I have a senior in uni, I think I'm into her, I want try to pursue her. She seems ok with talking to me and I have talked to her a few times since I first met her in orientation, but no more. This fish seems to be really damn big, I don't want the line to snap.

But then one problem is when it comes to making friends I am total gone case. I haven't actively tried making friends ever before in my life, I always wait until people talk to me. I eventually realized that I only talk to certain people that I know is because I am comfortable with them, that I am severely introverted. So I tried just choosing to be comfortable with people. Doing that I just talk to people like I already know them, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. So I want to learn how to make friend properly.

Another problem is that she's in year2 while I am year1. So not much chances to talk other than during events and when I see her around in school.

Yet another problem is my personality, I am not very talkative. Every time I pass by a place where she frequents, I often have to think of something to ask before entering the area so if I do see her I have something to say rather than just blanking out.

But so far my plan is to just keep talking to her until I eventually get close enough that she wouldn't reject me. But more and more this does not seem possible since there are so few events, and very often when I do see her around she's studying with her friend group, so many people I too shy to approach. Another thing is that I know some of her friends as well so I feel that if I see her with other people I know, I have to talk to all of them to not seem like an asshole.

So how do I catch fish?

This post has been edited by Police4896: Oct 27 2024, 04:10 PM

Your natural way is inefficient amd frankly waste too much time.

The way to do it is you ask her directly for a date.

If she says no, be cool about it. Maybe try again after a while.

you have alot of work to do before you want to "chase" any girl.

Dont talk to much please. Sorry, no trying to offend you. Girl like to listen only to "Brilliant Man Talk", and Girl hates "Dumb conversation with Man", They only love dumb sissy talk among girl.

another reminder.

Girl hates man ask alot question about her.
But.. if they interested about you, they ask alot question.


I see alot dumb man, when chasing the girl they like, they bombard them with question like their mom.

This post has been edited by ifourtos: Oct 28 2024, 01:33 PM

Dei.....you answered all your questions.....why asking here.....

Women like to communicate....so talk more..... keep it going....

Just be direct and ask her out. You both are in talking terms already. Just keep the conversation going.

If she reject, then move on to the next. Learn from this rejection and next woman liao......

One two years difference is not a major factor.

But my problem right now is that I talk too little, sometimes I talk a bit then awkward silence. So how? Have to learn how to do interesting monologue?

This post has been edited by Police4896: Oct 28 2024, 04:11 PM

Your word, your talk is just a product of your knowledge, life experience and maturity

Like spending power, if u rich, spend on them. If not, don't spend.

SAME for conversation.

Grow up faster, experience life deeper
University is a bad place for man to grow up.

MAN only ascend in tough challenge

I agree with comment about talk less. Dating is about letting the girl talk more than u. Maybe 70-30.

Learn to listen attentively and ask questions. Make comments, encourage her and dont be afraid to laugh with and even at her if u noticed she is saying something silly.

As for awkwardness feeling, a lot of it is in your head. Be relaxed and chill. Dont overthink. Girl tend to mirror you. If you are very relaxed, she tend to be the same, relaxed.

And silent moments are normal. People in love sometimes just look at each other in the eyes for a long time and say nothing. So silence is not weird.

ok got it, if i am in date with her i just let her talk and just chill out, easy enough. usually when i talk to her shes the one monologuing, because everytime i just ask her about school stuff and she always has a lot to say. but then the problem is even when i try to small talk with her usually a bit awkward as well, can tell from facial expression she does not really enjoy talking to me, probably just okok no feeling, how to fix? i can try to joke but only when other ppl are around since i have more material to build on, if im the only one there then dont know how.

actually very often my conversations with friends is just 1 line interjecting jokes when other ppl are talking, i really have to learn

This post has been edited by Police4896: Oct 29 2024, 01:09 AM

Make sure you don't fall into the friendzone, and this happens by trying to be her "friend" first.

As a man, when you're chasing a woman you have to do it with intention and make sure that intention is clear. Anything less is unattractive as a partner.

ok thanks, so far i have done no.1 and 3 in this thread https://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1111256, and might have done no.2. but the number of times i have done any of these can count on half a hand since i dont have much chance to talk to her. i think next time i should compliment her on looks or something, since she always dresses really trendily. if i do this is it enough? without straight up asking her out for a date, because i think right now she would reject since shes really busy with studies

Dei, how many compliments you think she gets in a day? If she's pretty & trendy, that's pretty much a normal tuesday for her.

Asking her out directly is the best way.

Yes, you may get rejected, and because of your inexperience the probability is very high. Though you'd be surprised how the awkwardness + courage is endearing to women. Either way, the chances of a direct approach is much higher than whatever it is you're doing now.

Though its much better if you go out and practice on other people first. Not saying you should date other people, but go out and randomly talk to strangers. Can even start with guys and then work your way up to women.
You need to build the self confidence so that its natural when you do actually ask someone you really like out.

