I test my girl thoroughly. That's is first red flag. If she cant accept normal/cheap places, sorry la.

Of course they can test me. They are welcome to test me. But so be it. That's not being sincere on your part. If you offer AA, you should not see it as a test. If a girl offer me AA, I will think she is genuine. But I would still pay for the first meeting.

If I find a girl offer me AA and is a test, sorry I won't pick that kind of girl. If you want AA then mean it.

I have always paid for every meeting.

I bring the girl to normal and cheap place because I want to see if she is ok with eating at cheap and normal place. If she is not ok, then sorry. No further dates for her. My criteria is very simple. She must be frugal and live a simple life.

Regarding your AA choice that is hypocrite. You offer and if the guy takes it no more meeting. Like that don't offer. If you are offering, it shows you want to pay for it.

Like I said, I want to see if the girl is able to eat at cheap and normal place. If she is ok, all is good. If she is not ok, sorry la. I am the guy for her.

You on the other hand doesn't want to pay but offer to pay tricking the guy into thinking you want to pay.

Actually… me being neutral party to both your conversation. Effectively what will happen is that you’ll know Ramjade is not the guy for you… and you won’t follow up.

He will think, hey cool, this lady offer to AA and ok with cheapo place. Got potential.

It’s not a trick lah. It’s a filter test. You offer AA, the guy accepts, you will AA and sayonara the guy.

If it’s the first time meeting, I will always foot the bill, even if I don’t have any intention of seeing her again. If she offers to AA, I’ll say sure, the next time we meet — if I want to meet her. Else I’ll say, it’s okay the pleasure is mine. But hor, I heard across the causeway, all AA one. lol.

Most of the time, if the girl doesn't even offer to pay and keep silently that could mean she's just riding you for a fee meal. Hence, there's no need to spend too much money on the first date assuming you won't be able to see her again.

but exceptionally, if you want to visit a place that you haven't tried or you're going to a regular food or bar that isn't costly, why not asking her to join along? That's your original intention of wanting to go

however, some guys will overspend on a date thinking to be able to hook up with her eventually and then turned sour grap when things didn't go along his expectation. I will say this is the worst scenario

He is not going into defense mode la, its just you stuck in your perspective cannot understand where he is coming from.

I personally find his approach weird also, but it works for him. So who am I to judge? He knows what he wants in a partner, and he set out to get what he wants.

His "test" is straightforward, he bring the girl to a cheap place because he is showing her that's what life with him is going to be. He has mistakenly called it a "test", when in fact its really a demo/trial.

Using your version of a test and fit into his scenario. Would be more like he take her to somewhere cheap to "test" her, when normally in life he would go fancy place to makan. Protect himself from "gold-digger", but what if the girl is not a gold digger, but actually just don't like to eat fancy food? She might like to go cheap place, but now when in normal mode, he want to go makan fancy place will be incompatible in the relationship already. Stupid test.

Its the same with your AA test. What does it prove? A guy willing to go AA is stingy? No. You offered, he accepted; maybe he wanted to respect your autonomy? Just because he accepted doesn't mean he is stingy, and just because he paid doesn't mean he will continue to be generous. It is frankly a very stupid test; as most relationship tests are.

You want the guy to be a provider, nothing wrong with being upfront about it. Any guy who makes noise about it, that's their problem. It filters them out much faster also right
Sadly, the dating market is really f`ked up. I'm so glad that I'm no longer in it.

Like I tried to explain

Its the confusion between test and trial.

He is giving them a trial of what life with him is like. A girl can also do the same to him and say "if you want to date me, take me somewhere nice". Which is fine if the girl expects that to be part of their relationship.

If you offer AA but actually want him to pay; as a test. Then all you're doing is setting up false expectations on both ends. Every guy knows this rule, and if they want to play the game, they just play it. No sincerity, no guarantee it will continue long term. On the girl's end, the test only provided short-term answer.

Testing in such a manner is failing strategy. Its also not a good way to start a relationship where you're constantly "testing" each other, no trust and honesty. So if you're "tested" in such a manner, I don't think its unreasonable to feel put off by it. Its a dishonest interaction, and would you want to be in a relationship like that long term?

Do the trial method instead and be clear with your expectations so everything moves on the right track.