The Star - "Nicol David won Carol Weymuller Open, New York"
The Sun - "Nicol David won Carol Weymuller Open, New York"

Utusan - "Bangsa lain terus monopoly aksi sukan negara"

My wife asked me to tie her up and surprise her.

"But, remember, I'm not into anal," she warned.

I tied her up ...

"Surprise!" I shouted. "I AM into anal!"

They should make another Taken movie,
about Liam Neeson's character being under-appreciated for trying to keep his family safe.

"Taken 4: Granted"

I have always wondered why divers fall backwards off boats?

After extensive research I found it is because if they fell forward they would still be in the boat.

I was having a pretty big shit last night and at the highest point of struggle to drop it out, my mother accidentally turned off the light in the toilet.

Immediately I started to scream like crazy, she turned it back on and asked through the door "what's the matter, are you alright"?

With a huge relief, I replied: "Nothing, I'm fine, I just thought my eyes popped out".

What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?

They both turn "o" into an "O".