Sounds to me like that couple are not sharing and planning their finances together. When both sides keeping their own money and have to contribute for shared expenses, then will feel like money being taken away from them.. especially hard for frugal people.

If all money earned as a couple goes into one account first, then that gets divided into what needs to be paid. Most of this arguments won't happen because the money allocation has been discussed and planned for.

Its ok to have different thoughts of frugality, our brother Ramjade for example; is quite extreme. Even between me and my wife, I'm the more frugal person even though I spend on selected things.

What is important is that the financial distribution and allocation is discussed as a single unit. Ensuring the priorities of everyone involved is met, including no-questions-asked spendings.

Your method works because you and your wife came to an understanding, but it still leaves you open to some problems because both sides still prioritize themselves first and then only share the remainder.

In a marriage, it should no longer be "you" and "me". It is "us".

Financial planning should reflect that. If you can move your planning into that direction, I would strongly recommend it.

Its not like you can't have independant spending, my wife and I give ourselves an amount for personal spending; whatever we buy in that allocation is up to us and cannot be disputed by either side because all the commitments and responsibilities already accounted for.