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 Some jokes I've got from forward email ..., Maybe you've read before

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KLL
post Dec 14 2004, 09:57 PM

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QUOTE(Jue @ Sep 2 2003, 05:16 PM)
laugh.gif
>Subject: FW: Learning Japanese

>
>
>
>1. How does a broken hearted Japanese call himself?
>Hatikukecewa.
>
>2. What does a Japanese say to a girl when he wants to harass her?
>Marikuraba.
>
>3. How to call a dirty-minded Japanese?
>Otakukoto.
>
>4. How does a group of Japanese boys say when they want to f*** a girl?
>Ramaiboleka.
>
>5. How to call a cheap Japanese prostitute?
>Pukimura.
>
>6. How does a flat-chested Japanese girl describe herself?
>Tetekurata.
>
>7. What does a Japanese man say to a refused Japanese girl?
>Maukasika.
>
>8. How does a Japanese man ask a girl if his d*** is small?
>Konekukecika.
>
>9. How does a Japanese man invite girl to have sex with him?
>Maumainka.
>
>10. How does a Japanese ask if they are hairy?
>Adalebatka.
>
>Amacam, boleh luluska ??????.
*
KLL
post Dec 16 2004, 05:07 PM

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QUOTE(tyssxp @ Jun 21 2003, 06:09 PM)
You are in trouble
An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed."
*




what do you mean?????? unsure.gif unsure.gif unsure.gif
KLL
post Jan 2 2005, 06:34 PM

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Advantages of Breast-Feeding

1. Economical-you don't pay.
2.Right Temperature-you don't burn the baby.
3.Convenient-You don't need to mix, your breasts are always there.
4.Healthy-You know what.
5.Trains your baby for future-(for girls only) she will be a great blow job performer.
6.Develops lip muscles-too much s***ing will make your kid a great kisser.
7.Very rare-comes from your breasts only.
8.Best thing is --You do not have to shake this milk.
KLL
post Mar 2 2005, 02:53 PM

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QUOTE(Dr.Zoidberg @ Feb 5 2005, 09:21 PM)
Not sure wherther this has been posted b4..got it from friendster bulletin.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

person : ANNIE BUDDY, ANNIE WAN, NOE
WAN, SUM BUDDY ?

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie
Wan

Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan : No, i want to speak to Annie
Wan!

Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is
this?

Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to
talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.

Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to
talk to anyone! But whats this
urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie
Wan that our brother was involved in an
accident. Noe Wan got injured and now
Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right
now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no
one was sent to the hospital from the
accident that is'nt an urgent matter!
You may find this hilarious but i dont have
time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?

Mr Sori : Im Sori.

Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now
give me your name!

Mr Sori : Im Sori!!

Lee Sum Wan : I dont like your tone of voice
Mr and i dont care, give me your name!

Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already Im Sori!
Im Sori!! Im SORI!!! you didnt even give me
your name!

Lee Sum Wan : I told u before i'm Sum Wan!
Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father
is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big
position i! n the company. He is Noe Buddy.

Mr Sori : Oh i'm so scared(sarcastically).
Look i dont care about yr uncle he's a
nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog
and holding an important position in the
company.

Lee Sum Wan : No, Avery Buddy just married
my aunt. And Avery Buddy doesn't
work there.

Mr Sori : Like i said i dont care which one of
yr aunt screws everybody and i also know
that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!

Lee Sum Wan : Wheech Wan is my sis!

Mr. Sori : I don't know which one is yr sis!
Why in gods name u think i do!? Look i got
work to do and if i'm feeling mischievious i'll
broadcast it on the P.A system saying.

"Attention, someone called and said that
anyones brother just got involved in an
accident. But not to worry no one go! t injured
and no one was sent to the hospital. But
everyone is going to the hospital anyways.
The father maybe a somebody but if u're their
uncle, u're a nobody. "how bout that!?

Toot....Toot....Toot.................
*

really funny, sum wan is up crazyy thumbup.gif thumbup.gif thumbup.gif thumbup.gif

KLL
post Mar 2 2005, 03:17 PM

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One day a helicopter crashed, Badawi & Najib who were on board died, but the

pilot survived, but unconscious.when he woke up, the police asked him,

"Wottaf*** happened to the helicopter?We found no problems!!!"

