I think better to make a topic and reply to you guys here. Lol.

I just move on if they are not frugal. It's my main non negotiable.

One thing I have learnt is is show them the truth how your life going to be. Tell them what to expect from the first or second meeting. So you don't waste other people time.

Don't be rocked by looks, beauty or hot body even though we are guys. Just stay to what you want in the girl.

It's not wrong if you can afford it. If you can't then just do what you can.

I was surprised the one I was seeing was totally ok with the way I am living.

Good for you 👍🏻
I am getting married soon too. Hahaha... Found one after so long of looking. 2years +. Lol.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 21 2025, 02:49 PM

you can't change the pasts, but you can change the way how you perceive yourself or how other people see you. This can be a powerful message for somebody to live everyda.

I think better I post my reply here as it is relevant. You need to sit down and talk to her about finance. Don't push it to the side.

She as your partner should be understanding and acceptable.

If you cannot accept her way of living do not marry her. You will suffer if you marry her.

I wouldn't blame her or you as not many people are willing to do this thing called delayed gratification or they prefer live in the moment (YOLO). Financial stuff is a bitter pill to swallow. Need to face it head on.

A wife can make or break her husband. Something you need to know. Also finance problem is the main issue in most relationship.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 22 2025, 12:26 AM

TOS2 wow time flew, you already got gf and already broke up story leh?

Well, as much as I want to support the frugal ladies, I think it's the same concept as with men: balance is key. Extreme frugality, bordering stinginess or unhealthy habits, will do you no good and it can backfire on you and the relationship. Know when to spend to buy the happiness you seek.

On the other hand, don't lie to yourself if you're not romantically attracted to a 💯-scored person in your checklist. You may not have some items in your checklist, such as looks, but you'll know it when you meet a person long enough whether you will be attracted or not.

He go date a china national. Chinese national is very materialistic. Lol. Not to be prejudice but yeah.

Most important is my checklist to be honest. Not easy to score highly on my checklist to be honest.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 22 2025, 12:24 AM

-

This post has been edited by TOS2: Jul 24 2025, 10:32 AM

Please stop complaint about spending money on someone you love.

As she not with you, she can easily sell it for money.

Serious, if Im girl 101% Im not going to look at you.

Win liao boss, I stopped writing long essays for some time as I can't be bothered In your case, I have much to say but maybe I'll highlight a few important points...
- your family sounds like reasonable people, they're your greatest allies so keep them close to you especially if you agree 💯 with their reasonings whenever you seek their advice/perspective.
- it's over with her and there's a mountain of reasons. I met you so I know what they mean when you described your facial and body figure... But to call you ugly and have the audacity to say nobody will want you, that's downright condescending. You need to stop putting up with such toxic gaslighting, and they need to get a mirror for their fat conceited daughter. Sorry, I don't hold back against a toxic stranger.
- she was milking you dry as fast as she could. Please don't be surprised if she doesn't shed a tear, I am not convinced she likes you much, ...if... at all. Too much shit talking from her and family. All those demands sound very excessive, nevermind your frugality -- it's not normal to buy that much cosmetics and skincare every month! What, yo mamma so fat she uses the whole bottle every week?

Granted, she sounds like someone from another world -- the rich elites. Her parents pamper and fund her extravagant spending, and may them continue for her life because her income clearly doesn't match her habits. You and I are from the normal middle class, it's a world difficult for us to understand, much less tread on. The next time you want to go back crawling to her, just imagine greeting her every hour for the rest of your life.

Now for you to move forward, usually I'd say identify and change what your don't like... in your case, I'd suggest getting a makeover just to make your dating life easier. Unfortunately in dating apps, wnning the initial first impression is important compared to developing romance from a friendship.

Let your hair grow out a bit then go to a professional salon of your (sister's?) choice to get you a new hairstyle. Not sure what can be done with your teeth, but I guess the most basic is to do consistent scaling to keep them clean (I recently learned from my dentist, my habit of picking up black coffee for health reasons is backfiring on my teeth as they stained).

This post has been edited by Takudan: Jul 24 2025, 04:51 PM

Frugal or stingy?

i know 1 couple they both stingy until marriage cannot do properly till the extend that the MIL aren't happy with the child's marriage

Ramjade Curious, what's your level of frugality here?
Eat at kopitiam instead of mall restaurants? Or prefer home cook only?
Drive but park at roadside to save on parking? Or take public transport?
Holiday at local destinations only? Or prefer not to travel at all?

how good looking she's that allows you to tolerate her bullshit?

sorry to say this

i find that usually chinese ed girls are like that. They believe that men must pay for everything, every single damn thing.

Because they grew up in an environment where there is a traditional gender separated roles in their family values.

And this coupled with the money mentality which is very strong among the traditional chinese family.

This post has been edited by Blofeld: Jul 22 2025, 03:06 PM

-deleted-

Damn that's long. Later I reply you nicely on the computer. I will reply what I can here on my phone or see la if I manage to reply completely. Hahaha

The first bolded part for me I would consider.

My meeting usually cost like max RM50 for 2 people. Never RM50/person. I don't know what is your criteria that she seems to tick the boxes.

