Number one ownz dude!

A little boy goes to his dad, a Datuk and asks, "What is Politics?"

The Datuk Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government.



We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People.



The Maid, we will consider her The Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him The Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what is Datuk Dad has said.



Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the Maid's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the Maid.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his Datuk father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now,"

The Datuk father says, "Great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies:



"The Prime Minister is screwing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep shit."

^ Now that is one freaking smart kid. ROFLMAO

Actually I saw this on the Discovery Channel as one of the Urban Legend Jokes shown on tv.Well it's possible to assume the identity of someone else without the person knowing it .Since I saw it on TV...Thumbs up this joke!

Anyways,here's a pointer : How do you know that the husband is telling the truth?

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk
>>for free".\
>>
>>Here's an update for you. Nowadays many women are against marriage.
>>
>>Why?
>>
>>Because women realize its not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a
>>little sausage.
>>
>>______________________________________________________
>>
>>One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
>>Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
>>setting do I use on the washing machine?"
>>
>>"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
>>
>>He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
>>
>>And they say blondes are dumb...
>>
>>_______________________________________________________
>>
>>A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you
>>the happiest woman in the world"
>>
>>The woman says, "I'll miss you....."
>>
>>_______________________________________________________
>>
>>It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
>>of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if
>>I mowed the lawn like this?"
>>
>>"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
>>
>>_______________________________________________________
>>
>>He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make
>>love to you really badly.
>>
>>She said - Well, you succeeded.
>>
>>_______________________________________________________
>>
>>He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
>>
>>She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
>>
>>_______________________________________________________
>>
>>Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
>>
>>A: A rumor
>>
>>_______________________________________________________
>>
>>A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
>>wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and
>>said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each
>>of them a very special wish.
>>
>>The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
>>
>>Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
>>
>>The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger
>>than him...Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
>>
>>Gotta love that fairy!
>>
>>_______________________________________________________
>>
>>A PRAYER....
>>
>>Dear Lord, I pray for
>>
>>Wisdom to understand my man;
>>
>>Love to forgive him;
>>
>>And Patience for his moods.
>>
>>Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
>>
>>AMEN>

A young Indian guy moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home". Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice.

If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. you get the idea?"

"Of course," the young man said.

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?

The kid says, "One"

The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.64."

The manager exclaims, "What? $101,237.64? What did you sell him?"

The kid, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Pajero."

The manager says "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!"

The kid, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Kotex for his wife and I said, "Well, since your weekend's already screwed up, you might as well go fishing."

haha da last one is da best!! all the others are great too!

can i post some bm old repeated joke ?

here goes

Suasana masih riuh di luar. Sanak saudara semuanya
berkampung disini. Gelak ketawa, gurau senda jelas
kedengaran. Aku memimpin isteriku ke dalam bilik
pengantin. Suara-suara sumbang terlalu banyak yang
menegurku.

"Hai, malam masih muda, dah nak masuk tidur?" sapa Pak
Ucu.

"Orang muda bang Aji, biarlah. Air dah penuh kat
kepala tu." sahut PakTam
disambut hilai ketawa sanak saudara yang lain. Meriah
sungguh keadaan diluar walau jam sudah menunjukkan
pukul 11.00 malam.

Hadiah yang masih belum dibuka ku susun ke tepi. Lampu
ku tutup. Merebah diri ke katil pengantin, aku menoleh
ke arah
isteriku.

"Kita tidur dulu lah yer. Ramai sangat orang kat luar
tu." Isteriku hanya mengangguk tanda setuju.

Entah pukul berapa sekarang, aku pun tidak tahu.
Keadaan di luar gelap gelita dan senyap sunyi. Tanda
sanak saudaraku telah pulang dan keluargaku telah
tidur.

Jari jemariku lembut membelai rambutnya. Ku selak
rambut ikal yang menutupi telinganya lalu membisikkan
"Assalammualaikum!" ke telinganya untuk menguji
isteriku.

"Wa alaikummussalam." Rupanya isteriku masih belum
tidur.

Ku kucup pipi halusnya. Ku kucup dahinya yang mulus.
Semerbak harumnya menusuk deria bauku. Akanku tunaikan
tanggungjawabku sebagai suami malam ini. Jari-jemari
ini terus
membelai tubuhnya. Perasaanku tidak dapat dikawal
lagi, namun...

"Kringggggg...."

"Tik..tik..tik..tik..."

"Kring.. kring..kring.."

Bunyi-bunyi jam loceng entah dari mana memenuhi ruang
bilikku. Terkejut dengan segala macam bunyi yang ada,
aku
membuka lampu. Serentak itu, terang benderang seluruh
rumahku.
Bunyi-bunyi ini telah berjaya membangunkan semua orang
di
rumahku.