The pilot said,"No lah. I dunno why but at altitude of 30,000 feet, I suddenly felt

very cold. So I turned off the f***in' fan lah."
KLL
post Mar 2 2005, 03:26 PM

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Badawi, Najib and Samy Vellu were on a helicopter surveying KL. In the

helicopter, Badawi said," If I throw RM100 down, somebody is gonna be happy."

Najib said,"If I throw 2 RM50 down, two people will be happy too!!"

Samy said,"If I throw 10 RM10 down, ten people will be happy!!"

That time they heard the helicopter pilot murmur,

"Why not throw yourselves down and let the whole country be happy??"
KLL
post Mar 2 2005, 03:32 PM

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One day Mahathir, Ong Ka Ting and Samy Vellu went to an island for Samy's daughter marraige. They came to a jetty and found a sampan without anyone. Mahathir say,"Why dun we swim there??"
Ka Ting & Samy:ok
So they took off their clothes and swam.
But on the way, they met crocodiles.
The crocs ate Mahathir & Ong Ka Ting.But they saw Samy ang immediately hormat him.Why???




















>>> because they saw his underwear CROCODILE brand lah!!
KLL
post Mar 26 2005, 04:49 PM

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From: Penang
QUOTE(whiteknight @ Mar 12 2005, 12:57 AM)
i dono whether tis has been posted b4, but few years back, tis joke is voted as the world's funniest joke...here goes..
one day, ah beng and ah cheng decided to go hunting in the woods. they picked their best tools and off they go.

half way hunting, ah cheng felt a pain in his chest suddenly collapsed. frantically, ah beng try to wake his fren up by slapping him...since he doesn't have any experience in first-aid techniques. he did everything he could to help his fren, lifting his legs, beat his chest, tickling him...!!!.... shocking.gif

then, he saw his mobile phone. quickly, he dial the emergency number. he waited for a few moments, then a lady operator at the other end of the line answered his call...

"Hello, 999, how may i help u?", answered the lady operator

"Help! my fren suddenly shooting ah, he fall down woh. diden come up! i see he maybe pengsan...!!!", replied ah beng

"err, ok. first, lets make sure that he's dead", replied hte lady operator

ah beng went off for a moment, then, "BOOM!!!" the lady operator was wondering wat happen.

after a few moment, ah beng returned to his call, and replied to the lady operator...

"ok, now how ah?"

"......", lady operator
*
ok now ah cheng izzz already really dead....
KLL
post Mar 26 2005, 04:57 PM

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a guy wanna show off he got very long penis, so he go to a shop
and tattoo his girlfriend's name WENDY when it erected
when the penis contracted all you saw was a "WY"
one day he went to a beach(for naked sunbathing) and saw an European
with "WY" on his penis too!
he curious so he ask the man: u got a girlfriend called Wendy too?
European said: no i tattooed
WELCOME TO HAWAII AND ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY
KLL
post Mar 26 2005, 05:14 PM

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THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
Have you ever wondered why everyone has problems with the English language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig

If writers write, why don't fingers fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite on a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up
As it burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes

English was invented by people not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course is not a race at all)

That's why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why when I wind up my watch,
It starts
But when I wind up this conversation,
It ends
cry.gif cry.gif cry.gif cry.gif cry.gif
KLL
post Apr 2 2005, 09:03 PM

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QUOTE(zimhibikie @ Mar 28 2005, 11:24 PM)
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out
to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale
department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a
size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and
proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the
same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall,
she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.

Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her
blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"

The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"
*
What is Clearasil?? sad.gif sad.gif sad.gif
KLL
post Apr 2 2005, 09:21 PM

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Not sure this has been posted or not, hopefully not....
One day Man Utd going home from a friendly match.
Bus crashed killing a few. Those dead went to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates they were to confess their sins.
Roy Keane was the first in the team.
St. Peter asked Roy," Have you ever touched Alex Ferguson's penis?"
Roy: I did once brush it with my finger once.
St. Peter: Wash your finger in the bowl of Holy Water and pass.
Paul Scholes was next.
St. Peter: You ever touched Alex Ferguson's penis?
Paul: I once gave him a f***ing pleasant handjob.
St. Peter: Wash your hand in the bowl of Holy Water and pass
Suddenly there was a scuffling in the queue. Cristiano Ronaldo had got ot the front of Wayne Rooney(who was the next).
St. Peter: Wottaf*** is happening???
Ronaldo: If I am gonna have to stick my tongue in that bowl of Holy Water, I wanna do it before Rooney dunks his arse in it.
KLL
post Apr 20 2005, 06:37 PM

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QUOTE(alien_ong81 @ Apr 15 2005, 12:55 PM)
George W bush goes to hell

One day in the future, George W Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list,but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.

