I go with it, if not I blame predictive text and it was meant to say "I want to kick you out".
*
this is winner
and i trying it right now
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 26 2010, 01:37 PM

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I picked up a fit hitchhiker who told me she was a magician.

"Oh yeah?" I said, "Prove it."

Then she touched my leg and I turned into a hotel
eugoreez
post Nov 26 2010, 02:40 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 26 2010, 01:37 PM)
I picked up a fit hitchhiker who told me she was a magician.

"Oh yeah?" I said, "Prove it."

Then she touched my leg and I turned into a hotel
*
why hotel?
bomberkenny
post Nov 26 2010, 03:51 PM

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the guy was driving, he picked up a lady, thus the word hitchhiking.
she touched his legs, he drove into the hotel (he turned into a hotel)
hizperion
post Nov 26 2010, 08:53 PM

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turned as in 'pusing'
lol ambiguities
eugoreez
post Nov 26 2010, 09:20 PM

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QUOTE(hizperion @ Nov 26 2010, 08:53 PM)
turned as in 'pusing'
lol ambiguities
*
oo yeahhh.. this makes more sense.. heheh rclxms.gif
predicate undefined
post Nov 27 2010, 07:53 PM

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Hopefully this is not a repost, it has been in my keep for a long time. so dont call me slowpoke. juz wanna share


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us b****ing about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair,
and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair,
out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. When you learn what a roller cam is, we'll learn what damask is.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of
how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint,
the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter
what the hell they're saying anyway.)

1. It is not in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight,
but did you know we really don't mind that - it's like camping

TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 28 2010, 04:20 PM

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I was struggling to give my wife an orgasm during sex. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she said 'just use your imagination'.
I listened to her advice and it was amazing. I imagined that she had an orgasm and then I went to sleep.
Maximilius
post Nov 28 2010, 05:26 PM

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church for confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now.'
eugoreez
post Nov 28 2010, 07:20 PM

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QUOTE(Maximilius @ Nov 28 2010, 05:26 PM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «
niceee rclxms.gif
PrinceHamsap
post Nov 28 2010, 09:43 PM

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REPOSTA!!!!!!!!!
MyKy44
post Nov 28 2010, 10:49 PM

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REPOSTAAAAAAAAA but i don't mind cos is good classic joke biggrin.gif
Maximilius
post Nov 28 2010, 11:48 PM

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QUOTE(PrinceHamsap @ Nov 28 2010, 09:43 PM)
REPOSTA!!!!!!!!!
*
QUOTE(MyKy44 @ Nov 28 2010, 10:49 PM)
REPOSTAAAAAAAAA but i don't mind cos is good classic joke biggrin.gif
*
Really? Could've sworn that I never read this on LYN before.
sleep_snore
post Nov 29 2010, 12:19 AM

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QUOTE(Maximilius @ Nov 28 2010, 11:48 PM)
Really? Could've sworn that I never read this on LYN before.
*
read version 1.. its there..


TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 29 2010, 01:27 AM

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A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.

He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"

"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
hizperion
post Nov 29 2010, 12:32 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Nov 29 2010, 01:27 AM)
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.

He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"

"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
*
hahaha i almost said repost!
damn you got me there
TSaLittleMisfit
post Nov 30 2010, 11:20 PM

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A group on Facebook called:

"Dear students, I know when you're texting. Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, teacher."

Well, unless you're a black guy sitting next to a white guy...
MyKy44
post Dec 1 2010, 12:09 AM

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From: klang
NIASEENNNGGGGGGG
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 1 2010, 11:11 PM

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I was just looking at my house on Google Streetview and I saw my wife through the window in the front room, shagging the milkman.

It was only after I'd bludgeoned her to death that I realised that the image was two years old.

When I used to be a milkman.

gregy
post Dec 2 2010, 12:29 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 1 2010, 11:11 PM)
I was just looking at my house on Google Streetview and I saw my wife through the window in the front room, shagging the milkman.

It was only after I'd bludgeoned her to death that I realised that the image was two years old.

When I used to be a milkman.
*
Ouch...
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 4 2010, 11:23 PM

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Teacher: James, why have you brought your cat into school?

James now in floods of tears: Well, i heard the postman say to my mum that when the kids are at school he was going to eat her pu$$y
Band Aid
post Dec 6 2010, 06:23 AM

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QUOTE(Maximilius @ Nov 28 2010, 06:26 PM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «
HAHAHA.. OMFG LOL
GUD ONE1111111111

TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 7 2010, 10:34 AM

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"I'm in a relationship at the moment, so sorry ladies... it's going to have to be your place."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 8 2010, 10:07 PM

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My boss is so stupid sometimes.

But I suppose if he was any smarter, I wouldn't have a job
arabella_e
post Dec 9 2010, 07:01 PM

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totally enjoyed reading them!!

rclxms.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 9 2010, 11:32 PM

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A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife
if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"OK Do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.

"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black".

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live,
and so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The leading man was black".

"Oh," says the midwife, "it's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions,
but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair".

"Well yes," the girl again replies,
"you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh," the midwife repeats, "it's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes".

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie,
I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife collects the baby and presents her to the girl,
who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,

"Thank God for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved,
"I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!
hizperion
post Dec 10 2010, 02:51 AM

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QUOTE(IcyDarling @ Jul 19 2009, 05:49 PM)
lol
*

QUOTE(hizperion @ Jul 19 2009, 06:10 PM)
lol
*

QUOTE(DEVICLOT @ Jul 19 2009, 10:35 PM)
lol
*

QUOTE(hilmi muzzy @ Jul 19 2009, 11:01 PM)
lol
*

QUOTE(KitZhai @ Jul 20 2009, 02:14 AM)
lol
*

QUOTE(j3ffm0n @ Jul 20 2009, 04:34 PM)
lol
*

QUOTE(ashburn98 @ Jul 20 2009, 07:35 PM)
lol
*

QUOTE(killingprod @ Jul 22 2009, 10:19 AM)
lol
*
Kinci
post Dec 10 2010, 10:32 AM

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^ i cant help it.
lol.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 10 2010, 10:58 AM

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I don't like children.

What people don't seem to realise is that babies are here to replace us.

Once you understand that you can see just how sinister they are.
Cannabis
post Dec 10 2010, 12:15 PM

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LMAO...how could he stand that?
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 11 2010, 09:44 AM

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was chasing a girl with a dildo through the park.

I would have left her alone, if she'd just given me back my dildo.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 12 2010, 10:53 AM

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When my girlfriend told her friends she was going to grab a box of tissues and head off to bed, she got sympathy.

When I said that, I got disgust.
Celest-Lee
post Dec 12 2010, 03:33 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Oct 29 2010, 01:01 PM)
Welcome to version 2

Version 1:
http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/398704

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bloke goes to the doctor and says. "I got this sex problem doc."
The doctor asked, "Ok, tell me about your average day."
"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up at 3am for nookie and then again at 5 so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

"Oh I see", says the doc. "No, hang on". said the man." .... you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl everyday and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No you dont" said our hero, "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No no you dont" he said"
When I go lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm really fond of and we nip out for a quickie."

"Now I understand", says the patient doctor, "No, hang on" said the bloke. "When I get back to office, my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll sack me."
"Ahh...", said the doctors, "now I see..." "No, there's more", said the man, "when I get home, my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and sex again afterwards."

"So, whats your problem then?" ask the doc.

"Well....", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"
*
hahahahahahaha laughing like mad now thumbup.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 14 2010, 07:00 PM

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Cheryl Cole was asked, "What would you do if this was the last day on earth? "

To which she replied, "Probably spend time with the people I love the most."

Incorrect Cheryl. I think you'll find that your last day would be spent running terrified from a lot of men wanting to fulfil their last day on earth plans.
Garren Knightdream
post Dec 15 2010, 04:34 AM

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lol
yen223
post Dec 15 2010, 10:44 AM

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lol
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 15 2010, 08:33 PM

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I was shagging a girl over her kitchen table when we heard the front door opening.

"That's my husband," she said, "quick, try the back door."

I knew I should have left before her husband caught me but there's no way I refusing anal.
gregy
post Dec 15 2010, 09:57 PM

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I knew that was coming lol...
bluetopaz
post Dec 16 2010, 06:18 PM

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Man are the best cooks
With 2 eggs and 1 sausage
And a little milk
They can fill a women's stomach for 8 months!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 16 2010, 11:50 PM

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No sex joke today as I have a really bad day.

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Dec 16 2010, 11:52 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 17 2010, 06:49 PM

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I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping. I took my girlfriend into 8 different pubs without a drink, and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.
gregy
post Dec 17 2010, 09:01 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 17 2010, 06:49 PM)
I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping. I took my girlfriend into 8 different pubs without a drink, and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.
*
LOL window pubbing smile.gif
hfz
post Dec 18 2010, 09:33 AM

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Congrats to the RJokers for the V2 thread! smile.gif rclxms.gif
I LedOL at the jokes non-stop!

Here's from me as a newbie in the team:

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said his wife.
shenshenshen
post Dec 18 2010, 11:56 AM

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^404
hizperion
post Dec 18 2010, 03:18 PM

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QUOTE(shenshenshen @ Dec 18 2010, 11:56 AM)
^404
*
u dunt understand or what?
shenshenshen
post Dec 18 2010, 07:07 PM

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dun und " the funeral director "
SUSlipasbunuhdiri
post Dec 18 2010, 07:39 PM

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QUOTE(shenshenshen @ Dec 18 2010, 07:07 PM)
dun und  " the funeral director "
*
He is someone who will manage ur body after u're dead.
shenshenshen
post Dec 18 2010, 08:16 PM

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lol...Ohhhh! thanks man....
almiron
post Dec 20 2010, 04:08 AM

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QUOTE(bluetopaz @ Dec 16 2010, 06:18 PM)
Man are the best cooks
With 2 eggs and 1 sausage
And a little milk
They can fill a women's stomach for 8 months!
*
hehehe... biggrin.gif
Band Aid
post Dec 20 2010, 04:12 AM

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my girlfriend phoned me and said.. "Come on over there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

and that's how i ended up being foreveralone.jpg
Band Aid
post Dec 20 2010, 04:13 AM

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QUOTE
Why are great girlfriends hard to find?
Because the right girls are like parking spaces - all the best ones are taken and the ones available are handicapped.


QUOTE
My girlfriend walked into a shop to buy curtains.
She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those curtains in pink, the size of my computer screen.
The salesman said, "Computers don't need curtains."
My girlfriend said, "Hellooo, I have windows!"


This post has been edited by Band Aid: Dec 20 2010, 04:14 AM
MyKy44
post Dec 20 2010, 10:08 AM

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QUOTE(Band Aid @ Dec 20 2010, 04:12 AM)
my girlfriend phoned me and said.. "Come on over there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

and that's how i ended up being foreveralone.jpg
*
HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
hfz
post Dec 20 2010, 02:24 PM

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What Happens When You Fall In Love With
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)
hfz
post Dec 20 2010, 02:25 PM

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QUOTE(bluetopaz @ Dec 16 2010, 06:18 PM)
Man are the best cooks
With 2 eggs and 1 sausage
And a little milk
They can fill a women's stomach for 8 months!
*
Nice one! rclxms.gif
hfz
post Dec 20 2010, 02:26 PM

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QUOTE(Band Aid @ Dec 20 2010, 04:13 AM)
*
LOL! Both of it are niiiice! biggrin.gif thumbup.gif



This post has been edited by hfz: Dec 20 2010, 02:28 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 20 2010, 11:35 PM

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When the wife dragged me round her mother's for dinner, I had to be on my best behaviour.

"Wow" I said, "You and your daughter could be sisters."

Her mum's eyes lit up. "Oh you're so charming! She's nearly 30 years younger than me!"

"I know" I said, "She's aged terribly."
Band Aid
post Dec 20 2010, 11:57 PM

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^lol praised the mom stabbed wife
gregy
post Dec 21 2010, 12:25 AM

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QUOTE(Band Aid @ Dec 20 2010, 11:57 PM)
^lol praised the mom stabbed wife
*
Actually he praised neither lol
Band Aid
post Dec 21 2010, 03:23 AM

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i'll take the mom see it on positive side at first
rocket_jet
post Dec 21 2010, 07:51 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 20 2010, 11:35 PM)
When the wife dragged me round her mother's for dinner, I had to be on my best behaviour.

"Wow" I said, "You and your daughter could be sisters."

Her mum's eyes lit up. "Oh you're so charming! She's nearly 30 years younger than me!"

"I know" I said, "She's aged terribly."
*
Your wife won't give you moon moon tonight...hehe
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 22 2010, 11:27 AM

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My wife hates the fact I'm seeing an old flame at work.


I keep telling her,
"I'm a gas heating engineer for f*cks sake."
JayBee90
post Dec 22 2010, 05:26 PM

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Haha~ thx for sharing~
CuteyCindi
post Dec 22 2010, 05:36 PM

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Haha~ good relationship~ hehe~
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 23 2010, 11:00 PM

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I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked, "How would you like your steak, sir?"

