I think you must have probably heard this a thousand time and it has become a cliche in the christian circle but it is the only source of answer.

You have to put God first in your life in seeking fulfillment, the gap in your life. If you do that, there is always hope for things to fall into places because God would be in the picture.

How do you go about doing this? well spend as much time as you can in quiet solitude with God but do it with Faith believing He is there listening. Read his word "expecting" for Him to speak back via his word. the Bible.

Whatever words that jump at you, do it. Obey and be patience. Pray a lot.

It's what I do. I bother God for every little things in my life. It has help me a lot seeing that God do response when you come to him in Faith.

EVEN your this predicament, it matters to God.

I have read your other thread and I emphatise with you.

I want to remind you that God loves you and He has the best in store for you.

Romans 8:28 reminds us

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28 NKJV

God in His infinite wisdom and knowledge sees the end of the matter. We only see the present moment and it hurts.
Every hurt we go through has a teaching moment, if learnt, will become a blessing or help to someone else in the future.

Do not despair.

It has only been two weeks since your breakup and the hurt will be there for some time to come. I think the girl is hurting also because of the perceived "betrayal".

She needs time to process what had happened and it does not mean it is the end for both of you.

What would I do in your situation?

I would continue to keep in touch with her via text messages even tho we agreed not to contact her.
Good morning messages
think of you messages. etc.

just to let her know she is still important to you.

Women are complicated. If you don't contact her she might think you are no longer interested even tho you are just honoring the no contact agreement.

Do you have a church pastor or cell leader you can talk to to unburdrn yourself? if yes, do talk to them.

Keeping you in prayer.

God bless.

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Please refer to 1COR.7 for your "diagnosis" from God/Jesus, eg " For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

4 years in a romantic relationship without sex and/or petting is quite unbearable(especially for the man) and may be a sin against both the young sexually virile partners.

My personal opinion and solution is for such a young committed Christian couple to be Spirit'ually married in front of God, like how Adam was married to Eve, consummate the marriage but practice birth-control, until they can legally and/or financially marry later on = cannot divorce once spiritually married by God = a grave sin to divorce.

In ancient days, eg in the OT and Imperial China, youths were married off by their parents soon after puberty, ie in their mid-teens = no problem of pre-marital sex and sexual sins like yours.  Since the 1950s, society has changed to compel youths to only be able to be married after their 20s, eg educational and financial requirements = problem of pre-marital sex, sexual sins like yours(could not bear with no pre-marital sex) and unmarried teen pregnancies.

So, maybe you should stop feeling guilty about your sexual sin(= sexting) with your divorced lady friend and throw the Bible book of 1COR.7 and GEN.2:24 at your ex-gf. If this does not solve the problem with your ex-gf, then you will just have to move on.

Best of luck, have a good rest and good day.
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P S - I knew of a similar story between a young committed Christian couple in a US college. The gf insisted on no pre-marital sex. This was since they got together in high-school = 5 years. So the bf acquiesced.
....... Somehow, the gf ended up losing her virginity to a non-Christian male college mate. Most probably in a drunken college party. So, they broke up and the bf was never the same again afterwards = stayed gf-less, Churchless and single in his 30s was the last I heard of him. The ex-gf probably became Churchless as well, eg married an unbeliever.

Girls get drunk much faster than boys, for the same amount of alcohol consumed because their digestive systems do not efficiently excrete alcohol. Many young gullible girls do not know this, get pushed to drink at parties, became drunk and easily raped or gang-raped.
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You would not have committed the sexting-sin against your ex-gf if she had not insisted on the no-premarital sex rule or if both of you had gotten Spirit'ually married and consummated. So, the root blame may lie in incorrect Christian teaching that burdens God's young people - whereas, the Lord/God Jesus Christ said that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. 4 to 5 years of no-sex for a committed young Christian legally-unmarried couple is too much of a burden to bear.

Or both of you should have pushed and gotten legally married 3 to 4 years ago = you would not have recently sinned.

Sex between a Spirit'ually married Christian couple is not a sin/evil-deed/law-breaking.

Did we have lawyers and legal marriage papers when Adam married Eve, Abraham married Sarah, Jacob married Rachel, etc.? = they were Spirit'ually married, and not legally married by a local authority.

