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 Some jokes I've got from forward email ..., Maybe you've read before

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KLL
post Apr 2 2005, 09:03 PM

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Joined: Oct 2004
From: Penang


QUOTE(zimhibikie @ Mar 28 2005, 11:24 PM)
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out
to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale
department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a
size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and
proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the
same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall,
she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.

Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her
blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"

The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"
*
What is Clearasil?? sad.gif sad.gif sad.gif
KLL
post Apr 2 2005, 09:21 PM

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Joined: Oct 2004
From: Penang


Not sure this has been posted or not, hopefully not....
One day Man Utd going home from a friendly match.
Bus crashed killing a few. Those dead went to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates they were to confess their sins.
Roy Keane was the first in the team.
St. Peter asked Roy," Have you ever touched Alex Ferguson's penis?"
Roy: I did once brush it with my finger once.
St. Peter: Wash your finger in the bowl of Holy Water and pass.
Paul Scholes was next.
St. Peter: You ever touched Alex Ferguson's penis?
Paul: I once gave him a f***ing pleasant handjob.
St. Peter: Wash your hand in the bowl of Holy Water and pass
Suddenly there was a scuffling in the queue. Cristiano Ronaldo had got ot the front of Wayne Rooney(who was the next).
St. Peter: Wottaf*** is happening???
Ronaldo: If I am gonna have to stick my tongue in that bowl of Holy Water, I wanna do it before Rooney dunks his arse in it.



princessprawn
post Apr 5 2005, 03:38 PM

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Joined: Mar 2005
From: Cheras, KL.


Here's some more from mail, but it's clean jokes.
I think it's funny, hope 2 share it with u guys.

Newlywed Repairs

A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing
convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your
suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an
extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her
eyes. "I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!"

Don't Smoke

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother, she noticed I hadn't
once
lit up a cigarette. "Are you trying to kick the habit?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "I have a cold, and I don't smoke when I'm not
feeling well."

"You know," she observed, "you'd probably live longer if you were sick
more
often."


A day without sunshine is like...night.


princessprawn
post Apr 5 2005, 03:39 PM

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From: Cheras, KL.


Here's another 1

Captain's Log

The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate with a bit of stowed-away
rum. He got so drunk that he was still a little drunk the next morning.
Later in the day, when the first mate had sobered up, he looked in the
ship's log. He read the Captain's entry for the day: "The first mate
was drunk today."

"Captain, please don't leave that in the log," the mate said. "This
could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself."

"Well, is it true?" asked the Captain, knowing full well it was.

"Yes, it's true," admitted the mate.

"If it's true, it has to stay in the log. That's the rule. If it's
true, it goes in the log. End of discussion!" said the Captain sternly.

Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entry. The
first mate wrote: "The ship seems to be in good shape. The Captain was
sober today."

princessprawn
post Apr 5 2005, 03:40 PM

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From: Cheras, KL.


I think this is a good advise.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
SUSchewxy
post Apr 5 2005, 08:13 PM

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Joined: Jan 2003


QUOTE(KLL @ Apr 2 2005, 09:03 PM)
What is Clearasil??  sad.gif  sad.gif  sad.gif
*
Somekind of acne cleansing stuff
ChuChai
post Apr 8 2005, 12:46 PM

-must get fitter-
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Senior Member
1,329 posts

Joined: Mar 2005
From: subang jaya



erm...i wonder if u guys read this b4


Akta 15 (18sx)
ahem...org-org sekalian tolong baca petikan yang berikut.

Message: Sepasang kekasih baru yang bekerja sebagai
pekerjasosial.. Hamid dan Rosni selalu bersama
walau kemana jua.. Suatu malam ketika mereka
berdua keluarberdating...

Hamid : "Kita nak kemana nie?"

Rosni : "Tak kisah la.. mana-mana pun boleh"

Hamid : "Apa kata kalau kita ke pantai.."

Rosni : "Saya ok aje.."

