^oh yeah.... doggy style

He wasn't stupid, he was being sarcastic.

wahahahaha
char lan dou

Computer Geeks Pick Up Lines


Nice Set of Floppies!

Hey, how 'bout I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU.

I'd like to play on your laptop.

Need me to unzip your files?

If you were an ISP, I'd dial you all day long!

I'd like to boot up your PC!

I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen!

I've got a 22 inch... (monitor)

I'd get a T3 to watch your streaming video...

Your homepage or mine?

Well, after a LONG read and following this thread for a long time, i've finally decided to contribute ^^
Hope some of these aren't reposta hehe enjoy ^^



WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, cheque or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote
control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your
TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to
come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could
do to him legally."



WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for
my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"



UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.



WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use
a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

This post has been edited by Ryuuga: Jan 18 2009, 11:50 PM

Best car money can buy



A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a small mini also drives up. The haughty businessman in the back of the limousine started bragging to the mini owner that his was the best car that money could buy.

"This is the best limo that money can buy. It has ABS, airbags for all passengers, automatic climate control, onboard computer control system, photo chromatic glass, mini bar, a television with satellite dish embedded in the roof, blah blah blah...."

At this point the mini owner interrupted.

"But do you have a video in there?"

The light changed at this point, and the limo driver pulled off. The businessman in back felt a bit down that he didn't have this simple item, and that very day had one installed in the limo.

A few days passed by, and again the limo was at a traffic light when the businessman spotted the mini again. It was pulled over to a side, with the glasses all steamed up, and steam coming from a half open window. Upon seeing this, the businessman got out of his car and knocked on the window of the mini. After a few moments, the mini owner poked his
head out (which was dripping with water, by the way!)

"I installed a VCR in my limo", said the businessman proudly.

The mini-man responded:

"You got me out of the shower for THAT?"

Some other way to piss out your women



Tie her to the bed, describe all the erotic things you plan to do. Then go bowling.

Ask her how she prepared a meal. If she wants to know why you want to know, say "So I don't make the same mistakes."

Tell her YOU have a headache, but you're willing to suffer with it through sex just to please her.

Imitate her having an orgasm while dining out.

Fake your own orgasm while dining out.

Tell her you've applied for the position of bl0wjob inspector at the nearest whorehouse.

After sex tell her the doctor assured you it isn't contagious. Then faint.

The Other Side of the Sheets


A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while en route to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act.

The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man.

The husband put his gun to the man's head, and the wife shouted, "Don't do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you, who do you think paid for our new boat, he did!"

The husband, looked over at the cab driver, and said, "What would you do in a case like this?"

The cabbie smiled, and said, "I'd cover him up before he catches cold."

means muz treat the man better so he would end up buyin more expensive stuff?

@ziggy > yes.


This doesn't really apply anymore ler ... only in the days of dial-up

nid to change tat phrase
broadband + dial whole day =

Vegas Vacation


Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.

The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers, '7 come 11' all night and I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy says, "I know what you mean. My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers, 'Hit me light or hit me hard!' and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

The third guy says, "You guys think you have it bad! My wife played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore d1ck and an a$s full of quarters."

nice 1. .

Encouraging Moments


On their wedding night the husband was so self - conscious about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he snapped off the light.

Once he was in bed, he unzipped his pants and handed his member to his bride.

"That's thoughtful, darling," she cooed, "but we'll need the light if you want to write thank-you notes ."

lollollol

Very Eww Joke: The Fishing Groom


A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk notices the "Just Married" sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.

He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions his behavior.

"I know it's none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren't having sex with your new wife."

"Oh, I couldn't do that; she has gonorrhea."

"Well, what about anal sex?"

"Couldn't do that; she has diarrhea."

"There is always oral sex."

"Nope, she has pyorrhea."

"Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you marry her?"

"That's easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!"

wakaka....

eww joke is pretty sick lolol
guess some people love their hobby more than their wives xD

Private Detectives


Creeping around to the bedroom window, the private detectives saw their client's wife in bed with another man.

"Just as I suspected," said the first. "Let's go in after him."

"Great idea," the other replied. "How soon do you think he'll be finished?"

This post has been edited by aLittleMisfit: Jan 25 2009, 06:04 PM

Birth rate Budget


A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."


Oh yeah, chinese new year you fellows don't too free wake up early too.