Purposely bump into her in uni if you know where she likes to go. Give more genuine expression when talking but not overdo it

I was in your shoes during my earlier days of studying. Dont waste those years man, if you want to improve your social skills just try and do it as earlier as you can. Unless you will be working in communication related field later, most of the time you wouldnt have much time to socialize after you went out from the school

and i saw those introverted and shy term you labelled yourself, i would say those are fucking bullshit man, same as horoscope or personality test. Don't limit your potentials.

The secret is u need to be outstanding so that she wants to talk to u. U see everyone wants to be friends with superstar and no one wants a strawberry.

Damn i really gotta say thats skill issue

Dont only follow steps to chase a girl, focus on how to link with strangers, or any girls

Do u have female friends? Just ask them out to chill with u or go around somewhere, as a friend, and try to communicate with them like how u would if u r bringing a girl on a date

Make friends with anyone n just go with the flow ur good

Also, read some books, those provide concepts, not just steps

talk to more girls from dating app

First of all TS, how much you willing to play the game??

Moment you express your interests: it could trigger a competition.

Is she pretty? lots of fanboys?

I always think the best pursuits are those that you get a girl who is interested to stick with you as she notices your personality and wants to be closer to you due to your attractiveness.

Just be yourself and don’t overthink it.

Be rich

basically women like these traits in men

- confidence
- taking the lead
- rich or can afford many things (despite whatever denial by some that money is not important, at the end of the day money will definitely take you places)
- sociable (if you are quiet, then you need to start talking)

most importantly, don't listen to the advice - "just be yourself".

If yourself is poor and introverted, you need to change la.

Work harder, socialise around, and start talking.

So, don't listen to the advice - "just be yourself"

good idea, excluding her theres 2 other girls im somewhat interested in as well. 1 of them in same club as me, but i dont really know her very well, and i will be in that club for until at least next year june and i dont want to make it awkward for the next half year just in case i fail. the other one i never even talk to, but have mutual friends and seen her a few times before when i go find my friends, planning on trying to get to know her. like this enough baskets to spread my eggs over?

yeah i have, i notice that she always study at the same place, and know approximately when her classes end and where they are, so i try to go those places more. but trying to talk to her when she's studying is a bit hard since she has a big friend group, all seniors, seems quite close, only when i see her alone then i talk, but thats rare

thanks man, taken to heart, i actually feel a bit more confident

well i have noticed that she likes to talk about ppl with high gpa, and sticks around them as well. she herself is like 4.95/5 so i think my best shot is to try get as high gpa as possible for this sem, but not going that well. i think i will need to top score for every exam, but some of my midterm exams do about average only. the rest are all above average, have to seriously buck up for final exams

female friends i have 1 that i am somewhat familiar with but the rest not very close, if i was closer to them maybe i could. i think i should try getting closer to them

When talking to girls, you need to expand the topic beyond boring topics (like school) to more personal topics. Things like relationships, their dream of the future.

Ask questions and probe deeper. Be attentive and encouraging. You can start by asking abt her friends that you mutually know, then family stories before moving to even more personal stuff.

To make it natural, TS needs to have ability to attract.

For eg, how to make her spot you above the rest?

Good looks
Good grooming
Good academic results
Exuberate confidence
Smart and intellingent
Independent and gentleman
Fun and adventerous
has many common interests with her

If a gal takes notice of you, she be interested.

However if a gal has lots of guys going after her, she be waiting for you to give her attention and show her why you are above the rest of competition.

This post has been edited by hoonanoo: Nov 14 2024, 03:05 PM

I had many chances.

Like eg there was a girl that used to ask me for a lift to university.

we lived almost in the same neighborhood.

I have been taking her to uni for the past 2 years.

Just the 2 of us in the car.

if you handsome, no need talk so much, she will talk to you la

update.
same same, i think its ok but not progressing. she always says hi and talks to me, thats good, i think just means that she thinks of me as friend.

but thats the issue, i want more. so last time i saw her tried to talk a bit more, but at first all my friends pressure me until i couldnt let out a word and just blindly stare, jialat. so i just stared until she said something, thankfully she did. so i talked to her a bit more, i keep trying to take interest in whats shes doing, but she doesnt give very long replies, a bit dry. so even though i had quite a few things to talk to her about, 70% of the time its silence.
and i notice a few weird things.
1. i ask her something, she replies me 2 sentence, then only elaborates to her best friend whos sitting next to her. cant say im not jealous, but this is expected la, im just another junior while shes her best friend. except that im the one talking to her.
2. she does laugh at the dumb things i say, but i cannot tell what kind of laugh it is.
3. when i asked when shes going clubbing, (since last year she wanted to invite some poeple including me to clubbing, but no one ever went because of miscommunication). maybe she misheard what i asked, since got loud music playing, but she said that clubbing is an activity you usually go with people you are close to, and trust, and would want to get closer with.(she said this in a more agitated way, but not angry. like she wants it to be made totally clear) but when i asked her again whether shes going this sem, she just said very busy, in a more bored tone. which is not wrong, she got a lot of school things going on


interpretation of her signals:
1. shes not comfortable with me, probably after i stared at her for so long. at least i stared at her eyes la not her chest.
2.real laughs because of my attempt at comedy, but again, not comfortable
3. she knows that im interested, and is saying that i have a long way to go still.

am i correct in mind reading? but how to proceed from here? valentines day coming up, should i say something indirectly about it? (what u doing for v day???) or should i just continue on like before, just trying to keep it natural? but problem with second approach is it takes time

This post has been edited by Police4896: Feb 3 2025, 12:54 AM

Bro, girl is very simple!!!!!