"The same way I like my sex," I replied.

He smiled and said, "So, rare?"

That c*nt.


This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Dec 24 2010, 11:38 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 24 2010, 11:38 PM

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I think my wife's wanting a new diamond ring this Christmas.

She keeps dropping little hints like "if you don't get me a diamond ring for Christmas, I'll rip your f*cking balls off!"

But like women say, men never truly understand them, so I think she probably meant, 'buy me a new kettle and ironing board.'
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 25 2010, 10:19 PM

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Why don't African children hang up stockings for Santa Claus?

They don't believe in fat people.
Vengeance_Mad
post Dec 26 2010, 07:52 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 23 2010, 11:00 PM)
I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked, "How would you like your steak, sir?"

"The same way I like my sex," I replied.

He smiled and said, "So, rare?"

That c*nt.
*
Nice
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 27 2010, 11:25 PM

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My wife gave birth to our beautiful baby son last week and I feel like the proudest father alive.

I've just got one question though:

At what age do they stop being black?
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 28 2010, 09:01 PM

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Wiki leaks has just released an amazing new classified document! It turns out that 9/11 was in fact not an al qaieda plot, but actually an experiment by an airline.....

women pilots and navigators.
CrisisX
post Dec 29 2010, 11:11 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 28 2010, 09:01 PM)
Wiki leaks has just released an amazing new classified document! It turns out that 9/11 was in fact not an al qaieda plot, but actually an experiment by an airline.....

women pilots and navigators.
*
winrar! rclxms.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 29 2010, 12:11 PM

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I had an argument with my girlfriend the other day, and she told me to look at things from her point of view.

She then got angry with me for looking out the kitchen window.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 29 2010, 11:41 PM

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Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
rocket_jet
post Dec 29 2010, 11:45 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 29 2010, 11:41 PM)
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
*
Forgot to bring his ear cotton.....lol drool.gif
Glocker
post Dec 30 2010, 01:03 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 29 2010, 12:11 PM)
I had an argument with my girlfriend the other day, and she told me to look at things from her point of view.

She then got angry with me for looking out the kitchen window.
*
TROLLOLOLOLOLOL!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Dec 30 2010, 11:16 PM

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Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?"
Girl: "How do you play that?"
Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say 'Red light!' when you want me to stop."
Girl: "Okay, let's play."
After a few seconds...
Girl: "Red light!"
Boy: "Fire engines don't stop for red lights."
Wilson13B
post Dec 31 2010, 01:03 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 30 2010, 11:16 PM)
Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?"
Girl: "How do you play that?"
Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say 'Red light!' when you want me to stop."
Girl: "Okay, let's play."
After a few seconds...
Girl: "Red light!"
Boy: "Fire engines don't stop for red lights."
*
I don't understand that.....what use finger to drive legs hmm.gif
gregy
post Dec 31 2010, 02:00 AM

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QUOTE(Wilson13B @ Dec 31 2010, 01:03 AM)
I don't understand that.....what use finger to drive legs  hmm.gif
*
Are you a virgin? LOL...
CrisisX
post Dec 31 2010, 08:29 PM

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QUOTE(Wilson13B @ Dec 31 2010, 01:03 AM)
I don't understand that.....what use finger to drive legs  hmm.gif
*
2" detected rclxms.gif
Wilson13B
post Jan 1 2011, 09:11 PM

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laugh.gif laugh.gif Why not just say the fire engine enter the "tunnel" laugh.gif laugh.gif
Mave[rick]
post Jan 3 2011, 04:16 PM

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drive up thigh, and that where the "accident" happen...in the tunnel!
Fire in the hole!!! time to put out some fire... cool2.gif
gregy
post Jan 3 2011, 07:45 PM

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QUOTE(Maverick @ Jan 3 2011, 04:16 PM)
drive up thigh, and that where the "accident" happen...in the tunnel!
Fire in the hole!!! time to put out some fire... cool2.gif
*
Ah, now we know why ladies get wet; to put out the fire burning down there lol
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 3 2011, 09:54 PM

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A man was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank. He thought to himself, 'life isn't so bad after all', and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."

"I am not dancing," the armless man replied bitterly. "My a$shole itches, and I can't scratch it!"
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 5 2011, 10:17 PM

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I am fed up of seeing everyone insult Asians over their "slitty eyes."

The fact that they all have pixellated genitals is much more amusing to me.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 7 2011, 12:28 PM

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I took a girl back to my flat for sex last night.

She said, "I'm going to keep my bra on because my tits are tiny."

I said, "Okay, I'll keep my boxers on then."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 11 2011, 12:11 AM

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BBC News: David and Victoria Beckham expecting fourth child.

Oh wait, no, she's just eaten an apple.
rocket_jet
post Jan 11 2011, 01:50 PM

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Mad....goodness me...lol
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 12 2011, 11:37 AM

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My wife went mental when she found a sex tape of me with a young, fit girl.


Her mood didn't really improve when I pointed out the tape was of her from ten years ago before she had kids.
bleu_huh
post Jan 14 2011, 11:14 AM

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^his wife changed beyond recognition in 10 years biggrin.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 14 2011, 06:39 PM

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My daughter came home and said to me, "Dad, I think I'm a lesbian."

I looked at her, sighed a little, took her in my arms and said

"I understand. You're old enough to know your own sexuality, so do what you feel's the right thing to do. Follow your heart." I gently kissed her and she hugged me in return.

The following day, my son came up to me and said, "Dad, I think I'm g...."

I didn't hear anything else as I was too busy kicking the sh*t out of the f*cking bender.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 15 2011, 10:22 PM

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The wife was cleaning her teeth in the bathroom earlier, and as she looked up I caught her eye in the reflection, gave her a wink, and shoved myself into her.

Mirror, Signal, Manoeuvre.
hizperion
post Jan 16 2011, 01:35 AM

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hahahaha
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 17 2011, 10:39 AM

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I asked my wife, "Have you ever done something you're not proud of?"
My wife said, "You?"
I said, "No, I asked you first."
My wife said, "No, I meant you."

B*tch!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 18 2011, 01:55 PM

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I got my c0ck pierced today for my girlfriend.

My wife did it with a hammer and nail.
Soul-X
post Jan 18 2011, 05:32 PM

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HAHAHAHAHA LOL!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 20 2011, 04:41 PM

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I was really embarrassed when my mother showed my new girlfriend all my teddy bears from when I was a kid.

Especially the ones I cut a hole in the arse.
Joey Christensen
post Jan 20 2011, 05:36 PM

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Still going strong in here, Godzilla? Bump this thread to show support!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 21 2011, 09:52 PM

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My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football.

What a bunch of idiots.

I'm gay because I like c0ck.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 24 2011, 01:19 PM

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Me: Can I have a shag?
Girl: No!
Me: Wait! I don't think you heard me correctly...
Girl: Oh, I think I did...
Me: Fine then, what did I say?
Girl: "Can I have a shag?"

And that, Your Honour, is why it wasn't rape.
yen223
post Jan 24 2011, 01:54 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jan 24 2011, 01:19 PM)
Me: Can I have a shag?
Girl: No!
Me: Wait! I don't think you heard me correctly...
Girl: Oh, I think I did...
Me: Fine then, what did I say?
Girl: "Can I have a shag?"

And that, Your Honour, is why it wasn't rape.
*
omg lol rclxms.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 28 2011, 10:46 PM

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BBC News: Couple remarry 57 years after divorce.

God bless Alzheimers
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jan 31 2011, 09:23 AM

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My girlfriend is still mad at me because I called her fat last month!

Well you know what they say....Elephants never forget
ayiesz
post Feb 1 2011, 10:04 AM

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From: about:robots
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status..

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , 'Yes you are correct . But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.
luckykid5
post Feb 1 2011, 10:24 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jan 14 2011, 06:39 PM)
My daughter came home and said to me, "Dad, I think I'm a lesbian."

I looked at her, sighed a little, took her in my arms and said

"I understand. You're old enough to know your own sexuality, so do what you feel's the right thing to do. Follow your heart." I gently kissed her and she hugged me in return.

The following day, my son came up to me and said, "Dad, I think I'm g...."

I didn't hear anything else as I was too busy kicking the sh*t out of the f*cking bender.
*
dont get this joke. who is this bender that his dad is kicking?
Shadow Kun
post Feb 1 2011, 10:32 AM

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QUOTE(luckykid5 @ Feb 1 2011, 10:24 AM)
dont get this joke. who is this bender that his dad is kicking?
*
the son?
hizperion
post Feb 1 2011, 01:26 PM

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bender = gay = the son
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 2 2011, 12:19 AM

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What lies on the ground 100ft in the air?

A dead Centipede.
bleu_huh
post Feb 3 2011, 01:43 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 2 2011, 12:19 AM)
What lies on the ground 100ft in the air?

A dead Centipede.
*
sir, i cannot brain this one
whoopa
post Feb 3 2011, 02:34 PM

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100 feets in the air la. it died and its terbalik with all the feet up lol
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 3 2011, 03:54 PM

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Calling out your ex-girlfriend's name during sex is a nice way to show your current girlfriend that you won't forget her either after you leave her.
bleu_huh
post Feb 4 2011, 03:35 PM

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QUOTE(whoopa @ Feb 3 2011, 02:34 PM)
100 feets in the air la. it died and its terbalik with all the feet up lol
*
lol..i keep thinking that feet as a measurement unit..thats y i didnt understand doh.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 7 2011, 09:54 AM

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A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busylunchtime. They got behind a very fat business woman who had a pager with her. After waiting patiently for a few minutes, the little boy said loudly,

"Wow, She's fat!"

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet. A couple more minutes passed by and the little boy stretched his arms out as far as they would go and announced;

"Her bum is this wide!"

The fat woman turned around and glared at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the queue.

Just then her pager began to emit a "beep, beep, beep"

The little boy yelled out,

"Run for your life, she's reversing!"
CrisisX
post Feb 7 2011, 11:20 AM

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» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


LMAO!!! thumbup.gif
eugoreez
post Feb 7 2011, 12:09 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 7 2011, 09:54 AM)
A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busylunchtime. They got behind a very fat business woman who had a pager with her. After waiting patiently for a few minutes, the little boy said loudly,

"Wow, She's fat!"

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet. A couple more minutes passed by and the little boy stretched his arms out as far as they would go and announced;

"Her bum is this wide!"

The fat woman turned around and glared at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the queue.

Just then her pager began to emit a "beep, beep, beep"

The little boy yelled out,

"Run for your life, she's reversing!"
*
hahahahah what a kid... if this were to happened when i was there, i would laugh my ass off on the floor.. hahah
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 10 2011, 11:34 PM

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Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife.

I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she says

"Remember, you have a wife."
MyKy44
post Feb 11 2011, 01:02 AM

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^or in some cases "remember, u have a girlfriend"

user posted image insta-flaccid
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 11 2011, 10:15 PM

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What is the lightest thing in the world?

A penis...even a thought can raise it...
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 14 2011, 03:47 PM

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A wife asks her husband, a software engineer; "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
spicyfooty
post Feb 14 2011, 05:26 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 14 2011, 03:47 PM)
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer; "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
*
hahah this makes my day rclxms.gif rclxms.gif rclxms.gif
fergie1100
post Feb 14 2011, 05:35 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 14 2011, 03:47 PM)
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer; "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
*
very nais thumbup.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 17 2011, 10:11 PM

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Russell was at his Mum's when she said "Russell, you're 29 years old now, when are you going to find a decent girl, one with morals and not the usual tarts you seem to attract and settle down"


It was at this point the girlfriend left the room in tears.
MyKy44
post Feb 18 2011, 11:14 AM

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'Russell, u're getting old now *frown* and u're not married *more frown* y don't i find some nice girls for u huh?'
meaningful
post Feb 18 2011, 12:44 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 14 2011, 04:47 PM)
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer; "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
*
good joke
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 19 2011, 11:08 PM

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A guy was out for a jog one day and was heading along the side of a busy road.

A few minutes into his jog he came across a woman lying at the side of the road. She was in a bad way and it was obvious she had been in a road accident.

He checked her for ID and found that she only lived around the corner from where the accident had happened.

He quickly ran round to the house and banged frantically on the door.

The woman's husband answered the door and the jogger quickly said "sorry pal but your wife looks like she has been hit by a bus".

The husband replied "Aye I know, but she's got a lovely personality"!


This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Feb 19 2011, 11:09 PM
bluetopaz
post Feb 20 2011, 12:19 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 19 2011, 11:08 PM)
A guy was out for a jog one day and was heading along the side of a busy road.

A few minutes into his jog he came across a woman lying at the side of the road. She was in a bad way and it was obvious she had been in a road accident.

He checked her for ID and found that she only lived around the corner from where the accident had happened.

He quickly ran round to the house and banged frantically on the door.

The woman's husband answered the door and the jogger quickly said "sorry pal but your wife looks like she has been hit by a bus".

