Din saw these here so, here's my share.

The Irish Pub

Patrick went into his favorite pub in Dublin and ordered 3 pints of
Guinness, to be served all at the same time. The bartender put the
three
pints in front of him, and he took a little sip out of one, put it
down;
then took a little sip out of the second, put it down; and then took a
little sip out of the third. He put it down, went back to the first
pint,
and started the process all over again, until he had drunk all three
pints.

Then he paid the bartender and left.

This went on for months, every night the same thing. Finally, the
bartender cannot stand it any longer, and he approaches Pat.

"Patrick", he says.

"Aye", says Patrick.

"I've been watching you come in here for months. Every night you order
the
same thing. Three pints. All at once. Then, instead of drinking them
one
at a time, you take a little sip out of each one until you eventually
finish all three. Then, you just leave. I have never seen anything
like
that. I don't want to be prying into your personal affairs but, if you
wouldn't mind telling me, WHY?"

"Well, you know me brothers Michael and John moved to New York".

"Aye".

"Well, I promised me brothers that I would have a pint every night in
our
favorite pub, just like in the old days, in remembrance of the time
when we
were together. So, that's what I do each night. Me and my brothers
are
having a drink together. Do ya' understand now?"

"Aye".

This goes on for years. In fact, Patrick becomes rather famous in the
pub
for it. Finally, the time comes when Patrick orders only two pints. He
drinks them the same way and leaves, but everybody knows something is
terribly wrong. After a few weeks, nobody can stand it anymore, so
they
ask the bartender to approach Patrick about it.

So, the bartender approaches Pat and asks, "Patrick?"

"Aye", says Patrick.

"I understand there has been a tragedy in your family".

"WHAT? What tragedy??"

"Well, one of your brothers died recently, I understand".

"What!!!! Me brothers are fine, never healthier. Why would you think
something happened to one of me brothers??"

"Well, you always used to drink three pints, every night; and all of a
sudden you started drinking only two pints. We assumed that something
happened to one of your brothers."

"Noooo... me brothers is fine. It's just that the doctor said I had to
take better care of myself, so I decided to quit drinking."

and this too.

Good Old Dave

Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going
by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cab driver says, "Perfect timing.
You're
just like Dave."

"Who?"

"Dave Aronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming
along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to
Dave."

"There are always a few clouds over everybody," says Morris.

"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro
tour
in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone
and
danced like a Broadway star."

"He was something, huh?"

"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He
knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not
like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood."

"No wonder you remember him."

"Well, I never actually met Dave."

"Then how do you know so much about him?" asks Morris.

"Because I married his widow."

Here's some more from mail, but it's clean jokes.
I think it's funny, hope 2 share it with u guys.

Newlywed Repairs

A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing
convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your
suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an
extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her
eyes. "I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!"

Don't Smoke

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother, she noticed I hadn't
once
lit up a cigarette. "Are you trying to kick the habit?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "I have a cold, and I don't smoke when I'm not
feeling well."

"You know," she observed, "you'd probably live longer if you were sick
more
often."


A day without sunshine is like...night.

Here's another 1

Captain's Log

The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate with a bit of stowed-away
rum. He got so drunk that he was still a little drunk the next morning.
Later in the day, when the first mate had sobered up, he looked in the
ship's log. He read the Captain's entry for the day: "The first mate
was drunk today."

"Captain, please don't leave that in the log," the mate said. "This
could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself."

"Well, is it true?" asked the Captain, knowing full well it was.

"Yes, it's true," admitted the mate.

"If it's true, it has to stay in the log. That's the rule. If it's
true, it goes in the log. End of discussion!" said the Captain sternly.

Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entry. The
first mate wrote: "The ship seems to be in good shape. The Captain was
sober today."

I think this is a good advise.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.