So I started in college when I was about 22 years old (I'm 35 now)
So at college I hang out with this Chinese girl, she was a very talkative girl always on her phone a chatting on her phone. So one day she came up to me and asked for my number. So I gave her , I wasn't really a talkative person I just finish my class work and got home to my video games. But I really had a nice car in college time.

So this girl began to talk to me on Facebook so she kept telling me that her boyfriend cheated on her and such I kinda felt sorry for her and asked she wanted to go to the cinema with me. She agreed. At first I was happy as it was the first time I asked a girl out.So at night I drove my car to her place picked her up..She seemed happy the first time out. I don't if you would called a date or just friends hanging out.But to me it felt like a date as it was the first time I went out with a girl together.

So we began talking more and she kinda I got lost internet with me , her messages were short sometimes no reply.So I don't why I felt disappointed as it wasn't me who talked to her first . As one she said she didn't want to go out with me anymore. Kinda felt disappointed.

Hmm as time moved on she was already married to her ex boyfriend
But have memories of her when we went to cinema.
So time moved on I stopped talking to girls even at work place. Still have some good and bad memories. I wish I could erase those memories. Sometime I wished I didn't talk at all.

so, u let one memory demotivated you?

instead, u should look back and ask how you can do it better in the future lor

could it be that when she was out with you to the cinema, that's the down time between her bf and her, so she was looking for companion, just normal companion to forget things for a while. but when she settled with her bf, they were back together and feel it is inappropriate to go with you anymore.

Tell us what is your regret is old dating memories?
If goes back to the time, what would you do?

Okay so she is a pretty girl. Plus was very cute always wore modern clothing so kinda got attracted. Tbh I'm not very emotional person after she said she don't want to go out with me anymore kinda hurt my feelings. At this point I got emotional and I'm never an emotional person just me with my video games to occupy my time. Have fun with friends in gaming world.After the girl I lost desires in the thing I usually do like my exercise, video games and time with my family.
If I can go back wish I never talked to the girl. I kinda felt heartbroken and lost desires in the things I usually do before the girl. My Old Memories was me in my room after college and work. Kinda wish I never knew her. Plus every time I see her Facebook with her husband looking at the photos I feel depressed. I already unfriend her and deleted the old photos with her and me. Don't know every time I look at the photos I get flashback phobias.i want to erase those memories that's why I deleted her photos on my computer and phone

It could be , she was using me to temporarily forget her old bf. Feels like shit when a person uses you to forget her old lover

i get that bro... you are not alone... you are seeing another example here --> me

TS, 13 years of longing...! I cannot imagine the pain... You should know better than anyone how this is literally destroying your love life.

It's about time for you to move on from this relationship that never started. Wipe your rose tinted glasses and see what your love for her got you? NOTHING. She used you to fill her void/trouble with her partner. Call it a date all you like, but it was one sided. You know what should make someone more attractive? It is the fact that the person likes you (too)! Unrequited love is unattractive and should be treated like a turn off.

These are the words I told myself years ago when I struggled to move on from my unrequited love. I am glad I got out and into another love with someone else who loves me more. May you find your peace and happiness one day too.

In this case you being her rebound boipren, once get back she cut you off.
What i learned sometimes this memory doesnt left any lesson, it just happened.

1 cinema outing = 13 years of time, you better go reflect on yourself.

If you bring this assessment into other aspect of life, you are going to get similar miserable result.

TS. You still got meet her as friends?

Mine also almost one year no longer in contact but still keep remembering her. I can contact her if want to but i respect her decisions to forget me. I want to delete all our photos and videos but scare because once delete it, i afraid will no longer have photo of us as memories. Just hoping my current wont find where i hide the photos. Having sex few times with her make it worse i guess.



Its the memories that count and their relationship also not just 1 cinema outing but also talk few times more

This post has been edited by kesvani: Mar 12 2025, 11:21 PM

I haven't. But I saw eating food at the food court one day she has two children now. I saw her with her children I got weird feelings I didn't say but she looked at me a smiled. Maybe still recognize me after many years. I really hope she forgot about me and our old memories. Still haunts me the old memories good times we had in cinema, in the park night out drinking coffee.Now she has husband and children. Feels awkward to talk to her. But after I deleted her photos I feel better not to look at her picture all the time. Difficult really still have mental pictures of her in my mind

No need to treat it as haunt.Just treat as one of the sweet memories you experience. Even though i will most likely will marry GF/EX1 but in my hearty one day few years or decade i could meet EX2 again.