Aku mencari-cari punca bunyi-bunyi itu. Mataku terarah
ke sekotak yang masih terbalut rapi. Aku buka
dengan pantas dan di dalamnya terdapat 5 buah jam
loceng.
Juga sekeping kad berbunyi... Selamat Pengantin Baru,
Jangan gopoh-gopoh. Baru Pukul 2 pagi. Jangan maree..
kami potong stim.
.

Dalam hatiku.. cilaka punya kengkawan. Potong stim
betullah.

the end

>> >>Never try to fool an old lady!
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
>> >>
>> >>Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: Oh, I see.
>> >>
>> >>Officer: Can I see your license please?
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
>> >>
>> >>Officer: Don't have one?
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
>> >>
>> >>Officer: I see...Can I see
>>your vehicle
>> >>registration papers please.
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: I can't do that.
>> >>
>> >>Officer: Why not?
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: I stole this car.
>> >>
>> >>Officer: Stole it?
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
>> >>
>> >>Officer: You what?
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk
>>if
>> >>you want to see.
>> >>
>> >>The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car
>>and
>> >>calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
>>A
>> >>senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half
>>drawn
>> >>gun.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>Officer 2:
>> Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The
>> >>woman steps out of her vehicle.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
>> >>
>> >>Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen
>>this
>> >>car and murdered the owner.
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
>> >>
>> >>Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
>> >>please.
>> >>
>> >>The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
>> >>
>> >>Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The
>>officer
>> >>is quite stunned.
>> >>
>> >>Officer 2: One of
>> >>my officers claims
>>that you do not have a driving license.
>> >>
>> >>The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
>> >>hands it to the officer.
>> >>
>> >>The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
>> >>
>> >>Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you
>>didn't
>> >>have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered
>>and
>> >>hacked up the owner.
>> >>
>> >>Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>MORAL:
>> >>
>> >>Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies
>> >>
>> >>

Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"?
> > > > You know, that very little 600 cc car ???
> > > > Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M
paid a
> >visit
> > > > to the White House after finishing formal discussions with
George
> >Bush,
> > > > Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell the
Kancil
> > > > in the USA. After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, You
know,I
> > > > think this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."
> > > > Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush
offered,
> > > > "Ok, take this number down.
> > > > This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest
compact
> > > > car distributor in North America".
> > > > Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returns to Malaysia.
> > > > The next day he called the number and a lady answered,"TOYS R
US",
can
> >I
> > > > help you?"

Math is Sex


A hug leads to a kiss... A kiss leads to
a lick... A lick leads to a suck... And a suck
leads to a F***. So tell me how many people
you
want to hug after you hear this cuz sex is like
math... you add the bed... subtract the clothes.
..
divide the legs... leave your solution... and
pray you don't multiply .......

Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind.

Dear Hudson Middle School,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Hudson Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless your for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a million pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said, "Drop dead!"

Thanks again!

Sincerely,

Edna

This doesn't mean all women are stupid when it comes to cars....

But there always some exceptions?

Yesterday I was having some work done at the Ford dealer. A woman came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there." The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car ?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."




Attached thumbnail(s)

....Edited.....

This post has been edited by Icehart: Dec 18 2005, 06:17 PM

>>DEAD BIRD
>>
>>"Oh, look at the dead bird."
>>Ah Beng looked skyward and said "Where, Where got?"

Why can't G-Unit get on the bus??!?
























Because they don't have 50-cent LOLOLOLL!!11111exclamation mark!!!11oneone1111

i tot 50 cent is in g-unit ... and that joke is lame

Yeah..They dont have him at the time la...

Three Inches - HOT!
An Italian man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table ,
he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby.... all alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over
to her, - knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this from the
gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage,
a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.

The man, after reading the note, sends one of his own back to her and it read:

"Just so you know - I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes
560SEL in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the bank."

"But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the
bottle back!!!

20 Reasons Why It's Good To Be A Guy


September 26th, 2003 (No.1485)
AskMen.com Rates This Joke: 8/10



1- Movie nudity is virtually always female.
2- Women's bathroom lines are 80% longer.
3- When clicking through TV channels, you don't have to stop at every sight
of somebody crying.
4- All your orgasms are real.
5- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
6- Your last name stays put.
7- You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
8- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
9- Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
10- Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
11- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
12- You don't have to shave below your neck.
13- If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
14- You can write your name in the snow.
15- Flowers fix everything.
16- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
17- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
18- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
19- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
20- You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.