Today, legal marriage papers is only a requirement by the local authorities for the purpose of inheritance, spousal benefits, legal recognition of offsprings for access to government facilities, etc. If you do not need these purposes of a legal marriage paper, then obeying God/Jesus/the-Spirit is more important than obeying Caesar/government(MATTHEW.22:21) wrt marriage and sex, as per 1COR.7 and GEN.2:24.
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JOHN.3:5-8 (NKJV) = 5 Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. 6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7 Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes. So is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”
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JOHN.4:21-26 = 21 Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews. 23 But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. 24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

25 The woman said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming” (who is called Christ). “When He comes, He will tell us all things.”

26 Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am He.”
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JOHN.14:25-26 = 25 “These things I have spoken to you while being present with you. 26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.
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You can share this to her by printing the replies on this page and giving it to her to read. Let her decide. If she is not persuaded to reconcile with you and maybe also give up her no-premarital-sex-rule, then you should just let go of her and move on.
....... Maybe take some time out to rest and wallow in your grief/sadness or see a doctor for temporary relief of your insomnia/depression.
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That is a very good start indeed, which is wise of you.

But be careful as you began on this beautiful journey of getting to know Almighty God, the evil one will always be there to demotivate you in one way or another.

At your age, I made wilful decision to understand everything in the Holy Bible. My only regret now, I should have done it much much earlier. Once you experience and witness the miracles done by our Lord, nothing else really matters. 😊

B = Basic
I = Instructions
B = Before
L = Leaving
E = Earth

God Bless.

What you are experiencing is normal.

We must remember to hold on to the promises of God.

While pain cannot be easily dismissed, regrets, shame and guilt have been fully dealt with by Jesus' sacrifice for you, therefore they have no rightful place in your heart or mind anymore.

whenever they come, quote God's promises to yourself.

for example

1 John 1:9

Eph 1:7

look them up and think about them.
don't just stop at the verse. read the whole chapter if possible

1 John is especially beautiful.

Let me share a secret.

The Bible is a very interesting book.

Don't just read.

Think as you read.

Ask yourself questions as you go along.

some passages in the Bible are sombre.

some feels like they came out of a comedy sketch.

Luke is a particularly funny writer.

ok. lets take Luke chapter one.

stay with me ya. long passage.

Inasmuch as many have taken in hand to set in order a narrative of those things which have been fulfilled among us, just as those who from the beginning were eyewitnesses and ministers of the word delivered them to us, it seemed good to me also, having had perfect understanding of all things from the very first, to write to you an orderly account, most excellent Theophilus, that you may know the certainty of those things in which you were instructed.

(Introduction on whom the book was written to, some big shot during those times)

There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the division of Abijah. His wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth.

And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless. (good people)

But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both well advanced in years.

(in other words, real oldies)

So it was, that while he was serving as priest before God in the order of his division, according to the custom of the priesthood, his lot fell to burn incense when he went into the temple of the Lord. And the whole multitude of the people was praying outside at the hour of incense.

Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing on the right side of the altar of incense. And when Zacharias saw him,  he was troubled, and fear fell upon him. But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your prayer is heard; and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth. For he will be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will also be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother’s womb. And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. He will also go before Him in the spirit and power of Elijah, ‘to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children,’ and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

And Zacharias said to the angel, “How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is well advanced in years.”

(in other words, dei, you blind ka? How in heaven are we going to have a kid at our age??)

And the angel answered and said to him, “I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, and was sent to speak to you and bring you these glad tidings. But behold, you will be mute and not able to speak until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words which will be fulfilled in their own time.”

(oops.... should have kept his big mouth shut earlier. now cant talk for 10 months)

And the people waited for Zacharias, and marveled that he lingered so long in the temple. But when he came out, he could not speak to them; and they perceived that he had seen a vision in the temple, for he beckoned to them and remained speechless. So it was, as soon as the days of his service were completed, that he departed to his own house.

Now after those days his wife Elizabeth conceived;
(quick question, how does one conceive a child? picture it in your mind and remember they are both oldies. brrrrr...) and she hid herself five months, saying, “Thus the Lord has dealt with me, in the days when He looked on me, to take away my reproach among people.”
Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David.

The virgin’s name was Mary. And having come in, the angel said to her, “Rejoice, highly favored one,  the Lord is with you; blessed are you among women!” But when she saw him,  she was troubled at his saying, and considered what manner of greeting this was. Then the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bring forth a Son, and shall call His name Jesus . He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David. And He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.”

Then Mary said to the angel, “How can this be, since I do not know a man?”

(good question!)

And the angel answered and said to her, “ The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Highest will overshadow you; therefore, also, that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God. Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren. For with God nothing will be impossible.”