The husband replied "Aye I know, but she's got a lovely personality"!
*
er..?
hoilok
post Feb 20 2011, 01:55 PM

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"hit by"
QUOTE(bluetopaz @ Feb 20 2011, 12:19 AM)
er..?
*
CrisisX
post Feb 20 2011, 02:52 PM

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QUOTE(MyKy44 @ Feb 18 2011, 11:14 AM)
'Russell, u're getting old now *frown* and u're not married *more frown* y don't i find some nice girls for u huh?'
*
"but mum... i brought nice girls home.... they just... left in the morning. Those are nice girls!"
Shadow Kun
post Feb 20 2011, 03:18 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 19 2011, 11:08 PM)
A guy was out for a jog one day and was heading along the side of a busy road.

A few minutes into his jog he came across a woman lying at the side of the road. She was in a bad way and it was obvious she had been in a road accident.

He checked her for ID and found that she only lived around the corner from where the accident had happened.

He quickly ran round to the house and banged frantically on the door.

The woman's husband answered the door and the jogger quickly said "sorry pal but your wife looks like she has been hit by a bus".

The husband replied "Aye I know, but she's got a lovely personality"!
*
lololololzzz
gregy
post Feb 20 2011, 07:43 PM

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QUOTE(bluetopaz @ Feb 20 2011, 12:19 AM)
er..?
*
It means, she ugly, but she give good head smile.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 21 2011, 03:31 PM

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Mary has worked as a magician's assistant for years now. She has picked up a few tricks.

One day her husband came home from work early and she was in the bedroom.

She said, "Abracadabra!" and her husband friend, Dave, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked.
James_yka
post Feb 21 2011, 04:41 PM

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dun get it... y would she expose to her husband that she is cheating on him ?
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 21 2011, 04:57 PM

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Abracadabra!
dOtcO[m]
post Feb 21 2011, 05:04 PM

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QUOTE(James_yka @ Feb 21 2011, 04:41 PM)
dun get it... y would she expose to her husband that she is cheating on him ?
*
she was trying to make it as if it was a magic, not cheating~ haha LOL

btw i just had a one hour of nice jokes! LoL
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 25 2011, 11:17 AM

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Girl : Wanna cook tonight?
Guy : No, I can't, I have this thing
Girl : What thing?
Guy : A pen1s
lokohotkoko
post Feb 25 2011, 12:20 PM

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^ lol nice and simple!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Feb 28 2011, 03:20 PM

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I have finally figured out why the Mrs is so fat. The shampoo she uses in the shower, that runs down her body clearly says, "for extra volume and body."

I'm going to recommend she uses dishwashing soap instead, it says, "dissolves oil that is otherwise difficult to remove."
kcng
post Feb 28 2011, 03:24 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 28 2011, 03:20 PM)
I have finally figured out why the Mrs is so fat. The shampoo she uses in the shower, that runs down her body clearly says, "for extra volume and body."

I'm going to recommend she uses dishwashing soap instead, it says, "dissolves oil that is otherwise difficult to remove."
*
L.O.L
VengenZ
post Mar 1 2011, 12:05 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Feb 28 2011, 03:20 PM)
I have finally figured out why the Mrs is so fat. The shampoo she uses in the shower, that runs down her body clearly says, "for extra volume and body."

I'm going to recommend she uses dishwashing soap instead, it says, "dissolves oil that is otherwise difficult to remove."
*
unbrainable
bluetopaz
post Mar 1 2011, 12:05 AM

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Nowadays all short jokes liao sad.gif
kayexem
post Mar 1 2011, 05:09 AM

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QUOTE(Maximilius @ Nov 28 2010, 05:26 PM)
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not  realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball.'
Man: 'That's nice'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My Dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church for confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now.'
*
i could've sworn this came from a movie hmm.gif
MyKy44
post Mar 1 2011, 09:21 AM

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QUOTE(VengenZ @ Mar 1 2011, 12:05 AM)
unbrainable
*
i kenot brain y u kenot brain. it's so simple
bluetopaz
post Mar 2 2011, 12:11 AM

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edit..

This post has been edited by bluetopaz: Mar 2 2011, 12:11 AM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 2 2011, 12:50 PM

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A Bloke met two girls down the pub last night who had strong Cardiff accents.
The bloke said, "I know that accent. You two ladies are from Scotland, aren't you?"

"Wales, you idiot," one of them replied.

"Sorry," He said, "You two whales are from Scotland, aren't you?"
redracer2004
post Mar 2 2011, 04:57 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 2 2011, 12:50 PM)
A Bloke met two girls down the pub last night who had strong Cardiff accents.
The bloke said, "I know that accent. You two ladies are from Scotland, aren't you?"

"Wales, you idiot," one of them replied.

"Sorry," He said, "You two whales are from Scotland, aren't you?"
*
OMG, I LOLed.

My creation:

I swear lyrics (Married version):

I swear by the boom and the bars from your sly
and I swear like the idiot that's by your side

I see the queries in your eyes
I know there's something on your mind
I can't be sure you know your part
Cause I stand beside you through the years
I'll only cry those depressed tears
And though you make mistakes
You'll always break my heart

And I swear by the boon
And the bars in the sky I'll beware
I swear like the idiot that's by your side I'll beware
For never or worse
Till death do us part
I'll bash you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

This post has been edited by redracer2004: Mar 2 2011, 05:05 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 2 2011, 05:29 PM

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wah... itu betul jiwang relationship tenat liao
CrisisX
post Mar 3 2011, 01:57 PM

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» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


really nice done
MyKy44
post Mar 3 2011, 05:48 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 2 2011, 12:50 PM)
A Bloke met two girls down the pub last night who had strong Cardiff accents.
The bloke said, "I know that accent. You two ladies are from Scotland, aren't you?"

"Wales, you idiot," one of them replied.

"Sorry," He said, "You two whales are from Scotland, aren't you?"
*
user posted image LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL
mekboyz
post Mar 3 2011, 06:01 PM

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QUOTE(MyKy44 @ Mar 3 2011, 05:48 PM)
user posted image LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL
*
redracer2004
post Mar 4 2011, 12:38 AM

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QUOTE(CrisisX @ Mar 3 2011, 01:57 PM)
» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


really nice done
*
Thank you, here's another one:
Fool Again (Married Version - Divorce Time)

Baby YOU know the story,
YOU've seen the picture
It's written all over MY face
I'll Tell YOU about the secret
That I've been hiding
And who's gonna take YOUR place

YOU should have seen it coming
YOU should've read the signs
Anyway... IT'S FINALLY over!

Can't believe that YOU'RE the fool again,
YOU thought this love would never end?
WHO WERE YOU to know?
I'D never TELL YOU,
Can't believe that YOU'RE the fool again
And YOU who thought I WAS MAKING friends,
WHO WERE YOU to know?
I'D never TELL YOU.

TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 5 2011, 11:51 AM

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The United Nations conducted a worldwide survey with one single question:

"Would you please give your opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure:

* In Latin America, they didn't know what please meant ...
* In China, they didn't know what opinion meant ...
* In the Middle East, they didn't know what solution meant ...
* In Europe, they didn't know what shortage meant ...
* In Africa, they didn't know what food meant ...

* In the United States, they didn't know what the rest of the world meant
Aishinka
post Mar 6 2011, 03:33 AM

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^ LOL !!!
iAme
post Mar 6 2011, 06:03 AM

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From: Johore
QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Oct 29 2010, 01:01 PM)
Welcome to version 2

Version 1:
http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/398704

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bloke goes to the doctor and says. "I got this sex problem doc."
The doctor asked, "Ok, tell me about your average day."
"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up at 3am for nookie and then again at 5 so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

"Oh I see", says the doc. "No, hang on". said the man." .... you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl everyday and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No you dont" said our hero, "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No no you dont" he said"
When I go lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm really fond of and we nip out for a quickie."

"Now I understand", says the patient doctor, "No, hang on" said the bloke. "When I get back to office, my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll sack me."
"Ahh...", said the doctors, "now I see..." "No, there's more", said the man, "when I get home, my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and sex again afterwards."

"So, whats your problem then?" ask the doc.

"Well....", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"
*
LOL
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 7 2011, 12:17 PM

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A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful female giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink. After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out.

The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"

The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."

The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"

The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!"
CrisisX
post Mar 7 2011, 02:15 PM

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^ lolz nice 1
didnt c tat coming
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 7 2011, 02:18 PM

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Edward Cullen and his two vampire friends walk into a vampire bar.

The first vampire friend orders a "Blood screwdriver",
The second friend orders a "Blood on the rocks",

Then Edward asks the bartender for a cup of boiling water,
"Just a boiling water" says the confused barman
"yes please" says Edward
Still confused the bartender obliges and gets Edward his water

After his water arrives, Edward reaches down his pants, pulls a tampon out of his vagina and starts dipping it in the cup and says, "I'm making tea"
gregy
post Mar 7 2011, 03:21 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 7 2011, 02:18 PM)
Edward Cullen and his two vampire friends walk into a vampire bar.

The first vampire friend orders a "Blood screwdriver",
The second friend orders a "Blood on the rocks",

Then Edward asks the bartender for a cup of boiling water,
"Just a boiling water" says the confused barman
"yes please" says Edward
Still confused the bartender obliges and gets Edward his water

After his water arrives, Edward reaches down his pants, pulls a tampon out of his vagina and starts dipping it in the cup and says, "I'm making tea"
*
Adapted old joke but still nice. But how come Edward has a vagina?
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 7 2011, 03:52 PM

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to understand the real "gender" of the actor
gregy
post Mar 7 2011, 04:18 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 7 2011, 03:52 PM)
to understand the real "gender" of the actor
*
Ouch! LOL


Added on March 7, 2011, 4:19 pm
QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 7 2011, 03:52 PM)
to understand the real "gender" of the actor
*
Ouch! LOL

This post has been edited by gregy: Mar 7 2011, 04:19 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 9 2011, 12:20 AM

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My Dad sat me down today to give me 'the talk'...

He said "First of all, you've gotta make sure it's nice and clean. Give it a quick rub, and you're almost ready to go!... Don't force it in, mind. You might damage something. Make sure it's turned on first and it will slide straight in. Then son, you can sit back, relax, and enjoy your night!"

"... Dad, for f*ck sake. I know how to work a DVD Player".
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 9 2011, 12:05 PM

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What do marriages and tornadoes have in common?

They both start off with a lot of blowing and sucking, but in the end you lose your house.



This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Mar 12 2011, 10:20 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 12 2011, 10:21 PM

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I always hated weddings because old people come over and poke me saying "You're next".

They stopped when I started doing it to them at funerals.
VengenZ
post Mar 12 2011, 11:05 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 12 2011, 10:21 PM)
I always hated weddings because old people come over and poke me saying "You're next".

They stopped when I started doing it to them at funerals.
*
LOL
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 13 2011, 11:05 PM

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I don't see why people expect female linesman to be worse than male ones.

I mean, if there is something women are good at, it is pointing out mistakes made by men.
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post Mar 14 2011, 11:18 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 13 2011, 11:05 PM)
I don't see why people expect female linesman to be worse than male ones.

I mean, if there is something women are good at, it is pointing out mistakes made by men.
*
rclxms.gif rclxms.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 16 2011, 09:12 PM

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I met these beautiful Thai girls in a club last night. Although they have very thick make-up, We really hit it off and eventually I plucked up the courage to asked them back to my place. Things were going really well but when they started stripping I had the shock of my life.

They had vaginas.
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post Mar 16 2011, 10:46 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 16 2011, 09:12 PM)
I met these beautiful Thai girls in a club last night. Although they have very thick make-up, We really hit it off and eventually I plucked up the courage to asked them back to my place. Things were going really well but when they started stripping I had the shock of my life.

They had vaginas.
*
I cannot brain this. Why shocked when got vagina? Because you thought they were aquas?
hizperion
post Mar 17 2011, 05:30 AM

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correct
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post Mar 17 2011, 06:04 AM

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Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. -- in life, no one helps you once you're fcuked.

------
Guy: want to hear a joke about my kok? nevermind its too long
Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina? nevermind you won't get it


TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 17 2011, 12:15 PM

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I'm lately on a roll with female as sex object.


I ask for sex, they object.
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post Mar 17 2011, 05:17 PM

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Definition of:

Bisexual - I'd buy anything sexual
Trisexual - I'll try anything sexual
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post Mar 18 2011, 04:45 PM

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whoooolaaa! I finally finished reading the whole V1 thread.
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post Mar 21 2011, 03:31 PM

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"Your cock is so small, I can't even feel it," my wife shouted at me during one of our rare sexual encounters.

"Well, it's exactly the same size that it was when I married you," I replied. "You must've grown out of it."
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post Mar 21 2011, 08:22 PM

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The retribution will not be pretty if one says that to the missus.
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post Mar 23 2011, 06:34 PM

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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle..
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 23 2011, 07:36 PM

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There are 3 things in life that are certain -

Death,

Taxes,

and that if you load up Windows Media Player and the volume control is set right down to 2 or 5 out of 100, it means that the last person on there was watching porn.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 24 2011, 07:45 PM

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It's being reported that Muammar Gaddafi has surrounded himself by an elite core of 40 female bodyguards, all of whom are virgins.