Let us both hope we can meet them again when age 40 or 50 or 60 since we only few years old apart since i also 37 only

Dei u 35 dy why dei why? I feel embarrassed you longing for that woman and wasting all your God given opportunities to be the best version of yourself. Life is a gift. Heartbrake is normal take time and heal but not 13 years long. Do you realize by longing the Ah So how many opportunities in life u lost? Potentially to further your career, enhance your looks fitness learn new skills earn more money. Dont be a pussy and wake up.

The woman moved on its not you mourning a person who loved you dearly .She made her bed and lay in it while you crying here and expecting a different outcome.

I can tell you this , as a serial dater back in the day I broke heart and got heart broken . But over time I realise when I want something serious I need to take myself seriously and I need to respect myself before expecting ppl to love and respect me. Be the best man you can be and stop being a pussy. Good luck. Someday you may end up with the right woman for you but you need to be the best version and respect yourself. Not all woman are bad, see carefully what you like and don't like before pursuing any relationship far. Be cut and dry . You got no time to waste and be honest.

This post has been edited by lordgamer3: Mar 15 2025, 07:26 PM

You try to talk to other women. Bunga bukan sekuntum.

It's not I'm longing for, it's just the memories I had with her. Kinda left a scar in my mind. Some memories inside my mind and the butterfly feelings in my stomach. I don't know what to say really...

Already stopped talking to girls. Kinda left a scar already. Because I'm a person who lacks confidence. I'm very quite. Cause I want my life to be meaningful not just accept rejection all the time. Already first rejection and it's not a good feeling iny stomach causes me nausea

Brave yourself and be confident.

That's the right way. The right way is keep talking to girls until younrjectrd countless time. Then you are numb. Then you will be so what?

That's what I did.

If that's the only night out, and left a scar, I believe your feelings towards her is indeed strong. The only way to overturn this is to find another girl that can create the same attraction.

So TS saw fish
Fish look tasty
One day canteen accidentally serve TS fish
TS ate fish once
Sedap
TS went back canteen want to eat more fish
Canteen say sorry no fish for you

And since then TS trauma and don’t date to eat fish anymore. Memories of the canteen say no hurt TS badly.

Ok… TS, can we agree
1. There’s more fish in the sea
2. That’s not the only place serve fish… mcd got, Gerai got, Michelin restaurant got…

But because of that bad memory hurt TS he swore off fish, but actually deep down he like fish. So tamau fish because the process to get it is painful, cause may kena reject.

Ok.. did I understand YOUR FEELINGS correctly?

Ramjade is telling you to just keep asking until you numb. And if you ask 300 girls 1 will say yes because statistics. That’s the correct playbook but doesn’t address how you feel about it.

Let’s explore it further
Why you feel like vomiting/sick/nausea when girls reject you?

Why is it such a big deal when someone says no to you? Are you secretly royalty related to Kim Jong Un and growing up nobody said no to you cause if they do their families get shot and their heads get chopped off? Need more context as to why you feel so strongly.

OR the other option just buy a mail order bride from Laos or Cambodia. As long as you pay her family money she won’t reject you. Make sure you got money lah.

Thanks for the reply bro. Yeah maybe I'm a bit sensitive around girls. Cause I'm the kinda of guy who apologies a lot if I make a mistake even in work place. So girls also the same . I always apologize even when I'm not wrong. Maybe you a right u should talk to girls more.

When people say no to me I get the rejection feelings kinda like you go interviews and get rejected from your job application. Kinda like that with girls if a girl rejects me i feel very bitter and sour. If.girl like me it's a boost in my confidence and ego. But mostly now I got rejected I feel like I will get rejected 100% all the time.Thats why I gave up. But u know I like statically speaking if 300 people 1 girls bound to say yes. Maybe in the future when I'm stable again I'll ask a girl out with me to cinema again. Thanks for the statistics analysis.

I know there a lot girls also who can be bought with money. Some girls needs a financially stable guy or a rich guy to help with financial burden. But I feel that's not love bro. Because I seen guys dating Thailand girls and Vietnam girls but they seemed to be involved with a lot of money. That's more like financial love. I kinda want who like me for who I am and not because of the money. Kinda want a true romantic partner instead of constantly thinking a bout money kinda of girl. I understand the world has become very materialistic but Im an old thinking person. I don't like money to revolve around love concept. Everyone can make money but true feelings and love is ancient bro even in this materialistic world(modern world). I'm more ancient lover then a modern lover bro

I will tell you what I did. I laid out all my cons to the girl, tell them what I want. Lots rejected me cause I told them I got no life, cannot bring them on overseas holiday. One stayed.

