I'm impressed with how spot on your are with your analysis. Yes, indeed, that coach guy has childhood trauma and bad relationship with his parents.


I'm not sure if it's because I'm experienced (with my ex) while he isn't (no gf before). So, this probably gives him anxiety and high self-expectations of 'performance'. I had to comfort him by saying uhh 'practice' makes perfect.

Also, maybe, I think I might have unintentionally triggered him by asking this: "Assuming we do get along well, are you into marriage and children? Just wanna know if you're looking for companionship only or something more. Then I can set the right expectations. Some guys I met before didn't want to have further commitments."

His reply was he dunno yet and didn't think of it before.

& in our uhh rather 'hot and spicy' video call, I told him about the Kegel exercises that I did to strengthen my pelvic muscles to be able to 'grab' tightly and prepare well for giving birth. I said I started doing the exercises because my ex-fiancé and I were planning to have children back then. I was just honestly stating things as they were (not targeting at this guy), but on hindsight, I think I might have unintentionally caused this analyst guy to think far, farrrrr, farrrrrrrr into the future. Oops!

His behaviour is so confusing to me because I thought we had initially agreed to non-sexual physical intimacy first; he asked and I accepted. Now he's avoiding me -- from super boiling hot to MIA 3 days now. He did say he couldn't tahan around me la... too hot for him. (I took it as a compliment )

I'm thinking probably uncharted territory scares him, and he needs the time to digest new possibilities. After all, both of us are in our mid-thirties, single and compatible in many aspects-- I bet this is why he pursued me, but he probably got more than he bargained for.

Haih. Didn't expect to potong stim halfway and get so puzzled and unsettled by his behaviour. Anyway, I understand he might need his time and space apart to process his emotions. Male brain operates differently from female's.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Sep 15 2024, 01:52 AM

He wants sex but too scared to said he wants sex. Likely want no commitment but don't want to say it in case you run away. So he decided to do the running away first. Form what I gathered la.

This post has been edited by Ramjade: Sep 15 2024, 12:08 PM

He said he didn't want anything serious yet, and I said okay coz I was still kinda hurt from my previous relationship, so we both agreed it's just non-sexual physical companionship at the moment.

then the next thing he asked was about sxx... and I said I was open to sxx if I liked him enough to do it and both of us were ready.

so I dunno why he ran away. His words and behaviour contradicted each other. Initiated 3 times and cancelled 3 times, and then MIA.

I thought V males should be happy to have found a new gf but turned out he disappeared pulak... lack of confidence? too good to be true?? afraid to make mistakes???

Really confusing to me until I couldn't sleep properly in the past few days.

Anyway, I've decided to just put this aside and move on. Maybe he's just not in the right state at current. If he and I are meant to be, we will be.

This post has been edited by Ralna: Sep 15 2024, 02:24 PM

2 cases only. The year 2022 case was an isolated case.

The recent guy, you scared him off. He came with the intention of casual relationship but you bombed him with so many pre-qualifications related to responsibility/commitment.

Since he managed to make you became sleepless for last few days, instead of guessing & thinking what he thinks, why not create more chances of exposure to increase the probability of yourself bumping him at the street / town & see how thing goes from there?

I'm not sure if this is relevant but hopefully it is not. It is norm for the female of the extreme spectrum to the right of the bell curve (9/10 ~ 10/10) to attract the wide range of the males sample. Being attracted is 1 thing, having the abilities to handle female they are attracted is another separate thing.

There is an ancient Chinese's proverb that sound like "to guard a precious tressure, you must have the strength/capabilities or else it will invites calamity". If the male do not think they are worthy, naturally they will back off after measuring their own capabilities.

The female being at this position would not be a pleasant one. Being able to attract the males so easily can be annoying, at the same time will cause the insecurity to partner who are not capable enough. In short, it is easy to spark a conflict within relationship. Lone wolf's character will not be attracted to the item / object that will draws attention. Instead, the 1st thing the lone wolf will do, they distance themself away from such attribute, coz they do not want unnecessary attentions.