In a related story, Charlie Sheen invaded Libya.
deodorant
post Mar 25 2011, 05:38 PM

Surfing LYN instead of Working.
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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 23 2011, 07:36 PM)
There are 3 things in life that are certain -

Death,

Taxes,

and that if you load up Windows Media Player and the volume control is set right down to 2 or 5 out of 100, it means that the last person on there was watching porn.

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool :thumbsup:

(it's funny cos it's true)


Added on March 25, 2011, 5:54 pm
QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Dec 25 2010, 10:19 PM)
Why don't African children hang up stockings for Santa Claus?

They don't believe in fat people.

Actually Africa has tons of fat people. Especially on the west/north-west. everyone there in the cities are either big, fat, or both.

This post has been edited by deodorant: Mar 25 2011, 05:54 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 27 2011, 06:53 PM

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"I didn't sleep at all last night - our new next-door neighbours make so much noise when having sex", my wife complained.

She added, "I think it is extremely anti-social and rude, especially as we never disturb them."

I responded - "Trust me love, you don't need to tell me, that we never disturb them."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 28 2011, 09:47 AM

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A wife asked her husband how he could love her and still enjoy watching porn.

The husband told her, "I love my car but I still watch Formula 1 too."

She was happy with this analogy - Of course he didn't mentioned that occasionally he would went out to the red light district for some rental.
MyKy44
post Mar 28 2011, 02:52 PM

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someone's not getting enough actions whistling.gif
DjKenji
post Mar 28 2011, 05:59 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 16 2011, 09:12 PM)
I met these beautiful Thai girls in a club last night. Although they have very thick make-up, We really hit it off and eventually I plucked up the courage to asked them back to my place. Things were going really well but when they started stripping I had the shock of my life.

They had vaginas.
*
You suppose to be gay?

yan5619
post Mar 29 2011, 10:59 AM

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QUOTE(DjKenji @ Mar 28 2011, 05:59 PM)
You suppose to be gay?
*
Thai girls supposed to be nong poys.
gregy
post Mar 29 2011, 11:25 AM

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QUOTE(yan5619 @ Mar 29 2011, 10:59 AM)
Thai girls supposed to be nong poys.
*
What's the difference between nong poy and katoi? Are they the same thing?
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post Mar 30 2011, 04:21 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Mar 27 2011, 06:53 PM)
"I didn't sleep at all last night - our new next-door neighbours make so much noise when having sex", my wife complained.

She added, "I think it is extremely anti-social and rude, especially as we never disturb them."

I responded - "Trust me love, you don't need to tell me, that we never disturb them."
*
Oh sh*T! Hahahaha!! Poor thing.

Justin Bieber in Malaysia 2011

This post has been edited by wildcat90: Apr 1 2011, 04:06 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Mar 31 2011, 06:40 PM

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Tom was texting this girl he met on the internet

Tom then text her saying 'Get naked. Now.'

She wrote 'How do you know I'm not already...?'

Tom replied 'Binoculars.'

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Apr 1 2011, 01:54 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 1 2011, 01:55 PM

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I'm so awesome, I have lots of friends and I'm popular with girls!!


... Just kidding, April Fools!


Sigh...
user posted image
allinuff
post Apr 2 2011, 12:14 AM

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^ Get some love from the missus bro.
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post Apr 8 2011, 04:51 PM

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Guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for a deodorant.

"You want the ball type?" the assistant asks,

"No, just the underarm stuff will be fine."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 9 2011, 09:59 AM

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"Emergency, which service?"

"Water board please. I've been cut off. I need water urgently."

"Sir, the 999 service is for genuine emergencies."

"Yeah, but my house is on fire."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 11 2011, 05:47 PM

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MY girlfriend went for a job interview yesterday, the interviewer asked, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?"

"Mirror... duh!"
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 11 2011, 10:20 PM

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My mate was pretty down today. He have an accident, and his girlfiend was leaving him because he couldn't maintain an erection because of it.

I don't think I made things any better by saying

'Sorry mate, it must be hard'
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 12 2011, 02:01 PM

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I went to a restaurant the other day and I noticed that my waitress had a black eye.

Feeling sympathetic, I made sure I spoke loud and clear when ordering my food because she obviously has trouble listening.
panda-man
post Apr 12 2011, 02:44 PM

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^ owwww~ vicious joke heheheh. love it.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 13 2011, 12:23 PM

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My girlfriend said that she wanted to start trying for baby recently.
I agreed, then went straight down the doctors and asked for a vasectomy.

I figured I had at least three or four years of a guaranteed f*ck every night, before she started becoming suspicious.
SheeKenSays
post Apr 14 2011, 12:37 PM

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^ THE ABOVE 1 IS DAMN LOLOLOLOL~!! rclxms.gif rclxms.gif

Btw, took me 2 weeks++ to Read untill NOW!! cool2.gif

Kudos to V1~~Welcome to V2~~ rclxm9.gif rclxm9.gif
Jagiya
post Apr 14 2011, 11:10 PM

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i dont know if this qualifies as a joke, but it's pretty funny and quite true. also, it's pretty long. here goes:-

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.

If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)


Ms. Pretty


A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:


Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.


From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".

If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me.

signed,

J.P. Morgan CEO

This post has been edited by Jagiya: Apr 14 2011, 11:11 PM
hizperion
post Apr 15 2011, 08:24 AM

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its a joke and it has been reposted too many time till die liao.
Jagiya
post Apr 15 2011, 02:36 PM

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geez, how'd i know if it has been reposted many times, take a look at my number of posts nutsack
kevraul
post Apr 15 2011, 02:57 PM

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now that's a joke
i mean the replies
Shadow Kun
post Apr 15 2011, 03:02 PM

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QUOTE(Jagiya @ Apr 15 2011, 02:36 PM)
geez, how'd i know if it has been reposted many times, take a look at my number of posts nutsack
*
jangan la marah bang. search function kan ada.
MyKy44
post Apr 15 2011, 03:45 PM

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howtf to search for a joke man...... hahahahahaha
hizperion
post Apr 15 2011, 03:50 PM

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a quick search on 'depreciation' in Jokes Heaven would already return some result and i don't even have to try
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 15 2011, 11:05 PM

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After winning my latest tournament, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on the television.

Apparently it's unacceptable in ten pin bowling.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 19 2011, 11:39 AM

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What is the most sensitive part of a man's body when masturbating?
His ears - Just to hear if anyone is coming.
suiteng
post Apr 19 2011, 05:40 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 19 2011, 11:39 AM)
What is the most sensitive part of a man's body when masturbating?
His ears - Just to hear if anyone is coming.
*
*Like*
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 20 2011, 01:00 PM

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As Peter could hear some moaning and groaning from next door through the wall, so he thought he'd take advantage and have a crafty wank.

As the moans turned into grunts, he said, "That's it, keep going. I'm nearly there..."

"F*ck off d1ckhead, I'm trying to have a shit", said a voice from the next cubicle.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 22 2011, 11:37 AM

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Mens beware

Sky news: ' Hidden iPhone file tracks users every move'

Like they don't tell you on Facebook every five f*cking minutes anyway.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 25 2011, 11:50 AM

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Doctor: You have 1 year to live.

Frank:...What should I do?

Doc: Get married.

Frank: What...?

Doc: Trust me, in 4 months you will be happy to die.
allinuff
post Apr 25 2011, 10:47 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 20 2011, 01:00 PM)
As Peter could hear some moaning and groaning from next door through the wall, so he thought he'd take advantage and have a crafty wank.

As the moans turned into grunts, he said, "That's it, keep going. I'm nearly there..."

"F*ck off d1ckhead, I'm trying to have a shit", said a voice from the next cubicle.
*
Lol fcuking gross...
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 26 2011, 08:16 PM

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It's great that the supermarkets are doing 'Buy One Get One Free' on Easter eggs now.

It's brilliant, because if you're in a relationship, you can get one each for you and your partner

and if you're a single woman, you can have both and try to eat away the loneliness.
malasnya
post Apr 26 2011, 09:38 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 25 2011, 11:50 AM)
Doctor: You have 1 year to live.

Frank:...What should I do?

Doc: Get married.

Frank: What...?

Doc: Trust me, in 4 months you will be happy to die.
*
superb. notworthy.gif
iAme
post Apr 27 2011, 04:06 AM

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lol
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 27 2011, 11:25 PM

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I always make sure I turned off the electricity before I head home from work. Still, I got fired.

Being a hospital doctor is so hard
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post Apr 28 2011, 02:18 AM

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QUOTE(CrisisX @ Nov 1 2010, 02:15 PM)
for me:
43. Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean  782 km

and yes it's damn cool
*
last time i saw is swim across Pacific Ocean
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 28 2011, 05:52 PM

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My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
RedBishop
post Apr 28 2011, 06:56 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 28 2011, 05:52 PM)
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
*
3 thumbs up!!
Playboy21
post Apr 28 2011, 07:01 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 28 2011, 05:52 PM)
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
*
This is just so wrong..
VengenZ
post Apr 29 2011, 01:03 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 28 2011, 05:52 PM)
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
*
LOLOLOLOL
hizperion
post Apr 29 2011, 12:18 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 28 2011, 05:52 PM)
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
*
hahaha nice one
hsi3nrhu
post Apr 29 2011, 09:52 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 28 2011, 05:52 PM)
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
*
long term investment
redracer2004
post Apr 30 2011, 09:27 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 28 2011, 05:52 PM)
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
*
Paedo indeed. Dating a girl at 11 when he's 42.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Apr 30 2011, 11:44 PM

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Watching the Royal Wedding, Prince William looks so handsome in his uniform, Prince Charles must be so proud.

Prince Harrys uniform also looks impeccable. James Hewitt must be proud too.
Enigmatic
post May 1 2011, 02:03 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 30 2011, 11:44 PM)
Watching the Royal Wedding, Prince William looks so handsome in his uniform, Prince Charles must be so proud.

Prince Harrys uniform also looks impeccable. James Hewitt must be proud too.
*
ROTFLMAO!
StarScream01
post May 1 2011, 03:16 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 30 2011, 11:44 PM)
Watching the Royal Wedding, Prince William looks so handsome in his uniform, Prince Charles must be so proud.

Prince Harrys uniform also looks impeccable. James Hewitt must be proud too.
*
FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
violette
post May 2 2011, 11:42 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 30 2011, 11:44 PM)
Watching the Royal Wedding, Prince William looks so handsome in his uniform, Prince Charles must be so proud.

Prince Harrys uniform also looks impeccable. James Hewitt must be proud too.
*
i dont get it sad.gif
yan5619
post May 3 2011, 12:25 AM

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QUOTE(violette @ May 2 2011, 11:42 PM)
i dont get it sad.gif
*
James is the guy who has an affair with Diana.
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 3 2011, 09:49 AM

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10 years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden.

In his house.




but then again,
President Clinton tried and failed.
President Bush tried and failed.
President Obama tried and succeeded.

The moral of this is...
If you want someone dead, hire a black man.
MyKy44
post May 3 2011, 10:06 AM

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I SAW THT COMIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGG

but still lol'd
it.fusion
post May 3 2011, 02:34 PM

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QUOTE(violette @ May 2 2011, 11:42 PM)
i dont get it sad.gif
*
i lol'ed at this !

laugh.gif


Added on May 5, 2011, 3:52 pmlil misfit.. what happen... where is your jokes ?

This post has been edited by it.fusion: May 5 2011, 03:52 PM
hsi3nrhu
post May 5 2011, 09:39 PM

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Why is Prince William balding ?









bcoz he's not Harry biggrin.gif
gregy
post May 6 2011, 12:39 AM

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QUOTE(hsi3nrhu @ May 5 2011, 09:39 PM)
Why is Prince William balding ?
bcoz he's not Harry biggrin.gif
*
Haha good one.
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 6 2011, 09:57 AM

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Boy:*kneels down on one knee*

girl:w-what are y-you doing *blushes like crazy*

boy:*looks up and smiles* I've been wanting to do this for a long time

girl:*blushes more*

boy:*ties shoe*
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 7 2011, 11:12 AM

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Dreams of a man

1.Be as handsome as his mother thinks.
2.Have as much money as his son thinks.
3.Have as many women as his wife thinks
jeffvip
post May 9 2011, 04:56 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 7 2011, 11:12 AM)
Dreams of a man

1.Be as handsome as his mother thinks.
2.Have as much money as his son thinks.
3.Have as many women as his wife thinks
*
I love all of this short jokes... to the point, simple, speak the truth and very biggrin.gif


Added on May 10, 2011, 12:15 pm


This post has been edited by jeffvip: May 10 2011, 12:33 PM
it.fusion
post May 10 2011, 12:53 PM

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...
heachan
post May 12 2011, 07:41 AM

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good jokes here...
It took me 2 hours to finish all 16 pages..never lol'ed so hard...
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 12 2011, 07:01 PM

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1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance ...