Base on what you write out, 101% you are not No 1 in queue.

Girl with no relationship experience (Fresh).

1. Handsome.

2. Height min 180cm.

3. Sweet talk.

4. Flower.

5. Car (+ point).

Girl with light relationship experience (Few Hand).

1. Always look clean n smart.

2. Height min 170cm.

3. Sweet talk.

4. Flower.

5. Car.

6. Good Profession

Girl with ton relationship experience (Public Washroom).

1. Flower.

2. Flash Car.

3. Flash House.

4. ATM

P/S: With all this, please enjoy all your hard earn money yourself. Last please avoid.

Base on my life experience, if girl like you...

1. Your call / message, she will pick up or reply instantly.

2. She always laugh on what you do or say.

3. She will ask you do A to Z for her.

Based on your updates,

I feel like you're in limbo now.

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably find someone else to pursue; she does not seem interested.

While you're at it, communicate more and learn some social skills so that when you approach someone else in the future, you'll be better.

All the best TS, if you want to still pursue her, I think still got chance. But not high la.

TS, don't you think whatever you are doing contradicts the title vs. your action + impatience?

You put such a high expectation & desire; don't you feel suffocated & burdened with such expectations on yourself? Don't you think you are putting so much burden of expectation on the opponent to reciprocate? The more you expect, the more you will act unnaturally because you care so much until you forget to interact.

Why not lower the expectation from such a high expectation to nothingness? Don't expect it; if things turn out positive, isn't it a bonus? Wouldn't your conversation & interaction be more natural & carefree?

If you think you have a long way to go, does raising the topic about Valentine's Day sound wise? Isn't it akin to an indirect yet an obvious confession?

21 y.o., go hit more walls, gain more experience. You got mountains to climb & seas to cross.

3 months and absolutely no progress.

Be a man and ask her out on a date. Be a man and accpet rejection gracefully if it comes to that.

And no, dont ask her out on valentines day. Thats increase chance of rejection.

thanks bro. for me i think i will take the advice quite a lot of ppl tell me, which is to not try so hard. i am looking at other girls la but none other seem to fit "my type" as much as her... except for a phd student who ta'd once for one of the classes i went to, but age gap a bit big and no more chance to see her. i felt that i should have done something back then? but nothing came to my mind that wouldnt be weird.

one thing i think i really should work on is how to truly meet new people, as in figuring out the basic things of self introduction, getting to know other party on basic level, then maybe ask for contacts or whatever if they seem interested....

that actually... makes so much sense. she doesnt owe me anything, why should i expect her to be interested? some of my friends told me the same thing but i didnt really take it too seriously, i guess i didnt understand. the more i want it, the less likely ill get it.

but to explain, i felt that i was making no progress at all, and before the last time i saw her at the event, i havent seen her since beginning of october. so i felt that i really should make the most out of any interactions i do get. we dont share any classes, the one i thought i would share with her because the syllabus changed and moved classes around last year, she told me she took 1 year early compared to the rest of her batch.
i feel that if i do the slow approach might be more likely to succeed, but if i do it that slowly i think she might graduate before even getting to the point of asking her out for a date.

idk bro. more like 6 months in, feels like it only got worse. again, not much chance of interaction. but really, if i know she would reject why would i ask?

This post has been edited by Police4896: Feb 7 2025, 01:15 AM

I think it's good to just try and socialise even if they are not fully your type.

Most important thing now is to learn how to be good in socialising and gain some confidence. You'll slowly know what to talk about, know how to act around certain situations and this can benefit you in the long run.

All the best man, you can do it!

If she wants to reject you she'll reject you no matter whether you guys are close or not.

Just be upfront with your intentions.

Dude, I can't help but feel this was a hint for you to invite her out?

Why are you asking her if she's going clubbing? Just take her la!

Speaking from someone in 30s who had 2 years-long crushes, I'd say the rejections are lessons/motivations for a better future you

More specifically, when my first love rejected me, I was still immature then so I didn't really improve myself much as I wallowed in self despair thinking how unlovable I was, I continued with that self fulfilling prophecy.

The last big crush I had lasted a few years and it was also when I was having hard times in life. I guess the hard times was what I needed for me to change my inner voice to stop the self negativity as the first step. I started talking to myself literally to get to know myself, and there I knew more things I wanted to change and it just kind happened. I'm glad he rejected me that day because I wouldn't be where I am today otherwise. I mean, yeah those years were painful, but time healed me and now I can talk about it again with just slight nostalgia, no sadness.

