You know your bomoh is up to no good when...

01. His neighbours wink at you as you arrive at his doorstep.

02. He asks your family members to leave the premises.

03. He dims the lights once they leave.

04. He keeps whistling the song "I'm A Slave 4 U" by Britney

05. He keeps calling you sayang.

06. You see him garlanding a picture of Ron Jeremy.

07. He uses aromatherapy instead of kemenyan.

08. He serves himself loads of tongkat ali tea.

09. You see strips of blue tablets lying about on the floor.

10. You see a copy of Pramugara Terlampau lying in the VCD tray.

11. His talking mynah bird suddenly chirps: "Showtime, Showtime!"

12. He checks your pulse by holding one of your breasts.

13. He makes no attempt to conceal the bulge under his sarong.

14. He wants you to take a bath there and then.

15. You tell him you have a headache and he inspects your thighs.

16. He spits into your private part.

17. His gadgets include a speculum.

18. He wants samples of your pubic hair for further diagnosis.

19. He says your family members are cursed and sex is the only cure.

20. He has a king size bed in the examination room.