The 5 stages of buying petrol
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 15 2011, 10:04 PM

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I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy.

This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all.

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: May 16 2011, 09:00 PM
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 16 2011, 09:00 PM

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Clark met a girl in a nightclub and told her 'I'm going to f*ck you in my bedroom, my bathroom, my kitchen and my lounge when we get back to mine'.

She replied, 'Wow, let's go, it's good to find a man with such stamina these days'.

For some reason she didn't seem too impressed when they finally got to his small mini studio home.
victor_hoh
post May 18 2011, 01:49 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 15 2011, 10:04 PM)
I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy.

This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all.
*
hehehe... flying pan, fly lie, fly chicken.
deodorant
post May 18 2011, 07:48 PM

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QUOTE(heachan @ May 12 2011, 07:41 AM)
good jokes here...
It took me 2 hours to finish all 16 pages..never lol'ed so hard...

go search for the v1 thread, there's 100+ pages.
MyKy44
post May 19 2011, 12:23 AM

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QUOTE(victor_hoh @ May 18 2011, 01:49 PM)
hehehe... flying pan, fly lie, fly chicken.
*
HAHAHAHAHA shiiiitt i tot he meant chinaman sellers are rip-offs!! ahahahaha
cressalve
post May 19 2011, 07:21 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 15 2011, 10:04 PM)
I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy.

This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all.
*
Flying pan, lol sweat.gif
KetutP
post May 19 2011, 10:26 AM

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hahaha brilliant!
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 19 2011, 08:43 PM

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It was deep into injury time. I managed to get in the way of a Lampard pass and the ball bounced to Giggs. He gave it to Nani, who crossed it in for Rooney to volley home the winning goal. The emotion took over me. I stripped off my shirt, ran towards the crowd and dived in to celebrate with the fans.

As I crawled back out and put my shirt back on, I knew I'd be in trouble.

I'd forgotten to blow my whistle.
MyKy44
post May 19 2011, 11:33 PM

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hohoho
HIM
post May 20 2011, 01:08 AM

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nice one
whoopa
post May 20 2011, 08:34 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 19 2011, 08:43 PM)
It was deep into injury time. I managed to get in the way of a Lampard pass and the ball bounced to Giggs. He gave it to Nani, who crossed it in for Rooney to volley home the winning goal. The emotion took over me. I stripped off my shirt, ran towards the crowd and dived in to celebrate with the fans.

As I crawled back out and put my shirt back on, I knew I'd be in trouble.

I'd forgotten to blow my whistle.
*
hahaha i put in my fb lol

TSaLittleMisfit
post May 20 2011, 10:36 AM

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Apparently around 200 women are raped everyday in the UK.

The rest are just raped occasionally.
it.fusion
post May 20 2011, 12:37 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 20 2011, 10:36 AM)
Apparently around 200 women are raped everyday in the UK.

The rest are just raped occasionally.
*
raped or 'willing to get raped' ?
doh.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 20 2011, 11:07 PM

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Notice in a Library: " While reading the kamasutra , please hold the book with both Hands."
SUSmachinetosh
post May 23 2011, 12:44 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 15 2011, 10:04 PM)
I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy.

This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all.
*
omg it takes me about 3 sec to process this then ROFLACOPTA
MyKy44
post May 23 2011, 10:46 PM

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QUOTE(it.fusion @ May 20 2011, 12:37 PM)
raped or 'willing to get raped' ?
doh.gif
*
think there's a joke tht englishmen aren't exactly good in bed, and have low libido
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 24 2011, 10:33 AM

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I'm about to download the Imogen Thomas sex tape. It might take a while though...

It's 11 Gigs.
epsonstylux
post May 24 2011, 12:14 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 24 2011, 10:33 AM)
I'm about to download the Imogen Thomas sex tape. It might take a while though...

It's 11 Gigs.
*
WinRAR
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 25 2011, 10:13 PM

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My wife says I talk in my sleep.

Bollocks. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
redracer2004
post May 25 2011, 11:43 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 25 2011, 10:13 PM)
My wife says I talk in my sleep.

Bollocks. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
*
Nice!

I'll add one:

My wife says that I am a sucker who sucks in bed.
My secretary, my PA and my busty neighbour never complained about it.


TSaLittleMisfit
post May 26 2011, 09:30 AM

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The sexy policewoman interrogating me asked, "How many rapes have you committed?"

I said, "Eight or nine."

"Which is it?" she asked.

"It depends on how soon you can get back-up."
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 26 2011, 09:36 AM

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Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness,
saying that, even though he's happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally.


This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: May 27 2011, 10:46 AM
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 27 2011, 10:46 AM

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I pulled a gal in from a bar recently.

As we were just about to have sex, she pulled a condom out of her purse and said, "Put this on."

I playfully smiled at her and said, "You put it on."

She said, "Okay, but you need to put one on too."
erictan1090
post May 27 2011, 11:38 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 27 2011, 10:46 AM)
I pulled a gal in from a bar recently.

As we were just about to have sex, she pulled a condom out of her purse and said, "Put this on."

I playfully smiled at her and said, "You put it on."

She said, "Okay, but you need to put one on too."
*
Oh Em Gee!!!!
she's a shemale!!
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 29 2011, 01:30 PM

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My girlfriend left some jewellery round at my house last night. She phoned me a couple of hours later, but I was busy

So I hurriedly replied "Sorry, I'm busy I'll give you a ring back later."

She said "I want the necklace and bracelets as well"

I really need to change girlfriend.
mekboyz
post May 29 2011, 01:36 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 26 2011, 09:30 AM)
The sexy policewoman interrogating me asked, "How many rapes have you committed?"

I said, "Eight or nine."

"Which is it?" she asked.

"It depends on how soon you can get back-up."
*
LOLZ rclxms.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 30 2011, 09:43 AM

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During some excavation work, a team of Israeli archaeologists discovered a previously undetected cave. They were very excited because the following 5 symbols were carved on one wall of the cave:

A woman
A donkey
A shovel
A fish
A Star of David

The archaeologists declared this a unique find. The carvings were thought to be at least three thousand years old. They carefully cut out the piece of stone holding the symbols and sent it in to the Tel Aviv Museum. Soon, archaeologists from all over the world were invited to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The chairman opened the meeting by pointing to the first symbol and saying:

"we can judge from the first symbol that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell that they were smart enough to train donkeys to help them till the soil. The shovel symbol means they had tools to work with. Their intelligence is highlighted by the fish, which means that when their crops failed, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol means they were evidently Hebrew."

The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly, a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said,

"idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. This is what it says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the A$s on that Woman' "
TSaLittleMisfit
post May 30 2011, 09:45 AM

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My girlfriend said to me this morning, "Man U were shit last night."
I left the room in tears; 5 minutes is a personal best for me.
3ternal
post May 30 2011, 11:05 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 30 2011, 09:43 AM)
During some excavation work, a team of Israeli archaeologists discovered a previously undetected cave. They were very excited because the following 5 symbols were carved on one wall of the cave:

A woman
A donkey
A shovel
A fish
A Star of David

The archaeologists declared this a unique find. The carvings were thought to be at least three thousand years old. They carefully cut out the piece of stone holding the symbols and sent it in to the Tel Aviv Museum. Soon, archaeologists from all over the world were invited to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The chairman opened the meeting by pointing to the first symbol and saying:

"we can judge from the first symbol that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell that they were smart enough to train donkeys to help them till the soil. The shovel symbol means they had tools to work with. Their intelligence is highlighted by the fish, which means that when their crops failed, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol means they were evidently Hebrew."

The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly, a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said,

"idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. This is what it says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the A$s on that Woman' "
*
Man this really made my day..thanks for the post all this time..u really are the best thumbup.gif
ihatemyguts
post May 30 2011, 04:00 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ May 30 2011, 09:45 AM)
My girlfriend said to me this morning, "Man U were shit last night."
I left the room in tears; 5 minutes is a personal best for me.
*
laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
bernama7
post Jun 1 2011, 02:13 AM

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Seorang anak perempuan(Cahaya) bertanya kepada ayahnya:

Cahaya: Papa, bila papa nak kawen dgn mama?
Papa: Dah kawen laa...
Cahaya: Bila?
Papa: Sebelum Aya lahir lagi...
Cahaya: Oooooo... Patut la tak jemput Aya...
Papa: ???@#$%
gregy
post Jun 1 2011, 02:20 AM

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QUOTE(bernama7 @ Jun 1 2011, 02:13 AM)
Seorang anak perempuan(Cahaya) bertanya kepada ayahnya:

Cahaya: Papa, bila papa nak kawen dgn mama?
Papa: Dah kawen laa...
Cahaya: Bila?
Papa: Sebelum Aya lahir lagi...
Cahaya: Oooooo... Patut la tak jemput Aya...
Papa: ???@#$%
*
So cute smile.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 1 2011, 06:06 PM

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I can't believe my mother-in-law persuaded my wife to leave me.

And to think, I thought badly of her all these years.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 2 2011, 11:23 PM

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The reason I haven't had sex for a long time is because my girlfriend said she wanted to wait until we were married.
It's taken me ages to find a new girlfriend.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 3 2011, 05:21 PM

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I sat there with a smile on my face as my girlfriend wrapped her hand around it and started to tug at it. An even bigger smile when she gave it a little wiggle and started moving it around. I couldn't contain myself when she started using two hands, so I eventually laughed out:

"Here love, I'll change gear for you".
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 6 2011, 11:43 AM

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My wife stood before me and had some items in front of her. Without a word, she picked up and emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" diameter, then asked me if the jar was full.

I agreed that it was.

So my wife then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. My wife then asked me if the jar was now full.

I agreed that, yes, it was.

She then picked up a bag of sand and proceeded to pour it into the jar with the result that the sand filled up the remaining spaces between the rocks and pebbles.

"Now," said my wife, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your wife who loves you, your health, your children - anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed.

The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff. Your X-box, soccer, the booze, porn. If you put the sand or the pebbles first, there is no room for the rocks.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important."

I was dumbfounded.

Where was she going to get more mayonnaise from for my sandwich?
mamet
post Jun 6 2011, 12:27 PM

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A: Do u have friends ??
B: yes , i have all ten seasons . forerverarone.jpeg

sorry if repost ..
sieg_wahrheit
post Jun 6 2011, 04:27 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 6 2011, 11:43 AM)
My wife stood before me and had some items in front of her. Without a word, she picked up and emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" diameter, then asked me if the jar was full.

I agreed that it was.

So my wife then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. My wife then asked me if the jar was now full.

I agreed that, yes, it was.

She then picked up a bag of sand and proceeded to pour it into the jar with the result that the sand filled up the remaining spaces between the rocks and pebbles.

"Now," said my wife, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your wife who loves you, your health, your children - anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed.

The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff. Your X-box, soccer, the booze, porn. If you put the sand or the pebbles first, there is no room for the rocks.

The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you will never have room for the things that are truly most important."

I was dumbfounded.

Where was she going to get more mayonnaise from for my sandwich?
*
EPIC! LOL!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 7 2011, 10:42 AM

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Dear Thelma,

Please help! I've found out that the mild mannered man I married, is really a sex maniac. He make love to me any time he can. When I'm washing up, When I'm cooking, When I'm hanging the washing out, it's never ending. What can I do?

P.S. Please excuse the shaky handwriting
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 9 2011, 09:54 PM

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Snape: That's 10 points from Gryffindor!

Harry: Are you f*cking serious?

Snape: How did you know about Sirius and I?
AZNo.O
post Jun 10 2011, 04:41 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 9 2011, 09:54 PM)
Snape: That's 10 points from Gryffindor!

Harry: Are you f*cking serious?

Snape: How did you know about Sirius and I?
*
LOLOLOL
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 10 2011, 07:13 PM

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I was at a recent job interview when the questions started to get a bit weird.

"Have you ever cheated on your wife?" he asked.

"Well, actually" I said shamefully, "There have been a few occasions when I've been unfaithful".

"How about dabbling in drugs?" he persisted.

Again, with my head hung low, I admitted to the frequent use of illegal substances.

"What about convictions for assault?" he added.

"Yes" I replied, "I have been charged with assault and street brawling."

"You're hired!" he said with an accompanying handshake.

I can't wait to start my career as a premiership footballer!
deodorant
post Jun 12 2011, 05:02 PM

Surfing LYN instead of Working.
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QUOTE(mamet @ Jun 6 2011, 12:27 PM)
A: Do u have friends ??
B: yes , i have all ten seasons . forerverarone.jpeg

can anyone tell me wtf this means?
bomberkenny
post Jun 12 2011, 05:36 PM

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"Friends" is an american sitcom.
GloryKnight
post Jun 13 2011, 11:45 AM

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From: ~Where White Knights in Shining Armour Unite~
What goes black white black white black white....
a nun rolling down a hill.