Good luck and come what may, you have a long life ahead of you.

a bit awkward la during the event since her friend was right next to her
but even if shes alone i dont think i would ask, since i know she almost definitely going to reject, then why bother asking? shouldnt i wait until i have higher chance of success then ask?
and for me la i feel that shes trying to say the exact opposite of what you interpreted. bcos i am not close to her at all, an acquaintance at most. so i think she saying, no, try make friends first then see.

thanks for the reassurance. no worries, i have a few other targets in mind but none really compare, except for one that is even harder to get so might as well give up on that one

Oh my young padawan... you are just making excuses to protect your ego from being hurt by rejection. Losing sight that the reward of success is ripe for the taking if you only had the courage to fail.

Terus terang tell you, we man are f`king stupid when it comes to this ok. I look back at the countless signals I got and totally ignored or convinced myself otherwise in the past; feel really bodoh, thankfully I learnt over time.

Simple fact is, you were once invited to go clubbing. So you're already vetted as "person who want to get closer with". You keep asking when she's going is you being really passive, so if she's interested in going with you... you're not giving her the opportunity to follow your lead.

Stop making excuses and be distracted by "other targets". You have someone who's really your target, then just go for it. Your best chances of success is if you're sincere and committed. If you fail, so be it. Its not the end of the world, but at least you gave your best. You will learn from the experience.

Continue down this path, and you'll always be full of indecision and self-doubt. Even if you succeed with other targets, it won't last or work out. Your confidence will not be built because you will chicken out again when it really matters.

Choose wisely.

hmmm.... ok makes total sense. ok fark it next time i see her i try to talk a bit more, then after that text her a bit, then after that go ask her out for a date. but then havent seen her in a while, but my friends all have seen her, so its possible that she has been avoiding me, maybe better to respect her wishes?

Respect her wishes? What the fish are you? The freaking genie? Stop pussyfooting around and man the hell up.

Itu helang gave you good guide liao

I summarize for you in layman terms
You feel you are not going to get her
You feel she will reject you

So basically, you sudah kalah, 0, zilch, makan telur, kosong.

Which means there’s NO HARM TRYING, cause you Memang have nothing what. So don’t be shy.

Just dress smart and clean, don’t overdo your cologne that’s weird. Be confident, when you walk up to her if her friend is there just say hi to them because nobody likes a rude prick, tell her she looks very nice today and miss seeing you and just ask her out. In front of the friend. If she asks why, just tell her to her face because I like your company. It’s true, and you jantan, so why scared to say it.

F*** that texting shit. Ask her to her face.

When out with her, don’t freaking beat around the bush. Ask questions that help you. Ask why she single, what she looking for in a relationship (don’t ask what she look in a man cause if the answer is Brad Pitt you no 180cm and not handsome you effectively bury yourself), what she values in life, talk about her hopes and her dreams. Get to know her.

Basically, you are a salesman trying to sell yourself. The wrong way is to tell her the features of benefits of yourself and talk non stop. Stfu. When you want to sell something, find out what the person is looking for, what they want, then sell to address that need.

She likes you lah. But she waiting for you to man the f up. On the date itself if you can sell yourself to meet her needs, just say “I think we can make this work together and I’d like to try it with you, what you’d say?”

And that’s done

Or you can continue drama like pondan, what if she don’t like me. What if she upset at me I didn’t go clubbing with her. What if tomorrow Thanos snap his finger. Enough lah. You man then just do it.

Shit Kumar the cross dresser more decisive than you.

ok update. somehow i got a bit of progress, didnt ask her out for date, but its something. one day i wave to her at canteen but she just pretend didnt see me, so i know something up. then after that i go buy coffee, i try not to look at her but i notice she just stared at me as i walk by, and the whole time she was sitting alone. never saw her like that, so i know something up dy. then i walk inside building, think a bit, walk back out, wanted to ask her is she ok. but then she saw me come out of building, then just laid her head on the table. then i go text her r u ok,

surprisingly she said, thanks for asking (with emoji), im ok just have terrible stomachache.

ok so i think she period la obviously. then next day i go and bought dark chocolate since google say its good for period cramp, but didnt see her so no chance to give. ok end of story. but i think this is positive.
what do i do now? i think i should continue on this trajectory, every week inch forward a bit until eventually she in my bed wihtout even noticing whats going on. but i dont want to shock too much also

This post has been edited by Police4896: Mar 28 2025, 01:28 AM

My child. She cramp today you buy dark chocolate for her the next day. And fail to give her. Are you some special kind of stupid? Or you retarded? Ok fine you won’t know you’re retarded if you were. So I tell you, you’re retarded.

You laosai today, tomorrow I give you medicine. You lao finish already loh! Give you medicine for what?

Yes she will be in your bed last century when you not there. You didn’t even give her the dark chocolate. She not feeling well you did nothing for her. You inch forward to where? Your head against the wall?

Hahaha damn hilarious omg. You feel not doing anything for her is progress.