You can do what I do. You know the one who stayed is true cause she stayed even though know no life, cannot go overseas holiday.

But you still continue to go for job interviews and get a job? Then how is it different with girls bro? Why you are especially sensitive because it's a girl rejecting you?

You need to understand that in life, 99% of the time you do not get what you want, with the exception of royalty that's the 1%. Being rejected is the norm, not the exception. Talk to sales people, in insurance, standing in malls asking you to sign up credit card, property agents, etc. they get rejected all the time.

YOU, need to understand and internalize to yourself that it is absolutely NORMAL to get rejected. And moving forward you will be rejected. You suggest having McD for lunch and your friends reject you, they want KFC. It is not that big a deal. More often than not, they reject you have nothing to do with you.

The girl reject you, because she already set in stone she wants the other guy. Does that mean you are lesser? Inferior? No lah, she just wants the other guy. I want McD ayam goreng today, but tomorrow I want KFC. Does that mean 1 is inferior to the other? Nolah, they are just different. Some days I prefer the kick of McD spicy with that thick batter, some days I don't. So should McD spicy ayam feel nausea and vomiting cause the chicken died for me and I don't want to eat it? Takkan right.

That's the lucky one. Little that they know Ramjade is sitting on a mine of exponential growth hidden from plain sight. hahahaha. Exactly, you want the girl who likes you for who you are, not what you have.

Have power & influence? You will lose it over time, look at Mamakthir. Have fancy CEO title? Can't work forever, will soon be forgotten. Young 20 year old F1 fans won't know who is Jim Todt except he's Michelle Yeoh's husband.

Main order bride? She can be with you for 10 years but once the money dries out she will be on the next flight back to where she came from.

Thanks. But not official yet. Already ask. Wait for her reply. Let's see how. She did told me she is not going anywhere.

I understand you bro. Rejection is to accept. I completely understand it may still apply I love as well. But love really hurts.Especially those memories. If job rejection I can handle pretty well. But love rejection really hurts. It also hurts my image and who I am. After love rejection I stopped looking at my image a lot thinking I'm not handsome enough.Maybe it's the girls not so much about. But I understand your idea of rejection. Time to create new memories then

No one can help you if you don't help yourself. You can continue shut yourself down be alone your whole life or numb yourself and see if you things change. I just to get rejected multiple times so that rejection now does nothing for me. I am just next.

am in no position to advice anything.....
plus....all the good advice is all laid out right above

just wanna know...
what movie was it?

dowan to talk bout it, totally understand

but you better understand this one other thing too
yes, she's left this one huge impact on your life
you feel she's the best thing that's ever happened in your life
we've all gone through this
normally we'll snap out of the first when we hop on to the next

fret not young man
the right partner will swing by
when you least expect it

It's all English Movies.
1st movie was an Action Romance films. Hey i thoughts romantic films work. But she was to busy with her phone. Most of the time she was with her phone chatting with someone which i don't know who(maybe her ex boyfriend?)

2nd movie was an Animated film i like animated films thought she might like it. But she invited her cousin along whom is also a girl which i didnt mind.

3rd film was also an English film i thought she might. i asked her if she wanted popcorn but she was too busy with her phone again.


other was outing at Starbucks Cafe and Morning walking around the polo ground. I thought girls like active guys. But she seemed uninterested in my skipping rope skills. I can skip rope pretty well.
Starbucks cafe she invited her cousin again i felt i couldnt express my feelings because her cousin was there. I thought her cousin may vomit if i discuss my feelings.
Akward at Starbuck i kept a poker face as i order Coffee.

Last outing was morning breakfast where we ate Wan ton mee at an old coffee shop which i know the Stall owners since childhood. She shared some travelling trip s of her where she went to europe and usa, I forgot to mention she is a very rich girl. Had a Hyundai Veloster. I waas driving a Honda Crz. My mother keeps telling me girls like me because of my Car. is it true she only came to me because i had a nice car?FOR ME I DONT like girls who chase me because of my wealth and nice things. I thought it was a sincere feeling.

If the girl is always on the phone or invite someone to come with the meeting, she is not interested in you.

I laughed hard here. Skip rope? What are you? A loser?

Courtship, simplified, is just doing sales.

1. To get the girl (buyer) to like you, YOU (salesman) must FIRST KNOW what the buyer wants.

1A. Why the fish you trying to impress her or make her like you when YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE LIKE? You clown? Trying to entertain everybody? Cause that’s what clowns do, they come up with material to appeal to Semua lapisan masyrakat.

