So I have been married to my partner where we know each other for 10 years (married for 2 years quite recently). Along these years, we are just a happily ever after couple but our relationship/bonding changed after my wife decided to have a dog (thanks to MCO) and this was an impulse decision - we did not discuss what and how if we were to have a pet.

After the pet came, our marriage life change drastically where my wife will put all the time and effort to the dog (treating it as if like is her own kid). We have been discussing and i stressed that i want to have kid, but she would not be able to commit. We have been petting the dog for 3 years now and our daily routine is nothing but all about the dog now. Wherever I plan to go (like a short trip or so), she will be worried for her dog, as you know in MY not everywhere is pet friendly place.

I'm not a pet person and i do not enjoy walking the dog in the park, pet cafe hopping, pet gathering etc. I'm in my late 30s now and i do not want to carry on with this lifestyle for the next 10 years (assume the dog can live for another 10 years). I have a good career and ultimately i want to have a family but not with the dog.

After all these, i have been thinking for a divorce. We have been discussing/deep talk this few times and did not managed to come a conclusion (she will not let go of her pet/and I'm not willing to go on for my remainder of my life with the dog). If i were to compromise and accept the dog as a family, i will not be happy and it will not be marriage life i want.

Additional info - I'm a man with no bad habits, typical house-husband type that does all the housework. So i do not think my wife attitude change cos of some bad from me. Just FYI.

Please my friend, your two cents of advice would be very much helpful to me.

TLDR:
Both married with no kids
Wife have a pet dog but husband dont like
Husband want to have kids but wife not able to commit
Divorce??
Reconcile??

Update:
Divorce filed. And moved on with new life now.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: May 15 2025, 10:20 AM

Did you both factor in having kids during your courtship? Ever discussed it and both agreed to have kids , hence you both got married?

I don’t quite understand what you mean she is not able to commit to having kids. Is she infertile? Or she’s frightened of motherhood?

Why you making it complicated till want divorce. She want dog then let her handle all the dog stuff. You just follow along. Why stress so much over a dog

HI TS, there are deeper issues with your marriage other than just the pet.

this happens to many marriages, especially Asian and many people are just unwilling to speak about it. so you are one of the rare ones who are willing to talk about it.

the long answer is that you need to firstly ask yourself what are the deeper issues with your marriage.

the usual suspects are

1) reduce or lack of communication.

2) Different interest between the partners.

3) spark reduce due to too long together and lack of glue to hold the partner together. normally kids or common interests will hold the partner together but seems you are lacking both.


short answers is that if you are really contemplating divorce, you need to consult a lawyer first and slowly start to separate your financial assets.

i have friends that got cleaned out by the angry wife due to divorce and this was even before the proceedings started

This post has been edited by cfa28: Dec 6 2024, 10:33 AM

I think she is more leaning towards motherhood and she enjoy petting now. Why the need for a kid where her dog "love" her so much.

We do not have anymore couple activity. Any place we go, we plan to do, she will need to settle and worry her dog first. Or even go places where are only pet friendly. Yearly holiday travelling, not anymore. The pet dog is a stopper/blocker to our relationship.

Point 2 and 3 spot on. We do communicate but it seems there is lack of common goal/interest that needed to continue the remainder of marriage life. Simple said - her life objective now is petting while mine is family.

I know divorce is the worst outcome but i do know if i were to accept the dog and move on. There is no meaning in my marriage life.

I'll put forward a very ruthless option.

Raising children has the biological time constraint vs raising a dog (has no biological time constraint)

There should the sequence of priority in life. If the dog(pet) has higher priority than the husband or kids, this kind of woman should be left to spend their life with their dog. Let her remember the divorce in her life is caused by a dog. A simple and straight forward option. There is no need to bring other element into discussion.

After the sequence of priority is correct, raising the children has taken the place, both of you have more leisure of time for the pet(dog) in future, that time it is still not too late let her have the dog again.

Hence, in between the dog & divorce - let the wife decide on the agreed date. If she choose the dog on the dateline, execute the divorce procedure without emotion. If she choose husband & kids over the dog, find the dog a new owner.