This post has been edited by GloryKnight: Jun 13 2011, 02:25 PM
Deimos Tel`Arin
post Jun 13 2011, 02:10 PM

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From: THE ONE AND ONLY CHOO CHOO TRAIN KINGDOM




QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 9 2011, 09:54 PM)
Snape: That's 10 points from Gryffindor!

Harry: Are you f*cking serious?

Snape: How did you know about Sirius and I?
*

here i deliver pictar.
user posted image

user posted image

TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 13 2011, 11:08 PM

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As I went to the bus stop, I saw a heavily pregnant woman there.

"When's it due?" I asked.

"Two weeks", she replied, with a lovely smile on her face.

"Well I might as well walk then..." I said.
GloryKnight
post Jun 14 2011, 10:18 AM

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Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 15 2011, 09:31 PM

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I was on Facebook last night and got pissed off by one attention seeking girl. It was all stuff like, "I'm bored..." and, "Feeling sad today..." and, "I just need someone to love me..."

Eventually, I looked up from my phone and said, "Shut the f*ck up and eat or this will be our last anniversary meal."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 16 2011, 10:26 PM

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The wife is one of those people who has the amazing talent of being able to shake my wallet and know exactly how much money is in it.

Because it's empty.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 17 2011, 12:36 PM

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Paul's wife of 20 years confessed she had made a porn video before they were married.
After insisting that they watch it, Paul said "Why did you pull such strange faces?"

She replied "That's what happens when I cum".
gregy
post Jun 17 2011, 12:43 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 17 2011, 12:36 PM)
Paul's wife of 20 years confessed she had made a porn video before they were married.
After insisting that they watch it, Paul said "Why did you pull such strange faces?"

She replied "That's what happens when I cum".
*
OUCH!!!! LOL
GloryKnight
post Jun 17 2011, 04:08 PM

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Young Parents:
The young parents used code words when discussing sex in front of their children. The terms for intercourse ws "washing machine".
They were lying in bed one night when he said to her, "Darling, washing machine."
"Not now, I've got a headache", she replied.
An hour later, he ran his hand down her leg and said, "Darling, washing machine, please! washing machine."
"I've got a headache!", she complained.
An hour later, feeling sorry for him, she turned to him and said, "O.K. washing machine."
"Don't worry", he replied, "it was a small load so I did it by hand."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 18 2011, 01:38 AM

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Was laying in the bed looking at the stars in the sky when I thought to myself.

Where the f*ck is the celling?
Hezegroth
post Jun 19 2011, 09:34 AM

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man A : Just had some awful news.
man B : Sorry to hear that but what it is the news
man A : My Thai wife has testicular cancer.....
man B : shocking.gif
thelion4ever
post Jun 19 2011, 03:10 PM

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haha
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 20 2011, 10:29 AM

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Apple Computers announced today that they have developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBreast will cost $1499 to $2499.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough since women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Jun 20 2011, 10:31 AM
GloryKnight
post Jun 20 2011, 03:01 PM

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So a teenage couple sneaks back at the guys crib at 1 am in the morning

They see that his little brother is asleep but they wanna have sex.

So the girl tells the guy she'll say tomato when she wants him to go faster and she'll say lettuce when she wants him to go slower and she'll say ham when she wants him to change positions

So the girl goes : "Lettuce Ham tomato, Tomato Ham Lettuce, Tomato Lettuce Tomato."

The little brother wakes up and says "Hey can you guys stop making sandwiches your getting mayonaise all over me."

TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 20 2011, 10:06 PM

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To save money on expensive sex lines,

simply call a suicide hotline and say you will kill yourself unless they talk dirty to you.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 22 2011, 09:23 PM

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"Is it in yet?"

"Nope"

"How about now?"

"Not even close"

"Is it in now?"

"No"

"Is it close?"

"Not at all"

"How do you do this?"

"For f*ck sake Mary, get out the car and let me park it.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 23 2011, 06:18 PM

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A ridiculously pretty woman came into the clinic complaining of problems with her vision.

"Get your breasts out and tell me what I'm doing," Doctor said.

"Erm..erm," she sputtered squinting her eyes. "Are you trying to get your pen working?"

"Good," The Doctor replied. "Now just stay sat there until I get the ink out".
gregy
post Jun 23 2011, 07:08 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 23 2011, 06:18 PM)
A ridiculously pretty woman came into the clinic complaining of problems with her vision.

"Get your breasts out and tell me what I'm doing," Doctor said.

"Erm..erm," she sputtered squinting her eyes. "Are you trying to get your pen working?"

"Good," The Doctor replied. "Now just stay sat there until I get the ink out".
*
Sh1t. Dr Bukake lol...
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 24 2011, 12:06 PM

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"I'm sick of you teasing me about my weight," the wife snapped as she walked out the door.

"Please babe don't go," He pleaded. "Think of our son."

"What son?" She said.

"You're not pregnant?"
firefoxian
post Jun 24 2011, 03:57 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 24 2011, 12:06 PM)
"I'm sick of you teasing me about my weight," the wife snapped as she walked out the door.

"Please babe don't go," He pleaded. "Think of our son."

"What son?" She said.

"You're not pregnant?"
*
win. thumbup.gif thumbup.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 25 2011, 12:25 AM

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Just after the wife had given birth, Sam asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at Sam and said "Well, I'm off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park."
firefoxian
post Jun 25 2011, 01:47 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 25 2011, 12:25 AM)
Just after the wife had given birth, Sam asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at Sam and said "Well, I'm off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park."
*
winrar again for gay doc! thumbup.gif thumbup.gif
SUSAbdul Rahman
post Jun 25 2011, 08:15 PM

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I am in love with this girl, the crazy things happened when she's around

When she asked me to meet her brother, a beggar comes... I don't have small change, so(to look good in front of her brother) I give the beggar RM 10. The brother then tell me that the people that begs here were fakers and hinted that he think I'm pretentious. Oh the shame-the shame.

TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 26 2011, 11:09 PM

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Son: "What's algebra?"
Dad: "Something you take off a mermaid so you can play with her tits."
Shadow Kun
post Jun 27 2011, 11:32 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 26 2011, 11:09 PM)
Son: "What's algebra?"
Dad: "Something you take off a mermaid so you can play with her tits."
*
lol took me few moment to understand it rclxms.gif
firefoxian
post Jun 27 2011, 11:39 AM

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QUOTE(Shadow Kun @ Jun 27 2011, 11:32 AM)
lol took me few moment to understand it  rclxms.gif
*
algae-bra. haha
gregy
post Jun 27 2011, 12:11 PM

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QUOTE(Shadow Kun @ Jun 27 2011, 11:32 AM)
lol took me few moment to understand it  rclxms.gif
*
That's because there are a few proper ways to pronounce algae lol...
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 27 2011, 10:47 PM

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Bijob walked in the kitchen and said, "That smells nice, what is it?"

"Its a red wine sauce I've made." The wife pointed her finger towards him and said, "Have a taste."

Bijob said, "That's facking disgusting."

"Sorry, wrong finger... scratched my arse with that one."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 28 2011, 10:27 PM

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"For Pete's sake, I'm getting sick and tired of you accusing me of cheating on you," said the wife.

"Who's Pete?" The husband asked.
MyKy44
post Jun 29 2011, 01:17 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 27 2011, 10:47 PM)
Bijob walked in the kitchen and said, "That smells nice, what is it?"

"Its a red wine sauce I've made." The wife pointed her finger towards him and said, "Have a taste."

Bijob said, "That's facking disgusting."

"Sorry, wrong finger... scratched my arse with that one."
*
hahaahahahahah


TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 29 2011, 05:02 PM

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"All we do is argue, we need to learn to get on," my wife said.

"So let's try and speak the same language from now on, eh?"

"Moooooooo," I replied.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 29 2011, 08:17 PM

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A policeman knocked on a blondie's door this morning, but she just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but she just continued to ignore it.

The knocks got louder and more frequent but she was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.

He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid?" " I can see you in there ma'am, open the door".

Blondie said, "You're not coming in!"

He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car".

slehead
post Jun 29 2011, 11:18 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 26 2011, 11:09 PM)
Son: "What's algebra?"
Dad: "Something you take off a mermaid so you can play with her tits."
*
i dont get this 1..
MyKy44
post Jun 29 2011, 11:59 PM

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QUOTE(slehead @ Jun 29 2011, 11:18 PM)
i dont get this 1..
*
QUOTE(firefoxian @ Jun 27 2011, 11:39 AM)
algae-bra. haha
*
While having sex with my wife, I tried to think of work so that I can last longer.
Apparently thoughts of MS Excel and documents turns me on even more.
gregy
post Jun 30 2011, 02:30 AM

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QUOTE(slehead @ Jun 29 2011, 11:18 PM)
i dont get this 1..
*
Look up any online dictionary for the proper pronunciation for "algae" and you'll get it...
slehead
post Jun 30 2011, 11:26 AM

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okok thx...didn't notice need algae word..haha...
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jun 30 2011, 12:45 PM

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As the police put the handcuffs on me, my mother said, "Dan, I've failed you as a mother."

"Mum, my name is Dave."
deodorant
post Jun 30 2011, 07:32 PM

Surfing LYN instead of Working.
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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jun 30 2011, 12:45 PM)
As the police put the handcuffs on me, my mother said, "Dan, I've failed you as a mother."

"Mum, my name is Dave."

looooooooooooooooooooooool
redracer2004
post Jul 1 2011, 12:29 AM

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A little girl was begging her mother to tell her what 'making love' is all about.

Her mother showed her an internet video commercial of a very famous petroluem company.

The mother then explained that it uses nearly the same principles of pumping petrol.

The little girl said her father explained it with the same video but much better.

Wondering what the father told her, she asked the girl.

The girl said:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

gregy
post Jul 1 2011, 12:34 PM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Jul 1 2011, 12:29 AM)
A little girl was begging her mother to tell her what 'making love' is all about.

Her mother showed her an internet video commercial of a very famous petroluem company.

The mother then explained that it uses nearly the same principles of pumping petrol.

The little girl said her father explained it with the same video but much better.

Wondering what the father told her, she asked the girl.

The girl said:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

*
LOL...

Angkat, tolak, masuk, picit...
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 2 2011, 11:59 PM

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I was pulled over by the police today.

"How fast do you think you were going, sir?"

"60mph?" I asked.

"Try 135," the officer replied.

So I shut the door and drove as fast as I could.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 4 2011, 12:13 PM

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Inside a club...

"Give us an E"
"I'm an undercover police officer"
"errrrr Give me an N"
"Give me a G"
"Give me an L"
"Give me an A"
"Give me an N"
"Give me a D"
"Goooooo England"

Got away with that one I think
redracer2004
post Jul 5 2011, 12:24 AM

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A couple was in an intimate conversation one night and the husband began to speak:

Husband: Dear, can I have you tonight? Just for one night?

Thinking that his husband is getting romantic and she wanted some romance as well, so:

Wife: How about I give myself to you for eternity?
Husband: Eternity is too long, dear. Besides, how would a ball game last an eternity?

WIFE SLAPS HUSBAND
Wife: YOU ASS!
MyKy44
post Jul 5 2011, 07:29 AM

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woohooooooooooo sex+football woohoooooooooooooo
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 5 2011, 10:17 AM

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So I hear Thailand has its first female Prime Minister.

Or has it?
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 5 2011, 10:18 AM

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I was washing the car yesterday when my annoying neighbor pipes up, "You can clean mine next!"

"Ha ha!" I laughed.

Jesus, it's bad enough I have to f*ck his wife for him.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 5 2011, 10:20 AM

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I was the first in line at the pharmacy and I asked for 50 condoms.
Two girls behind me started giggling, so I took a grim look at them and said:

In fact, I'll take 52.
Aishinka
post Jul 5 2011, 10:37 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 5 2011, 10:20 AM)
I was the first in line at the pharmacy and I asked for 50 condoms.
Two girls behind me started giggling, so I took a grim look at them and said:

In fact, I'll take 52.
*
LOL !!!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 6 2011, 09:25 AM

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I'm the world's worst rapist.
I was stalking this girl in the park. I had my handkerchief already soaked in chloroform, when suddenly she turned and looked at me. I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......and woke up an hour later slumped over a park bench.
bluetopaz
post Jul 7 2011, 01:10 AM

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At days, some words are better than panadol/antibiotics...

Girl: Do you know how the farmer counts his cows?
Boy: fingers?
Girl: *rolls eyes* try again!
Boy: eyes?
Girl: Pengsan! Try again!
Boy (tarak sabar): Cow got numbers one!
Girl, rubbing fingers gleefully: Hahahaha, naw! jek jek jek, its COW-CULATOR!
user posted image


This post has been edited by bluetopaz: Jul 7 2011, 01:15 AM
Shadow Kun
post Jul 7 2011, 01:42 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 6 2011, 09:25 AM)
I'm the world's worst rapist.
I was stalking this girl in the park. I had my handkerchief already soaked in chloroform, when suddenly she turned and looked at me. I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......and woke up an hour later slumped over a park bench.
*
i laffed laugh.gif
hosttanker
post Jul 7 2011, 10:03 AM

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QUOTE(bluetopaz @ Jul 7 2011, 01:10 AM)
At days, some words are better than panadol/antibiotics...

