How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

This post has been edited by hyperx: Jan 11 2005, 10:53 PM

LOL LOLOLOL

the last line explains everythinig hehe

You know your bomoh is up to no good when...

01. His neighbours wink at you as you arrive at his doorstep.

02. He asks your family members to leave the premises.

03. He dims the lights once they leave.

04. He keeps whistling the song "I'm A Slave 4 U" by Britney

05. He keeps calling you sayang.

06. You see him garlanding a picture of Ron Jeremy.

07. He uses aromatherapy instead of kemenyan.

08. He serves himself loads of tongkat ali tea.

09. You see strips of blue tablets lying about on the floor.

10. You see a copy of Pramugara Terlampau lying in the VCD tray.

11. His talking mynah bird suddenly chirps: "Showtime, Showtime!"

12. He checks your pulse by holding one of your breasts.

13. He makes no attempt to conceal the bulge under his sarong.

14. He wants you to take a bath there and then.

15. You tell him you have a headache and he inspects your thighs.

16. He spits into your private part.

17. His gadgets include a speculum.

18. He wants samples of your pubic hair for further diagnosis.

19. He says your family members are cursed and sex is the only cure.

20. He has a king size bed in the examination room.

Applies only when you're female or the bomoh is gay

lol, agreed.

rotfl...

lol, thats a nice one!

Not sure wherther this has been posted b4..got it from friendster bulletin.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

person : ANNIE BUDDY, ANNIE WAN, NOE
WAN, SUM BUDDY ?

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie
Wan

Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan : No, i want to speak to Annie
Wan!

Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is
this?

Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to
talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.

Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to
talk to anyone! But whats this
urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie
Wan that our brother was involved in an
accident. Noe Wan got injured and now
Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right
now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.

Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no
one was sent to the hospital from the
accident that is'nt an urgent matter!
You may find this hilarious but i dont have
time for this!!!

Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?

Mr Sori : Im Sori.

Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now
give me your name!

Mr Sori : Im Sori!!

Lee Sum Wan : I dont like your tone of voice
Mr and i dont care, give me your name!

Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already Im Sori!
Im Sori!! Im SORI!!! you didnt even give me
your name!

Lee Sum Wan : I told u before i'm Sum Wan!
Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father
is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big
position i! n the company. He is Noe Buddy.

Mr Sori : Oh i'm so scared(sarcastically).
Look i dont care about yr uncle he's a
nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog
and holding an important position in the
company.

Lee Sum Wan : No, Avery Buddy just married
my aunt. And Avery Buddy doesn't
work there.

Mr Sori : Like i said i dont care which one of
yr aunt screws everybody and i also know
that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!

Lee Sum Wan : Wheech Wan is my sis!

Mr. Sori : I don't know which one is yr sis!
Why in gods name u think i do!? Look i got
work to do and if i'm feeling mischievious i'll
broadcast it on the P.A system saying.

"Attention, someone called and said that
anyones brother just got involved in an
accident. But not to worry no one go! t injured
and no one was sent to the hospital. But
everyone is going to the hospital anyways.
The father maybe a somebody but if u're their
uncle, u're a nobody. "how bout that!?

Toot....Toot....Toot.................

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,
you wish you had ordered that.


At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am.
I married the wrong man"


Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree
and the woman gets her master's.


A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying
for it."

how u know?singaporeans are very honest 1 ..hahahahahahahaha just kidding...

Living in 2005!

You'll know you're living in 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

you mean solitaire was a real life card game?

^^^ kekekkek got me

same here

yeah...it's a real card game before the digital version

Finally I move into new office room!!

haih, just like me...wrong thread
lucky no web cam, if not... during video conference then....(you know la).
cannot imagine if drop pen at middle...then hav to get hands dirty

haha

How to become rich

"A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."