Apabila sampai dipantai mereka berdua tidak
keluardari kereta.. mereka hanya berehat sambil
berbual-bual didalam kereta.. Mulanya berbual
biasa..lama-kelamaan.. Hamid meletakkan tangannya
dipaha Rosni.. nampaknya Rosni tidak
membantah..Beberapa minit kemudian.. Hamid
mengerakkantangannya beberapa inci ke atas...
Rosni masih tidakmembantah... hinggalah akhirnya
ketika
Hamid mengerakkan tangannya beberapa inci lagi..
Rosniberkata dengan sopan.."Abang Hamid...
ingatlah pada akta 15 dalamperlembagaan pekerja
sosial"

Setelah mendengarkan teguran Rosni itu.. Hamid
terusmenarik tangannya menjauhi Rosni..
walaupunsebenarnya dia tidak berapa ingat isi
kandungan akta15 itu..

Hamid : "Maafkan saya"

Rosni : "Tak apa"

Lalu mereka pulang... Di rumah.. Hamid terus
masuk kebilik dan membuka buku perlembagaan
pekerjasosial dan mencari akta 15.. lalu dia
membacakandungannya...

"Teruskan Usahamu.. Jangan lakukan Separuh
JalanSahaja"



Phoenix20
post Apr 8 2005, 04:41 PM

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the joke i heard was about a nun and a priest
ChuChai
post Apr 8 2005, 06:32 PM

-must get fitter-
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Senior Member
1,329 posts

Joined: Mar 2005
From: subang jaya



^^ this one melayu versi..?? unsure.gif
HMMaster
post Apr 8 2005, 07:46 PM

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From: Kuala Lumpur


Do you know the full form of: A B C D E F G ??? A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl! Now can anyone guess the full form of : G F E D C B A ??? Girls Forget Everything Done & Catches (new) Boy Again...... SO BE AWARE !!!
whiteknight
post Apr 8 2005, 10:43 PM

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364 posts

Joined: Dec 2004
From: Ampang



here's another one i got from e-mail,


my wife always complain that her students said that she looks like an aunty in her 50s, even though she is 35 years old.

one afternoon, i noticed she is looking for something while i was driving. so i asked her wat is she looking for, she replied CD coz the radio station that we listened to is quite boring. so, i asked her wat kind of music u want, n she replied, "oldies".

now i know why... biggrin.gif laugh.gif
zimhibikie
post Apr 9 2005, 03:49 AM

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Joined: Jan 2003
From: Harlan County


As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of
26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather
peculiar Order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but
his Order also required that he quit golf and never play again.
This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and
was finally ordained a priest.
One Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Norton woke up and
realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early
spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and
convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the
Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he
wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was
Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this
time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down
from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get
away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father
Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It
WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked
at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord
smiled and replied, "Who is he going to tell?"

zimhibikie
post Apr 9 2005, 03:51 AM

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Joined: Jan 2003
From: Harlan County


Perfect Day

The "Perfect Day" for Her:

8:15AM Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30AM Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday

8:45AM Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed OJ & croissants.

9:15AM Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

10:00AM Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30AM Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00PM Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe.

12:45PM Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.

1:00PM Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

3:00PM Nap.

4:00PM 3 dozen roses delivered by florist from secret admirer.

4:15PM Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage.

5:30PM Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror.

7:30PM Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00PM Hot shower.

10:30PM Make love.

11:00PM Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15PM Fall asleep in his big strong arms.


The "Perfect Day" for Him:

6:00AM Alarm.

6:15AM Blowjob.

6:30AM Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today.

7:00AM Breakfast, filet mignon & eggs, toast & coffee.

7:30AM Limo arrives.

7:45AM Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport.

8:15AM Private jet to Augusta, Georgia (coffee, SI & WSJ)

9:30AM Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45AM Front nine at Augusta (2 under).

11:45AM Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens.

2:15PM Blowjob.

2:15PM Back nine at Augusta (4 under).

2:30PM Limo back to airport (Bombay martini, shaken, 2 olives).

3:15PM Private jet, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap).

4:30PM Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249
lbs.)

5:00PM Private jet back home (blowjob at 30,000 feet).

6:45PM Shit, shower and shave.

7:00PM Watch CNN, Clinton resigns, Hillary animal video authenticated.

7:30PM Dinner, lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon > > (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak.

9:00PM Remy Martin and Cuban Cohiba cigar.