Girl: Do you know how the farmer counts his cows?
Boy: fingers?
Girl: *rolls eyes* try again!
Boy: eyes?
Girl: Pengsan! Try again!
Boy (tarak sabar): Cow got numbers one!
Girl, rubbing fingers gleefully: Hahahaha, naw! jek jek jek, its COW-CULATOR!
user posted image
*
ahaha...One Malaysia got ahh......Cow got numbers one hmm.gif

funny----> calculator = cowculator, broken english huh tongue.gif
MyKy44
post Jul 7 2011, 05:48 PM

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QUOTE(bluetopaz @ Jul 7 2011, 01:10 AM)
At days, some words are better than panadol/antibiotics...

Girl: Do you know how the farmer counts his cows?
Boy: fingers?
Girl: *rolls eyes* try again!
Boy: eyes?
Girl: Pengsan! Try again!
Boy (tarak sabar): Cow got numbers one!
Girl, rubbing fingers gleefully: Hahahaha, naw! jek jek jek, its COW-CULATOR!
user posted image
*
user posted image
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 7 2011, 06:41 PM

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I was stood at the bar last night, when this girl came up beside me.
Looking her up and down, I said, "If I could rearrange the alphabet..."
"Let me guess," she said, "you'd put U and I together?"
I said, "No, I'd put U at the back of the Q."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 8 2011, 07:11 PM

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After unexpectedly giving birth early in our bathroom, Paul's wife was delighted to have a beautiful baby boy.

"Just look at him Paul,and it looks like he takes after his daddy." She gushed.

"You mean he's the double of me, yeah I can see it." Paul replied.

"No" she chuckled," you both come way too soon."
notoriousfiq
post Jul 8 2011, 07:47 PM

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QUOTE(bluetopaz @ Jul 7 2011, 01:10 AM)
At days, some words are better than panadol/antibiotics...

Girl: Do you know how the farmer counts his cows?
Boy: fingers?
Girl: *rolls eyes* try again!
Boy: eyes?
Girl: Pengsan! Try again!
Boy (tarak sabar): Cow got numbers one!
Girl, rubbing fingers gleefully: Hahahaha, naw! jek jek jek, its COW-CULATOR!
user posted image
*
good idea, bad execution.. or was that intentional (troll face)?
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 11 2011, 10:14 PM

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Was walking past some farmland when I saw an attractive blonde attempting to assemble a PC in a cornfield.

She was genuinely flummoxed so I thought I would wander over and offer a hand.
"What seems to be the problem?"

"Just wondering where I can plug this lot into," she blushed prettily.
"You're never going to get that to work in a field, love."

She scratched her head and frowned, "Then I am never going to be able to fill in this bloody online application form."
"Pardon?" I asked, at a complete loss.

"Well it said to enter my information in the appropriate fields."
xXchelseafanXx
post Jul 13 2011, 03:26 PM

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Life is like being raped.

If you can't fight it, enjoy it.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 13 2011, 11:13 PM

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Anal sex is a lot like my first car.

I didn't really want it, but my dad gave it to me anyway.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 14 2011, 09:02 AM

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Tom asked his new girlfriend how many men she has slept with.

She said, "Six. What about you?"

Tom said, "None, I'm straight."
deodorant
post Jul 14 2011, 10:06 AM

Surfing LYN instead of Working.
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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 7 2011, 06:41 PM)
I was stood at the bar last night, when this girl came up beside me.
Looking her up and down, I said, "If I could rearrange the alphabet..."
"Let me guess," she said, "you'd put U and I together?"
I said, "No, I'd put U at the back of the Q."

Hmm this one I cannot brain. Help please?
omnimech
post Jul 14 2011, 10:10 AM

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QUOTE(deodorant @ Jul 14 2011, 10:06 AM)
Hmm this one I cannot brain. Help please?
*
Girl stands by him (Cutting queue)

Putting U and I together (Hooking up, getting together)

Putting U at the back of the Q (Women, get you ass to the back of the line !)
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 15 2011, 10:09 PM

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So, Harry Potter kills he who must not be named!!

Ryan Giggs?
StarGhazzer
post Jul 15 2011, 10:41 PM

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QUOTE(deodorant @ Jul 14 2011, 10:06 AM)
Hmm this one I cannot brain. Help please?
*
Come on... dry.gif

QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 15 2011, 10:09 PM)
So, Harry Potter kills he who must not be named!!

Ryan Giggs?
*
thumbup.gif
firefoxian
post Jul 16 2011, 09:31 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 13 2011, 11:13 PM)
Anal sex is a lot like my first car.

I didn't really want it, but my dad gave it to me anyway.
*
shakehead.gif pity son.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 16 2011, 02:21 PM

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I said to my two-year-old son, "Now, what noise does a cat make?"

"Miaow!"

"Good, but do you know what noise a dog makes?"

"Woof woof!"

"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"

"David, if you even think about going out to that f*cking pub with your friends then you can forget about ever being let back in this house!"

That's my boy.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 16 2011, 02:28 PM

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"Seriously, you've never had a mobile phone?" asked this girl in a nightclub. "What if your parents died and someone needed to get hold of you?"

"Well that's hardly likely to f*cking happen, they died 6 years ago!" He snapped.

"Oh I'm so sorry, you still sound really hurt?" she replied.

"Of course I f*cking am, I only heard about it 2 days ago."
deodorant
post Jul 16 2011, 10:48 PM

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QUOTE(StarGhazzer @ Jul 15 2011, 10:41 PM)
Come on... dry.gif

didn't get it cos i've never seen a queue at a bar in any club, bar or nightspot I've ever been to. Queue to get in, sure, but once you're in there it's just a free-for-all for whoever can get the bartenders attention.
freddy manson
post Jul 17 2011, 12:40 AM

ðñê hêll ð£ å gµ¥
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QUOTE(deodorant @ Jul 16 2011, 10:48 PM)
didn't get it cos i've never seen a queue at a bar in any club, bar or nightspot I've ever been to. Queue to get in, sure, but once you're in there it's just a free-for-all for whoever can get the bartenders attention.
*
*facepalm* not literally a queue..
He means the girl is pretty, but there's also other girls there..
And he just wanted to reply to the 'I put U n I together' with something new..
HyourinMaru
post Jul 17 2011, 09:39 PM

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QUOTE(freddy manson @ Jul 17 2011, 12:40 AM)
*facepalm* not literally a queue..
He means the girl is pretty, but there's also other girls there..
And he just wanted to reply to the 'I put U n I together' with something new..
*
*double facepalm*
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 17 2011, 11:21 PM

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After shagging a fat chick whilst Tucker was drunk the next morning he said to her, "Here, if you want to see me again call this number."

"Awww, men don't usually give me their numbers," she responded.

Tucker said, "It's not mine. It's Weight Watchers."
ajashi
post Jul 18 2011, 03:43 PM

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lol! keep it up man! i read from page 1 in 1 hour.
deodorant
post Jul 18 2011, 04:53 PM

Surfing LYN instead of Working.
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QUOTE(freddy manson @ Jul 17 2011, 12:40 AM)
*facepalm* not literally a queue..
He means the girl is pretty, but there's also other girls there..
And he just wanted to reply to the 'I put U n I together' with something new..

Aha! lol ok now I get it. First joke from v1 til v2 that I had problems understanding, I blame my dying brain cells.
MyKy44
post Jul 19 2011, 01:51 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 13 2011, 11:13 PM)
Anal sex is a lot like my first car.

I didn't really want it, but my dad gave it to me anyway.
*
le fu~

QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 17 2011, 11:21 PM)
After shagging a fat chick whilst Tucker was drunk the next morning he said to her, "Here, if you want to see me again call this number."

"Awww, men don't usually give me their numbers," she responded.

Tucker said, "It's not mine. It's Weight Watchers."
*
HAHAHAHAHHAHA TUCKER MAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
luqmanafiq
post Jul 19 2011, 03:13 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Oct 29 2010, 02:01 PM)
Welcome to version 2

Version 1:
http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/398704

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bloke goes to the doctor and says. "I got this sex problem doc."
The doctor asked, "Ok, tell me about your average day."
"Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up at 3am for nookie and then again at 5 so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work."

"Oh I see", says the doc. "No, hang on". said the man." .... you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl everyday and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No you dont" said our hero, "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom."

"Oh... now I see", said the quack. "No no you dont" he said"
When I go lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm really fond of and we nip out for a quickie."

"Now I understand", says the patient doctor, "No, hang on" said the bloke. "When I get back to office, my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll sack me."
"Ahh...", said the doctors, "now I see..." "No, there's more", said the man, "when I get home, my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and sex again afterwards."

"So, whats your problem then?" ask the doc.

"Well....", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"
*
lol my herooo
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 19 2011, 08:20 PM

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A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, tits like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail.
"What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?" she breathed.

"I'd say 'neither am I'."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm wearing none because it gives men like you.." she licked her lips, "easy access.."

"Oh?" I replied. "I've got none on because I shat myself in the gents."
gregy
post Jul 20 2011, 03:15 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 19 2011, 08:20 PM)
A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, tits like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail.
"What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?" she breathed.

"I'd say 'neither am I'."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm wearing none because it gives men like you.." she licked her lips, "easy access.."

"Oh?" I replied. "I've got none on because I shat myself in the gents."
*
What a loser lol...

TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 20 2011, 08:54 PM

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Woman goes to the Doctor, with bruises on her face.

The Doctor asks: "What happened?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time
my husband comes home drunk, he slaps me around."

The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When
your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water
and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish
but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking
fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every
time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I
swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!
How does the water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water does nothing. It's keeping
your mouth shut that does the trick...."
ajashi
post Jul 20 2011, 09:04 PM

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» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «


lol. nagging wife
CrazySinner
post Jul 21 2011, 11:57 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 7 2011, 06:41 PM)
I was stood at the bar last night, when this girl came up beside me.
Looking her up and down, I said, "If I could rearrange the alphabet..."
"Let me guess," she said, "you'd put U and I together?"
I said, "No, I'd put U at the back of the Q."
*
QUOTE(deodorant @ Jul 14 2011, 10:06 AM)
Hmm this one I cannot brain. Help please?
*
QUOTE(freddy manson @ Jul 17 2011, 12:40 AM)
*facepalm* not literally a queue..
He means the girl is pretty, but there's also other girls there..
And he just wanted to reply to the 'I put U n I together' with something new..
*
It's more like the girl is fugly and he is asking her to get behind his Q of hot babes.
msmancunia
post Jul 21 2011, 03:07 PM

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i really want to like this post hundred times!!! LOL
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 21 2011, 09:19 PM

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I walked into my wife's hospital treatment room today, where she lay after being involved in an horrific car accident, suffering traumatic head injuries.

"Hi babe," I said opening the door. "How's your head?"

"I don't remember anything," she sighed. "Who are you?"

"Erm...sorry luv," I stuttered. "I've got the wrong room".
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 22 2011, 03:29 PM

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Lesson from Harry Potter

When your best friend get the hot chick!
You bang his sister instead.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 22 2011, 04:02 PM

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BBC News: 'Terry hopes Modric signs for Chelsea'.

I bet Modric has a nice wife...
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 22 2011, 04:06 PM

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Albert bumped into his ex girlfriend pushing a pram yesterday.

"The baby is yours Dave," she smiled.

"Really?" Albert replied. "But...we....didn't".

"You were very drunk," she said. "You might not remember".

"I'm phoning my parents," Albert burst with happiness. "DAD, I've got some fantastic news...I'm not a virgin".
redracer2004
post Jul 22 2011, 07:56 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 22 2011, 04:06 PM)
Albert bumped into his ex girlfriend pushing a pram yesterday.

"The baby is yours Dave," she smiled.

"Really?" Albert replied. "But...we....didn't".

"You were very drunk," she said. "You might not remember".

"I'm phoning my parents," Albert burst with happiness. "DAD, I've got some fantastic news...I'm not a virgin".
*
DAVE? I thought he's Albert?
Shadow Kun
post Jul 22 2011, 08:37 PM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Jul 22 2011, 07:56 PM)
DAVE? I thought he's Albert?
*
his name is Albert Dave.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 22 2011, 09:30 PM

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doh.gif doh.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 26 2011, 11:01 AM

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Man asks wife where she would like to go for their anniversary,
she replies, "somewhere I've never been before"

Gym it is then.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 27 2011, 06:45 PM

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The speed in which a woman says "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the coming storm.
VengenZ
post Jul 27 2011, 09:52 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 27 2011, 06:45 PM)
The speed in which a woman says "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the coming storm.
*
i lolled
TSaLittleMisfit
post Jul 31 2011, 08:10 PM

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The wife and I had been thinking that it was about time that we told our teenage son that he was adopted.