This post has been edited by nihility: Dec 6 2024, 11:10 AM

Well, i have friend similar to TS situation, but luckily they are not married yet, still got time to think.

TS really need to sit down, get a formal talk. IF hard, then pay some $$, get a mediator/consultant/lawyer to host the talk. Casual talk/discussion wont help, it will probaly come out with "ok ok ok, we see how then"

Post #2 & Post #3 obviously dont understand the actual situation, how things changes over time. TS emphasized he wan kids, and he is not pet type person, u still ask TS to go along -.-

Dealing with situations like this, generally three categories:

1. Those who can reason after a well-timed, straightforward discussion. Timing and approach are critical to ensure constructive conversation.
2. Those who may resist initially but eventually come around after prolonged discussions. Requires patience, effort, and commitment over time.
3. Those who are entirely unwilling to compromise. In such cases, there’s little point in trying to salvage the situation.

TS should know which category applies in their case, and this clarity can guide best course of action.

I totally agreed with you. The sequence of priority has gone the other way that brought to my current situation. When we talked and i asked, she did said she choose her dog over husband/family.

Setting a timeline seems to be the only option now. She has invested into a new condo (with her name only) and should be completed in Q1 2025. I think i would suggest her move out and think over the decision.


Thanks for the advice my friend.


Not sure if i'm being emotion now but current situation, #3 is likely where we are now.

If both unable to decide or commit, it would best for both to split and move on. Why bother to stay in an unhappy relationship for?

Put 1 more question to her. Ask if the dog is to mask her intention not to have kids? See if she is hiding this under the carpet all these while.

She is a career type of woman. She does worry if having a kid would have an impact on her career, and of course she will also have less time with her pet if a kid come into our life.

I also agreed to take care most of the parenthood but it is not convincing for her to commit.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Dec 6 2024, 11:48 AM

Even if she does come to a compromise to have kids, it could be begrudgingly. And she may turn her anger / displeasure on the children when you are not around.

Don’t let your future children be victims.

She doesn't want the children. That is my deduction.

Someone who want the children, will find way to make it happens. Someone who does not want the children, will find the excuses not to have them.

This is what I envisaged also even after we mutually agreed to compromise - i accept the dog and we have kid, but when there are issues arising from the kid, she will put out blame and it will come back to square one.

That's why i can not see any future in this marriage, honestly speaking.

Just proceed to divorce, to me in modern days, we should treat marriage like dating, if not happy after rounds of heart to heart talk, we just break off.. but of course getting divorced is way more complicated in legal perspective..

The reason I say that is because when marriage vows are exchanged, it was a heartwarming occasion, however humans do change over time as our Wealth, Interests, etc.. changed, hence if 2 individuals no longer come to terms, why not separate.. imagine for example, most people married on around 30, but to be honest, how can we be so sure that we can live with another person for the rest of the life span (which could be easily be more than 30 years) when we made the decision when we are around 30..

When both Paktor what u doing? Everyday busy piap? Why that time never discuss with her the future plan like u wanna have kids or children?

If u wan kid she no want kids then of course this is incompatible, should know easily before marriage. Some wan kids but girl cannot pregnant then another story, but ur case seem like u both didn’t talk it out before marriage, then sure gg la.

What is your definition of couple activities. Go eat together, sleep together. If she no longer like travelling then you can go alone or with friends. If she need to settle her dog first then tell her to arrange her time before going out. For pet friendly well this I dont know

What is your definition of couple activities. Go eat together, sleep together. If she no longer like travelling then you can go alone or with friends. If she need to settle her dog first then tell her to arrange her time before going out. For pet friendly well this I dont know

if you call 988 sure ask you too divorce. pet hotel

if TS cant handle and maintain the relationship/family, when you got child, you would face the same.

Tonight ada. Why don't TS makes a call and ask Chan Fong?

When we were dating, of course will be doing what a couple usually does, sharing and doing things TOGETHER. Before marriage, we also thought we will have children and the pet only came in after we got married. That's when she realized she like her pet more then building a family together.


When you move from a dating relationship to marriage, definitely there's a common goal after marriage to nurture. For example, have children, build a dream house, do a business, etc. that both of you will you work together to achieve it. After the pet came in, i do not have any OUR time together anymore and she focus mostly on the pet, which is not want i want, is she want.

