most but not all, you must understand the context.

some men carry the frustrated depression mentality till years, and while the woman's career goes to new high, the man become dengki, making fun at her career progression, and expect her to pay for everything since 'she earns more now'. so this continue for years, he continues to feel defeated.

if you are the woman, do you want a man like this?

how old your kid?

how do u mean cannot understand each other?

dont that mean u both just need more time to learn?

My kid 4 years old,

She filed for divorced since march, i tried to postpone and fix for our kid, but everything i do she thinks that i had bad intention towards her, like wanting to get the kid custody from her,

this week i have been sending my kid to playschool, but today she is sending,

somehow when driving i was daydreaming and turned up at my kid playschool (it was just infront of my house),

she saw me & accuse me not trusting her to send the kid to school,

All sorts of things, im also tired already, if possible i also would like to tahan until my kid is bigger 7-9 years old or so.

I even went to see psychologist for this,
One of the advise, the psychologist says that she deals with a lots of kids too, and for kids in troubled family,

They actually feels better if their parent seperate and take care of the kid together rather than both parent staying & fighting all the time.

good for you better to get divorce or else will get mentally abuse.

did you detect her attitude before marriage?

or its something you not expected?

she changed after got kids?

is it a forced marriage? how did love fall apart?

Actually this is very true. Kids are not dumb, they know very well the dynamic in the household. You should think from the angle, divorce if u really love your kids. Do u want your kids to grow up, learning about love and affection from the way both of u treat each other?

hello

goodluck to you and your partner.

may it end up as smooth as possible.

on the last day, ask for forgiveness from each other. okay to be a bit intimate just for the last day. forget all the bitterness and and try to enjoy that last night together. maybe just go on a nice dinner. just for remembering.

ending it nicely because you are still a parent to your child.

Yeah, thats what i think

I detect a little bit during engagement time, my first mistake was thinking people can change,

Not forced marriage but kind continued the marriage with sunk cost fallacy

She got pregnant 1 month into the marriage and most of her hatred/anger towards started since we had the baby as we were brought up differently and i want to raise the kid my way while she wants to follow her father way,

And i was also mostly busy working to provide for the family during the first few years (covid time & stuff)

Yeah, i have never thought of it from that angle before this, before this i think the best thing to do for my kid is to try to save the marriage,

Now i think maybe its better to divorce and take care of the kid separately.

And it's happened that one last night brings back all the good memories and the "last coitus" was so good and that then kicks the decision to divorce down the road ... only for the toxicity to build and build again.... never ending vicious cycle..

not to redo the relationship

must understand and accept the thing is over

divorce is final like the he said. don't back away from that decision.

but i understand your concern since he been trying to repair the relationship for a few months so the energy is possibly still there.

maybe wrong advice from me because my repair period took a lot longer and i can really really confirm there is no turning back anymore.

divorce is not a bad thing to begin with. i can say i have alot of friends and relatives that are divorce and some are doing very well. some with kids some doesn't have any. i have a friend that was lock in a bitter divorce case that lasted more then 3 years if i am not wrong. it was about custody of kids and property. and the lawyers fee was really main killer.

see, that part again. Not sure why, somewomen, has this ego in them.

you folks observe and let me know of this later. Women who cant be boss in their career, try to be bossy at home.

Passive at work but boss at home.

Ironically, the ones who is boss at work, is more passive at home.

And they believe only their way only works, and cant try something else.

Hence, even before married, regardless which religion u are, best to hang on at home and observe how they handle day to day chores and things, to actually get a knowledge how they deal with life situations and this is not even a actual crisis. watching movies, going out to event, doesn't tell crap about ur partner.

At times i think, go travel and then purposely make an issue, ( eg simply act and say( in a prank way) lose their passport, and see how they behave and react, maybe simply go all the way to foreign embassy and last minute also discovered it back. ) to understand one's character.

need to throw these question, if 1 day u lose ur job, how are u gonna handle it? deal with it, solution?

Although words can be a lip service, but it's a start to gauge how their brain is wired.

actually all men carry the depression mentality for years..just that diff plp diff way to conceal ..

not all men can pick up the pcs and move again…, imagine his career / bz is finish he has to reboot....

A happy family provider just loss everything and loss the ‘Boss’ position even at home..double whammy….

Deep inside, he knows even if lucky, gonna need 10-15 years or more to make a comeback....(sorry, no money no self worth..lolx)

Times like these..an understanding wifey is paramount.…he threw tantrums then patiently try align him back to same mindset…

Else kick him out and ask him hit he road…lolx!

When u provide less.. u’ll loose ur boss position, the lady will become much more assertive day by day..citing..

When u no longer can provide for them fam (biz fail/loss job)..trying to be a helpful hubby that do chores (while seeking better..)

u are automatically on slave mode forever..u are no longer a hero in her eyes anymore..thats the cruelty..lolx

Thank you for the sharing, you have done a good for the coming generation through your experience sharing.

It is the reaction of your partner when you are in the crisis will reveal the true character.

This post has been edited by nihility: May 10 2024, 06:30 PM

I count myself blessed that I don't have to contend with these painful issues yet ... (well, you know, never say never until one's dying breath is breathed).

However, with her being retired and me joining the ranks of the unemployed early (targeting next year), there'll again be a change in the couple dynamic. We might now find that we have too much time on our hands, and too much time to spend ruminating on the small stuff that we would have otherwise happily ignored under the weight of accounting reports and patient case loads in the past.

I look at my uncle and aunt, both in their late 70's (sadly, I don't have parents on which to base my observations, since both of them RIP'ed young), and whilst it's undeniable that they still care deeply for each other (my uncle flies into a panic attack every time my aunt complains of some pain or ache, for example), the 2 of them can't stop arguing and nagging at each other....

*SMH*

If this is what happens to waifu and me post retirement, I'd either bungee off some canyon in NZ without the harness and cord, or make her do it and I'll cut the cord myself.

Kidding!

1. Its a shitty thing, its a higher level breakup. But life moves on.

2. Things deteriorated..sleeping sifferent room, go holiday separate etc finally the question was popped in a calm manner (not the shouting type) and both agreed amicably.

3. This is probably the most hardbreaking. Fortunately at least my son already in college. So hes more mature and understanding.

Dave Ramsey, my fav guru talks about successful marriage:

Couples have a high probability of a successful marriage if they agree on four things, in detail, before the big day -
1. Kids
2. Money
3. Religion
4. In-laws.

but not bad, u went to chinese school?

at least ur guardian bothered to educate u.

can still marry even if not agree on:

1.