2. She doesn’t give a shit about you or your car la. Only you you think you are cool with your Honda. If she thinks your car is damn cool you don’t want her anyway. Or the next cooler car show up you’re history.

You think highly of yourself when in fact you’re nobody. You’re just another unique human being; fact: there’s 2 billion unique human beings out there how unique do you think you are? Unless your family got networth upwards of RM100 million, you’re seriously habuk, so take your head out of your ass.

3. When trying to get a girl, watching movie is the dumbest thing to do because you are not interacting with her. See 1A. You’re supposed to talk to her, ask her what she look for in relationship, what’s her biggest fear, what’s her dreams, what she thinks about starting a family, what she wants to achieve, which countries she wanna go and why, what is on her “to do” list before she dies. All these questions help you know more about her. Shit, how much do you know about her? Do you know what’s her favorite food? What’s her favorite color and why?

Or you just like her cause she’s pretty and that’s all just on surface level?

I think your first problem is not that you cannot get girls. You’re immature and shallow. Grow up buddy.

Well that's your thoughts.. Everyone has their opinions I respect. But some girls like guys who bring them to cinema.. it's not about million net worth bro. Like my dad had only rm100 when he married my mom. After he climbed the ladder. I always take my dads advice. Simple is the best. That how my dad met my mom. A cool car is only an addition. As I told you I'm an ancient lover not a modern lover. So you may understand my age group. May older women may think that way don't know youngsters and don't care about their opinions. You must understand certain things about the modern world and the ancient one. Modern is all materialistic. There is even a song about it. Ancient lover is everlasting. I hope you can understand bro. I don't know how old you are but my age group is all ancient lovers bro.Even they know what hardworking money is with old lovers

Sorry. I have agreed with Jason. Go watch YouTube on places to bring girl for date. Bringing her to cinema is a wrong move because you guys are not talking. You need to talk to the girl to know what she wants and see if you have what she wants. Cinema is usually reserved for 3rd or 4th meeting onwards. Heck I never bring girls to cinema. I always being them to park or just some where to makan and chit chat. By first meeting usually you have rough idea do you want to see the girl again or not. Same goes with girl. Some people like to do it slow talking about 2-3 meeting only find out what she wants. Some people do it fast. I belong to the fast camp. Find out if she have what I want and do I have what she want. By first meeting, I roughly know those things.

It's not about modern love and ancient love. Trust me, my filter filter out 90% of the girls. Why? I set my first criteria to be frugal. I look at what phones and bags they wear. It's about seeing if the girl have what you want and seeing if you have what girl wants.

Talking alone is not enough. You need to know the girl love language and talk to her using her love language. If you talk using a different love language, she won't feel love. The olden days are over. Kindly adept and move with time. You still can find olden love in traditional times.

That is what later part. Right now you need to figure a way to pull yourself out. No one can help yourself u less you decide to help yourself.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Mar 22 2025, 01:37 PM

You know why people go to cinema as first date last time?

Its for "accidental" physical contact (hand touch when eating popcorn) or even more hanky panky stuff. Nowadays with all the surveillance, people don't go there for initial dates anymore.

Convince yourself about your "ancient love" all you like, but know that it is a delusion. Its only something you tell yourself to make yourself feel better.

There are 2 things you need to do
1) Learn more about yourself so you become more confident in your own skin
2) Learn more about women and how to court them

Going extreme in either (1) or (2) is bad, but you do need to know how to do both and find your balance point. People like ramjade is very clear about who he is and also very clear about what he wants in a partner. However he's not so stupid to not put effort into some courtship and romance.

So maybe cinema wasn't a good idea. Maybe my mistake. If you were me what place would you bring a girl at?. Starbucks Cafe? What would be an ideal place for a date?
Maybe next time I could ask a girl out to that place.Thanks

I'm not you, you are not me.

If you try to follow what I suggest, you'll fail. Just like if I follow ramjade's style, I'll also fail. I'm not so frugal like him

Figure yourself out first, the girls can come after that.

Bro. Gets over it. This incident happened 10+ years ago. Like many said, lots of fish in the sea, just because the fish you like ran away doesn't mean you are a loser for life.

And again, the thing happened between you and the girl you can considered it a normal friend outing. Don't let the outing (or you called it as DATE) to ruin your life any more. It is ok to feel down for a short time, but 10+ years and still stuck in this is way too long...

Why you cannot learn? You dense or what?