Going out - we can't be away for whole day, need to feed the dog, fetch the dog from "dog daycare center", etc. This is not the life i want with my lifetime partner, my friend.

I actually did called and speaked to Chan Fong hahahha.. He advised me try to talk again and back to normal routine, cos me and wife now we dont talk anymore. Ultimately, he said u can consider for a divorce.

Children is the responsibility of both parents. But the pet, i'm not obliged and i'm not owning it, i take care of it for my wife only.

TS, if you don”t mind , what is the enviroment of the wife growing up?

The parent in laws behaviour ? The wife”s sibling characters ?

i macam got listen to this chapter before

She grown in a small happy family, her parents and siblings are all also well connected. I would say she grown in happy and steady family.

One thing i do not understand is - she never owned a pet (dog) since she was kid and when we were dating for almost 7 years or so, we never thought of owning a pet also. If you grown with family that have pet dog, i can understand and definitely i will not going into marriage with her, cos im not a pet person.

And when we talked, she said she only realised she loved dog so much after she got one.

Speechless.

Should be me haha

Having a child is a life long commitment. Are both of you really ready for it , or it is just you ?

What if your wife said what you just said about having the pet ? She is not obliged to it, she is taking care of the child for her husband only.

Then ? Divorce ?

how long was it? may be can call again?

Need appointment or just call and got answer, then is your luck?

You've got a point.
But a dog life can also be easily 10 years or so, if she can commit to a pet a dog, why not children. I know is all different discussion on this but hey thanks for your comment though.

Btw, the way she pet her dog is just as much as raising a kid. She is on a bit on the extreme side of petting just fyi.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Dec 6 2024, 02:11 PM

Somewhere 2 or 3 weeks ago, i cannot recall. I happened to listening to 988 and try my luck, and got through. Just dial the number, Chan Fong will pick up your call directly. It was my first time calling radio station, good experience haha.

Nice. Hopefully you will dial again tonight

Like you said, a dog life span, at best 10+ years ... A child is a lifetime ...

Hmm, did you try to find out why she does that ? Is she using the dog to prepare herself ?

After you do have a child, whatever that you were experiencing now will some what be similar, there are places where you can't bring your kid (bar, etc), whenever you travel you will have to check here check there, bring stroller, let say when you two want to have your "own" time, you will be worried about your child ...

All in all ... do have and try to have a talk with your wife ... wish you all the best !

Finally there is saying :-
寧教人打仔，莫教人分妻

IMHO, if a marriage need a kid to hold both partners together, that marriage is already over.
Having kids not gonna make both partners better, or more loving, it's gonna amplify everything the couples already had (the good and the bad).

i am a firm believer that if a man does not intend to have children (either biological or adopted) with his female partner, it's better not to get married unless you have really found your soul mate.

not my disclaimer is intend to have children. if you can't have children, it's a different story.

for women it's a different story. marriage without kids by choice, it's all a win for them.


marriage without kids by choice is just not worth it for a male, unless you can really click with your partner and can find so many common interest and goals.

It only means that the blind spot / “land mine” in relationship is inevitable. Very heartache to know the partner gave up/ change direction half-way after into the marriage. Both male & female also have similar version of their stories.

During your separation period, give sufficient cool off period for 2 off you. Maybe a miracle can happens or some ppl can knock some sense into her logically.

I have heard the male lost his marriage to another male - very common.
I have heard the male lost his marriage to another lesbian - that was very unusual.
Now I heard a male that lost his marriage to a dog. I”m totally speechless.

maybe the issue isnt about the dog. how invested are you in the marriage in the first place? If you can't commit to what she wants as a compromise, and she does not indicate that she wants children, ie lack of compromise in her part, then there really isn't any two ways about it.

a bit pointless to point out that she suddenly like something, like a dog. Both of you also have never had children, no? How do you know its something that you and her would want to commit to? Especially since you won't be able to do couple things anymore. Same situation as having a dog, really, only you need more commitment than a being a fur parent

my point is, if you can't handle having a dog to the point of considering divorce, then having a kid would cause a greater strain to the marriage especially if your wife needs to compromise with you and have a kid together -if- she does not want kids. Basically putting her in your situation but instead of 10+ years, it would be a lifetime.

you might need to talk in depth about each others needs and expectations at this point. Marriage means that you don't get to do what you want 100% and you need to consider your partner/family/pets before yourself.