Then Mary said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.”

(Woah!! what is she saying!!! those days if you were unmarried and pregnant you might get stoned!
Now do you get why she is called blessed?)

And the angel departed from her. Now Mary arose in those days and went into the hill country with haste, to a city of Judah, and entered the house of Zacharias and greeted Elizabeth.

And it happened, when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, that the babe leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. Then she spoke out with a loud voice and said, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! But why is this granted to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For indeed, as soon as the voice of your greeting sounded in my ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy. Blessed is she who believed, for there will be a fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord.” And Mary said: “My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant; For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed. For He who is mighty has done great things for me, And holy is His name. And His mercy is on those who fear Him From generation to generation. He has shown strength with His arm; He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts. He has put down the mighty from their thrones, And exalted the lowly. He has filled the hungry with good things, And the rich He has sent away empty. He has helped His servant Israel, In remembrance of His mercy, As He spoke to our fathers, To Abraham and to his seed forever.”

And Mary remained with her about three months, and returned to her house.

Now Elizabeth’s full time came for her to be delivered, and she brought forth a son. When her neighbors and relatives heard how the Lord had shown great mercy to her, they rejoiced with her.

So it was, on the eighth day, that they came to circumcise the child; and they would have called him by the name of his father, Zacharias. ( Zack son of Zack )
His mother answered and said, “No; he shall be called John.”

But they said to her, “There is no one among your relatives who is called by this name.” So they made signs to his father—what he would have him called.

(Duh!! He is dumb! not deaf!)

And he asked for a writing tablet, and wrote, saying, “His name is John.” So they all marveled. Immediately his mouth was opened and his tongue loosed, and he spoke, praising God.

Then fear came on all who dwelt around them; and all these sayings were discussed throughout all the hill country of Judea. And all those who heard them  kept them in their hearts, saying, “What kind of child will this be?” And the hand of the Lord was with him. Now his father Zacharias was filled with the Holy Spirit, and prophesied, saying: “Blessed  is the Lord God of Israel, For He has visited and redeemed His people, And has raised up a horn of salvation for us In the house of His servant David, As He spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets, Who have  been  since the world began, That we should be saved from our enemies And from the hand of all who hate us, To perform the mercy promised to our fathers And to remember His holy covenant, The oath which He swore to our father Abraham: To grant us that we, Being delivered from the hand of our enemies, Might serve Him without fear, In holiness and righteousness before Him all the days of our life. “And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Highest; For you will go before the face of the Lord to prepare His ways, To give knowledge of salvation to His people By the remission of their sins, Through the tender mercy of our God, With which the Dayspring from on high has visited us; To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, To guide our feet into the way of peace.” So the child grew and became strong in spirit, and was in the deserts till the day of his manifestation to Israel.
Luke 1:1‭-‬80 NKJV
https://bible.com/bible/114/luk.1.1-80.NKJV

you get the picture?

give it a try.

I cut and paste from Youversion App.

memory verses are specifically memorised. but always read the whole passage so you don't misunderstand what it really means.

too many people quote verses out of context to suit their purposes and you must be careful not to do that.

As with all disciplines, start slow.
unless you are stirred up by the Holy Spirit and you just can't stop reading. wooooo. wonderful times.

be consistent.
one chapter a day and slowly increase.

then you won't feel discouraged by the seemingly many verses you have to read.

sooner or later you will catch the fire.

read what you are comfortable with.

Luke and John are good starters.

and prepared to be amazed by what you will discover Jesus has done for us.

God bless

What you are actually struggling with right now, is repentance. Real repentance for our Lord Jesus Christ says "Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is close at hand."

When you truly understand what real repentance really is, then it will not be that easy for the devil to tempt you any longer with sin.

Then you will be able to testify effectively, for with God everything is possible. 😊

Could be 2 things.

1. Your wrong idea about God, maybe you think God is out to get you, trying to condemn you by your wrongs.
2. attack of your spiritual enemy, they're always 24/7 trying to distance you from God, planting thoughts like No. 1

Oh ok cool.....

To hear from God, one of the thing we can learn to do is to be at peace.

To be at peace with God. We can know that God will forgive but have you forgiven yourself? You need to be convinced that you cannot carry the guilt burden...whatever it maybe, you got to give to Christ.

We hear God the loudest when we are at peace with God, with ourselves, with others.

Maybe you want to try to meditate on this verse:
John 14:1 (NIV) - Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.