In my post above I said, find out what THE GIRL likes. Why you care if Ramjade brings his girls to kopitiam and I bring girl go high tea at Ritz Carlton?

You are not me or Ramjade. Why don’t you just ask the girl what she likes, does she like cafe hopping, or prefer quieter new places, or she dislike all these fancy place and like manak.

Sigh. I do encourage you to seek help, but there’s no point if you don’t implement and don’t learn.

I am cheap guy. I either bring the girl to a public park or go sushi (free green tea refill). If you talk for a long time, you will get thirsty.

Feel for him. Not easy to forget when you feel click with someone and she initially also feel the same.I my self wonder how long will it take to remove EX2 from my mind or at atleast till her present in my mind will not have any affect on me and just as true memories only

This post has been edited by kesvani: Mar 26 2025, 12:08 AM

Bro, don't get me wrong. I do not mean to down play any one. We are human, it is perfectly normal to have emotion. We may feel sad, depress on and off, here and there. It is ok to feel down for sometime... we should not let this negative emotion to stay for too long. and 10 years is way way too long...

And I seriously think that perhaps expanding your social circle, get some hobby, keep yourself busy could be helpful. Leaving yourself too much time, you will think more and more about this incident in the past.

Hmm sushi and walk park sounds like a good idea for next date

🤣
It is a good idea if it’s Ramjade’s girl.
You bring my girl go have sushi and walk in park, she will ask you fly kite in the park yourself.

Then you depress again.

Hahaha never mind lah. You too dense cannot be saved already. Good luck ok. Share good news after you succeed.

Or you trolling us, really that dense meh. Anyway thanks for the entertainment.

You can do anywhere as long as you talk with her. Coffeeshop, restaurant, cafe. Doesn't matter. Most important is cheap on your wallet and you are able to talk. Both side must talk.

Go YouTube and watch place for first date.

I test my girl thoroughly. That's is first red flag. If she cant accept normal/cheap places, sorry la.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Mar 26 2025, 11:53 AM

u test the girl, u think girl can't test u back?

normally on first date, I will offer to AA. if the guy accepted, then Adiós. no green flag, no gentleman at all. stingy is a disease, thrifty different story.

Of course they can test me. They are welcome to test me. But so be it. That's not being sincere on your part. If you offer AA, you should not see it as a test. If a girl offer me AA, I will think she is genuine. But I would still pay for the first meeting.

If I find a girl offer me AA and is a test, sorry I won't pick that kind of girl. If you want AA then mean it.


This post has been edited by Ramjade: Mar 26 2025, 03:03 PM

girl pays her own meal because girl knows her place there's no free lunch in this world. so tell me, what's it gotta do with sincerity?

also, your words contradict to each other leh. you test girl bring to cheap makan place = can, when time kena test on AA = 'I won't pick that kind of girl'. doesn't seem welcoming to me.

and yeah, you will definitely pay for first date cause already gave you the cheat code. You knew it was a test. If never confide to you? Guarantee 101% you have eaten the bait and happy to AA. Why? cause it aligns to the values and principles you hold so dear.

what i'm trying to imply here, it goes both ways. you test the girl, be prepare to get tested too. when you lose the mind game, don't kpkb.

From what I see that girls also test a guy out. Whether he treats well or if she sees he has enough money to spend. Maybe in older times where things weren't so expensive and not many fancy things before a lot people could afford. As I witness things are getting expensive and there is demand for people who are wealthy. I think girl also same. Maybe the girl I dated before was also seeing my wealth. Cause I also bring her to simple place. If modern times people become more materialistic I actually lost interest in dating. That's why I seldom talk to girls already. Hoping in future could find a simple who is less materialistic example not interested in branded items or luxurious goods. Simple like drinking coffee or going for walk in the park perhaps even cinema. Cause I like the idea of first date at cinema. I didn't regret going to cinema with my previous date. If things work God bless. If not it probably for the better.God bless

I have always paid for every meeting.

I bring the girl to normal and cheap place because I want to see if she is ok with eating at cheap and normal place. If she is not ok, then sorry. No further dates for her. My criteria is very simple. She must be frugal and live a simple life. That is my filter cause I am poor guy. I cannot afford expensive makan.

Regarding your AA choice that is hypocrite. You offer and if the guy takes it no more meeting. Like that don't offer. If you are offering, it shows you want to pay for it. You actually want the guy to pay but you pretend like you want to pay for it Vs mine where I actually want the girl to be able to eat at cheap and normal place. You see the difference?