We sat him down and I said, " Son, there is something that your mother and I want to say and I want you to know this is the hardest thing we've ever had to do."

He said, "I know what you're going to say .. it's true, I'm gay"

I said, " Well, thanks for making what I'm about to do a f8cking pleasure."
mabaw
post Aug 1 2011, 01:26 PM

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the best one yet

MyKy44
post Aug 1 2011, 04:53 PM

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^
^and then the dad shot him
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 1 2011, 10:23 PM

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A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."

Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: "Why the f*ck are there six feet in this bed? There should only be four. What's going on?"

"Bullshit," said the wife, "you're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. Damn, you're right."
mekboyz
post Aug 1 2011, 10:42 PM

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lol
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 2 2011, 08:04 PM

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Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No.
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: In that case, okay!

Dad goes to Bill Gates

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No.
Dad: My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates: In that case, okay!

Dad goes to the President of the World Bank

Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President: No!
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: In That case, okay!


And that's how you do business.
micromaniac
post Aug 2 2011, 08:43 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 2 2011, 08:04 PM)
Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No.
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: In that case, okay!

Dad goes to Bill Gates

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No.
Dad: My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates: In that case, okay!

Dad goes to the President of the World Bank

Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President: No!
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: In That case, okay!
And that's how you do business.
*
This was the best ever.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 3 2011, 03:04 PM

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A woman in labour is screaming at her husband.

He says 'Hey, don't blame me. I wanted to put it in your a$s.

"But Nooo, u thought THAT MIGHT HURT!"
niaqz
post Aug 4 2011, 01:13 PM

Relax....
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hahaha...nice one.
zaphod42
post Aug 5 2011, 12:50 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 2 2011, 08:04 PM)
Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No.
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: In that case, okay!

Dad goes to Bill Gates

Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No.
Dad: My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates: In that case, okay!

Dad goes to the President of the World Bank

Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank.
President: No!
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President: In That case, okay!
And that's how you do business.
*
This joke was used to describe Henry Kissinger iirc.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 5 2011, 03:56 PM

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If you think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror?

Try breaking a condom.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 5 2011, 04:00 PM

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Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I love you more, much more!

After surgery, when the girl woke up, only her father is next to her bed.

Girl: Where is he?
Father: You don't know who gave you the heart?
Girl: What? (She starts crying)
Father: I'm just kidding, he went to the toilet
eugoreez
post Aug 6 2011, 11:59 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 5 2011, 04:00 PM)
Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I love you more, much more!

After surgery, when the girl woke up, only her father is next to her bed.

Girl: Where is he?
Father: You don't know who gave you the heart?
Girl: What? (She starts crying)
Father: I'm just kidding, he went to the toilet
*
hahahaha trolldad!
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 6 2011, 10:05 PM

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The wife just saw a news article 'World's oldest person' dies at 114'

'Wow!' she said excitingly to her husband

'...the way medicine and science is going, I bet we have people reaching 150 years old within the next 10 years!'

Zephyr_Mage
post Aug 7 2011, 12:31 PM

Look at all my stars!!
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Dumb wife is dumb.
tonitoni
post Aug 8 2011, 11:05 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 6 2011, 10:05 PM)
The wife just saw a news article 'World's oldest person' dies at 114'

'Wow!' she said excitingly to her husband

'...the way medicine and science is going, I bet we have people reaching 150 years old within the next 10 years!'
*
LOL..nice biggrin.gif
raul88
post Aug 8 2011, 06:19 PM

â–‘â–‘Madridista â–‘â–‘
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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 5 2011, 04:00 PM)
Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I love you more, much more!

After surgery, when the girl woke up, only her father is next to her bed.

Girl: Where is he?
Father: You don't know who gave you the heart?
Girl: What? (She starts crying)
Father: I'm just kidding, he went to the toilet
*
wahahahahahhahaha rclxms.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 10 2011, 04:54 PM

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A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a c0ck like that."
Aishinka
post Aug 10 2011, 11:51 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 10 2011, 04:54 PM)
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a c0ck like that."
*
LOL MOM PWNED.
PrinceHamsap
post Aug 11 2011, 05:50 AM

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Broccoli: I look like a tree!
Walnut: I look a brain.
Mushroom: I look like an umbrella!
Banana: Can we please change the subject?!
streme21
post Aug 11 2011, 06:29 AM

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hahha lol

TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 11 2011, 06:50 PM

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6ft plank thrown through shop window in Tottenham.

Police say Peter Crouch is recovering well.
PrinceHamsap
post Aug 11 2011, 09:51 PM

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At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Chrysler 300 C SRT8 every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, 'If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies: 'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'f*** him'.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 13 2011, 01:00 PM

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BBC News: "Cheryl Cole lands first film role".

Please God, let it be a porno.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 14 2011, 10:56 AM

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My girlfriend gave me three subtle hints about what she would like for her birthday:

It begins with a 'D'
It vibrates
It's a girl's best friend

I'm pretty certain I know exactly what she's getting at.

A new dishwasher.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 15 2011, 11:24 AM

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There are three sizes of condoms:

Small

Medium

..Liar.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 16 2011, 10:07 PM

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Uncle Sam's wife phoned him at work and said, "I'm not wearing any knickers"
Sam said, "I'll tell the boss I'm feeling sick"
She said, "So you can come home early and f*ck me?"
"No, because I'm feeling sick"
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 17 2011, 12:26 PM

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Teach a man how to fish, and through hard work and perseverance, he could eat for a lifetime.

But teach a man how to use the internet so he can order fish online, and he'll probably end up watching porn.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 17 2011, 12:30 PM

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I tried to force-feed my son.

After a while, my wife said, "Just use a f*cking spoon. You're not a Jedi."
shahnd
post Aug 17 2011, 02:45 PM

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aaaaahhhhhh make me cry low yatttt hahahahaha

This post has been edited by shahnd: Aug 17 2011, 02:46 PM
allinuff
post Aug 18 2011, 01:36 AM

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QUOTE(redracer2004 @ Jul 22 2011, 07:56 PM)
DAVE? I thought he's Albert?
*
lol I hope you're not serious.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 18 2011, 11:37 PM

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News just in; There's female ref for the Arsenal v Liverpool game this Saturday.

The kick off has been put back an hour so she can park her car.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 19 2011, 11:13 PM

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If sex between three people is called a Threesome and sex between two people is called a Twosome...

Then why is Handsome still a compliment?
allinuff
post Aug 20 2011, 05:42 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 19 2011, 11:13 PM)
If sex between three people is called a Threesome and sex between two people is called a Twosome...

Then why is Handsome still a compliment?
*
That would depend on whose hand was it.


QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Jul 5 2011, 10:17 AM)
So I hear Thailand has its first female Prime Minister.

Or has it?
*
Will need to ask her brother about that one.

This post has been edited by allinuff: Aug 20 2011, 05:55 AM
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 20 2011, 01:25 PM

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I've been married to my wife ten years today.

Having sex with just one person in ten years is pure dedication.

I don't know how she does it.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 20 2011, 10:28 PM

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NEWS: HP to exit PC and tablet business...

It's probably best they stick to making sauces.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 23 2011, 11:14 PM

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Question: It is considered in bad taste to discuss
two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics what is the other?

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 24 2011, 11:33 AM

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My mate told me a joke the other day.

"What does one black man call a white man?
Your honor. What do ten black men call a white man?
Coach. What do a hundred black men call a white man?
Warden."

Then my black friend came along and said

"What do 100 million white men call a black man?

Mr President."

Checkmate.
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 26 2011, 04:28 PM

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A sexy woman came to the bar to be served today.

"Hey there gorgeous," I winked. "Wanna come back to my place when I've finished?"

"Just get me my drinks and leave me alone," she raged.

"But... I thought you were single?" I replied. "This is your husband's funeral isn't it?"
Kinci
post Aug 26 2011, 05:53 PM

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» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

Oh boy =O
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 28 2011, 12:07 AM

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Keith said, "I'm working late tonight so I won't be home until about midnight"
The wife said, "That's the fifth time this week. Are you cheating on me?"
Keith said, "Er .. no .. why would you think that?"
She said, "Because you're a f*cking milkman"
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 28 2011, 12:12 AM

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As my fianceé walked gracefully down the aisle, every head turned and watched the trail of white flowing behind her.

"Dear, there's a toilet roll stuck from your knickers," I said, "Better get it out before we touch down in Dubai."
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 28 2011, 06:06 PM

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A lamb chop is lying quietly in a stomach. All of a sudden something cold and wet lands on top of it.

"Hey! Who the f*ck are you?" says the vindaloo.

"I'm a double vodka," says the newcomer. "Steve just paid for me."

A few minutes later another downpour arrives.

"And who the f*ck are you?" says the chop.

"I'm a double vodka," says the latest newcomer. "Steve just got another round in."

This goes on for a while until the tenth double vodka gushes in and says Steve just bought it.

"You guys have made me curious," says the chop. "I'm going to take a look at this Steve guy myself."
kenny B
post Aug 28 2011, 10:59 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 28 2011, 06:06 PM)
A lamb chop is lying quietly in a stomach. All of a sudden something cold and wet lands on top of it.

"Hey! Who the f*ck are you?" says the vindaloo.

"I'm a double vodka," says the newcomer. "Steve just paid for me."

A few minutes later another downpour arrives.

"And who the f*ck are you?" says the chop.

"I'm a double vodka," says the latest newcomer. "Steve just got another round in."

This goes on for a while until the tenth double vodka gushes in and says Steve just bought it.

"You guys have made me curious," says the chop. "I'm going to take a look at this Steve guy myself."
*
brilliant one! thumbup.gif thumbup.gif

TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 28 2011, 11:44 PM

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Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever.
PrinceHamsap
post Aug 29 2011, 01:45 AM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 28 2011, 06:06 PM)
A lamb chop is lying quietly in a stomach. All of a sudden something cold and wet lands on top of it.

"Hey! Who the f*ck are you?" says the vindaloo.

"I'm a double vodka," says the newcomer. "Steve just paid for me."

A few minutes later another downpour arrives.

"And who the f*ck are you?" says the chop.

"I'm a double vodka," says the latest newcomer. "Steve just got another round in."

This goes on for a while until the tenth double vodka gushes in and says Steve just bought it.

"You guys have made me curious," says the chop. "I'm going to take a look at this Steve guy myself."
*
i dont get it
pisces88
post Aug 29 2011, 01:57 AM

Look at all my stars!!
*******
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The chop pours out from the mouth? Lol
SUSsootienann
post Aug 29 2011, 11:24 AM

Look at all my stars!!
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From: subang, sunway, puchong, pj -- does_this_annoy_you?


QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Apr 30 2011, 11:44 PM)
Watching the Royal Wedding, Prince William looks so handsome in his uniform, Prince Charles must be so proud.

Prince Harrys uniform also looks impeccable. James Hewitt must be proud too.
*
QUOTE(yan5619 @ May 3 2011, 12:25 AM)
James is the guy who has an affair with Diana.
*
i really have to add, why does william look a lot like this father charles,
but harry looks totally diff from his bro n father ?
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 30 2011, 12:29 AM

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Harry Redknapp is sitting in a pub drowning his sorrows when in walks a glum Arsene Wenger.

"Et tu Brute?" says Harry.

"Don't you f*cking start, I'm fed up hearing the f***ing score," replied Wenger
SUSsyurgatertinggi
post Aug 30 2011, 08:11 PM

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Joined: Sep 2010



QUOTE(pisces88 @ Aug 29 2011, 01:57 AM)
The chop pours out from the mouth? Lol
*
not from the upper hole,the lower hole brows.gif
yen223
post Aug 30 2011, 09:57 PM

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From: mars


QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 30 2011, 12:29 AM)
Harry Redknapp is sitting in a pub drowning his sorrows when in walks a glum Arsene Wenger.

"Et tu Brute?" says Harry.

"Don't you f*cking start, I'm fed up hearing the f***ing score," replied Wenger
*
LOL!
PrinceHamsap
post Aug 31 2011, 06:31 PM

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QUOTE(aLittleMisfit @ Aug 30 2011, 12:29 AM)
Harry Redknapp is sitting in a pub drowning his sorrows when in walks a glum Arsene Wenger.

"Et tu Brute?" says Harry.

"Don't you f*cking start, I'm fed up hearing the f***ing score," replied Wenger
*
gorgeous !!! laugh.gif
TSaLittleMisfit
post Aug 31 2011, 09:08 PM

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Sally was feeling horny last night and tried to wake her husband up at two in the morning by rubbing her ***** on his face and sucking on her dildo.

Harry said, "Don't do that"
She said, "Why, are you too tired?"

Harry said, "No, I had it up my arse this afternoon"
bruised
post Sep 1 2011, 11:29 AM

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*** COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING ***
(the male author was responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):

Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.

You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya
those little buggers can't be trusted.

After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".

Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.

And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.

Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your
weenie.

So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her . . . look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you to do
all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood".

Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl
during the first morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.

It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.

Now, if it was Father Nature,... there wouldn't have been a problem!!!

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