hello there

i got divorced last december after 6 years of marriage. we were childhood friend and i've known her since i was 11 from an online game we used to play together. i am now 32 and she is 34.

1) at the point where i see there is no change of heart from my ex-wife after i tried to fix everything for almost a year

2) we did try to hold on for our son who is now 5yo. but some things are not fixable anymore.

3) Yes there will be lots changes in our life. But we keep the things between us only. We are now co-parenting and we took turn caring for him. usually i spend the
    week with him and he went to his mother on the next one.

4) Financially became unstable for me because previously we shared the bills together. So now it is 100% on me it hit me like a truck. One of the reason of my
  divorce is due to my inability to earn more and provide a better living condition to my family.

5) it felt bad so bad during the early days, when i had no one to talked to. i've had sleepless nights and all. now i started accepting it and it slowly calmed me down.
    currently i am staying at my friend house as he let me stay to finish the edah period. Although i am overstaying for a bit because i am fixing my old house.
My opinion: Divorce should not be a a bad thing to begin with. but we in Malaysia had always been a certain view on it. it could mean a fresh start or anything.
                  Sometimes, things just don't work out they way we expected it to be.

my ex-wife was diagnosed with ADHD anxiety and depression and we're unable to work for almost a year.

i did not have enough time to push myself to earn as much as we did together to support my family.

during the covid time when EPF allows for withdrawal, i took all of that just to support my family's commitment and i depleted every single cent covering our expenses and some of her medication.

i believe some words now : "you will never do enough for someone, if that someone wasn't meant for you"

one thing i would say for people who plans to marry please be financially very strong.

i will even say at least be a top m40 or t20 before becoming the head of the family.

with this strong financial, you can easily lead your family and provide them with a much much better environment.

of course, you can find a decent humble partner who are okay with lower living status but that is rare. people's heart can change.

as a man, you're only loved as long as you provide.

I'm not a divorcee but have several friends who went through divorce.

Personally I think divorce is not necessarily a bad thing. Sure, at first it might feel like you've failed but for me sometimes things just don't work out for you and your ex partner. Eventually you'll see the bright side of it.

Most of my friends got divorce either their ex-husbands cheated on them, or just financially didn't provide enough for their family. But they're now much happier with their lives and a couple of them has remarried.

Recently a friend of mine told me she want a divorce and will proceed after she safely deliver her first baby. Apparently her husband changed after they got married, he had been obsessing with his ex-wife and he's barely home, he's always at his ex-wife's place with an excuse that he's spending time with his children.

was that an expectation from her, you or both?

it was both. but i have a more 'logical' time line.

before married, i already got a house, fully furnished and everything. but it was a medium cost apartment so no lift, free parking etc. the surrounding is not the cleanest that time because the jmb is in bad state. my self and few others step up and re-arrange the jmb to fully working state and restore almost everything and then it got so much better.

But my ex-wife, keep on wanting to move into a condominium because she doesn't like the house currently we living in. i request for joint loan if wanted to move but she said i was supposed to provide it, not shared. there is no end to this request.  I  do want to move to a better place, but of course not in this very quick time.

i paid for almost everything (groceries, house , bills)  except my son's day care, which she paid. We always eat at home and i am the one who cooks and do all the chores because she usually reached home late.

she also ask for pocket money when eating outside because she said all her friend got few hundred monthly allowance from their husband. She also brought up that her friends went for vacation every once few months.

yes, maybe it was my mistake thinking i could afford to marry and even had a child with my current condition. it's a lesson and motivation for me now for taking care of my son.

is it all about money?

i think there are some married couple who just not compatible in way of thinking. they cant even agree and will get into argument even for the simplest things. in my personal experience also most of my argument is due to attitude and failed communication, not necessarily because of money (although it could be rooted or solved by money lol🤭)

if money is everything why there are many poor couple who are happy? just yesterday i went to pasar malam and observe poor people. they looked happy i feel so jealous of them. but maybe im wrong.

I have been married for almost 14 years. struggling financially to cope with  my full time housewife. we have 2 kids.

The biggest problem is financial where im earning decent income but not able to provide luxury that she demands. worst is she is superstitious where she kept asking me to change name, change phone number because those number dont bring me luck which i certainly do not believe at all.

Argued several times from this and this is draining me mentally to come back home everyday facing this type of nonsense.

Been hinting about divorce several times during bad argument but in the end she didnt suggest divorce.

I do most of the housework despite working but somehow im always the one to blame whenever any problem happen at home.

Now im just hanging on for our kids and i cannot accept single parenting.

Now here is the problem when you say it's normal because the environment generalize it (classmate also consist of divorce parents).

In future, all these kids won't take marriage oath seriously. They can just sign the paper and divorce when they deem it fit.

Which makes me conclude that most of divorce case come from broken family background. their parents divorce, to them divorce is a "norm" too.

From my POV, I will never allow my child to have any romantic relationship with broken family kids. I nurture them well, end up become broken. what's the point then?

oh please. You were young once, you know how it feels to fall in love right?

some even goes to extend disowned their parents but last last crawl back seek forgiveness when shit hits the fan.

Now you come tell me parents not enough educating them? I rather go preventive way.

Nobody wants to loose a job or failed a bz..wifey it’s about sticking with u thick and thin…

If she only wants u during the time u can provide.., meaning these are no diff from gold diggers …