A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia..

He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the hotel's coffee house.

A Malaysian man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a casual conversation.

Malaysian : "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"

Singaporean : "Of course."

Malaysian : "We don't. In Malaysia, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants & sell them across to Singapore."

The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened in silence.

Malaysian : "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"

Singaporean : "Of course."

Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam,..... before we sell it across to Singapore."

This time, the Singaporean retorted : "Do you have sex in Malaysia?"

Malaysian : "Why, of course we do"

Singaporean : "Do you wear protection"

Malaysian : "Of course! We wear condoms."

Singaporean : "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Malaysian : "Stupid question ! Of course we throw them away."

Singaporean : "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly puts them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum & sell them across to Malaysia,... & that's the real reason why we banned chewing gum in Singapore."

haha, that is some good joke....

another fun side of the chewing gum ban in s'pore.

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead
is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now
sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!" Silence.

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking,
the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee
in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"


gross

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."


She replies, "If your peenees is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

syrene83 : Man : How old is your father?
> > > Boy : As old as me.
> > > Man : How can that be?
> > > Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
> > >

A lady went to a restaurant and ordered a bowl of
> > > soup.
> > > Lady : Waiter, what is this soup called?
> > > Waiter : It is called special chicken soup.
> > > Lady : But I see no chicken in it!
> > > Waiter : That's why it's so special!
> > >
> > >


Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
> > > Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink
> > > much.
> > >
> > > Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my
> > > soup.
> > > Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a
> > > lifeguard?
> > >
> > > Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in
> > > my tea cup?
> > > Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a
> > > fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
> > > Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?
> > >
> > > Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
> > > Father : No. Why do you ask that?
> > > Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

among all this is the best for me ...lol

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey - nice bike! Where did you get it?"



"Well," replies the other. "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young, coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says, "You can have anything you want!"

"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Haha, what an insult to Engineers....

In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking
blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of
the trip, the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel and the
unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel,the
American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.


1) The blonde thought - "That American SOB wanted to touch me
and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn
must have slapped his face."


2) The fat lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the
blonde and she smacked him."


3) The American thought - "That damn Canadian put his hand on that blonde
and by mistake she slapped me."


4) The Canadian thought - "I hope there is another tunnel soon so I can
smack that stupid American again."

hey check this out


Attached File(s)
 newsreport.wmv ( 460k ) Number of downloads: 400

Posted before ... some problem with your source.

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife
packing a suitcase. He says,"What are you doing?"


She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard
prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what
I do for you for free!"

Later that night on her way out the wife walks
into the bedroom and sees her husband packing
his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies...
"I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live
on $800 a year!"

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.
One day an old Indian went up to the director
and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.


A week later, the Indian went up to the director
and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there
was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director.
He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict
the weather. However, after several successful
predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for
two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him. "I have
to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director,
"and I'm depending on you. What will the weather
be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know,"
he said. "Radio is broken."

One day in the great forest a magical frog
was walking down to a water hole. This forest
was so big that the frog had never seen another
animal in all his life. By chance today a bear
was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.


The frog called for the two to stop. The frog
said, "Because you are the only two animals I
have seen, I will grant you both three wishes...Bear,
you go first." The bear thought for a minute,
and being the male he was said, "I wish for all
the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."


For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash
helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was
amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit wasting
his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well,
I wish that all the bears in the next forest
were female as well."

Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately
hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear
was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these
stupid things, after all, he could have asked
for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while
and then said, "I wish that all the bears in
the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and
said, "I wish that the bear was gay..."

HAhahahaHAHAh.......damn u rabbit.......the bear should have killed itself by now..

I dont quite understand this

does it means that the wife onli have s*x wif her husband 2 times in a year?

oh yeah yeah..maybe thats what it means

*Joke in BM

Sepuluh Sebab Cuci Motor Adalah Lebih Baik Dari Berkhalwat Bawah Tangga.

1.Cuci motor boleh dilakukan depan kawan-kawan tanpa merasa malu dan
bersalah.

2.Masa sedang asyik menggosok dada motor tak perlu tengok-tengok kiri kanan.

3.Motor tak merengek-rengek masa ia mula basah dan licin oleh sabun.

4.Boleh tangguh beberapa minit, pergi sambut telefon, makan nasi, pergi
tandas tanpa sesiapa yang tak puas hati.

5.Tak perlu pujuk-pujuk dan berjanji untuk bertanggung jawab sekiranya
hendak mula mencuci motor.

6.Lepas cuci boleh naik dan henjut-henjut serta tunggang-tunggang dalam
sebarang posisi tanpa emak atau JPJ tegur sekiranya belum dihidupkan enjin

7.Tak perlu bersusah payah mencari tempat tersembunyi, depan rumah atau di
stesyen minyak pun boleh.

8.Nak pancut air sepuas-puasnya dalam atau luar enjin tiada yang larang.

9.Nak buat setiap hari lagi digalakkan, malah dipuji oleh kawan-kawan.
Majikan tidak akan memecat anda.

10.Jika kebetulan tok kadi dan ketua kampung melintas, anda boleh menegur
dengan senang hati dan mempelawa mereka mencuci motor

Malam Pertama Pasangan muda yang sama-sama masih perawan akhirnya menikah.
Masing-masing gugup ketika menghadapi malam pertama,
namun tidak ada yang mau mengaku atau bertanya kepada pasangannya tentang apa yang harus dilakukan.
Didera kebingungan,
si pengantin lelaki bertanya kepada ayahnya "Ayah, apa yang harus saya lakukan?"
"Telanjanglah dan naik ke tempat tidur", jawab ayahnya.
Kemudian ia melakukan apa yang disarankan ayahnya.
Si pengantin perempuan terperanjat setengah mati melihat kelakuan suaminya,
ia kemudian bertanya kepada ibunya. "Telanjanglah dan ikutlah suamimu", saran ibunya.
Setelah berbaring beberapa lama, si pengantin lelaki pergi ke luar bilik dan bertanya lagi kepada ayahnya, "Apa lagi yang harus saya lakukan?"
lalu ayahnya menjawab, "Lihatlah tubuh isterimu. Kemudian masukkan bahagian tubuhmu yang paling keras ke tempat isterimu kencing!"
Beberapa saat kemudian, giliran si pengantin perempuan bertanya kepada ibunya. "Apa yang harus saya lakukan?"
Ibunya balik bertanya, "Apa yang sedang dilakukan suamimu?"
Setengah mengeluh si pengantin perempuan berkata, "Ia sedang membenamkan kepalanya ke dalam mangkuk tandas!"