These thing was taught by grandparents or elders usually. Parent not qualify to lecture on this topic yet.

recalling lot of my memory by reading all these
there are stages when a guy approaching diff stages/ages in life
When he is in, he is in...
if he is in for the play...he would play

You're straight on point. Now, I re-think the whole situation... yeah, he asked to be my bf, but he's not ready to be my bf yet. Perhaps, he thought he could skip all the pre-intimacy process and go straight to the prize. Quite linear, singular and primal. He did say he's a simple, direct and honest man.

Part of our earlier conversation:

Him: Touch and hug tonight? Go to your house
Me: hmm... want some dinner and romance first... then if I like you enough... we can proceed further... ☺️
Him: Why so many criteria? Just chill la. And enjoy
Me: because I have standards and don't easily give myself to men 😉

That's when he started thinking of dinner and movie, etc.

I don't think I'm asking too much for some food and fun to turn me on.

---

My last few message to him: "You know, I’ve been thinking about our conversations, and I realized that maybe things are moving a bit quickly for us. I’ve noticed you've suggested meeting up a few times, but when it doesn’t happen, it reminds me of past experiences where plans were made but never followed through. I’m definitely open to seeing you, but I’d prefer if we make plans only when you're sure you're ready. That way, we can avoid any misunderstandings."

He seriously thought about it. In the end, he decided not to come to see me that night. He said maybe next time.

Me: I appreciate you informing me that. We meet next time then, when you're more comfortable/available. Good night.

Then, he disappeared for days.

---

He's quite a capable guy, with frequent appearance in the mass media. Not an ordinary guy; excellent in his studies and career. Leading expert. Tall, handsome, intelligent, well-built.

I did ask him why he chose me. He said he had no mutual feelings/ no mutual match with other girls. Many girls tried to seduce him, but he had no feelings for them; just couldn't get turned on. So, I guess he's a sapiosexual. I'm probably his first gf. Can be quite an intimidating experience since I'm an alpha female; feminine, intelligent and confident.

Now I think about it, it's a good thing that he disappears. He's on my FB and knows where I live. If he wants me, he pursues me. I'll see if he levels up his game to match me. Meanwhile, I'm gonna have some fun going out with my friends and meeting new guys. He can take as long as he wants to think about me/us.

yeah, I guess he wants to play, but I make him play at my terms. Otherwise, no game.

He can find other women who would easily open their legs. It's not like he doesn't have a choice. He does.

A lot of men use their professional lives as facades.

Which makes sense, its where they first gain respect, recognition and social status. However, most do not bring that back into their own character and other parts of their life. So they remain undeveloped in the areas they neglected.

The men that run from relationships are no different from the men who run away from sex. They are doing it out of fear of rejection. The rejection that will bring their entire worldview crashing because they're not "good enough". As empowering as sex is for men, it is equally devastating.

He wants to play, but is afraid to do so. After all, he doesn't know wtf he is doing. Completely unchartered territory, he would be scared handling a willing kitten. So even if handed to him on a silver platter he is not going to take it, and will use his high intellect to rationalise his actions without emasculating himself.

You on the other hand, are a hungry tiger. Is it any surprise he's bailed 3 times?

is not a good feelin in a long run on that path...
Aging chg a person physically, and mentally

but knowing new ppl is always nice..
getting along with good old fren are gr8 too...
you are still attach right? Appreciate what u hav yo

Quite sad, isn't it? Such a waste of good genes... and miss out the biggest fun that God has ever created for the male species.

Love and sex with the right woman can bring a man to his next level... which he can't achieve by being solo and DIY for the rest of his life.

Look at how Elon Musk is driven by his desires to breed as many women as he can, which makes him into the world's first ever trillionaire (soon) and possibily spreading his genes to colonise Mars. LOL.

