More Cristiano Ronaldo hate jokes. No offence though....

Out on her royal yacht the queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied a
man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very large
shark. Through her binoculars she could see it was Cristiano Ronaldo,
struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark!
The queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man,
but she knew the yacht's top speed would never get them there in time..

At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing white England
shirts sped into view.  One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a
harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly.  The other two reached
out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark
to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat along
with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard
frantic calling .......

It was the Queen calling them to the yacht.

On reaching yacht the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said to
Beckham, Rooney and Gerrard (for it was they)

"I will give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England
team would hate Ronaldo after the world cup, but I see that my England team
are true heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other
countries."

She knighted them there and then, and proceeded to sail away.

As she departed Rooney asked the others, "Who was that?!"

"That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth and
knows everything an all that about our country."

"Well," Rooney replied, "she definitely knows F*ck-all about shark fishing.
How's the bait holding up ?"