Cibai u so pro then what would u have done in my shoes. Suddenly this girl u like look damn tired as shit, she don’t even say hi to u, and at this point this is all u know. Oh I know, I go buy pain medicine for her! She could just be stressed, or actually don’t want talk to u, etc. this time it’s not even guessing that she doesn’t want to deal with ppl, she’s been alone the whole day, and doesn’t say hi.
And, if you had gf before, or even cared to google, period cramps can last 3 days.
And, if you know 1 thing about women, is that the say no but mean yes. She say she ok dy when I text her, use ur big brain to think what that means
If you’re thinking, you could have talked to her that day instead of texting! I’ll tell you exactly how that would have went. I go up to her, ask r u ok? Then she pretend sleep. That’s it, end of interaction. She already pretend to look at the cat nearby when I walked past. What makes you think it would have gone any different?
Also if you’re thinking I could have bought the chocolate at the same day. I can win the lottery today also what, just have to buy the correct numbers. How to know the correct numbers? Tomorrow they will say.
Ok not giving her is my fault la. I didn’t see her at all that day, should have texted to see.

This post has been edited by Police4896: Mar 28 2025, 08:54 AM

This style of overthinking is delaying your progress.

Girl u fancy sitting alone, with no friends around?

Best opening bro...U just go and say hi. Then ask.if she wants coffee, she might say yes and u have a coffee date. If she says no or ignore u then just laugh it and say ok next time, or if she says she looks not well, offer if u can get anything. She probably say no need, then u just say hope she GWS, smile and back off.

Oh and the cat is also a good conversation starter/opening.

You every week inch forward like this, by the time you get her in bed she'll be 80 years old already

Dude, he's definitely more pro than you. Your ego is hurt now by what he said because, deep down you know IT IS TRUE. That's why your response here is so damn defensive. Don't go lecturing him on knowing women when you haven't even held hands with one

If I saw a FRIEND (regardless male/female), sitting alone and uncomfortable. I would approach them to see how they are doing and see if there is anything I can do AT THAT MOMENT to alleviate their suffering. Even if it just means sitting there by their side saying/doing nothing... just to show solidaty/support that they are not alone. That is what someone who truly cares would do. All you've really shown is that you put your fragile ego above her well-being. Don't even start talking about being a potential partner, right now you are failing even as a friend.

This post has been edited by silverhawk: Mar 28 2025, 10:25 AM

idk dude, scared that if i think too little, go too fast, then fuck up
but thanks la for advice
i think youre correct, but i also dont really get your logic. i have considered asking her whether shes ok, but then i saw that she clearly wants to be left alone. isnt it best to do that? if my guy friends, that arent that close, signal to me to leave them alone, i would definitely just leave them alone.

these are my expectations la, for me if i dont want to talk to ppl, then ppl keep wanting to talk to me, i would be even more angry. if i was just sitting alone, feeling unhappy, then suddenly someone i barely talk to come up, sit in front, i will find them annoying, and in the future i will actually avoid this person to avoid their prying.


but i think i get the point la, im going to ask her whether shes free for lunch the next week, excuse being that i want some senior career advice. or something else is better?

This post has been edited by Police4896: Mar 28 2025, 10:54 AM

i been follow your post since the beginning, you just miss a thousand years golden opportunity.

not matter your friends in periods or any issue, first things to do is ask directly if you saw them, not via whatsapp.
then if you want to buy hot chocolate, directly go and buy it and give to her that time, since you just bought yourself a coffee..
you can just bought the hot chocolate gave to her, just said the hot chocolate is to cheered you up and walked away.

this will add some points as FRIEND.

dont over think, dont think whether she wanna be your GF or not. i can confirm to say this will fail. just treat her as a normal friend.

just have a super thick face, fail or success is different story. take it as a lesson if fail.

my 1cent.

This post has been edited by scyther: Mar 28 2025, 11:04 AM

The problem with you is the bolded part.

You overthink, and make assumptions.

Do you KNOW she wanted to be left alone? You don't. You assumed. Which is convenient, because it means you have an excuse for your cowardice.

If you sat with her and she actually told you to leave, then that is a different story.


^ once again, all your assumptions in your head. Nothing based in reality.


FFS, you still haven't gotten the point.

Ask her out.

That's it. No excuses. No pre-text.

Just a simple intent of "Hey I like you, and want to show you a good time".

Grow a f`king pair of balls and take ownership of your interest and passion.

Ok done I just finished dinner with her y’all happy? but mostly talked about academic stuff. got talk about what she want to do after graduation. At first we talked about couples in our grade. Then she asked me whether I had anyone I liked. I told her, ppl in my year, not really. Crucial thing is ppl not in my year.

But now I know I am ok dy, she is a friend. But I think I should have been a bit more gentlemanly and helped her with her tray after finish. But still ok. Now to break out of friendzone. How?

This post has been edited by Police4896: Mar 28 2025, 08:07 PM

And you should ask her back, how about you? If she say no, ask her why not? Then you know all the reasons she will use to reject you. If she says yes, then you ask her why she still single, what's stopping her, then you will know all the reasons she needs to be a couple.

Great, you asked her out, HOW HARD WAS THAT LA FFS.

Don't text her everyday, don't reply immediately if she text you -- simmer for an hour or 2 and said you were doing homework, gym, just don't make yourself available to her and standby like a dog. Don't do stupid thing like good morning, have you eaten text, that gets you in friend zone faster than light speed.