If girls reject me I just move on. When you have been rejected countless time for being boring, not spending, it feels normal. It would surprise me if a girl was ok with the way I lived. That's why I always tell the girls upfront my way of lviing. No overseas holiday, no speding. I am saving and investing aggressively. You cannot have your cake and eat it. I hold on my non negotiable being frugal to utmost priority. If you are not frugal, next. The bolded words need to spend hundreds on makeup and clothing is a big red flag to me. Totally no no for me. I like girls without makeup. The word frugal here as someone told me helps to filter out 90% of girls. It works very well.

Each date/meeting like I said cost me around RM50 each time. As I would try to meet like every 2 weeks. So my expanses didn't suddenly sky rocket. That was when I was also seeing other girls. I never track my expenses as I know roughly I spend as I practice paying myself first and live off whatever money I have after putting them for investment.

People will accuse you of being kimsiap, not living life. So be it. Be thick face as you know you are doing better than those people who are living life. It's ok. Yes girls said they cannot tahan my way of living. I need a girl who can be at my level of living or close to and I am ok to wait.

No need buy new laptop. If you have your research you should have known that Lenovo business laptop the ThinkPad T, P, X1 series is a tank and used laptop will outlive any consumer grade laptop and they are very repairable. That's why nowadays I don't look at those new laptops. I focus on getting second hand Lenovo ThinkPad for my family members if they need a new laptop.

The bolded victoria secret is another red flag. A girl who spends that much on nonsense stuff already automatically don't fit my first non negotiable.criteria of being frugal. Both me and my girl agree valentine day is like commercialise. Lol..We rather spend it on birthday. So we don't celebrate valentine.

Do not buy any ring. Only buy rings if you are getting married. This is what I told my girl. No jewellery and the jewellery we are buying is just our wedding rings.

I told my girl don't spend too much on wedding. Take the money and invest it or go for honeymoon. To which she agree. We wanted to keep the cost as low as possible. No fancy makan. We are taking Indian buffet at RM35-70/person depending on which restaurant we choose.

I don't bother with those soap. I use Nubian heritage and now using Aleppo soap. Natural, nothing in them, a little goes a long way and not very expensive and last very long. Will never use overpriced stuff like body shop as my Nubian heritage and Aleppo soap is in higher quality. No additional chemicals.
https://www.alepposoap.uk/product/aleppo-soap-50-laurel-oil/
This is being frugal. Willing to buy quality stuff.

We talked about her financial situation and she agreed to pay her housing loan with minimum 40%, invest 40% and live off the 20% of her salary. Also only buy when you really need it not because you want it and we agree to invest together with me helping her as I have inspired her to start FIRING.I told her about delayed gratification which she agrees to. Of course once a while have cheat days like makan out at places she likes.

That girl you are seeing she learn that showering gifts mean showing love. So she expect the same. Never blame yourself for being too open and transparent. I am always open a transparent to my girl. I told her if you got problem, let seat down and talk about it figure a way for it. I am 100% open and transparent to my girl. From the first time she meet me, she knows how I live, how I spend, how poor my family is, my future goal, my financial strategies. If she cannot

I always say this a woman and make or break a man. Ask yourself do you see her making your life easier or making it a burden. Then you have your answer. Don't change people. Don't expect them to change. In terms of finance, I think you want to open her eyes by using this calculator.
https://www.investor.gov/financial-tools-ca...rest-calculator
Key in how much she spend in every month, put interest rate at 5%p.a (EPF rate) or 10%p.a for S&P500 and put 20 years. Lots of people will be shocked at how much they are losing out. This was how I helped some of my colelgaues. They told me damn painful wei to know that if they just invest that money that is how much they have after 20 years Vs spending it.

I am not you and you are not me. You need to have a firm non negotiable that cannot be shaken. They are called non negotiable for a reason. A girl or guy must check the checklist before you decide if they are your future partner. Also you cannot make it too long.

It's ok if ia girl says no. It's ok if the girl thinks you are ugly.

You really need to start listening to relationship podcast and read some books.

This one taught me a lot.
https://m.soundcloud.com/howtotalktogirls/s...iend-series-1-8

You can see his other podcast here
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-t...ast/id952917216
His podcast mostly for western people but some of it is still applicable.
I followed some of what he said.
Go out meet lots of girls, get rejected lots of time, it's ok, stand firm on your non negotiables.

Also read this book.
Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
https://www.amazon.com/Eight-Dates-Essentia...e/dp/1523504463

Lastly take your time and decide if your future girl is suitable for you based off what I said. Don't make yourself miserable.

Correction I thought still together. Search carefully next time.

My girl told me I am everything she wants. Lol. Someone who don't spend money, can save, think of the future. I was whaaat???? Lol.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 24 2025, 01:22 PM

this is generalism la...
utterly strawberry.

Minimum 50% savings rate.
Using phones until they are obsolete (banking app no longer support) or dead or too slow
Able to shop second hand, buy pre loved clothing, buy reduce to clear fruits and veges.
Wait for discount to buy things.
Know what is expensive.
No fancy facial, aesthetic treatment or fancy makeup.
No branded items.
Able to choose a RM500 rental Vs a RM1500 rental. This one shows me that she is being frugal even though she damn well can afford the RM1500 place.
Appreciate just walking in parks
Able to eat at kopitiam or economy rice stall.
Able to say no to overseas holiday to save up for the future.
No Starbucks, mixue, chatime, no netflix.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 22 2025, 04:39 PM

You both really lucky to find each other, congratulations! I kenot tahan your level of frugality, my bf and I want our Japan travels and walk 20km a day as we wish... can't wait until we're 50yo or touch wood got disease

-deleted-

~

There are many red flags—easily 7 to 9 aspects—but writing about all of them would be lengthy.

