Fyi, a case study, .......
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https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/4612114/+920QUOTE(BillCollector)
My parents divorced when I was 3, I have a sister that is 2 years younger. I never met him again till I was 28 and realized all that I was told about him were nothing but lies. .......
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My mother remarried when I was 6 and to a man that loved her but hated the existence of her children. He has a son that is same age as me. They do have a son and a daughter together that was born when my youngest sister was 5 and 7. He was a wealthy man and far from the kindhearted man everyone viewed him as he was an exceptionally wicked character, one of those typical egoistic chinaman that drove a Honda Accord and lived in PJ SS2 that it is either his way or no way at all. It was supposed to be one big happy family but far from it was the reality. He hated me for the simple reason that I stole the thunder from his brat. It was one of those situations where at Std 1 I was a whole head taller than him presumably due to my biological father being a 6'6" Australian of British descent. It was one of those situations where in Std 1 he was in the A class (because of a "donation" obviously which the asshole made it clear he paid it for his son and my father didn't pay it for me) and I was in the C class due to being placed there by random. I rode my bicycle to school while he was sent to school by car. Unfortunately it did not help him all that much because by Std 2 I was in the A class and winning gold medals while he was in the D class and lagging behind academically and athletically. When I tried to teach him his father would tell him not to listen to me. He was also lagging behind in quite a few aspects which I won't get into here. His solution? He sent his son for tuition after tuition by some of the best tuition teachers there was at that time.
Everyone knew how good I was at school, no one knew what type of hell hole house I lived at. I slept in a makeshift room that was built under the staircase of those double storey PJ SS2 houses. I never got to eat with them at the dining table, instead only leftovers or half eaten food for me usually chicken breast or tail end of the fish and the stalks of the vegetables and my mother gave me RM2 everyday and told me to leave the house before breakfast and not to come home after school until after dinner time from Std 2 onward. I slept on an old cotton mattress on the floor. I spent my time after school in the library, the sports equipment storage room and the wood working room. In the evenings I spent it at the football field or at the badminton court. When I got to the house, usually it was a quick shower, eat what was available and sleep. No one spoke to me other than my younger sister who would every now and then try to ask me what was happening to me. She unlike me was very well accepted presumably because she was a photocopy of my mother and also because I was the punching bag there wasn't any pressure on her.
I had one saving grace when I was in Std 4, that asshole's sister visited from America and suggested that she bring me back with her when I was 11, to my surprise it was agreed by everyone. I kept in touch with her through letters till it was the fall season of the year I moved to Vermont. She was this late 30s woman married to an American that was in his 50s. He was a decent guy though everyone said he was a loser. Finally for the first time in my life I sat on an airplane and rode in his car, when I was at Subang Airport, he showed me how to get on the flight and I was handed over to one escort. I would never see them again for 25 years.
Life in America was good. The usual mischief, the usual messing around with girls and cars like most American teenagers do. Her husband taught me several skills, chief among which was how to use a computer, how to do house repairs, how to fix cars and the usual vices of drinking, smoking, stoning and fucking. He was a Vietnam War veteran and had some health complications. After I graduated high school, she divorced him and returned to Malaysia as she said she had enough of supporting him. I would love to meet her again to thank her but have no idea what happened to her.
I moved to Texas for university. My mother sent me money for fees, mostly along the lines that if I returned home things won't be peaceful. Also the asshole didn't want me around. I thought just as well as I wanted to achieve my American Dream.
I'd have loved to have completed this chapter in life with zero drama but like all good things, it would come to an end. Asian Financial crisis started at the end of my freshman year. That May my mother told me that I had to return as they did not have money to pay my fees. I asked her what was I supposed to do, she said she didn't know but I could live at their house for 3 months. I told her I would return in August as I had already paid up fees for a summer class, dorm and had a placement arranged.
I knew my American Dream would come to an end, I knew I had to do something about it.