NOW? Act cool for the next few days. Raya right? Let it simmer for 3 or 4 days. And then tell her "hey I really enjoyed your company and the conversation we had that day, let's do it again, do you like <cafe> <mamak> <whatever la she likes>, let's check out <place> together. BEST if you talk to her FACE to FACE so you can see her reaction. And always keep a smile on.

Text gives people time to sit on it. Whereas face to face she has to make a decision there and then. If you're nice, she won't have any reason to reject you.

Edit: bonus point because I’m in a good mood
When you don’t immediately make yourself available to reply her text. You don’t always do stupid thing like “good morning” “eat already or not” text

It shows you have a life and better things to do other than layan her (think about it the other way around, if you have no life you’re not interesting and nobody wants to be with an uninteresting person).

So when you ask her out, she will grab that opportunity to talk to you more because you’re not always available. And compared to every other pussy, you ask her to a face with real interaction.

This post has been edited by Jason: Mar 29 2025, 09:59 AM

Wow ..dinner..seriously? How did that happen?

Just say it la, tell her directly, if not bye bye 😘🔥

eh i should have la, didnt think of that, ok next time. but this time i ask her out with the excuse that i want advice for what to do during summer break, like intern or go for the school extra program that she done last year, so maybe its a bit much? but at the end only talked about that for like 5 minutes, the remaining is either gossip or what we both plan to do after graduate, otherwise is academic stuff.

ok i know to not good morning, i too lazy to do that also. but what is act cool, like act like nothing happen? i know i wont be seeing her for next few days definitely. dont need text at all? because got no reason to do so anyway. i think next time going out will just be next time i see her around in school, then i ask directly to eat at school canteen, go outside to eat or actual date i think is a bit fast, and most likely not available also. this time is also school canteen

i saw her studying, talk to her abit, then ask her whether shes having dinner at the canteen lor. then i ask, can i join u? i want ask a few things about school. then she think abit, say she must go home before 7:30, then ok 6:30 la, ok see u there.

i think i want say it without saying it, probably better

Nope it's not
She's waiting for you to confess to her bout your feelings
Just say it 💔🖤💔

YAY! Finally!


For your level, this is ok la.


Eh eh eh... stop this overthinking.

With most people, doing some reflection/post-mortem is a good thing. Not for you though.. you need to practice being in the moment more.


Told you many times already... approach with intent and make it clear.

Men are friendzoned because they have no balls to approach and hope the girl will reciprocate their actions. Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

You know what gives you a higher chance of success? Being rejected and moving on. Sounds illogical, but that's the truth of the matter.

EDIT: Saw this, and pretty much shows what your future is going to be like if you continue on your "take it slow" path



This post has been edited by silverhawk: Mar 30 2025, 03:31 PM

eh i think i am in severe risk of being younger bro zoned.... bcos i think thats how she sees me right now, most likely. acquired info that she mostly talked to me n my friend during orientation bcos she saw that we werent talking to anyone else. plus last time most of the time she was giving me advice. maybe thats just what she likes to do, but i cant be sure.
i think the solution to this is to appear confident, competent, etc. sounds correct?

so i think i will ask her out for dinner or lunch or whatever next time i see her, if timing correct.
but how fast is too fast? if next time instead of asking her to eat tgt at school canteen i ask her to go cafe, that i think she might reject because finals is very soon, at end of april. so instead i think i will consistently asking her to eat tgt at school canteen, and while doing that i will hint that i want to do something together after final exam, then after finals go on actual date.

but another problem is i am an international student, shes a local, i will be going back to my after finals, so a bit hard.

if i follow ur advice and be direct, then that means next time i ask her for meal again, and during that time i try to get her to gossip about couples again, then i ask her, ey how about u? then i hint that shes my type or i like her or whatever. but tbh i think she know already la. that way feels less sudden, less whiplash. the only difference is that wont wait until almost finals. sound ok?

This post has been edited by Police4896: Mar 30 2025, 04:45 PM

Bro "without noticing what's going on" this is creepy as fuck, are you scheming to drug her? Mf "in my bed" bro you self testing your drugs?
Jokes aside, don't assume when a lady has menstruation or not, you aren't a doctor and you also can't assume what one likes to eat. Not all ladies like dark chocolate.

I find it borderline offensive you're assuming a lot of things about women. There may be a hint of truth in any stereotypes, but it never defines the whole demographic/situation. In case you don't Google hard enough, I'll have you know:
Not all women have period cramps.
Not all women have period cramps of 3 days. I personally have 1 bad day but I don't need painkillers. Many of my lady friends have just 1 bad day too.
Not all women say things they don't mean.
Even the women who say things they don't mean, sometimes no means no.

See bold parts. That's literally what you've been doing all this while. You kept looking for excuses to talk to her and everything was just questions, advice wanted, ask this ask that. If she likes to teach them maybe it's nice, but it sure doesn't paint you as a reliable, independent person.

You don't have to be who you are not. Just try your best to say what you want, and that in itself is already an act of courage. Even if you fumble in the process, you would've already practised and a few more times you'll get used to it.


