LoL!!:lol: I love the F4 one!!

Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of
her first-grade pupils.
"Johnny, what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first
Grade.
My sister is in third grade and I'm
smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took
Johnny to the principal's office. The principal
agreed that he would give the boy a test and if
he failed to answer any of his questions he was
to go back to the first-grade and behave.
He started by asking Johhny some simple
arithmetic.
"What is three times three?"
"Nine, Sir."
"How much is nine times six?"
"Fifty-four."
And so it went with every question the
principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looked at Ms Brooks and
said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He
seems smart enough."
Ms Brooks said to the principal, "Let me
ask him some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agreed.
Ms Brooks asked, "What does a cow have
four of that I have only two of?
Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"
"What is in your pants that you have but
I do not have?"
"Pockets!"
"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"
"Pants."
"What starts with a C and ends with a T,
is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin
whitish liquid?"
"Coconut."
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft
and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide
and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was
taking charge.
"Bubblegum!"
"What does a man do standing up, a woman
does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
"Shake hands, Ma'am."
"Now for some "Who am I" sort of
questions, OK?
First one. You stick your poles inside me, you
tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before
you do."
Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"
"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle
with me when you're bored. The best man always
has me first."
The Principal was looking restless and a
bit tense.
But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding
Ring!"
"I come in many sizes. When I'm not
well, I drip.
When you blow me, you feel good."
"Nose."
"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip
penetrates, and I come with a quiver."
"Arrow."
"Good, now for the last one. What word
starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot
of heat and excitement?"
Firetruck, Ma'am!"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief
and said to the teacher, "Send him to
university, I got the
last ten questions wrong myself!!"

Malaysia English vs Britian English ... Who says our English is teruk.
Just see below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point, effective etc.
The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions.

Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are and a long distance call. Make it snappy.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kews

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (while pointing at door) Can or not?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.Malaysians: Shaddap lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Why like that???? (jumping to conclusion)

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', '****', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?"

Stole it from somebody's sig..

I used Einstein's bloody theory and got full :D:D

Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them
said to the other one. "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid. If
you don't believe me I'll show you." He called his driver Ah Beng
over and said, "Ah Beng, here is a $10 note, go to the car
showroom and buy me a Mercedes". To which Ah Beng replied,
"Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!" and rushed off to the Showroom. The
rich man then turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he
was stupid."

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a
word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither
of them wanted
to concede
their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs,
the
husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat
everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
"What?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you
can be so
stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me
beautiful so
you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I
would be
attracted to you!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent
quarrel, and hubby
was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his
wife. "You
will bring out the beast in me." ...

"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a
mouse?"

WTF?! Some jibrony lame email I've got..
==================================

I was born in a simple small town......



I was very cute when I was young....



I like sport and pretend to be a soccer star

cause he is handsome so much...



When grows up, I also like baseball too.....



It was a pity to say...

One day, I went to beach for a sun bath....



I saw two guys playing the Game Boy...seems funny....



I was attreacted by the Game.......So jealous ...



I asked mama to buy a computer for me.....then she promised

I was so happy and gave mama a kiss deeply



Once I had a computer....I played the Game all day long....

except on toilet....the computer is my whole life........



My hand is tired, then use feet.....Playing seven days & nights after.....



Finally,.....cause a long time playing the computer ...

without a rest.....then....I died....

died on my computer desk...........

............This is my sudden life..



Said to all of my good friends, Do not sit with computer for a long time. Going out to talk a walk...

OK! Cue taken! I will go excersize

*pegi jalan jalan*

Erk! *dead*

PWNED!!!!

i got see b4 1 very cold (lame) joke or in chinese it's called 冷笑话

one day little ming telephone pizza hut to order pizza ..
the pizza hut people ask him " u wan the pizza cut to how many pieces ? four pieces or six pieces ? " then u know what little ming answer ? little ming answered " four pieces enuf lar .. i scare six pieces i cannot eat finish " ...

do you feel a cold breeze of air ...

*shivering*

[edited]
wrong channel

This post has been edited by ayiesz: May 16 2004, 10:03 AM

How rich is Bill Gates?


1. Bill Gates earns US$250 every SECOND, that's about US$20 Million a DAY and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!



2. If he drops a thousand dollar, he won't even bother to pick it up coz by the 4 seconds he picks it, he already earned it back.



3. US's national debt is about 5.62 trillion, if Bill Gates will pay the debt by himself; he will finish it in less than 10 years.



4. He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth but still left US$5 Million for his pocket money.



5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US. If he don't drink and eat, and keeps his annual income US$30 Million up, he'll have to wait for 277 years to become as rich as Bill Gates now.



6. If Bill Gates is a country, he is the 37th richest country on earth, or US 13th biggest company, even bigger than IBM.



7. If exchange all Bill Gate's money to US$1, you can make a road from earth to moon, 14 times back and forth. But you have to make that road non-stop for 1,400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747 plane to transport all the money.



8. Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he still can live for 35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to finish his money before he goes to heaven.



9. BUT!!! If Microsoft Windows' users can claim US$1 for every time their computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will bankrupt in 3 years!