Summer started, I took up a food service job on campus paying $4.70 per hour, making calzones, burritos, biscuits & gravy and coffee. 1 shift per day and it came with a free meal. 6am to 10am and between 5pm and 9pm I took up a cleaning and maintenance job that paid $6.50 per hour. Between that time I had my class and placement.
That June I volunteered every Saturday morning at church to help with a remodelling project. I wasn't really religious but was attending church and praying. Middle of June I prayed to God and put it in His hand that if I was to remain in America then He would open that door for me.
End of June my placement was over and while at church helping with the tiling of the entrance foyer, an elderly and annoying lady asked if I could help her move some furniture at her house. I told Mrs Rogers sure, would help her Sunday after church and lunch. I helped her move furniture and saw she had a rider lawn mower but an overgrown lawn. Asked her why she doesn't use it, she told me it no longer runs. I remembered some of the lessons from my time in Vermont, I told her I'd take a look, replaced the spark plug, fuel cut off switch and gave it some new gas, it started. I told Mrs Rogers I'd be back as I must test it. 2 acres later and siphoning her car's gas tank several times her lawn was done. She then told me her picket fences had not been white washed for a long time and if I could help her with it. I told her sure, I'd do it next Saturday.
The following Saturday, I showed up, power washed her fence and started white washing it. Told her I would have to continue after church the next day. The next day it was done. She asked me how much I wanted I replied her "Nothing ma'am" and told her next time she needed me to help her to let me know.
While I was speaking to her, her neighbor Mrs Anders came out to take a look. She told me every 10 years her late husband would repaint the entire house starting from the 4th of July but he passed away last year and started sobbing that she felt sad the house could not be painted this year. Mrs Rogers asked me if I would like to help Mrs Anders, I told Mrs Anders if she bought some paint, brushes, rollers, tape, lemons, vinegar and prepared several pitchers of Minute Maid Orange Juice, I would help her but could not guarantee that the paint job would be anywhere near as good as Mr Anders would have done it. She told me she would be leaving on the 2nd of July to go to Florida to be with her mother and she would prepare everything by the next day. I told her I would come by to see her before she left.
I went to her house, she had bought the paint and everything I asked her, asked her to show me what needed to be done. There were worn seals, leaky taps and blown bulbs everywhere in the house. I asked her why she hasn't done anything about it, she said her late husband did all that for her and she never needed to do it and doesn't know how to do it. She then said she would be heading off to Florida that evening, gave me the house key and said she'd be back in 2 weeks, she left $500 on the dining table and told me to use it if I needed to buy anything.
I looked around, then went to the hardware shop, and started fixing all the stuff that was wrong with the house. Then removed all lights, shelves, masked and covered all her furniture as well as floor. Then got busy painting. That 4th of July as the fireworks went off, I started to wonder whether my American Dream was indeed coming to an end. Weirdly I stumbled upon a carving on the wall that I somehow missed when masking, it stated "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. (Matthew. 7:7-8)" I finished the painting the interior of the house and went back to my dorm.
That evening I phoned my mother, I told her I been going to church lately and started praying and reading the Bible. She went berserk. Told me to come back immediately. I told her that the reason I had called was to ask if she could help me apply for a student loan as I would like to continue with my studies. She said no and even if there was they won't be getting it for me. I rode my bicycle to the center of campus and decided to pray. Again I prayed that if it was God's will I remained in America and I wanted to remain in America and finish my education. I prayed that if that was His will then He would open that door for me.
The weekend came, I started working on the exterior. first by pressure washing the roof and gutters. Then started painting it. It wasn't a fantastic job but it helped me to think a lot.
That Monday morning as I was making a burrito for the person in charge of foreign students, I asked him if it was a problem to transfer to a less expensive university, he told me there was a new policy for foreign students affected by the Asian Financial Crisis, we could now work full time and study part time till the end of our visa. He also told me sometime that week the Board was sitting to discuss the matter as to how to help those caught up with the currency devaluations. He also told me to work off campus all I needed was an employer willing to employ me and he would sign on it to have that permission. He told me to wait till the Board announced their decision before jumping the gun.
