IOther one

> 85 yr old man got married to a 15 yr girl.
> > On their first night both were crying - why???

> > Coz she didn't know anything, and he had forgotten everything

this one is a good one...

Here is a goooooood Confession. Read aloud to enjoy the humour.


Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned"

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a b****."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a b****?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest "Like this?"(as he touched her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "Thats no reason to call a man a son of a b****."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?"(as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a b****."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes; father."

Priest: "Like this?(as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a b****."

Girl: "Then he stuck his "you know what "into my "you know where"

Priest: "Like this? (as he stuck his " you know what "into her"you know where")

Girl: "YES FATHER ;YEES FATHER ;YEES FAAAATHER!!"

Priest: "(after a few minutes)Thats no reason to call him a son of a b****"

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!

Priest: "SHIT! THAT SON OF A b****!!!

---

gwwhahhaahah

/*Windows '98 source code.*/Windows '98 source code.
/*Windows '98 source code.*/
/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft© Code
Project: Chicago™
Projected release-date: Summer 1998
*/
#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#define INSTALL_HARD
char make_prog_look_big 1600000 ;
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
}
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
}
create_general_protection_fault();
}

this joke has gone stale...

but i really like your avatar bugface... Jiggle jiggle yeah!!!

> > > ** Computer Problem **
> > >
> > > I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer
>
> > > guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the
> > > problem.
> > >
> > > He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
> > >
> > > As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
> > >
> > > He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
> > >
> > > I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten
> T
> > > error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"
> > >
> > > The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T
> > > error before?"
> > >
> > > "No," I replied.
> > >
> > > "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I
> > > wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T

today...i called HP and pretend as i have problem with my computer.
The first question they asked is
Is your computer switched on?
wtf?

Reason why i never visit rich people house.

I recently paid a visit to a millionaire's house , and ended up not having
anything to drink despite the offer. Below is how the offer was made to me:

Question: "What would you like to have..... Fruit juice, Soda,Tea,Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: "Tea please"

Question: "Ceylontea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?"

Answer: "Ceylontea"

Question: "How would you like it? Black or white?"

Answer: "White"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?"

Answer: "With milk."

Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"

Answer: "With cow milk please."

Question: "Milk from Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"

Answer: "Uhmm? I will take it black."

Question: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"

Answer: "With sugar"

Question:" Beet sugar or cane sugar?"

Answer: "Cane sugar"

Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"

Answer: "Walau! Forget about tea, just give me a glass of water instead."

Question: "Mineral water or still water?"

Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored?"

Answer: "Gee! I give up, just forget about everything."


DoEnjoyDoEnjoyDoEnjoyDoEnjoyDoEnjoyDoEnjoyDoEnjoyDoEnjoyDoEnjoy

haha farney

Dracula asks God " May I reincarnate into a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"


God said "OK, I'll turn you into a KOTEX!"

(Act 1)
Ah Beng calls the telephone operator:
Ah Beng: "Could you please tell me the time difference between Singapore and New York?"
Operator: "Just a minute..."
Ah Beng: "Thank you."
Ah Beng got his answer and cut off the line.


(Act 2)
At a bar in New York, the man sat next to Ah Beng told the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
and his companion said, "JACK DANIELS,SINGLE."
The bartender turned to Ah Beng and asked, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Ah Beng replied: "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."


(Act 3)
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime,
Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me only 5 MONTHS to do it," Ah Beng said.
"FIVE MONTHS? Why did you take so long." the friend asked.
Ah Beng replied, "No, it is not long at all, look ! at the box, it says it is for 4 to 7 years".

(Act 4)
Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition.
During the Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'."
The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim, "No, its Grape Juice!"
Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"
Host : "Quiet please."
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying,
"C'mon man, I don't need their help? I got more original answer. My answer is "Gu ni!" (milk in Hokkien)

(Act 5)
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he encountered some problems.
After a few attempts, he decided to use the 'Help' command.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer shop for support.
Ah Beng : "I pressed the 'F1' key for help... but it's been over half an hour & still nobody has come to help me...."

(Act 6)
In the class.
Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother."
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo.
So if they walk together, we can say they are 'Cow Pay Cow Boo'."

(Act 7)
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and
he answered," I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena lor!""Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to the other ear?"
Ah Beng: "That stupid fellow called back again loh!"


(Act 8 )
Why did Ah Beng go to! a movie with his 18 friends?
Because according to the advertisement, below 18 is not allowed to go in

(Act 6)
In the class.
Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother."
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo.
So if they walk together, we can say they are 'Cow Pay Cow Boo'."

Sent: 4/2/2004 1:22:09 PM
To:
Cc:
Subject: FW: Ah Sohhh



Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.

Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"

Salesgirl : "Yes !"

Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "

**************

Ah Soh is filling up an application form for a job.

She supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.

Then she comes to column on "Salary Expected"

She is not sure of the question.

After much thought, she writes " Yes "

**************

Ah Soh goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Soh : "What is that shiny object ?"

Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."

Ah Soh : "What does it do ?"

Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Ah Soh : "I'll buy it"

The next day, Ah Soh goes to work with her thermo flask

Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"

Ah Soh : "It's a thermos flask."

Boss : "What does it do?"

Ah Soh : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Boss : "What do you have in it! ?"

Ah Soh : "Two cups of coffee and a coke"

**************

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Soh always compares
it with the original for spelling mistakes.

**************

Ah Soh always smiles during lightning storms because she thinks her picture is being taken.

**************

Why can't Ah Soh dial 911 ?

Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

**************

Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus.

Her friend gets a seat downstairs and Ah Soh goes upstairs.

After a while, her friend goes upstairs to look for Ah Soh and finds her clutching the seats in both hands
and her body is shivering .

Her friend : "What happened? Why you so scared for what? Downstairs quite shiok one."

Ah Soh : "Alamak you! You got a driver but I don't."

[COLOR=green][SIZE=7][B]

[SIZE=14]

Iciban

corect me if im wrong, F4 is a boy band rite? all with long hair looking preety? if it so.. i got plenty of chinesse fren hating them! why ha?