So instead, I’ll write a simpler one:

The girl that you are dating and planning to marry— her behavior will reflect how she raises your next generation.

Can you accept the values she is currently displaying to be passed on to your future children? If her values are pleasing, the children she raises will likely be pleasing. If her values are unpleasant, the children will likely be unpleasant too. This is a neutral observation: observe the present to project the future.

A person's current values are shaped by the previous generation. Her values reflect the upbringing she received from her family.

The mistake of many in the past was believing that pampering children equated to love. But true parental love is shown by correcting and disciplining a child before society criticises or condemns them. Affection without guidance is not love, that is neglect in disguise.

~

You’re not without weaknesses—and one of them stands out clearly to me. You tend to quote your elders' advice when in conflict with your girlfriend. I strongly advise you to stop doing this.

It’s like using a cheat code in a video game when you can’t win by your own skill. In the physical world, it’s like losing a fight, then running home to ask your father to fight for you.

That’s not strength. That’s avoidance.

Once you take this path, you also open the door for her to do the same. Soon, both families are pulled into a personal issue between two people. What began as a small disagreement can easily spiral into something unmanageable.

If someone gives you advice and you decide to follow it, own the decision. Say you felt something was not right—not because your parents said so, but because you understood and accepted the wisdom behind it. Keep your relationship between the two of you, unless the situation truly calls for family intervention.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jul 24 2025, 10:54 AM

I agree to a certain extent
the rich and non conservative family upbringing the girls will feel not relying on men income and open for new experiences like casual sex

Regardless gender
both men and women should've their own way of living once reach 18 years old, should have boundaries when it comes to things like family interference

Good luck also if you expect a girl to dress pretty walking with you under the temperature of 37 degree on the first date

Thank you for articulating this better. Getting advices is good, if and only if you resonate with it i.e. it aligns with your core values. It also means you'll take this to heart and apply this for future similar situations -- you learn.

For TOS case, he is new to relationship so I think it's ok to take advices, but be careful not to use the words, "this is wrong because my dad/mom/sis/friend said so", to which an easy retort to that: "am I dating your dad/mom/sis then?" The point is to convey the logical reasoning behind, not who said what.

We always walk after meal. Yes we walk in Aircon, we walk outdoor but underneath trees. So yes we did walk at 37C lol.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 22 2025, 08:15 PM

why your stories all feel like horror stories?

Go out talk to girls and guys, you will see all kind of people.

There is a fine line between frugal and stingy. Being frugal means you are able to pay more for quality items. I don't know how to differentiate stingy and fungal until one girl pointed out to me.

I don't want Chinese educated girls as my furure wife. I want they are like in their own world. Men must be provider. If you cannot be the provider you fail already lo. That is my believe.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 23 2025, 07:05 AM

There is an implicit meaning when an individual is doing such — they are not decisive. And when things go wrong, it becomes “someone else taught me,” “someone else said” — the blame goes to others.

Among so many things in a relationship, refusing to be accountable or unwilling to take responsibility is one of the ugliest traits. Those who think they’ve diverted a problem by shifting the blame are actually planting a time bomb within the relationship.

This trait if not change, it will invite trouble.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jul 23 2025, 10:48 AM

Thanks for sharing this long write up.

My observations/views

1. I note first date Nov last year, by May already seriously talking about marriage. Whats the rush here? Take it slow man. She is not pregnant is she? If not, the longer you delay the vows the better it is for you as a man.

If u breakup already, for your next relationship, pls wait until at least 1 year before talking about marriage. Even then, only the theoretical possibility, without going into details.

If havent break-up, tell her you are not ready for marriage. Its her decision then to wait for you or not. If she doesn't want then let her go.

2. Your "ugly face". She at 152 and 60ish kg is not so hot either bro. Fat. Fat girls should thank the stars she has a rich boyfriend like u. Rich but stingy tho 🤔

3. I have to say you at 55kg is a stick. You need to eat much more and build muscles. At least another 15kg, which is an achievable goal within 2 years for a young person without drugs.

4. More later..

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Jul 23 2025, 01:32 PM

Like I said have a list of non negotiable. Abide by those list. Do not accept her if she didn't fulfil your non negotiable.

That's what I did. I make sure the girl fulfilled my checklist. Being fungal is my number one priority.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 23 2025, 02:39 PM

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This post has been edited by TOS2: Aug 12 2025, 07:03 PM

she win liao lor.
also TOS2, get out fast. she have issues and you need to get going fast.
not sure which part of those chats will affect her safety.

This post has been edited by Chobits: Jul 25 2025, 05:27 PM

“父教不善，女之过也；女教不善，孙之罪也。”

“If the father’s teaching is poor, the daughter will err; if the daughter’s teaching is poor, the grandchild will be at fault.”

~

A failed match, a bitter home, a broken vow—
these are not Heaven’s games.
They are the harvest
of careless hands.