That Sunday while waiting for Mrs Anders to return, Mrs Rogers came over to take a look, she told me that morning while at church God spoke to her and that she should help me lighten any burden I may have. I told her I may need to move as I need to find a less expensive university, asked her if she knew where I could go she told me to stop being silly. She told me to meet her tomorrow at the Registrar's office at 3pm. Mrs Anders showed up and I returned the key to her. Told her I needed $130 in parts and hardware to fix everything that was amiss and I decided to replace all the bulbs in her house. She was surprised there were no paint smells or stains and then she asked me how much I wanted, I replied to her "nothing ma'am" She told me to not go anywhere, she went to her bedroom and came out with a key and piece of paper. She told me it was the title to her late husband's car. She told me to take it and tomorrow she would arrange to take care of the insurance for as long as I was a student.
The next day Mrs Anders met me, transferred the title and I owned my first car, it wasn't anything special just a 3 year old Buick. She then brought me to see the insurance agent, she paid for my insurance and said I better start driving and I could start by meeting her and a friend of hers' for dinner that nite. I then went to see Mrs Rogers who was waiting at the registrar's office. She asked the registrar how much was needed for my tuition fees. The registrar asked for my student ID, he asked me if he could share the information, I told him yes. He looked up my records, told her the credits I would need to take and gave her the number. I told him that was a mistake. He then called up the person in charge of foreign students asked why my record stated I was paying in state tuition. After 5 minutes, he then told me because of the economic crisis, the Board had decided to waive the out of state tuition surcharge for those from the affected countries on condition they had a 3.5 or above CGPA. Mrs Rogers asked what was my CGPA and when the registrar told her, she asked him to calculate how much it would be to pay up all my tuition fees and insurance up front till I graduated. She then wrote a check and said she was paying all my tuition and insurance upfront and told me to stop thinking about moving. I cried there and there itself, told her she could not do it for me, she said it was what God had asked of her to do and that she could not take that money with her. She said she had to get going and make sure she gets a ticket to watch my graduation.
I met Mrs Anders for dinner, she brought with her a friend of hers' who owned a real estate agency, had several rental properties and a retirement village. She told me she had invited Mr Fredrick to meet me because she would like to claim one of the many favors he owed her. He offered me a job and a place to stay. 20 hours per week, $9.50 per hour and he would deduct 3 hours of wage per week for rental. He told me to be the one that attends any maintenance issues, take calls for him and he would teach me how to evaluate real estate and clients. He told me he had already spoken to the person in charge of foreign students and tomorrow I must go sign a form.
I phoned my mother, told her I won't be returning as I found a way to get on with my life without their help. I wanted to tell her from then onward I did not wish to recognize her as my mother but then I remembered the 10 Commandments. I didn't need to anyway because she told me she was disowning me. I told her it isn't as if she had done much for me since she married the asshole. She told me never to call again. I kept in touch with my younger sister.
I went on with my life, in practice worked close to 28 hours per week, stayed active in church as well as in campus ministries.
One of the duties of my job was to help senior citizens empty out their house and prepare it for rent, their possessions had to be divided into 3, the ones taking to the retirement village, the one being put in storage and the ones to be discarded. Those that were to be discarded instead of just throwing it away I would list them on eBay, when it sold I kept 50% for myself and 50% I gave it to the church as tithes and offering.
I did well at uni, graduated with that coveted 4.0CGPA and Mrs Rogers did get a ticket to watch my graduation together with Mrs Anders and Mr Fredrick.
I had saved up $27,000 in cash and had $12,000 in my AmeriTrade account. I wrote 3 $9,000 checks and gave it support 3 missionaries that were going to China to spread the good news. I emptied out my AmeriTrade account, sold all my possessions I had in Texas including that Buick, wrote out a check for that amount and gave it to the campus pastor that introduced me to being a Christian.