Shut it. Just. Ask. Her. Out.

If she asks why, just be honest you wanna spend time with her. If she asks why so sudden, again just be honest: you wanna say what you mean for once. You might fumble, but people can tell when someone if nervous, and if she doesn't hate you then she'll give you the time and space you need to man up.

If got exam la assignment la whatever la, just keep suggesting a date until she confirms or firmly rejects. The way I read this now, you're way too awkward with girls to read signals correctly, so DO NOT ASSUME, just be straightforward and allow her to be direct too -- for example, if she says no and refuses to give any alternative after you asked, then that is a very clear no, nothing more nothing less. Don't harass her, and don't assume you're the problem.

FINALLY, DONT PUT HER ON A PEDESTAL Relationship is two-way and she's not a perfect person. Who knows you find out later if she's bipolar, or whatever other issues? Just get to know her better so you also know whether you both are suited for each other.

i think if i ask her out the next time i see her might be a bit too fast? im not sure whether she likes me back i think i should ask her out for dinner again to confirm before i try to ask her out for a real date. but this time no pretence, just wanting to spend time with her

but whatever happens i will try to take ur advice and give both of us a chance to be direct. now the only thing i want to decide on is how long to wait, because if i ask the next time i see her then feels a bit fast, but dont want miss the chance if i dont see her again this week
from what i gather it is very possible she likes me back, but i want to be safe just in case im being delusional. it could very easily be the other way around also, she might just be treating me like a little bro

This post has been edited by Police4896: Mar 31 2025, 01:11 PM

Just kena rejected je la. I kena don't know how many times rejection already cause I am looking for girls with specific characteristics.

bro grow some balls man

its either you get rejected or accepted, yes and no decision only

even if u get rejected, its not the end of the world, just find other girls that you may like, and date them perhaps

u looked like u worried too much being painted in the bad light, just do it bro, ask her out few more times, and see how is it face to face

i did stupid shit most of the times, like who cares, we all gonna die soon, just do it n see how

The only time its good not to be too fast is tieing the knot.

For the earlier courtship stages, usually the faster the better.

There is a saying that time is the most valuable thing a man can spend. Dont waste time.

Brudder if you wanna take my advice then just make your intentions clear to her.

You want to take her out.
You want to get to know her.

I even give you the script to say to her. To find out.

Fast 7 bit lah. Waiting for updates lah cb. Slow week at work.

dont blame me i also waiting... this week only time i saw her she was busy, only last week friday got miracle somehow she was just studying by herself

i considering just dm her tomorrow if i dont see, what r the main problems with that? why exactly is asking face to face better

Consider what rooster?

You know you overthinking. And now you want to indulge in your overthinking. We all no time lah. Fast 7 a bit can?

She busy so what? Just go up to her and say “hey you’ve been so swamped and busy, need time out also, how about we go check out <cool new chill cafe> this weekend.”

Bloody hell, take every single opportunity you get. How you know she busy? Maybe she purposely pretend busy so she don’t look like she’s been sitting around whole day for you to show up. Can you stop pondan already?

No la bro this time she talking to someone else the whole time. If I interrupt them very sohai no?

Walk up to them, SMILE, tell the person she’s with sorry, can I steal her for a minute from you.

Talk to her, with the sentence I gave you. She says yes/ok. Look back at the person she’s with, say thank you to him/her and “she’s all yours”.

SMILE, be polite and courteous but confident.

Oh my god do I need to teach you how to be a polite human being? What’s wrong with your generation?

Edit: the person she’s with is her friend teman her wait for you so she don’t appear desperately sitting there alone waiting for you. Understand? You stupid or what?

This post has been edited by Jason: Apr 4 2025, 01:32 PM

no la bro im sure this one isnt her friend, probably a teaching assistant? sometimes i just see her around listening to seemingly random people yap. this is one of those times. she was walking with him to the canteen, probably finished listening to him in one area then change scenery.
sadly didnt see her today. so the next time i see her going to ask lor. enough cooling period already. but idw go straight for a date, probably dinner again.

Too many assumptions, too less action

Just do it bro, tru tho u have to be slightly thicc face

Just see opportunity to ask her out when shes alone

Don’t overthink. Just grab every opportunity that is in front of you.

Ask her out, if she asks you “is it a date?”, answer her “only if we both have a good time”.

CONFIDENCE.
That’s what women like in a MAN.

wait.. wait... wait.. wait..

that's all we're hearing from you from day one.

wait for this
wait for that

you need to take action. This is not a relationship advice, but a general advice in life. You want to wait for the all planets to align before you make a move ah? You don't take action, nothing happens.

