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There are many red flags—easily 7 to 9 aspects—but writing about all of them would be lengthy.

So instead, I’ll write a simpler one:

The girl that you are dating and planning to marry— her behavior will reflect how she raises your next generation.

Can you accept the values she is currently displaying to be passed on to your future children? If her values are pleasing, the children she raises will likely be pleasing. If her values are unpleasant, the children will likely be unpleasant too. This is a neutral observation: observe the present to project the future.

A person's current values are shaped by the previous generation. Her values reflect the upbringing she received from her family.

The mistake of many in the past was believing that pampering children equated to love. But true parental love is shown by correcting and disciplining a child before society criticises or condemns them. Affection without guidance is not love, that is neglect in disguise.

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You’re not without weaknesses—and one of them stands out clearly to me. You tend to quote your elders' advice when in conflict with your girlfriend. I strongly advise you to stop doing this.

It’s like using a cheat code in a video game when you can’t win by your own skill. In the physical world, it’s like losing a fight, then running home to ask your father to fight for you.

That’s not strength. That’s avoidance.

Once you take this path, you also open the door for her to do the same. Soon, both families are pulled into a personal issue between two people. What began as a small disagreement can easily spiral into something unmanageable.

If someone gives you advice and you decide to follow it, own the decision. Say you felt something was not right—not because your parents said so, but because you understood and accepted the wisdom behind it. Keep your relationship between the two of you, unless the situation truly calls for family intervention.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jul 24 2025, 10:54 AM

There is an implicit meaning when an individual is doing such — they are not decisive. And when things go wrong, it becomes “someone else taught me,” “someone else said” — the blame goes to others.

Among so many things in a relationship, refusing to be accountable or unwilling to take responsibility is one of the ugliest traits. Those who think they’ve diverted a problem by shifting the blame are actually planting a time bomb within the relationship.

This trait if not change, it will invite trouble.

This post has been edited by nihility: Jul 23 2025, 10:48 AM

“父教不善，女之过也；女教不善，孙之罪也。”

“If the father’s teaching is poor, the daughter will err; if the daughter’s teaching is poor, the grandchild will be at fault.”

~

A failed match, a bitter home, a broken vow—
these are not Heaven’s games.
They are the harvest
of careless hands.


This post has been edited by nihility: Jul 24 2025, 10:59 PM

A generation that cares about the wellbeing of the next — a loving parent, spotted.

1) IQ ≠ EQ. There is a flaw in this recommendation. I’ve witnessed highly educated individuals — both male and female — commit deeply unethical acts. Intelligence alone does not equate to emotional maturity or moral integrity.

2) Time is of the essence. The timeline for truly getting to know each other beyond surface-level traits often differs between men and women. A man may wish to take more time — but how long is “longer”? And what if that extended period comes at the expense of delaying another family’s daughter? Even if the man wants more time, would the future bride or her family accept such a delay?

3) Words are easier than reality. Giving advice is always simpler than navigating the complexities of real-life situations. When the time arrives, it would be tested.

4) The girl will hope that the man loves her enough to give her a blessed life.

I strongly believe that parents bear responsibility for their children’s character and behavior. If each parent fulfilled their role properly, at least 50% of miserable relationships, mismatches, or divorces could be prevented.