I moved to Seattle Washington where I had a $48,000 per year job, came with a company car, a cell phone and a $8,000 sign up bonus.
7 months into the job I attended a court auction and bid for a derelict old building. Bought it for $70,000, I used a personal loan to purchase it. Took a 2nd personal loan of $88,000 to renovate it I converted it into 3 units of 2 bedroom apartments. Once it was ready I applied for a mortgage and used the rental to pay for it. I made a $90 per month profit which I donated to the church I had started attending. Took 8 months from bid to donation.
3 months after that I attended another auction, bought another derelict building for $90,000, this used to be an inn and was full of momentos of the past which I sold on eBay, made $30,000 from it, I took a personal loan for $110,000 to renovate and convert it into 6 units of apartments, 2 2bedrooms, 2 1bedroom and 2 studios. I had it mortgaged to settle the loans, then rented it out. I made $200 per month in profits on this which I donated towards a single mother ministry that the church operated.
I stopped buying in Seattle as I wanted to diversify to elsewhere. Was hoping to be transferred to the Bay area but that did not happen. 5 years at the job I was offered a promotion that required me to move to Reading, England.
Life in England wasn't what I expected it to be. Church wasn't the same here. I felt for the first time I had to get on with life without support of a supportive church.
However it was a fairly good time to be in Britain and quite possibly it was the last time ever where it would be as good for a long time to come. I rented a flat in Reading and after 4 months decided I no longer wanted to pay someone else's mortgage.
I wanted to live near Oxford, while driving there I noticed a butcher shop with the same surname as me, I had a vague memory that my grandfather was a butcher. I stopped to ask if the butcher shop was by any chance owned by a certain Mr Arthur ****** , was told it used to be but he retired several years ago. I asked if she knew if he was still around, she told me he lived at a certain flat in Cowley and her father told me the address. He asked if I was his relative as I did bear some striking resemblance to him. When I showed up at the flat I questioned whether I really wanted to know.
When I first saw him, he was sitting at the park bench smoking his pipe. Tried talking to him and weirdly he knew exactly who I was and asked why I had come, told me my mother had caused enough of a heartache for everyone and did I come to cause more. I asked him if we could have 5 minutes to talk, he warmed up to me and asked me to go buy him more tobacco first. Instead of looking for a house to buy I ended up spending time getting to know him. He had loads of WW2 era stories as well as those from his time at the Malayan Emergency. He then asked me what I knew about my father. I told him I had not met him since I was 3 and was told he did not want to see or know who I am. He told me to go to Cornwall and find for the skipper of a certain boat. I told him how about if we both went the following weekend. He told me my father was a lonely and heart broken man after my mother kicked him out and prevented him from seeing his children to the extent that he was barred from even going into Malaysia and could no longer be in Australia due to something she did.
The following Friday instead of looking around Oxford for a house to buy, I drove to Cornwall. Well it turned out my father was a skipper for a trawler. He said he always dreamt and hoped one day I would find him as he had no way of finding or reaching out to me. I told him my journey he said he wasn't surprised and it was then that I discovered I been lied to about him for the longest of time. I told him I should fly back to Kuala Lumpur to give her a piece of my mind, he told me best to let bygones be bygones. We went to a pub for dinner, caught up more and filled him in on life till I got to where I was. In the end we promised to keep in touch more often.
It was a month later before I could resume looking for a house, I approached a mortgage broker and asked how much I could qualify, £180,000 was the amount and I could get that amount for any house costing £160,000 or above as they gave out a 110% mortgage with little to no questions asked.