This post has been edited by nihility: Jul 24 2025, 10:59 PM

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This post has been edited by TOS2: Aug 12 2025, 07:03 PM

I have deleted your post as per request. Won't delete my replies

I been thinking how should i guide my sons to find the right wife in future..... So maybe share here:-

1) Mother education would significantly impact next generation IQ. X chromosome is related to IQ which provided by mother for both daughter and son. Meanwhile Y chromosome is from father. Daughter == XX while Son == XY.
--> to get highly educated wife, make sure study hard to get into the circled

2) Dating a period for both to know each other beyond surface level. Does the partner would take initiative to spend money from time to time? If no, move along. The girl is not for u

3) Find a responsible and right valued girl. Marriage cannot be sustain with love alone. Life is not bed of roses but full of up and down. The right one will to stick with u through it all and resolve issues at hand

4) Hope for a girl that love u more than u love her. U will hv a blessed life

Do test. Tell the girl no overseas trip, no high class meal, if she can buy reduce to clear fruits and vege or second hand item. That's how know you know you got a good girl.

Do simple dates like walking in parks. Don't to very extravagant dates. Girls which dump you because no expensive dates or expensive gift are a blessing.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 25 2025, 06:21 PM

TOS2 I guess it's TMI when you mentioned their family background involving certain businesses.

If your ex is still reading, then this is my message for you:
Please be assured that I never had any intention from the beginning until now and ever to harm you or anyone in reality. If you felt that you could be identifiable from the divulged information, I did not, will not, share them to anyone else in the future. I hope to be respected the same way so that we can both feel safe in our private lives.

IF you ever want to talk privately, then I'm available on this forum. I will not take back what I say but I'll listen to your side of the stories. I don't think it's fair for what you've said to TOS, just as how you don't find it fair I'm calling you fat. Not nice to be judged by looks, right?

well, if you are thin and pretty girl.
it will be hard to understand fat people thinking. its different.

A generation that cares about the wellbeing of the next — a loving parent, spotted.

1) IQ ≠ EQ. There is a flaw in this recommendation. I’ve witnessed highly educated individuals — both male and female — commit deeply unethical acts. Intelligence alone does not equate to emotional maturity or moral integrity.

2) Time is of the essence. The timeline for truly getting to know each other beyond surface-level traits often differs between men and women. A man may wish to take more time — but how long is “longer”? And what if that extended period comes at the expense of delaying another family’s daughter? Even if the man wants more time, would the future bride or her family accept such a delay?

3) Words are easier than reality. Giving advice is always simpler than navigating the complexities of real-life situations. When the time arrives, it would be tested.

4) The girl will hope that the man loves her enough to give her a blessed life.

I strongly believe that parents bear responsibility for their children’s character and behavior. If each parent fulfilled their role properly, at least 50% of miserable relationships, mismatches, or divorces could be prevented.

You and your girl will never go overseas at all? Cuti2 Malaysia only for rest of life?

Exception maybe honeymoon use wedding expenses to earn miles. After that likely no overseas trip until FIRE. We both agreed for delayed gratification. Being FIRE is more important to use than spending money.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 26 2025, 06:02 PM

I thought u already FIRE?

I am LEAN FIRE. We aim for FAT FIRE.

ic

You are not against overseas travelling per se..just want to hold off until you reach your Fat FIRE target.When do you expect this Fat FIRE to happen? Early 40s?

By 45 by calculation. But if lucky by 40.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 26 2025, 09:47 PM

u need to hv regular dinner talks with your son teaching him how to court women.

usually such things, parents dont teach their child

parents should also caution their children not to simply find partner from a different religion. This one at least my parents did make me aware about this from a young age. From there, I go read around on religion.

From reading /k, i can sense that many ppl are not aware of the repercussions, the impact and the heartache it causes on their own family members. Some still give comments like all religions are the same when they are not the same at all.

Parents with daughters especially, need to have regular dinner talks, because women tend to make relationship decisions, emotionally, without thinking of the repercussions.

The drawback is that once u reach your Fat FIRE age and be more easy with your spending, your are no longer young.

Travelling when young, one can be more more carefree, more adventure and more rough. Once older, its different, more about comfort and safety.

Im already uncle age, and recently went for overseas holiday with GF. So we had an activity where we had to climb up and down steep cliffs to get to some picturesque sites. The day was sweltering hot and, halfway back, I got really winded. Couldn't walk anymore. GF already worried and thinking maybe she has to call in rescue 😅. Lucky after a rest, I managed to finish.

Make me miss being young. On the positive side, that incident was a wake-up call to rebuild my fitness level. Nowadays my VO2 Max is pretty decent.

Other than loss of youth, there is also travel inflation which is higher than normal inflation. Like holdiay in Europe now is already so costly compared to 10 years ago. Cant imagine 10 years from now how much will it costs.

Then there are changes due to overtourism, climate change, conflicts etc. Some places will no longer be visitable or to be avoided.

Im glad that I have travelled all over..with my SO, with family, friends and even alone. Great memories for a lifetime.

Tldr dont wait too long.

That's why I am doing anti aging things as well. Don't depend on private sector. Malaysian health care is not geared for preventive.

Simple stuff like fasting, strength training, infra red radiation, proper supplement (vitamin D3 with K2, magnesium, fish oil, astaxanthin, broccoli extract, high dose nattokinase etc), good sleep, high temp shower (mimic sauna), minimum carbs, take lots of berries and purple food, high vege and fiber diet (min 70% per meal) high polyphenol extra virgin olive oil are what I am doing currently.

If you have the money spend it on health. Do not compromise your health over money.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 28 2025, 05:06 PM

Good to hear that you r not stingy with health and food.

