Relations


A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment; and after some small talk, they made love. After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,

"So...you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied "No."

Surprised, the young man reached for her; and the love making resumed. This time, she thrashes about wildly; and there are screams of passion. The love making ends; and again, the young man smiles, and asks,

"You finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it; but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks,

"You finish?"

"No!" she shouts back, "I Sveedish!"

hmm...this has been posted in funny pictures thread with pictures!!!

I think this thread should be pinned. It has more viewers than the pinned threads

Hot times in the kitchen


She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!' My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?' She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

lol three minutes

OMG XD

it's cruel !

This post has been edited by eggBoy: Jan 8 2009, 04:00 PM

i dont get tis joke

stop clapping, africa children stop dying?

Milkman breakfast


One fine morning the milkman arrives at the house of family Jones. Mrs. Jones opens the door, and asks him to come inside. She invites him in the kitchen, where a huge and very good breakfast is prepared for him. He sits down and very much enjoys all the excellent food. When he is finished she asks him to come upstairs, and the milkman certainly has a good time!

When they dress and go down, she gives him a 5 dollar bill. Now the milkman is really surprised, and asks where the 5 dollars are for. She replies: "Well, yesterday I told my husband that is was your birthday today, and he said: "So what, f*ck the milkman, give him 5 bucks." But the breakfast was entirely my idea!"

The wife is blonde?

yea i got tat..but is tat a joke? meaning the audience is stupid?

yeah..tiada yang tersirat in that joke i guess.

What did one gay sperm say to another gay sperm?

"How we gonna find any eggs in all this shit?"

THREE ENGINEERS

============================

Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus. They somehow worked their way to the middle of the bus where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps. After they got settled and had ridden that way for a while, the first girl suddenly asked the gentleman under her whether he might be an electrical engineer.

Surprised, he replied, "Yes, I am! How did you know?"

"Easy," she said. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron."

Just a few minutes later, the second girl asked her guy, "Are you a mechanical engineer?"

He said, "Why, yes, ma'am. How did you know that?"

"Simple," she said, "Your piston is scraping my cylinder."

Shortly thereafter, the third girl turned to her fellow and asked, "Are you a civil engineer?"

"I certainly am," he answered. "How could you have known that?"

"Well," she said, "I figured it out as soon as your dam burst and flooded my village."

---

Added on January 13, 2009, 11:00 pmREPOST

THE TATTOO

==================

There once was a couple of newlyweds named John and Wendy. John told his wife Wendy that he wanted a tattoo! Wendy agreed and said that would be ok. John did not know what the tattoo should say or where he would put it. So Wendy said, "Well, if you REALLY loved me, you would get my name tattooed on your pecker."

John couldn't back out on that one, so he went to the tattoo parlor. The tattoo artist told him that he needed to have an erection while he put it on. After an hour of excruciating pain, the tattoo was done.

As John was on his way home from the tattoo parlor he saw a rest stop and decided he needed to stop and take a leak. He went to the restroom and looked down to admire his tattoo and he noticed, that when he was not erect, the only letters that were visible, were the W and the Y.

Suddenly, a big black gentleman steps into the urinal beside John and John accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.

So John said "Hey, I guess you have a girlfriend or wife named Wendy too."

The guys looked confused and said, "What makes you think that?"

John replied "Well I noticed the W and the Y tattoo -- so you don't have a girlfriend named Wendy?"

The black guys laughed and responded, "No mon, that tattoo says, "Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice daY."

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Added on January 13, 2009, 11:17 pmA bus stopped and two Italian men got on. They sat down together and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignored them at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men become graphic.

"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," said the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

This post has been edited by PrinceHamsap: Jan 13 2009, 11:17 PM

repoast!

btw, Welcome to Jamaica! Have a nice daY.

What are friends for?


The Lord of the manor returned from his grouse hunt quite a bit earlier than expected. He entered the master bedroom to change, and found her Ladyship making passionate love to Sir Archibald Carpley.

The irate Lord stood stiffly and loudly berated his wife for her infidelity. With thunder in his voice, he reminded her that he had taken her from a miserable existence on a local run-down farm, given her a fine home, provided her with servants, expensive clothes and jewels, and almost anything she desired.

By this time the woman was crying inconsolably, his Lordship then turned his wrath on his supposed friend: "And as for you Reggie -- you might at least stop while I'm talking !"

Down and Out


Two old friends bumped into one another on the street one day. One of them looked forlorn, almost on the verge of tears. His friend asked, "What has happened to you, my old friend?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars."

"That's a lot of money."

"But you see, two weeks ago, a cousin I never even knew died, and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear."

"Sounds like you've been blessed...."

"You don't understand!" he interrupted. "Last week my great-aunt passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million."

Now he was really confused. "Then, why do you look so glum?"

"This week... nothing!"

U2 is known for giving charity concerts, he said that to make people aware of how many people are dying in Africa. The clap means the time get it? Like every second a child dies but this stupid guy really thinks that Bono's clap is killing people or he was just trying to be funny lol. Good joke i must say

Working Methods


It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.

"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.

"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."