I was invited to a real estate auction organized by the bank that mortgage broker was peddling. Pay £1,000 to register, any winning bid you will automatically be pre-approved for a mortgage. There was 1 detached house I was interested in, been abandoned for 10 years. It was the last house to be auctioned and 3 bidder remained. Opening price was £180,000, 1st participant left upon hearing the price, 2nd participant left when pictures of the interior was shown, he said it was in too bad a shape. Neither of us bid, then the bid was open to the floor, I put a bid for £140,000, the other party bid it up to £145,000 and I gave it £150,000 but was outbid. I told Natwest no worries another time. Thought I had lost it and that was the end.
I then approached another broker who dealt with Lloyds TSB, he had a similar detached house that was 2 streets away. I viewed it, the asking price was £190,000 and I tried being cheeky, offered £155,000 and they told me £160,000 and it is mine. I told them okay. Signed everything, then 2 days later the broker said the house was temporarily withdrawn from sale. I thought what the heck, but 4 days later was told the sale is on and sign some more documents. I did and the broker told me key would be ready in 2 weeks.
The next day, remember Natwest? I get a call from them congratulating me winning the auction. I was like what auction, it turned out the idiot that outbid me forfeited his deposit and pulled out of it, therefore Natwest was exercising their right to have it sold to the bidder before him which was me. They told me as per the terms of the contract I could take immediate possession as soon as the funds are cleared which they could clear instantly. I asked if I could pull out they said no unless I wanted to pay compensation.
I phoned up the other broker, asked if I could pull out, he asked why. I told him what had happened, he told yeah that happens a lot but congratulations on now owning 2 properties. He told me he could arrange someone to rent one if I wanted. It was pointless to continue at that point as I knew any type of asking would be told no. I asked both Natwest and LloydsTSB if they could accept interest only payments while I sorted out the house, they both told me I could do interest only payments till I was 50 if I so choose. I had bought some breathing space at least. I applied for planning permission and converted both houses into 2 separate self contained flats. I was quite lucky as I did not meet any hiccups along the way and the only thing that was messed up was the tile gap and color, I had specified magnolia tiles but it was tiled in pure white and instead of a 1mm gap it was done with a 3mm gap. I funded the conversion by taking out personal loans. When it was done I rented out all the flats. Spent close to £60,000 on each conversion which I then asked each of the banks to absorb it into my mortgages. Took 11 months from key collection. When it was rented out I put a plan to pay it off within 15 years just like my American properties. I made a profit of £20 on each flat each month. I was satisfied with that and I donated all the profit to The National Trust.
I thought I was doing good though I knew people who were profiting to the tune of £100 per week on a single flat. I wasn't that interested and gladly so. I decided to expand 6 months later.
I approached Natwest and asked if I could have a mortgage, they told me I could only qualify for a Buy-to-Let mortgage. 25% deposit needed. I told them I did not have 25% and the broker showed me a development, buy off plan, flats that was 5 minute walk from a London Zone 2 tube station, all I had to pay was £5,000 and the rest of the 25% I could pay it in 12 equal payments or they could take it from the equity in my mortgage account. When it was ready in 16 months, the local council would rent it at 2% for 5 years then after that could negotiate with the council. I signed up.
The same day I went to LloydsTSB to ask if I could have another mortgage. She asked me if I wanted to take part in a certain buy-to-let scheme. It was the same exact development. I asked if she had any other. She said this was all and there was only 1 more unit left. She told me it was a very nice unit as it had the river frontage. She explained it again. She pulled up my record and said she could park the entire 25% into my mortgage and we could sign the paperwork. I told her sure thing. We had the hand shake and headed as I headed out of the cubicle, she went "Would you like a second unit at this development?" I turned around and said she told me I had just bought the last one, She said the system suddenly showed a unit with no purchasers, she told me it was an even nicer unit. I looked at it and asked if we could swap units. She told me it wasn't a possibility but she started flirting with me and convinced me to buy that 2nd unit and told me she could approve a loan for the 25% deposit needed even told me I could buy her a drink at the pub after we had signed. I signed and told her with the amount of commission she was making off me she could buy me a steak for both of us and still have plenty left over.
