A burglar broke into a house one night.

He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he
picked
up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice
echoed
from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and
froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised
himself
a vacation after the next big score then clicked the light on and began
searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he
could
disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching
you."

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the
source
of the voice. Finally,  in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam
came
to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, and then squawked, "I'm just trying to
warn
you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."

hey tunertoobe, watz that car on ur sig?

that car next to da FP1 is..malaysian car...?
wow..itz kinda hard to..believe...

icic.. how much would it cost then..?
eh ah, how to quote a sentence or two?

I got it from my  e-mail....
Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows on my PC, I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows CD. Too my astonishment and distress he threw it into my micro-wave oven and turned it on. I was upset because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: 'Do not worry, it is unharmed.' After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said: 'Take a close look at it.' To my surprise the CD was quite cold and it seemed to have become thicker and heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, in lines finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:

4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320746F
2066696E64207468656D2C0D0A4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20
616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64207468656D
'I cannot read the fiery letters,' I said.
'No,' he said, 'but I can. The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:'
One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,
One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
Listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing
To do." The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.  A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact  with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the  dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all  night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt  safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight  arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's  the matter?"  He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said  "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning our neighbour James dropped dead on our porch."

Receive from "The English Online". Kinda long