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Mar 27 2025, 01:36 PM

bruh.. if u paid then why make a big hoohaa? it means u have passed the test. end of story. why are you still questioning about its sincerity and accusing the test as hypocrite?

I could argue day and night about u offering to normal cheap place, but did I make noise about it? you got right to test, girl has same privilege too. it is not always looking at your own standard every single time. if it is, then you are damn selfish.

selfish + stingy = catastrophe.

sekejap say welcome to be tested, but when got tested rant and complaint. haih, men and their words. if can trust it, shit also can eat.

Like I said, I want to see if the girl is able to eat at cheap and normal place. If she is ok, all is good. If she is not ok, sorry la. I am not the guy for her.

You on the other hand doesn't want to pay but offer to pay tricking the guy into thinking you want to pay.

That's why filter. Hopefully you learnt your lesson. That is the girl I am looking for and currently seeing. Found her after 2 years of searching.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Mar 27 2025, 02:08 PM

nobody comment anything about you bring the girl eat at cheap normal place, you bring her to roadside longkang eat also no one care.

you see it as a trick but the more I see you don't live up to your own words.

This post has been edited by PoorButHumble: Mar 27 2025, 05:09 PM

The Eastern Philosophy guide to doing well in human relationships is Ren 仁 (Chinese: 仁, meaning "co-humanity" or "humaneness").

~

Ren 仁 is the core of Confucius’s moral thought, encompassing three primary levels:

“Self-love,” which means cherishing and respecting one’s own life.

“Filial piety and fraternal duty,” i.e., love for one’s parents, siblings, spouse, and children.

“Loving others” means loving everyone in society and filling the world with love.

In Confucius’s moral thought, Ren is a moral sentiment and practice. He advocated cultivating one’s inner self and fostering benevolence to achieve harmonious social relationships.

~

If you are able to understand & cultivate Ren 仁,

The attempt to build relationships will be effortless.

The relationship form will be long-lasting.

Yet, in this modern day, do the public still know Ren 仁 @ (人二 = more than 1 人 = living with another human)?

Or do public now only know how to live as Ren 人 (singular) only?

~

Modern-day humans have already forgotten the way of living as humans. This world still got long way to go.

This i like the Ren meaning this is what I want. I think all guys really want even in modern world

Actually… me being neutral party to both your conversation. Effectively what will happen is that you’ll know Ramjade is not the guy for you… and you won’t follow up.

He will think, hey cool, this lady offer to AA and ok with cheapo place. Got potential.

It’s not a trick lah. It’s a filter test. You offer AA, the guy accepts, you will AA and sayonara the guy.

If it’s the first time meeting, I will always foot the bill, even if I don’t have any intention of seeing her again. If she offers to AA, I’ll say sure, the next time we meet — if I want to meet her. Else I’ll say, it’s okay the pleasure is mine. But hor, I heard across the causeway, all AA one. lol.

This post has been edited by Jason: Mar 28 2025, 05:46 AM

lol, u can even guess the outcome XD but what I wish to highlight here is that he want to be heard by keep on harping about his "cheap makan place", emphasize the bias testing game, and still want to safe face by saying "I have always paid for every meeting."

actually there's a reason behind AA thingy. when girl offers AA, it means she doesn't vibe with you. if the guy gentleman enough to pay the first bill (well, that's what mostly guys being practicing like probably 8/10), girl will give u another chance to get to know more in details by suggesting second round place like dessert/ coffee. This time girl take initiative to settle the bill. High possibility get to clear the wrong impression about the guy also.

See? instead of finding out he straight go defense mode, not sincere la, not genuine la, hypocrite and tricky. perhaps, his life always been taken advantages that's why need to stay vigilant. but who am I to judge?

hold on a minute, indirectly reveal the trade secret to you guys liao. now the ladies gonna hate me for doing this.

"Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire."

The statement on "I want." Wanting or demanding from the other is selfish. It is rude. Instead of demanding that other people be what "I want," we become what "we want." Do not force what we want from other people & don't force others to change for us. Ask ourselves what we can do to be the person we like.

Other "guys want" ~ we speak for our own; it is enough. We does not have the right to speak for the other (they have their own free will).

If you want such a scenario, reflect on yourself and what you need to do to make yourself more likeable by yourself.

~

In Eastern philosophy, there is a pre-condition an individual must meet before you should love another person. The pre-condition is to love yourself and make sure you are capable of loving other people.

If you do not know how to love yourself and are capable of loving, you do not go to love other people. The act of attempting to love other people while you yourself are not capable of loving yourself is a selfish act. You will create a mess that you are not capable of dealing with and run away.