Shocking isn't it how easy it was to buy real estate at one point even when you had near zero in your bank account?
Thankfully I knew not to go overboard, 16 months later when the keys were given to the council and rent started coming in, I approached a broker from Barclays, she said to meet her at the office, I went by she told me they were underwriting a new project that would be ready in 9 months, only 3 units left. If I was interested all I had to do was activate a credit card that she had brought with her that was in my name. Told me to swipe and sign then pay it back like any other credit card transaction. I did just that. Bought another flat that was in Zone 3 of London also on a similar scheme.
I knew I had better stop at that time but I did not stop, I saw a freehold with a pub on it coming up for auction. I asked Natwest whether they'd be in a position to help out. They told me their guide price and if it was anywhere near that I could get a mortgage for it without deposit. It closed at £820,000 and I managed to get a full mortgage for it as the guide price for it was £1,120,000 but what they did not say was it was worth that much when it was up and running. This one was a pub inn with 16 rooms and a function room. The place was a dump. I had grand plans for it to be converted into flats but then came 2008. Credit crunch and all that meant it was suddenly a bit difficult to roll. There wasn't much else to do but go back to my basics like how I started out in life. It meant I had to do things myself and do more with less. I applied for planning permission to convert that inn into flats. I fixed up the pub and converted it to a gastro-pub run and tenanted it to a French Canadian to operate. The rent was enough to pay part of the interest. I then started on the flat conversion, I converted those 16 rooms into 8 self contained 1bedroom flats. It had to be done on the cheap. 70% of the building material was scavenged from leftover building sites. 8 flats have 8 different design and sized windows but they were good quality double glazed ones. Total spent? Average £9,000 on each conversion on materials. It wasn't the nicest of flats and even the building inspector raised his eyebrows but it met the code requirements. It was done in 3 months. How? I made a deal with 4 Polish couples. I told them to build it for me and I will give them 6 months free rental. They built it and on the 4th month I had tenants in 4 of the flats. I told myself never again was I taking such a risk with real estate. I told myself some day I would rebuild it into one of the best looking flat in town.
Unfortunately 2008 also was one of those years that I wished I made less mistakes. Met this Malaysian Chinese girl, attractive, well spoken, came from a very wealthy background and while in Britain she was that type that rejected everything Chinese and essentially wanted to be a Brit that sang God Save the Queen the loudest. While 3 months pregnant she decided she wanted to return to Malaysia, I thought things weren't looking so rosy in Britain at that time and it was time to look for new challenges.
Alas it seemed I had not learned from experience. Her parents were fuming mad, that 5 years in Britain she had 11 different tattoos, piercings of all kinds, 4 months pregnant and had a not 100% Chinese spouse. Needless to say I did not get on well with them. They wanted to meet my parents, I told them I did not know where they were and if they knew they could let me know. They wanted to know how much income I made, I told them probably not as much as them but more than enough to support my family without asking them for any money. They wanted a 100 table Chinese wedding dinner and insisted on it. I told them I hated Chinese food and wasn't a fan of Chinese customs and culture but if they were interested then they were more than welcome to pay for it. She was secretly happy someone stood up against her parents as she always thought everyone kow-towed to them but I wasn't about to be a pushover. Then they said if the child she was carrying turned out to be a boy and Chinese looking he must carry their surname. I told them I had a better surname than theirs and boy or girl, whether Chinese looking or not that child will follow my surname.
We had a toned down wedding dinner, we bought a condo at Desa Parkcity because it was close to her parents house. My work had projects in Singapore, Indonesia and Thailand, therefore I travelled a lot. I told her we should move to Mont Kiara and I bought a new condo as I knew for as long as we lived nearby there were simply too many interference from them. Things were good for the 4 years then she got pregnant again. When they found out she was carrying a boy again they started demanding for him to carry her surname, it also came at a time their businesses were failing and I told her that boy will carry my surname no negotiations on that. Also her younger sister started needing financial support for her studies, well the battle lines were drawn. They wanted him to have a generational name I told them it was the ugliest name I've ever heard and named him after the now late Mrs Rogers' maiden name who had passed away 2 months before he was born.