After what had happened now, i literally gave up of having the thoughts to have kids with my partner as i know it will have more problems later.

So, having kids will not be in the picture anymore. And if this is it, i also do not wish to go on with another couple of years, 10, 20, 30 years living in a marriage that is meaningless. Perhaps moving on is the only option, i supposed?

i think u never asked her clearly. if u guys talked about it before, wanna have children, why cant talk now?
fyi pets and children can coexist together. but if she doesnt want children then no choice, time to say goodbye.

woman who is career type can live with pets / Male pets (whch she can control emotionally and listen to her).

Hmmm I'm not speaking from experience but I see many families with kids and pets at the same time. Why does it have to be mutually exclusive?

I think you're being a bit too confrontational (?) if you force her to choose you or the dog. Depending on the context, I'd understand a little why she chose the dog over you:
- you backed her to a corner with the difficult question -- she answered in haste and/or out of spite.
- she thinks the dog can't live without her, but you can
- you haven't done much as a husband/lover?
- she's taking you for granted for some time

Try convincing her to have kids with you while keeping the dog. I want to see if she shows her true intentions about (not) having kids. I mean, don't you also want to have it all? Her as your wife, having kids together.... It sounds to me you wouldn't mind "adopting" the dog because your resentment to it now is only because she's using it as a shield to avoid the difficult discussions.

Agreed with you.

Really need to sit down and sort out everything face-to-face.

It's time to be open and direct. Communicate both your expectations and see if a compromise can be reached.

Otherwise, it is pointless to go on in the marriage.

If I were you, I would have made it super clear that I hope my future wife would be able to raise our kids together etc.

If no, then we won't be wasting each other's time.

I think comparing a dog and a children do have some similarities but in fact they are really big difference.. at least the children exist because of love between 2 individuals but dog can be any dog (be it from the shop it was purchased from or from the street etc..)

As for this quote 寧教人打仔，莫教人分妻, I don’t really agree as I feel that is should not be a taboo to break off if love doesn’t exist anymore, no point being together for the sake of being together especially in our era where things have changed so rapidly..

You are in ur late 30s, what about her? Late 30s as well?

2 years marriage not conceive yet..hv both of u done fertility test?

Yes she is in her mid 30s too.. and no we have not done any fertility test.

I know a women can still conceive at her age but there will always be risk. I feel it’s abit too late now.

Anyway, like I said having children together is no longer in the picture. If so, I do not know how to continue with this marriage.

i had my kids when I was in my late 30s and my wife in mid 30s

it's not too late now

With the current situation, i reckon having children (if lucky) will turn from bad to worst as my partner does not have the intention to have kids. Even after we welcome the kids, anything happened sure will backfired and blame will be put on each other, and it all back to square one.

By then, a divorce may make more difficult particularly on the children custody, etc.

So the discussion to sit down, talk and discuss on family planning is not a viable option.

Its not too late but u guys should do fertility test (both of u).

Imagine if u divorce for not wanting kids but one or both of you actually hv fertility problems.

Maybe this should be a first step.

U seem to have made up your mind here.

It's about the responsibility towards caring for a life that is entirely dependent on you when growing up. There are couple that aren't able to bear children that will have to look at adoption or surrogacy. Anyhow, the comparison here is about the care and responsibility of another life, be it a dog, cat, a child.

That's why it's called a saying or quote, not a rule or a law. It's something that you can refer to as a guide so to speak and make your judgement. My take on the saying is, as an 3rd party or an outsider, you never really truly know what had happened and what had lead to the current situation, hence, it's better to not suggest people to divorce.

But hey, if there were any physical violence or threat to your life, surely you have to do something to protect yourself.

Indeed we are living in very fast moving era, so let's agree to disagree

Hmm, do you still remember why you would marry her ? Any recollection of the good days ? Is it still worth it ?

