alittlemisfit, let me tumpang ur threat and share on the relationship jokes la. keep it moving
After a long standing quarrel, a man noticed his wife was packing her suitcase to leave. He asked her, "What are you doing?"
The wife answered angrily, "I am leaving you and moving to New York. I heard even the prostitutes there get paid five hundred dollars for doing what I do for you for free here."
The next day when wife executed her threat and started leaving, she noticed husband was also ready with suitcase to go.
The wife asked the husband where he was going. The husband replied, "I am going with you to find out how you live on a thousand dollars a year in New York".
Added on May 17, 2007, 5:42 pmA couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple!" A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once'."
"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
"I started an angry protest over her treatment to the horse, while I was
Shouting; she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'.
And we lived happily ever after."
Added on May 17, 2007, 5:47 pmJerry was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, Dear," he said.
"Of course, Jerry," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath Jerry said, "I do!"
Added on May 17, 2007, 5:51 pmYou've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada; known, simply, as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks (out at Area 51) were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They, immediately, impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight, during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing (complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison), told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up, again!
Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane. Only, this time, there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me. But, my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
Added on May 17, 2007, 8:11 pmDANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: I'm with you, honey, those guys are the scum of the earth.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of vegetables left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that bathrobe.
Added on May 17, 2007, 8:16 pmLuke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she asked, "Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Luke replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Luke interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."
Added on May 17, 2007, 8:27 pmA woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp.
She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, 'Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish.? So...what'll it be?'
The woman didn't hesitate. She said: 'I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.'
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed: 'Gosh, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish.'
The woman thought for a minute and said: 'Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.? That's what I wish for...a good mate.'
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, 'Let me see that map again!'
Added on May 17, 2007, 8:28 pmA guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much.
One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn't home.
"Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"
"She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming?"
"I don't really know," he said. "She's been there eleven years now."
Added on May 17, 2007, 8:33 pmAfter she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Added on May 17, 2007, 8:54 pmMr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The lab tech says to him, 'I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible!'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife.'
'That's terrible! Can we do the test over?'
'Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her!'
Added on May 17, 2007, 8:56 pmAs a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 401. Please be careful!"
"Darn," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Added on May 17, 2007, 8:58 pmA lady walks into the drug store and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
The pharmacist asks 'Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?'
The lady say's 'To kill my husband.'
'I can't sell you any for that reason' says the pharmacist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a Photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
He looks at the photo and says 'Oh...........I didn't know you had a prescription!'
Added on May 17, 2007, 9:02 pmAlthough this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." So she drove the boat to shore.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."
Added on May 17, 2007, 9:08 pmA travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the so- called 'eye.' In a casual manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs. After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600.
"There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here only three days."
"Yes," replied the clerk, "but your wife has been here a month."
This post has been edited by karmakid: May 17 2007, 09:08 PM 
Feb 10 2007, 11:59 PM
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