Ask yourself sincerely also why you want to be in the relationship. Was it just because your peer is in the relationship that you fear to miss out? Once you are ready, only you can offer to love other people.

~

When you love other people, we usually offer ourselves to love someone who is weaker than us (for male); we don't go and love someone who is stronger than us. The one stronger than us, let someone stronger than them love them.

That's why you do not go to the candidate out of your league. Look for someone within your league who can click well with your personality. If you go after a candidate out of our league, don't complain if things don't work out.

Finally, the most important of all is sincerity. This "sincerity", the modern-day public has lost such value in the society. The people nowadays only think of the advantage they can exploit. In this part, you decide which part you want to become yourself. If you understand Ren 仁, you will know which path to go. It is all free will; we decide who we want to become.

Most Malaysian guys still ok la. Relatively gentleman. You try Singaporean guys and see. The Malaysian snowflake generation like TS I don’t know lah.

Congrats Jason. You get what I mean.

Most of the time, if the girl doesn't even offer to pay and keep silently that could mean she's just riding you for a fee meal. Hence, there's no need to spend too much money on the first date assuming you won't be able to see her again.

but exceptionally, if you want to visit a place that you haven't tried or you're going to a regular food or bar that isn't costly, why not asking her to join along? That's your original intention of wanting to go

however, some guys will overspend on a date thinking to be able to hook up with her eventually and then turned sour grap when things didn't go along his expectation. I will say this is the worst scenario

most of the time? free meal in exchange of valuable time, effort to dress nicely, have to face and sit with someone like you? ewww no. law of attraction bruh. if you lapsap, you also attract the same kind. cannot blame you since your environment is like that.

Sis, why u gotta expose us like that? 🤣 Last time I used to propose AA whenever I didn't vibe with the guy n didn't wanna feel like owing him anything. Now I propose AA for a different reason...it just feels empowering to pay for my own meals.

If the guy’s mindset is thinking the lady is out looking for a free meal then… the guy’s mindset is very very poor.

Likewise *some* female think the guys are only out there to get in their pants, usually from past interaction with the lapsap.

Don’t AA lah. It strip us of our chivalry. I mean if the guy’s intention is towards a romantic relationship… then yeah should pay. If friends then of course AA loh. My female friends don’t expect me to pay.

The real question is do most Malaysian guys actually wanna pay for our meals? I saw a lot of them complaining women want equality but we keep quiet when the check comes. I don't wanna hear that kinda shit anymore so I prefer to pay for my share.

That’s your experience? Interesting
Maybe an age group thing. I’m ancient.

I think it has more to do with their upbringing n our culture. Maybe some guys started out as gentlemen but when they see that girls keep on using them to get free meals, they start to get mad n say that we girls should pay for our meals bla bla bla.

Here's the the thing... A lot of guys on dating apps love asking the girls to meet them immediately without getting to know them better. If they're patient enough to learn more abt those girls b4 meeting up, they can more or less have a rough idea on whether the girl is really into them or using them for free meals.

I’ve not used any dating apps. lol. So it’s just friends of friend whom I met in person and went from there. Malaysia culture also very odd to chat up random person on the street — that’s easy to do in Australia.

Malaysians don't dare to talk to strangers coz there are too many scammers out there lol. How does a person normally chat up a stranger in Aust though? Like "Hi, how are you going?"

We talk about the weather
Nah kidding

Go to city often? What’s a nice place to grab food etc. ask for recommendations, really genuinely wanting to know. Chat normally. The ones who are introvert will be on their books or phones - usually Asians.

How interesting. Must be fun answering those questions. Which type of Asian were u referring to? The FOBs or those who were born there?

I usually ask lol. The foreigners not the locals.

There's no obligation for the guy topay if the conversation sucks. I've met some girls who purely used me for dinner and I've also met some very open minded females, after been with few hundreds females offline on a date, I can justify where is the smp standing

This post has been edited by -mystery-: Apr 8 2025, 11:06 PM

He is not going into defense mode la, its just you stuck in your perspective cannot understand where he is coming from.

I personally find his approach weird also, but it works for him. So who am I to judge? He knows what he wants in a partner, and he set out to get what he wants.

His "test" is straightforward, he bring the girl to a cheap place because he is showing her that's what life with him is going to be. He has mistakenly called it a "test", when in fact its really a demo/trial.