TS using waifu dog issue, blow it up and make it a big deal to divorce his wife😆😆


A man will know what other man unconsiously have in mind

From a relationship to marriage, my goal is always that we will set up a happy family and grow old together, but all the hope came to a disappointment. If there is no pet, I would not envisage this to happened.

There is no 3rd party (human) involved in this situation. I still love my partner but I can’t go on by treating the pet as our kid for the remainder of my life. Goal of life is not aligned I would say.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: Dec 8 2024, 09:26 AM

First I would like to say this, take a lot of the advice in this forum with a huge grain of salt. Many here are single, not married and even some married without kids. So they may not have the perspective you require when facing this scenario.

From my point of view, you both need couples counseling and therapy. Why? First is to get you both on talking properly and honestly with a neutral 3rd party to help smooth things out and find the deeper meanings. Also, to figure out what's her real fear of having children, so that can be addressed.

The simple fact that she got a dog, and dotes on it like a child shows her maternal instinct at full blast. You're both in your mid 30s, minus 3 years means she would be in early 30s when the dog came into the picture. That is also the age where the female biological clock kicks in hard. I've seen so many women I know go from "I don't want to have kids" in their late 20s to "I can't stop thinking about babies" in their early 30s. There are exceptions of course.

As long as she comes to terms to having the kid as her own decision (not something you force/coerce her in to), the child will over-shadow the dog. Its not like the dog will become not important, but the child will open her up to a vast capacity of love she could not possibly imagine. So you don't have to worry about the child being uncared for.

because it's easier to take care of a dog compared to a child

it's also much cheaper to take care of a dog compared to a child

it also requires less time to take care of a dog compared to a child

it's also less stressful on a woman's body by having a dog

one caution
even if she eventually agrees to have a child, she would put all the blame on you if anything untoward happens

Divorce is the only solution

Looks like your wife put the pet first before you and she is not able to balance you and the dog which make you rant in this forum.

1. Some serious discussion need to take place
- Dog lifestyle :
a. If travel, what are the plans
- Pet friendly hotel, food etc
b. If dog social activities (i.e dog walking, vet check etc ), who is responsible and what are the plans?

- Husband need :
a. Travel plan
b. Social plan
c. Leisure plan

The info "Additional info - I'm a man with no bad habits, typical house-husband type that does all the housework. So i do not think my wife attitude change cos of some bad from me. Just FYI."

The last 10 years knowing each another, did the two (2) of you go into any major fight(s) or argument(s) before the marriage?

There are 2 types of fights, namely:-

1)Positive fight / argument, both of you will find a middle ground to compromise / move forward.
2)Negative fight/ argument, always 1 side gave in & the other side never compromise / the issue left suspended without any solution.

The fight, the couple should treat is as the limit "chart" of their partner. It is just like a Hooke's Law for the spring elasticity, you can stretch the spring within the limit of elasticity without damaging the spring. The distortion of the spring will always go back to its original form. However, when the elasticity limit is breached (point of deformation), the spring will never ever be able to return to its original state.

It is human nature to push this limits, we always try to test the limit of the tolerance of our partner. The fight in relationship is the indication when the relationship's limit is being approached. When the fight occurs, if the couple reacts positively, something need to be done to avoid the spring from going into "failure point". If nothing is being done, the failure point will be certainly be breached.

Has any form of fight(s) take place before ? Or did you hide your protest(s) under the carpet / never let her know your limits of tolerance all these while? Is this your first time going into major disagreement / fight ?

seriously imho, it has nothing to do with the dog.
I think your wife is not really ready to become a mom. Because you can have a dog and have a kid together as well. Try go check out lots of videos in Youtube where a couple with existing dog welcome a child and the dog even become good buddy of the child and very protective of the child too. (maybe you can consider showing such video to your wife too)...
but take a way the dog or put aside the dog, i think without the dog too your wife most likely will give you the same answer that she's not ready to become a mom...

Taking care of a child is way way way way way more complicated and harder than taking care of a dog... i'm speaking from my own experience...i have dog...i also have kids...
good luck buddy...

on a separate note....you love your wife and you made a vow to marry her... just because she don't want to have kids you want to divorce her? you love your wife or you love kids? again, just my own opinion, I love my wife first and whatever after that, both should discuss and come to mutual agreement together. In this case, if my wife is not ready to have kids, i shall stick with her decision as well until she is ready...even if it means there is a possibility we won't have kids...

