Dec 8 2024, 10:42 PM
QUOTE(pkn_jet @ Dec 6 2024, 10:01 AM)
So I have been married to my partner where we know each other for 10 years (married for 2 years quite recently). Along these years, we are just a happily ever after couple but our relationship/bonding changed after my wife decided to have a dog (thanks to MCO) and this was an impulse decision - we did not discuss what and how if we were to have a pet.
After the pet came, our marriage life change drastically where my wife will put all the time and effort to the dog (treating it as if like is her own kid). We have been discussing and i stressed that i want to have kid, but she would not be able to commit. We have been petting the dog for 3 years now and our daily routine is nothing but all about the dog now. Wherever I plan to go (like a short trip or so), she will be worried for her dog, as you know in MY not everywhere is pet friendly place.
I'm not a pet person and i do not enjoy walking the dog in the park, pet cafe hopping, pet gathering etc. I'm in my late 30s now and i do not want to carry on with this lifestyle for the next 10 years (assume the dog can live for another 10 years). I have a good career and ultimately i want to have a family but not with the dog.
After all these, i have been thinking for a divorce. We have been discussing/deep talk this few times and did not managed to come a conclusion (she will not let go of her pet/and I'm not willing to go on for my remainder of my life with the dog). If i were to compromise and accept the dog as a family, i will not be happy and it will not be marriage life i want.
Additional info - I'm a man with no bad habits, typical house-husband type that does all the housework. So i do not think my wife attitude change cos of some bad from me. Just FYI.
Please my friend, your two cents of advice would be very much helpful to me.
TLDR:
Both married with no kids
Wife have a pet dog but husband dont like
Husband want to have kids but wife not able to commit
Divorce??
Reconcile??
First I would like to say this, take a lot of the advice in this forum with a huge grain of salt. Many here are single, not married and even some married without kids. So they may not have the perspective you require when facing this scenario. After the pet came, our marriage life change drastically where my wife will put all the time and effort to the dog (treating it as if like is her own kid). We have been discussing and i stressed that i want to have kid, but she would not be able to commit. We have been petting the dog for 3 years now and our daily routine is nothing but all about the dog now. Wherever I plan to go (like a short trip or so), she will be worried for her dog, as you know in MY not everywhere is pet friendly place.
I'm not a pet person and i do not enjoy walking the dog in the park, pet cafe hopping, pet gathering etc. I'm in my late 30s now and i do not want to carry on with this lifestyle for the next 10 years (assume the dog can live for another 10 years). I have a good career and ultimately i want to have a family but not with the dog.
After all these, i have been thinking for a divorce. We have been discussing/deep talk this few times and did not managed to come a conclusion (she will not let go of her pet/and I'm not willing to go on for my remainder of my life with the dog). If i were to compromise and accept the dog as a family, i will not be happy and it will not be marriage life i want.
Additional info - I'm a man with no bad habits, typical house-husband type that does all the housework. So i do not think my wife attitude change cos of some bad from me. Just FYI.
Please my friend, your two cents of advice would be very much helpful to me.
TLDR:
Both married with no kids
Wife have a pet dog but husband dont like
Husband want to have kids but wife not able to commit
Divorce??
Reconcile??
From my point of view, you both need couples counseling and therapy. Why? First is to get you both on talking properly and honestly with a neutral 3rd party to help smooth things out and find the deeper meanings. Also, to figure out what's her real fear of having children, so that can be addressed.
The simple fact that she got a dog, and dotes on it like a child shows her maternal instinct at full blast. You're both in your mid 30s, minus 3 years means she would be in early 30s when the dog came into the picture. That is also the age where the female biological clock kicks in hard. I've seen so many women I know go from "I don't want to have kids" in their late 20s to "I can't stop thinking about babies" in their early 30s. There are exceptions of course.
As long as she comes to terms to having the kid as her own decision (not something you force/coerce her in to), the child will over-shadow the dog. Its not like the dog will become not important, but the child will open her up to a vast capacity of love she could not possibly imagine. So you don't have to worry about the child being uncared for.
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