Stall, food courts and fast food regularly are affordable but not healthy.

I think the key is actually balance. You cannot be too frugal or too spendthrift in a relationship. Imagine, if you are more willing to see additional zero in your account rather than occasionally rewarding or spending extra on your gf/partner. This eventually creates a lot of problem if wanting to build a family. I personally know of some couples who are actually ok to be frugal until starting a family.

Not saying that we should be having fine dining every week on date nights etc, but occasionally show our appreciation towards the love one are actually healthy. Money is not everything, and we should not have found security in money. Having great financial goals are great, but there is almost no point of doing that if we are not going to spend some rewarding ourselves and our family.


Including EPF?

This post has been edited by jasontoh: Jul 29 2025, 02:21 PM

If your partner not frugal person, then yes problematic. If partner frugal then no problem.

I exclude EPF cause it's kind of useless as it's not liquid and cannot really use it.

suggest you break up with her if you havent - you and her will not be able to see eye to eye in terms of finances..one is saver and the other is spender (and BIG spender some more). Unless you able to earn lots of money easily or have that kind of appetite to, just break up and find a person that can match up with you financially. Finance can really make or break a couple..good that you see all this now before married. Most find out AFTER when its too late...

If one choose to live a FIRE lifestyle then the partner must also want the same. Otherwise going to.be problems. Like TOS2 there.

Very true. That's why I filter out girls based off frugality and if girls reject me for my stand, so be it.

I cannot compromise on girls who are not frugal. Luckily my girl is very supportive and want to join my journey.

Yea, but those people I know share the same frugal and plan to FIRE; ended up argue almost every time whenever payment for shared expenses. I know a couple of them, before the marriage, talk positively about the relationship, but after marriage mentioning the toxic relationship already. Thus, I mentioned there should be some balance, because your frugal might be different with your partner.


For 50% savings excluding EPF kinda hard to achieve, I mean at least for me. Unless without any loan commitment, I doubt not many can really achieve that also. Nowadays doubt my savings can go even beyond 10%, although since I don't have any spending on my bonus, the fixed one can go until 30%. I use to be able to save about 10-20% also when I started but it was because I allocate more % for the investment.

Can depends on your pay, commitment and spending. How I know, I count my girl finance. Even with her housing loan which I am telling her to pay 40% of her takehome pay (pay more of the loan than mine payment) to it and she agreed, she still got like at least 30% savings.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 30 2025, 07:09 AM

Sounds to me like that couple are not sharing and planning their finances together. When both sides keeping their own money and have to contribute for shared expenses, then will feel like money being taken away from them.. especially hard for frugal people.

If all money earned as a couple goes into one account first, then that gets divided into what needs to be paid. Most of this arguments won't happen because the money allocation has been discussed and planned for.

Yea, correct esp the bold part. That's why only happen after the marriage when there are shared expenses. Some couples want to be independent in terms of financial stuff, during dating, not much of an issue, both having own commitment etc. And most probably not converging into one because both having different thought of frugal.

Its ok to have different thoughts of frugality, our brother Ramjade for example; is quite extreme. Even between me and my wife, I'm the more frugal person even though I spend on selected things.

What is important is that the financial distribution and allocation is discussed as a single unit. Ensuring the priorities of everyone involved is met, including no-questions-asked spendings.

I understand. What I meant is that there are couples who realized the thoughts are different and some also choose to be independent managing own finance. I consider myself as frugal, but even then my wife who is also frugal think that I'm spendthrift. Definitely it's not an issue during dating, but once married, some of this will prop up. We have like a share "tabung" where both of us contribute within some agreeable ratio, but most of the financial is a bit more independent. We don't have issue because we are kind of balance, but those couples having issues really cannot come to agreement when it come to share expenses.

This post has been edited by jasontoh: Jul 30 2025, 11:36 AM

Your method works because you and your wife came to an understanding, but it still leaves you open to some problems because both sides still prioritize themselves first and then only share the remainder.

In a marriage, it should no longer be "you" and "me". It is "us".

Financial planning should reflect that. If you can move your planning into that direction, I would strongly recommend it.

Its not like you can't have independant spending, my wife and I give ourselves an amount for personal spending; whatever we buy in that allocation is up to us and cannot be disputed by either side because all the commitments and responsibilities already accounted for.

Financial planning and financial dependency
majority of couples go into a relationship for the latter purpose. They can be low self esteem, making not enough money and then plan to have 3.5 kids thinking the kids are their source of retirement

this is just recipe for toxicity and disaster.
You don't seek for someone to complete you, you seek to complete yourself and meanwhile somebody who are on same level of competence or high vibration energy will match with you

today Korean drama, sad songs and then monthly valentine day are fucking bullshit marketing and economic purpose. Society needs these average guys to breed so that they can feed and pay taxes to support the whole system

This post has been edited by -mystery-: Jul 31 2025, 11:17 AM

There are things that we consider as us, like our stay-in house, kids, groceries etc. So these are the things we commit in the "tabung". Things like her property as investment or mine, and like cars consider as independent spending. We even share a pool of investment that hopefully can help to sustain our retirement lifestyle without relying too much on our EPF. I do agree, as married couple, financial planning should involve more "us" rather than individual entity.

how many properties do you owned? Respect to you, I can't be that frugal even if i wanted to.

