My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.

Sorry if repost

A woman put up a ad in the love section of a newspaper and it wrotes

'Looking for a man for a relationship. He must have this requirements:
1)Doesn't hit me
2)Doesn't run away
3)Must be great in bed'

So the next day, some men went to her place to answer the ad but non of them fits the requirements she wanted. She nearly give up but she heard a knocking on her door. And when she opened up, she saw a man with no arms and legs.

The man said 'Hi, I am here to answer your ad. As you can see, I have no arms, so I won't be able to hit you. I also have no legs, so I won't be able to run away from you'. The woman, gave a few thought about it and it was true he did fulfil her first two requirements but asked him'Okay, but how are you great in bed?'.

He smiled widely and said 'How did you think I knocked on the door?'

A dog asks a cat "How come I've never seen you cats making love in public?"

The cat replies, "Do you want humans to steal our style like they did yours?"

I walked up to the counter in the chemist and just my luck there was a girl serving.

"Erm... Morning," I said, "I need some erm... God, this is embarrassing..."

"Don't you worry sir," she leaned in and whispered reassuringly, "I get this every day!"

I smiled back.

"Condoms?" she said.

"No," I said.

"Suppositories?" she said.

"No," I said.

"Tampons?"

"No."

"Well, it can't be that embarrassing then, sir," she said with a smile.

"Paracetamol," I said.

"Paracetamol?" she said with a puzzled look. "$4.99 please. What's so embarrassing?"

Then I pulled out my little pink purse.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different thing.

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.

Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in from angry wives asking, "What trip?"