9:30PM Sex with three women (at least 2 are bi).

11:00PM Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45PM Bed (alone).

11:50PM 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves room.

11:55PM Sleep.

one.good.guy
post Apr 12 2005, 05:11 PM

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akta 15! akta 15!
ChuChai
post Apr 12 2005, 05:26 PM

-must get fitter-
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Senior Member
1,329 posts

Joined: Mar 2005
From: subang jaya



i'm not sure if this is funny...got it frm bulletin board, here goes..

Ted is 7-yr old n he's very bad in essay
writing.
One day his teacher
asked the class to write a 500-word essay
base on
any title they like.



Ted thought real hard n finally he started
his essay:

------------------------------------------------------

Titled: My Lost Cat



One day i lost my kitty, i went out to the
street n
started calling:

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitt!



V kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty! kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty...

"but she never comes back, that's how i
lost my
cat.



(510 words)


songhan89
post Apr 12 2005, 06:35 PM

-Hankerchizf-
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Senior Member
1,104 posts

Joined: Sep 2004
From: NUS,Singapore



QUOTE(ChuChai @ Apr 12 2005, 05:26 PM)
i'm not sure if this is funny...got it frm bulletin board, here goes..

Ted is 7-yr old n he's very bad in essay
writing.
One day his teacher
asked the class to write a 500-word essay
base on
any title they like.
Ted thought real hard n finally he started
his essay:

------------------------------------------------------

Titled: My Lost Cat
One day i lost my kitty, i went out to the
street n
started calling:

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitt!
V kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty! kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty...

"but she never comes back, that's how i
lost my
cat.
(510 words)
*
This is LAME
ChuChai
post Apr 12 2005, 06:50 PM

-must get fitter-
******
Senior Member
1,329 posts

Joined: Mar 2005
From: subang jaya



^^ dats y i said not sure whether its funny, LOL.

i'm sure who oso can make up sum joke like dat but it is not funny at all...anyway, since it is oso labelled a "joke", so i jus post it...hehe
danube
post Apr 13 2005, 08:37 AM

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Senior Member
1,302 posts

Joined: Jan 2003
From: Taj Mahal Of CyberJaya
Two women who had been friends for years, decided to go for a Girls Night
Out, and were decidedly over-enthusiastic on the martinis.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to use the bathroom. They were very near a cemetery and one of them suggested they wiz behind a headstone.

The first woman had nothing to dry herself with so she thought she'd take
off her panties, use them, then throw them away. Her friend, however, was
wearing rather expensive underwear and didn't want to ruin hers, but was
lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves. She dried herself with the ribbon.

After finishing, they then made off for home. The next day, the first
woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "This girls' night out
thing has got to stop right now. My wife came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing." said the other husband, "Mine came home with a card stuck to her ass that said, "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE
STATION. WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU."
danube
post Apr 13 2005, 08:38 AM

Perfectionist
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Senior Member
1,302 posts

Joined: Jan 2003
From: Taj Mahal Of CyberJaya
How to put the right person in the right Job?

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for
the right Job? If yes, try this simple experiment.

Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with
an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it
from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then
analyze the situation:

If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks - PUT THEM IN
ACCOUNTS DEPT.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks - PUT THEM IN
ENGINEERING

If they are arranging the bricks in some other order - PUT THEM IN
PLANNING.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other - PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.

If they are sleeping - PUT THEM IN SECURITY.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces - PUT THEM IN INFORMATION
TECHNOLOGY.

If they are sitting idle - PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.

If they have thrown the bricks out of the window - PUT THEM IN THE
MATERIALS DEPT.

If they are clinging onto the bricks - PUT THEM IN TREASURY.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick
has moved - PUT THEM IN SALES.

If they have already left for the day - PUT THEM IN MARKETING.

If they are staring out of the window - PUT THEM IN STRATEGIC PLANNING

AND last but not least....
If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been
moved - PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT.

Somehow I find this quite true in our society. laugh.gif
alien_ong81
post Apr 15 2005, 11:55 AM

Getting Started
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Junior Member
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Joined: Jan 2003


George W bush goes to hell

One day in the future, George W Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list,but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.

In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No,
I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was
Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."



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