In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No,
I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was
Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."
*
Now Bush has to suck Clinton's cock .Betcha 20 bucks clinton faints instantly...... lust.gif lust.gif
KLL
post Apr 20 2005, 06:38 PM

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QUOTE(ChuChai @ Apr 12 2005, 06:26 PM)
i'm not sure if this is funny...got it frm bulletin board, here goes..

Ted is 7-yr old n he's very bad in essay
writing.
One day his teacher
asked the class to write a 500-word essay
base on
any title they like.
Ted thought real hard n finally he started
his essay:

------------------------------------------------------

Titled: My Lost Cat
One day i lost my kitty, i went out to the
street n
started calling:

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitt!
V kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty! kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
kitty
kitty

kitty

kitty kitty...

"but she never comes back, that's how i
lost my
cat.
(510 words)
*
I fully appreciate your typing efforts
KLL
post Apr 21 2005, 11:15 AM

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QUOTE(zimhibikie @ Apr 21 2005, 09:41 AM)
Dear  Abby:
        My husband is a liar and a cheat.  He has cheated on me from the  beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything.  What's worse,  everyone knows he cheats on me.  It is so humiliating.
        Also, since he lost his job five years ago he hasn't even looked for a new  one.  All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and jokes with  his  pals, while I have to work to pay the  bills.
        Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I  do?
Signed,
    Clueless




Dear  Clueless:
    Grow up and dump him.  For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York.

ACT LIKE IT!

Signed,
    Abby
*
This really [FONT=Optima][SIZE=14][COLOR=red]SUCKS!
KLL
post Apr 29 2005, 05:46 PM

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Dunno this has been posted b4, hopefully not laaa

A tortoise family got a very mobile toilet, as mobile as Pentium M.
it could be moved anywhere cos it was very light....
one day the tortoise kid was very angry with his teacher in school...
so when he reach home he go to find something to vent his anger
he smashed a lot of vases, he uprooted many flowers and left a trail of destruction wherever he went.
then he came to the very mobile toilet. So he kicked it into the river behind the toilet. Miraculously his anger dissipated after kicking the toilet, so he went back to his room.
So when the family found their precious very mobile toilet missing, they asked each other where it had gone. The tortoise kid admitted honestly that he kicked it into the river. his father smacked him very hard.
The tortoise kid asked sadly, "When George Washington chopped off the tree of his father's, his father did not even scold him. Why now I kicked the toilet you smacked me so hard?"
The father shouted," When George Washington cut down that tree, he was lucky that his father was not on the tree, UNDERSTAND???????"
KLL
post Apr 29 2005, 06:02 PM

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QUOTE(zimhibikie @ Apr 29 2005, 01:35 AM)
Medieval Pick up lines

    - "Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?"

    - "Been there, slain that."

    - "What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?"

    - "They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know."

    - "When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched."

    - "Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor."

    - Wench: "What's that sound?" Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding."

    - "Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!"

    - "Your hovel or mine?"

    - "Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my long sword in action?"

    - "Dost thou practice safe hex?"

    - "Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within."

    - "I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart."

    - "You should be glad I'm not a Viking."

    - "You would have been ravaged and plundered by now."

    - "I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I'm walking on!"

    - "Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes disappear?"

    - "You won't believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!!"

    - "I'm really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex with frogs?"

    - "My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it."

    - "I've been VERY NAUGHTY. You'll have to put me in the stocks and...er...PUNISH me, now won't you?"

    - "You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Repunnzel. Only it wasn't my hair that the queen asked me to let down."

    - "I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m'lady."

    - "C'mon, sweetie...didn't your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away."

    - "I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit?"
*
real scary, especially the I have lost my leg one


cool.gif cool.gif cool.gif cool.gif cool.gif
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