We need more young, confident and ambitious men like Musk.

LOL. I like how you describe the situation... but I'm not a hungry tiger la; not fierce and tomboy at all... I'm soft-spoken and sweet, like a wild kitty. Meow~

Well, he offered to be my bf, so I accepted. He wanted non-sexual physical intimacy, and I accepted. He sounded like a playboy, but when it came to the real act... hmm... The more he flirted with me, the more he couldn't take the intensity. Too hot and spicy for him. Not nice to keep getting 'hard' and DIY; such a distraction at work. LOL.

Haiz. Really potong stim when he didn't come and sayang me over the long weekend. I hope he will soon.

He has to make his choice then; either miss the current boat or wait for the next one.

As for me, I tak jadi kahwin after 8 years together with the same guy. He's letting me go and I'm also tired of waiting for him.

I'm back to single and semi-available. Currently, I'm rebuilding my life and refining myself after the failed relationship. Will make myself available to the dating market next year. Fun to go on dates with new men again.

I'm 99% sure Musk's autism helps him deal with rejection

Please la, the "fiercest" tigers I know have all been very feminine

The more he flirt, the higher he raise the expectation on himself as well. Talk the talk, but couldn't walk the walk.

If you just want to have fun, just take charge and eat him la. If you want a relationship, then its only right to expect him to man up.

haha... your comment about Musk cracked me up. Well, he is a role model for all the autistic men out there... that all hope is not lost.

Musk is plain-looking, eccentric, workaholic, but can still get rich, woo women, breed them and fathered 12 children. Such a gospel to all men out there... that God didn't make women to be that picky.

Work hard, get rich, and you can have as many women and kids as you want. Best reward for 'hard' work.

---

Yeah, ignorance is bliss. He asked too much and I was too honest. I cut down a lot of details already but he still felt overwhelmed and ran away... so unexpected.

Haih. I don't wanna eat him up la... later have to be responsible for him as his first woman who uhh teaches him all the naughty stuff. I will only do with him if he's ready for commitment... which is why I agreed to his proposal of non-sexual physical intimacy. He isn't ready for anything serious yet.

Now that I recall, perhaps he's overthinking of moreeeeeee possibilities because I unintentionally revealed too much during our video call... I can be quite uhh 'dark' and didn't realise the impact it had on him... ter-spilled some 'black' beans in heated moments of passion... It's part of the fun for me, but probably mind-blowing for him. Maybe he's just as confused with his feelings as I did. Too hot until it burns.

Haih. Poor thing. I bet he's experiencing a roller-coaster of emotional highs and lows with me; probably excites and scares him at the same time. Unintended and unpredicted outcome.

Hope he'll be cool and confident again, and come back to sayang me. Dunno when it'll happen. You know, two days after our last conversation, I did text him to say I honestly miss him... and asked if he missed me... but he didn't even wanna read my message... no reply. After waiting for a day, I unsent the message. He saw the unsent notification/message (immediately online), but he still didn't text me. I was so unhappy why he pursued me then disappeared, but after posting in forum to get male perspectives, I kinda understand his behaviour better...

This post has been edited by Ralna: Sep 16 2024, 04:10 AM

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!! Biggest joke!!!!!!!

Wah Ramjade, I am so turned on by her words... especially that meow part... very seducing...

Are you not... Around your age but old for me liao

Looks like our type...

Huh, the story of real experienced player vs so-called player wanna be(the guy).

Btw, jehjeh, "Me: hmm... want some dinner and romance first... then if I like you enough" can further elaborate this dinner part and romance part?
PM also can.

Er not my type. I prefer girls who are serious only, want relationship. Sorry.

Looks like you missed some parts.

I am sure her inboxes are full of messages by now. You got the advantage of staying in Klang Valley for a physical meetup, I am far north here in Penang haha. Grab the chance man.

I read though everything. Still not interested.