Sorry, do you mind explaining the different between stingy and frugal? You said frugal can pay more for quality items, can you give an example? Because you were sharing this:
Minimum 50% savings rate.
Using phones until they are obsolete (banking app no longer support) or dead or too slow
Able to shop second hand, buy pre loved clothing, buy reduce to clear fruits and veges.
Wait for discount to buy things.
Know what is expensive.
No fancy facial, aesthetic treatment or fancy makeup.
No branded items.
Able to choose a RM500 rental Vs a RM1500 rental. This one shows me that she is being frugal even though she damn well can afford the RM1500 place.
Appreciate just walking in parks
Able to eat at kopitiam or economy rice stall.
Able to say no to overseas holiday to save up for the future.
No Starbucks, mixue, chatime, no netflix.

What sort of quality items you talking about by being frugal?


I wanna asked but someone edi asked. So your aim is 45, you really reminded me someone that I know.

Seriously I think we can set up a Whatsapp group to discuss

There is frugal and there is FIRE frugal.

Frugal is living below your means, usually saving 10-30% of ones income monthly. This one is already tough for many people as can see people bank account gone at end of month.

FIRE frugal is living WAAY below your means, This is saving more than 50%, maybe like 70% of ones income monthly.

I don't do properties or intend to own properties as
1. You pay lots of tax. I prefer to be tax free or pay as much minimum tax as possible. I tend to pay zero tax except for maybe car tax and tax for my parents. That's all. Zero income tax.
2. Having a property means you are locking substantial amount of your money in ringgit which is a bad idea as it is a depreciation currency.

Never sacrifice your health. For me, I buy and shipped lots of wild blue berries and other black/purple berries and high quality Japanese green tea from overseas as buying form Malaysia means paying extra 200-500% more. This is willing to pay for your health.

I am not interested in being in a WhatsApp group. Sorry.

Few way I can think of are
1. Pay only RM40 for phone bill Vs paying few hundred for phone bill
2. Buying reduce to clear stuff as majority of them are still in very good.
3. Buying the same food when they are offering 50% discount as it is the end of the day.
4. Using a RM10 ugly shoes that last for like 1y+ Vs fancy shoes paying few hundred.
5. Using budget airline vs normal economy, business or first class even though can afford economy.
6. Know when is something is expensive
7. Buying bulk to save cost.

I only know LEAN and FAT FIRE.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Jul 31 2025, 10:04 PM

This is where our strategy is different. Well, you are right about the taxes. Your second point, I beg to differ. I knew it is a depreciation currency, that's why I opted for property due to its "wealth retainer" nature. This is provided I don't invest in wrong properties, otherwise Holland is the way I go so this is one of my investing style to fight against currency depreciation, I left very less MYR with me, either in properties or in oversea.

If you don't intend to purchase any property, when old age stay where? Your fiancé also agreed with you on this?

You really crazy... haha. So well thought. I wanna emulate from you also can't


For me, everything in life must be balance. Must learn to save but at the same time also have fun. What's the point of saving so much then later can't live long enough to enjoy the fruits? Future is important but present is equally important imo

This post has been edited by MasBoleh!: Jul 31 2025, 10:08 PM

Why would you want to retain wealth in ringgit when you can do it with other better currencies?

You buy say RM500k of property in Malaysia will not retain your wealth as much as RM500k in Singapore banks. When you invest in properties especially for rental you have to income tax, all kind of taxes. I don't get that with overseas stocks

Yes she agreed. Continue staying parents house.

That's why be healthy. That is why I focus a lot on healthcare prevention.There are ways to be healthy and continue to enjoy life Vs enjoying health and eat so call "atas food".

Because my root is here. I have this belief that our foundation aka root must be strong and stable, then only we are capable of progressing well in other sectors/fields. Which mean I will have better concentration on the current defined short-term and long-term goals, even though migration is a topic that is involved and may happens in future 10 years or less.
So i focus on setting up a strong foundation first, then need to chase back the lost time in investments.

However, imo having property is not all bad. First of all, tenant helped to fund one of the houses. It's true there will be some taxes involved, the biggest will be income tax, I can use the bank interest rate to offset that income tax.

Tell me, yea you got a lot of so-called liquid assets, but when old age, what you gonna do? You still eventually need a place to stay... be it right now or in future. You paying rental = paying for someone else mortgage instalment, it doesn't mean the money can be saved to invest into equities.

And the RM 500k not directly from my pocket, it is from Bank and currently my tenant is repaying back, so I don't see any problem. And I am saying in the context, provided the said property's rental able to cover both mortgage payment, maintenance fees and some other housing taxes. Otherwise, it is a different story.

Ramjade, I still got more to learn from you... from financial management to investing to healthy lifestyle And you and Dreamer101 have been preaching to transfer and save in foreign stable currencies since many years ago, time has proven both of you 100% right. over the past 10 years, the MYR has weakened about 14.5% against SGD.

This post has been edited by MasBoleh!: Aug 1 2025, 01:35 AM

Got nothing to do with roots. Roots is not as important as protecting your hard earned income.

I am staying in my parents house.

If you want to talk about tenant paying for your house/condo, come on. If you loan is say RM700-800k, and they are paying only say RM1500/month = RM18k p.a = 2.57%p.a or 2.25%p.a

I can get easily 4% with Singapore banks and Singapore banks are helping me to own the shares. Same concept

You do you, I do me.