I supposed I’ve reached the limit of my tolerance for what has happened now. I appreciate everyone comment here where no children or with children, compromise, etc.

Yes, as a man, I know we should be more rationale in handling this kind of situation. But we are all emotional human being after all. For the matters that we have not been talking for weeks, she does not bother to put in effort to say, hey, maybe we can discuss and I’ll be more “relaxed” in petting the dog, and we prioritize our time together than the dog.

A simple gesture or effort of such would not make me to be so frustrated and I’m willingly to open to sit down and talk over it.

But this not happening, maybe she has the intention to divorce as well?

Just do nothing for now until the condition suitable to talk. See one step, take one step. May you overcome this soon.

Your wife should married the dog, not you.

Giving priority to dog over a good person like you is a red flag.

She is not wife material, rather a spoilt girl by her family.

Divorce her. Men after 40 is gold, women after 40 is just rejected stock

I gained some hidden profound from your post. Thank you.

Given your wife's financial independence and her clear priorities, it's possible that she may not be willing to compromise on her desires.

If you feel that your needs and desires are not being met, and you've exhausted all avenues of communication and compromise, it may be worth considering whether this relationship is sustainable for you.

You deserve to be in a partnership where your needs are respected and valued. Good luck TS

on second thought...your wife also should be prioritizing you over the dog...the priority should be clear for her...

How did you tolerate?

You're hoping/expecting gestures/effort from her, have you ever told her that (and your disappointment when not met)?

Not sure if this stereotype applies to you...:
- Asians typically don't say what they think
- men usually don't show their emotions except anger due to societal norm/upbringing.

Some people don't know how to argue effectively, and personally I only learned that in my 30s. For example, I used to yell with anger, say things I don't mean... I learned that from my parents.
At one point, I learned to suppress the anger and toxic words I don't mean because I knew it was hurting the listener (even I was victim of that myself)...
Now I learn how to "be vulnerable" by sharing my thoughts as-is: I tell them why/how I am hurt/upset, and I try to tell the one I argue with too. It's often very effective to people who care because you're allowing them to understand the real you.



Anyway, maybe in your perspective you're tired feeling everything inside, but as an outsider listening to your stories, it just feels like divorce is too hasty rn. To quote nihility, it sounded like the arguments were all negative.

At worst case, you can bring up divorce -- NOT because you already decided, but say that the thought came up because <everything you said in this thread so far>, and that you still want to fix things with her if possible. Put your anger aside and let your sadness/disappointment out, it's even ok to cry -- I bet a crying man would melt a cold woman

IF by any chance it backfires majestically -- she is repulsed by your breakdown and/or agreeing with the divorce, then perhaps you're right that she was just waiting for you to end things.

Three years is a long time to feel this way. It sounds like you've tried talking, but the core issue, her commitment to the dog versus having kids, remains unresolved. It's not about the dog itself, it's about the priorities and the lack of shared vision for your future. Have you considered couples counseling? Sometimes a neutral third party can help you both communicate more effectively.

living together but have not been taking for weeks? You do your stuff, she does her stuffs?

Most probably the "feeling" is gone and it looks like no feel already.

THIS

dog is not an issue here..think shes not ready/ dont want to be a mum..
having kids aside, hows your relationship with her? do you feel any love from her? how do you treat the dog? if cold, would have been a major turn off for her..hence not wanting to have a kid with you..there is a real difference when you see/treat a dog as a dog vs treating a dog like a family..big difference..my wife is a dog lover and i know..if i would have seen a dog just like a dog, my marriage would not have lasted..it is important to love what she loves esp when it comes to animals..

if no love from her, better to divorce and move on..or else start treating her dog like a kid, she will slowly fall for your charm and be ready to give you a kid

This post has been edited by youngblood29us: Dec 10 2024, 03:54 AM

How old is your dog? Try influencing her with video on how dog loves kids, how kids grow up with dogs and etc..... plenty of such video

The dog will need a sibling and someone he/she can grow up and play with....