Using your version of a test and fit into his scenario. Would be more like he take her to somewhere cheap to "test" her, when normally in life he would go fancy place to makan. Protect himself from "gold-digger", but what if the girl is not a gold digger, but actually just don't like to eat fancy food? She might like to go cheap place, but now when in normal mode, he want to go makan fancy place will be incompatible in the relationship already. Stupid test.

Its the same with your AA test. What does it prove? A guy willing to go AA is stingy? No. You offered, he accepted; maybe he wanted to respect your autonomy? Just because he accepted doesn't mean he is stingy, and just because he paid doesn't mean he will continue to be generous. It is frankly a very stupid test; as most relationship tests are.

You want the guy to be a provider, nothing wrong with being upfront about it. Any guy who makes noise about it, that's their problem. It filters them out much faster also right

Sadly, the dating market is really f`ked up. I'm so glad that I'm no longer in it.

Its become quite common for fairly attractive ladies to go on dates specifically for free meals. Even in my time I know a few people who did stuff like that, but it was very rare. Dating apps has just made it too easy and common. These ladies would go out for meals with the simps, but have the fun part with their choice of mate.

Really? I think we shouldn't be that far in age, but during my time I used to chat up random people all the time. People are generally friendly, not as open as the aussies of course.

nowadays even enter a marriage, there's no guarantee of sex in return lah. There are some old mindset guys who think just because I spent X amount of money or time on a girl, I must get a certain amount of return

Sadly, relationships are not business in black and white sense

Once married already, takes effort to maintain sex life. That's just the reality of it, especially once kids come into the picture.

There's more to life and relationship than sex though, its not the only metric in a relationship.

Well it's kind of a test and demo for me. Cause if she is not ok with eating at cheap places, then we will have problem going forward. But you are right. It's also a demo of the type of life I live.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Apr 20 2025, 05:58 PM

35yo, she still look hot?

I thought by now she look like Aunty.

Why TS, so heartbroken over Aunty?

I think I have made it very clear yet you still fail to understand. The issue with him is not about the context of the test itself but how he perceive upon receiving one?

Autonomy? haha. bruh...the first thing you wanna do is to save your face la, macam ni pun kena ajar, wew.

But then again if you bring autonomy for the sake of SJW, my take, a man that does not know how to make a simple decision and always go along is a super big red flag. This type of man better don't find partner, you have mommy to lean on already. You said stupid, I say good riddance.

Like I tried to explain

Its the confusion between test and trial.

He is giving them a trial of what life with him is like. A girl can also do the same to him and say "if you want to date me, take me somewhere nice". Which is fine if the girl expects that to be part of their relationship.

If you offer AA but actually want him to pay; as a test. Then all you're doing is setting up false expectations on both ends. Every guy knows this rule, and if they want to play the game, they just play it. No sincerity, no guarantee it will continue long term. On the girl's end, the test only provided short-term answer.

Testing in such a manner is failing strategy. Its also not a good way to start a relationship where you're constantly "testing" each other, no trust and honesty. So if you're "tested" in such a manner, I don't think its unreasonable to feel put off by it. Its a dishonest interaction, and would you want to be in a relationship like that long term?

Do the trial method instead and be clear with your expectations so everything moves on the right track.

There is no smoke without fire. I am only here cause his "test" caught my attention, hence, giving him the same perception albeit different scenario. Don't understand why you need to keep on yapping like a broken record by comparing the context of each test or trial whatever you called it?

What you wanna prove? he has every right to trial, mine is so goddamn wrong that you have to step in and be the white knight huh? If you need that validation, take it cause i don't care. you bring your date eat at longkang also nobody bother.

There is a reason why he is still searching until today. If those girl that he dated can score better partner, why would they want to settle for less?

Actually I don't know. Maybe too innocent. If a girl offer me AA, I really expect her to AA and not do it as a test. Maybe it is just me though. 🥺

I found 2 girls actually. Currently with one of them. I am super honest, open and transparent to them. I tell them and show them how my life is.

It’s okay to admit when we don’t know something. Now that you’ve learned something new, what’s there to lose? At least you’ve improved and are moving forward with one less weakness. That’s called refinement.

In Eastern culture, especially when it comes to 礼 (lǐ, or manners), it reflects on us as individuals. For example, in dating: if you’re the one asking someone out, you’re the host. Even if the other person offers to split the bill (like “AA”), as the host, you shouldn’t accept it.

Another common scene: if your friend invites you to a party, gathering, or housewarming, you should always bring a small gift as a way to show 礼 (lǐ). Even if the host says not to bring anything, as parents or elders, we must still teach the younger generation to bring something. You just shouldn’t show up empty-handed.