Anyway off topic about keeping your money in Malaysia or overseas.

Back to topic of finance with spouse. Very important that future spouse and you be on the same page. He or she must know your financial capability and your loans. Live within expectations of each other salary. Whether want to combine salary or separately need to sit down properly and discuss it out.

Highly recommend anyone getting married or in boyfriend and girlfriend stage to seat down and read this book altogether.
https://www.amazon.com/Eight-Dates-Essentia...e/dp/1523504463

Hello wanna ask, which brand of Astaxanthin do you consume? I heard this brand is good, just wondering if there is other alternatives?

https://asxence.sg/products/asxence-astaxan...0v-8JcfcZi_CAEw

Also for vitamin D3, do we need to consume together with magnesium tablet to aid absorption? And those supplements u mentioned is it best to consume before food or after food or during meal?

You kena conned already. Astaxanthin no need to be so expensive.

https://healthyorigins.com/products/astaxan...=18223506456635

Vitamin D3 must have magnesium and vitamin K2 to work. Vitamin D3 need oil and need to be taken in the morning. Vitamin D is just the car. Vitamin K2 is the driver. Without the driver, you can get calcified blood vessel.

japan trip already 28k, somemore dowry want 25k....already trip want dowry somemore for what??

mana ada orang dulu ask for trip and dowry?

wahh all that you doing ah? you better not have any sickness/built up tolerance.

all this before or after covid?

everyday go toilet or not? if constipated/diarrhea body can ownself fix or not?

when sleeping can immediately sleep or not?

can wake up ownself or not? skin hydrated or not?

Of course got. You have no idea. Is see if you got the money only.

There is no tolerance as you are giving what the bodies need. Food as medicine.

Already before and after COVID. I realise I point have so much money when you cannot enjoy and use it..only way to enjoy and use it is if you are healthy.

I make sure to be able to poop everyday and eat lots of fibre both soluble and insoluble fibre to prevent constipation and to feed the gut.

Depends on individual. Some people lie in bed and can't sleep. Some people straight sleep. I am more of the person who needs time as I can't sleep easily unless super tired.

Wake up on my own can. But I won't take my chance. Still use alarm clock. When I was practiced LEAN FORE, no alarm clock.

Now now, first of all, after reading for so long, my hands now itchy to comment.

1. In my opinion, most women nowadays aren't frugal. No matter the age group, YES, cause they are EXPENSIVE to maintain. Imagine a young fresh graduate who has no commitment because he/she still stays with the parents and using the parents' car spends like RM20 on lunch + another RM15 for Boba Tea / Coffee after. How's that frugal if it happens like 2-3 times a week?

2. And when young, these people are exposed to such "lavish" lifestyles, how are they going to learn about frugal when advertisements and propaganda about STARBUCKS (or any high end drink) will somehow elevate the socio-economic status of the person? It will surely get worse.

3. Don't even talk about marriage. Even in first dates / meet-ups, going to a cafe for a meal of about RM50 per person IS A NORMAL EXPECTANCY OF MOST WOMEN OUT THERE. Imagine if it's RM50 per person, we are looking at RM100 just for the meal and we didn't even count the other stuffs like MOVIE etc. So a date costs like what? RM200? So if you date ONCE on a weekly basis you are looking at RM1k or so a month. Maybe if you earn above 5 figures might see it as "sap sap water" but most wage earners don't. And if we talk about 25% to 20% of monthly GROSS EARNINGS spent on DATE, how much savings do guys have?

3. Weddings cost a BOMB nowadays especially Chinese on the guy's side. Dinner already 30-40k average, the Chinese Basket already nearly 15k to 20k, dowry 20-30k. Marrying a daughter needs 100k roughly nowadays, so can frugal partners help you? Even if the girl is FRUGAL, she and her parents will be EXPECTING something there because it's her supposedly ONCE IN A LIFETIME.

For all these things, I feel it's very hard to compromise or discuss. Why? Simple, a person's mind set in stone is already set in stone. You can't change a few years habit in one day. So the advice is still, CHOOSE PROPERLY.

True but there are still gems out there. You just need to keep digging. Let me reply you one by one.
1. Find one who don't take Starbucks/mixue/bubble tea. It's already bad for health drinking those things regularly. Find one who drinks plain water or make their own tea at home. Ask when you meet them. Not difficult to ask hey what are you opinions on Starbucks/mixue/bubble tea/teaalive? You have your answer there.

2. People who are exposure to lavish lifestyle can be frugal. I have met like 2 of them. One I am seeing. She knows the value of money when she tells me damn, that's expensive, don't know how people can spend like that. Those are the words you need to hear. Did she said those things when we go window shopping at the mall? Of course.

3. Make it a habit to keep the cost low. I bring my dates to sushi zanmai/fish bowl/salad altheir It comes up to around RM25/person max. No need RM50/person dates. You can even do like economy rice dates and see her reaction. If she cannot eat economy rice dishes, then no point continuing seeing her. You don't need movies. Simple walk in the park, sitting down on the bench and spending time also ok. Go hiking. It's a free and fun date. That's what me and my girl are doing always.

4. Ah the wedding cost. I told my girl let keep the cost as low as possible. No fancy wedding dinner. Keep it around RM20k max. Can it be done. Yes. We are planning for it. Keep the excess for honeymoon and investment. We are targeting RM10k. RM20k if exceed budget.