If I am a betting man i will put my money on this as a failure. You ts put sooo much planning, and scheming into his move then he is making his approach like too big to fail....usually end up choking.
The more you care what she think the more it will show in your actions and it will make you look weak in her eyes.

my money's actually on the table even though TS is her junior

in campus where got senior girl date junior boy, maybe got but damn rare

and while in friendzone, i wanna know, once in that state, can always upgrade even further to steady state.......just make sure she doesn't find any bf during the time

It is very difficult to exit the friend zone unless you drastically change something that she look at you differently. Else you’ll be stuck there forever.

agreed....can end up forever-kawan
but
(correct me if i'm wrong)
the way i see it, (almost) everyone starts off from "being friends" first before getting more n more acquainted along the way to buddy stage n so forth...
strangers meeting on some dating app or jumpa at clubbing, gym, dance class.....etc, has a tendency to bypass this stage altogether
almost everyone starts off from being friends first

how long it stays within this "fren" stage depends....
(usually) SHE's the one that finally decides (based on the male side......charisma to capture her heart of sort)
if the relationship stays that way or not

Everybody can say be confident
but realistically, how many people can do it consistently over a period of time?

It's like asking a patient just bear the pain or ask someone don't cry
but as a doctor, you know this is just a temporary solution
we as anonymous do not know the whole story of TS
ie what are his defense mechanism etc

sharing the "techniques" are just top of goods
the bottom is more important
what are his belief system
how do someone see the world through the lens of past experiences

a woman also can like a weak man (seemingly from a superficial exterior judgment). There's a photo of muscular fit woman married a chubby guy viral on the internet. Yes, the fact that he's not physically built up seems weak, but do we know the whole story? Never.

This post has been edited by -mystery-: Apr 9 2025, 05:53 PM

Nah. You make your intention known since day 1
“Feel an attraction to you, not sure what it is, want to get to know you better. “

Or

“I’ve got plenty of friends, but you, you just give a different kind of energy around you. I don’t want to just be friends with you, I feel there’s more to you than what I see. Tell me more about you”

Be bold, be jantan, make your intentions known upfront so that it is not misunderstood or coming across as creepy.

Edit: and if she’s not in for the ride from the start. Move on! So you don’t waste time energy and effort to be friend zoned in the end.

This post has been edited by Jason: Apr 9 2025, 05:58 PM

Excuses
TS either wants to change and improve
Or he remains as is

But universal truth is that the only constant is change. Don’t want to change and want to remain a loser? Sure. Nobody can help a person who doesn’t want to be helped.

He believe he is pondan, then he is.
Sure, got woman who likes pondan. There’s always an exception.

You remind myself back in my 18-28 years old period
I was clueless just as you in this dating marketplace
the point is the fish seems big in your current eyes now
because you have never had this kind of experience
once you have ABCD experience, your perspectives will grow and your emotional maturity will strengthen

that's also the point of us going to gym or go get rejected by tons of females (but be mindful about it)

Instead of seeking ways to catch a fish, feel it out about how to attract a fish instead.

There's an idle period for every person it depends how lengthy it's. Without rest the whole humane experience crumble and the recovery will become even more difficult.

Jesus H. Christ the advice in this thread.

the highest form of freedom is being unbiased or unattached towards anything, I'm actually ashamed by the fact I claimed being beta is completely wrong in the past, but this is just the route of life that's unavoidable

This post has been edited by -mystery-: Apr 9 2025, 06:20 PM

can land you two chicks instead of one

eh asked her out again, same place same time. this time she very busy and tired, so not that good at gossiping. one problem is that last time i mentioned i like this girl we both know a bit, and i told her the only reason why i dont go for this girl is because a friend interested already. but this time i told her, the guy give up, then she ask me why i dont go for her? could be telling me to f off, or could just be bewildered at why im interested in her instead of the other girl. i didnt know what to reply, i just say dowan la.
or is she actually giving me a opening to tell her that i like her? idk maybe next time she brings it up i hint a bit lor.

but ok since this time she a bit more tired, less acting, can see what she actually thinks, and what she interested in. i take notes, think about it a bit, ltr will text her about the things she talked about but i didnt give a very good answer to. good thing is i figured out what she likes to talk about. so if conversation ever gets awkward again i just ask her something related to it then problem solved

as to confidence and making myself attracting fish la, i think im ok? this time i just walked up to her, grabbed her attention and asked whether she free. i got exercise regularly, i have been told that i am funny, lots of good jokes, am somewhat tall. the only thing i think im missing is that i am so concerned about being funny that i am bad at serious conversations, which is the only thing she does

as to making intentions clear, i think its best if i take it slowly but not too slowly because she mentioned that she got relationship issues in the past, and hearing from friend gossiping she really sensitive to it. so better ease it in la ltr accidentally hit a landmine. but to make use of this, i will try to empathize with her, and validate feelings, etc since she actually is really sensitive, no experience type. in this forum would be called a strawberry lor.

This post has been edited by Police4896: Apr 10 2025, 09:22 PM

someone's getting wiser

Haiyo... the lord of the rings (book) story moved at a faster pace than you

He think too much
Fear of losing what he don’t have. 😂

I also scared of this trade war later I no money to refuel my private jet that I don’t own. 🤦🏻‍♂️

If you always unload your drama and insecurities on her like sharing you thoughts and doubts about going after other girls, i am afraid you are doing yourself a disservice. You gonna enter the friendzone.
You need to maintain an air of mystery.
No intrigue=no spark.
Its hurts but move on start again with another girl