If it still failed, i guess you already know what you wanted......Good luck

To all my friend, i valued all the advice and comments given here. Perhaps i will try arrange for a marriage counselor and seek for third party professional advice, hopefully we will be able to reach an outcome.

I supposed the counselling will need to be attend by both me and my partner, right? Sorry for the noob question.

good point...if the hubby is treating the dog coldly and hardly giving any attention to the dog... i think possible to turn off the wife to have any thoughts to have kids too....
when you have dog...that dog is really part of the family already actually.... even for my case, i'm the one who wants a dog and my wife don't really care about having a dog, but once we have a dog, she refers herself as mummy when she talks to the dog...lol

Yes it's quite simple. TS says the dog was 3 years ago and she marriage 2 years ago. You let this go on too long now she probably no respect for your anymore already. And you say you are a househusband? What?

I mean sorry TS but you make a mistake not being firm here with her. No dog means no dog. It's kinda too late now, any compromise will breed resentment one way or another.

The fertility test is not a requirement and may complicated matters. As it stands, fertility is not an issue. For couples that want a kid, infertility may bring them closer not further away. Unless of course one of them is barren, then different matter.

TS you might want to know if your wife hide any issues with her that she is barren.

sorry unrelated to marriage specifically, but the dog is what breed?

Is it a useful breed, like German Shepherd, or Border Collie?

Or ultimately useless dog like chihuahua ?

That's a lot of nonsense though. Not wanting to have kids, after previously agreeing to it during the courtship phase, is by all means a deal breaker and a relationship ender. Doesn't matter how much you love her.

Yes, it need to be attended by both husband & wife from the information I heard. No harm trying out but do have some preparation, in case if your wife are not willing to participate or open up during the session.

Just share my point of view!

1. Late 30 to have kid 101% BIG NO. Its late n I dont think you want to work after 60! (Male)

2. Mid 30 to have kid 101% BIG NO. Its late n dangerous! (Female)

3. Look like both of you refuse to work together! Please divorce! Please do it now! Superb lucky no kid! (Both)

4. Dog, did you know its better that any human please!? (Loyalty) (Male)

5. Stop thinking about married again! Please enjoy your life! You are lucky! (Male)

I did all the housework and she just focused on her career, and when home. She would only take care of the dog. For some extreme scenario, she would only wash items that is related to her pet only.


Toy Poodle.

I agree with your statement 100%

I apologise TS since I'm not you and can't know what you've been through or how hard it was for you during those 3 years.

But the way you wrote about it, from my perspective I don't really see you as a caring man with the way that you talk about the dog. Seems to me there are deep rooted resentments towards your wife, and you're just using the way that your wife treats the dog (and the dog) as an outlet for your resentment.

But I'm glad that you're planning to go for marriage counselling and again I apologise as I can't fully experience what you went through, but I hope things are well for you and I'm happy that you're taking a healthy way to try and work it out with your wife.

----edited-----

This post has been edited by NinG: Dec 28 2024, 02:40 PM

Edited my post

Hopefully, TS can take some time to reflect and update his perspective.

From the way TS described the situation, it's quite apparent that the wife is already having second thoughts about the marriage. Her hesitation to have children seems to stem from deeper concerns about the relationship itself. The fact that she secured a separate condo suggests she's been preparing for a possible exit, yet TS remains unaware of these signals.

The dog appears to be a test—an emotional investment to see if TS can commit to something for the sake of their relationship. Unfortunately, it seems he’s not handling it well.

Based on how TS talks about the relationship, it's clear that his wife has unresolved issues—not just with the marriage, but specifically with him. The dog may have become her emotional outlet, and his reaction to it might have revealed aspects of his character that concern her. Rather than seeing the bigger picture, TS is fixated on the dog and missing the underlying message.

At this point, the idea of bringing a child into this uncertain situation is understandably something she's not ready for. Seeking help from a marriage counselor might help her process these emotions and give both of them a clearer understanding of where they stand.

TS, what did you do in the end?

We have proceeded with divorce and this should be the best outcome. Sorry for not updating the status here after awhile.

Thanks everyone for your input, appreciated it.

This post has been edited by pkn_jet: May 15 2025, 10:23 AM