So yeah need to dig for gems, talk and find out her lifestyle. If lifestyle and future goals cannot match walk away even though how pretty or hot she is. Take your time to look.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Aug 2 2025, 10:36 AM

Yeah, I totally agree with your points but let me like add:

1. Maybe in the beginning the girl might not be truthful to you (yes, red flag there) but by the time you already invested some effort, time and money into her, do you sampai hati divest immediately? Assuming that the drinking Boba / Coffee thing is the only thing you cannot tolerate AT THAT MOMENT? For me, most guys might feel like, ok la, other parts she ok, I should continue BUT I WANT TO STRESS OUT, DO NOT CONTINUE. First you will keep penalising her for expensive drinks even if you did accept her behaviour (I did last time so I know) and it won't be healthy. Secondly, she will expect the drinks to come from the guy's wallet which you clearly didn't have the heart to even buy for yourself.

2. On the other hand I met a few who has been doing well in their careers and earning big bucks actually saying a RM100 meal is like dust to them. It's not even close to impress 1 bulu of her. High flyer right? There's more, she also keep insisting she is frugal and spends within her limits BUT she expects the NON FRUGAL part coming from the guy.

3. I am from Selangor / KL and if you can find 1 GIRL at her late 20s up to end 30s, willing to go out with you FIRST DATE at a mixed rice stall, I salute you bro. It's hard and not because they made it hard for us, it's the other guys. Like if another guy brings her to RM100 PER PERSON restaurants, she will slowly have her expectations up that other dates will live up to that expectation or even outdo that. Yes, it's wrong but the society has linked HOW EXPENSIVE THE FIRST DATE IS to the SINCERITY OF THE GUY / HOW MUCH THE GUY LIKES THE GIRL. I hear also I feel sick.

4. Most of the time, the girl got no say in wedding costs. The girl's parents makes all the decisions. You may keep the costs low but then again, if the parents start to intervene, we can't do much since rightfully the daughter will be more inclined to listen to them. I am seeing a close friend of mine keeping his finances together and struggling so bad because his future MIL is giving him a hard time and it's wayyyy beyond his expected budget.

1. Ask right away in the first meeting. What are your thoughts on those drinks I mentioned? How often do you drink them. I asked them on the first or second meeting.

2. You don't need to impress people. People who said RM100 is nothing is not frugal. Watch her actions not her words. I known girls who said they are frugal, they told DM they send like SGD2-3k for one night at Marina Bay Sands and only earning ringgit, that is not frugal.

3. Economy rice stall comes later say 3rd or 4th meeting. Actually no. A girl who knows money is not easy to earned will be alarmed that they guy is like spending RM100 per person. How I know? The girl I am seeing currently told me that. It makes her feel like the guy doesn't know about finance and just spend money away.

4. Again come down to the girl. My cousin was one of them. They have no big dinner. Just simple ceremony. We are also doing that except we are having Indian buffet which is like half the cost comes up to around RM35-70 per person depending on which place we are going.

Noted bro. I will read that book

1. Somehow they say you weed them out early and yeah. I know from the get go they are frugal or not with how they dress up also.

2. Agreed to that though there was an example of a frugal person but was misguided. I know of a friend, he dated a girl and wanted and hoped the girl to be frugal so he brought her to Suki-Ya for first date. The girl was ok and all at first but few days after the date, the replies were slower. He asked her why. She told him that she felt ok at first but her circle of friends told her that he was being cheap. She felt it was ok but was eaten up by the words that "If a guy can't show you sincerity at first, he won't show you anything after". So she ended up distancing herself from him.

3. If the girl really loves / likes the guy yes and maybe. But if both also dunno each other, coming out on 1st 2nd meet then probably the girl might think the guy is cheap haha. I tried that a few times suggesting cheap cafes for first second dates. End up, most don't wanna go.

4. I think how the parents perceive plays important part. Most of the time, parents got the big say on things related to marriage and they will go excuses like "If a proper wedding also cannot afford, how will you take care of my daughter in the future?".

1. You can't judge the way they dress. You can get a hint by their phone and their handbag.

2. If friend said cheap so be it. Move on. If that happens to me, ok. Next.

3. Got nothing to do with loves or like the guy. If a girl cannot follow me to eat at cheap place and economy rice stall then next. So be it.

4. Yes and no. Parents play a part but you must also show to the girl about your future plan. How you plan to go about it. Then up to her to make decision. Again talk to her. Discuss with her your plan. If you tell me I don't to spend for the weding, then I would like to know what you want to do with it. You better give me a good reason. So you need to tell him or her what you plan to do with the savings.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Aug 3 2025, 04:32 AM

Regarding the 4th, this is not an excuse. Imagine if you have a daughter, and dating a guy, who cares more his account balance than your daughter, how would you feel? I'm not saying we should treat girls like princesses, but to me too extreme holding onto own pocket is also red flag.

I am ok if he used the money wisely.

Unfortunately it looks easy as we speak but most parents (Chinese especially) are treating their children (especially daughters) like investments. When the son marries, he will still go back and offer the parents money but normally based on tradition and current trends, once the daughter is married off, it's other people's daughter already so they wanna milk the cow one last time and squeeze everything they can. I know it's not a right mindset but even my own mom is thinking that there should be some degree of financial provided in terms of dowry.

Dowry is custom. Cannot run away. Even my girl also said no need but my parents still want to give.