Things did not turn out well, lots of fighting, battles and wars. I saw no end in sight for it at all. We were supposed to move to our new condo at Mont Kiara in time to celebrate our son's first birthday. His 1st birthday was celebrated without my presence as she had brought him and our eldest to live in her parents house as divorce was the only way out.
5 years on, she still tries her best to fight and blame me any chance she gets. You could say I won a lot of the battles but lost the war as I essentially lost both the children and right now the children are not close to me.
It was right around then that I realized financial freedom and independence was mostly what allowed me to hold my high ground.
I became happier after the divorce. I took a break from work and travelled for 6 months.
During my travels it made me further realize just what financial independence can do and I returned to work after that and knew everything would be just fine.
I was based in Hong Kong for a project then. Was set up on several speed dates. It did not go all that well as most of them were Chinese and uhhhh I told myself there wasn't such a thing as good Chinese woman in this world. In the end while on a flight to Singapore in the waiting area, there was this American woman with a 3 month old baby. I said to myself I sure hope she isn't sitting near me during the flight as I would like to have a break. Well yeah of course she wasn't sitting near me, she sat next to me. Non stop her baby cried, then after being airborne and fasten seat belt sign went off, she asked me to help her hold her daughter as she needed to get something, her baby stopped crying but started crying straight away when I handed her back. We got talking, she told me she was from Georgia and was flying to Singapore to meet with a lover she met online for the first time. Then suddenly she asked me to hold her baby again as she needed to poo. I held her baby and she went to poo. When she came back her baby was sleeping and she did not take her baby back immediately, she said her baby must really like me. I told her I wished mine liked me the same but they don't and I had not seen them for coming to a year. We talked, she asked if I was an American as she could hear some Southern drawl in my voice. I told her it wasn't a Southern drawl she was hearing it was a Texan drawl and Texas wasn't part of the south but the country that ruled America. We arrived Singapore and I gave her one of my business cards told her to call me if ever she wanted to hang out.
The next day she called me to tell me she was still at the airport, her lover turned out to be a no-show.
I told her if she wanted she could take a taxi to where I was at to freshen up and plan her next move.
She took a shower, gave her baby a bath. I gave her the room service menu and asked her to get something to eat.
Her baby had a thing of liking me to carry her, each time she cried I carried her she would stop crying. She then told me she actually had no money as she used up much of her money to buy the ticket and her supposed lover was to take care of her expenses. I told her that's okay I could definitely afford her room service meal.
Well she is still planning her next move smile.gif
There you have it, that was my life story.
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So, during a critical point in your college life in USA when you were in financial dire straits in 1997, God miraculously answered your prayers for college finance through 2 old US Christian ladies = you became a firm believer in the Christian God and has since regularly repaid His blessings with tithes and gift offerings to Churches. Is that all the Gospel/Bible is about, ie only a financial relationship with God.? What about holy living and salvation from hell - 1COR.5:1-13 & 6:9-11 & 11:30, GAL.5:19-21, REV.22:12-17.?
Unfortunately, you continued in your sins/law-breaking in sexual immorality(= against God's Word at JOHN.5:14 & 8:11, ACTS.15:19-29, 1COR.6:14-20 & 3:16-17) and proceeded to marry an unbeliever(against the Word of God at 2COR.6:14). Hence, you have suffered the consequences of your sins/law-breaking, eg quarrels with your non-Christian in-laws, divorce, separation from your 2 kids, high blood pressure, losing hair, losing money in bad auctioned houses, etc. You should have married one of the young female relatives of Mrs Rogers or Mrs Anders who is a believer.
....... Your unbelieving wife and in-laws are a very bad influence on you. What's done is done and let bygones be bygones, no matter how bad, ie you need to suffer for your sins/law-breaking. Christians do not have the "Get out of Jail Free" card for their willful sins/law-breaking(HEB.10:26-31 & 6:1-8) - they only have the "Get out of Hell Free" card for their inherited Adam's Original Sin, through faith in Jesus Christ(ROMANS.5:12).
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The Bible says Jesus Christ was God-in-the-flesh(JOHN.1:1 & 14, 1TIM.3:16, JOHN.8:58/EXO.3:14, ISA.9:6) and at ACTS.15:19-29 and ROMANS.14:1-4, the Holy Spirit of God(= is Jesus also - 2COR.3:17, JOHN.6:63) exempted new Gentile Christians from any of His laws which proved a burden to them, eg circumcision(GEN.34:25), dietary laws, etc.
OTOH, the Gentile Christians were still required to keep any of His laws which proved not a burden, eg avoid sexual immorality, keep the Ten Commandments/laws, etc(1COR.5:5 & 6:9-11, GAL.5:19-21). Otherwise, they may likely end up not saved from hell, eg by losing faith after suffering for their law-breaking/sins/evil-deeds - 1COR.11:30, 1JOHN.5:16, DEUT.28:15, ROM.2:5-11, 1TIM.4:1, JOB.2:9.
In comparison, Jewish Christians were required by God to continue to keep His 613 laws, as many as possible, because they were not a burden to them since they had already done so from childhood - ACTS.21:20-25, 2TIM.3:14-17.
Paul, the apostle to the Gentiles(ACTS.9:15-16) was just obeying God and His latest revelation at ACTS.15 when Paul contested against the Judaizers(GAL.2:9-14) by teaching the doctrine of justification for salvation by faith in Jesus Christ alone, and not by keeping all the 613 laws of God, even though the Law could bring earthly blessings from God, ie a good and long life on earth. Paul did not teach Gentile Christians to go and sin some more after conversion, only that they were exempted or liberated from burdensome laws.
....... Why did God exempt the Gentile Christians.? = because for many new Gentile Christians who might already be mired in the consequences/effects of sins/law-breaking in their previous lawless Gentile lives, inheriting eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ trumps gaining a long life through the 613 laws of Moses, eg the robber/sinner/law-breaker who was crucified next to Jesus Christ at LUKE.23:43 was able to inherit Paradise through faith in Jesus, even though he had to die young for his sin of robbery.
God/Jesus's ideal believer was a Jewish Christian who kept His laws and believed in Jesus of Nazareth as his/her Christ/Messiah(cf; MATTHEW.19:16-23). But alas, most of the Jews in the 1st century AD rejected Him as the Christ/Messiah and killed Him on the Cross. So, the gospel of salvation was then extended to the mostly wild/lawless Gentiles and that is where many problems crop up wrt Christian doctrines, eg false prophets/teachers/pastors(MATTHEW.7:15-23, ROMANS.11).
Most new Gentile Christians need to begin their new born-again life in the Spirit by keeping the 4 simple, easy and non-burdensome laws of Moses at ACTS.15:28-29. Thereafter, they should gradually grow from spiritual babes-in-Christ to spiritual adults or men of God(1COR.3:1-3, 2TIM.3:16-17) by learning to keep the other non-burdensome laws of God so as to avoid sinning/evil-doing/law-breaking and getting cursed or punished by God = avoid a sad and short life on earth and risk losing their faith/salvation.(HEB.8:10-11 & 10:15)
Good day.
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This post has been edited by lurkingaround: Nov 5 2019, 04:50 PM 
Sep 26 2019, 03:45 PM, updated 4y ago
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i know a few faithful Christians that have died early. In their 30's, early 50's, etc. Their testimonies are/were outstanding. I know a young lady in her early 30's, who's suffering from a relapse. She clings on to Jesus so closely. She grew up in Sunday school. All the above people are cancer victims. 
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