A lot of men use their professional lives as facades.

Which makes sense, its where they first gain respect, recognition and social status. However, most do not bring that back into their own character and other parts of their life. So they remain undeveloped in the areas they neglected.

The men that run from relationships are no different from the men who run away from sex. They are doing it out of fear of rejection. The rejection that will bring their entire worldview crashing because they're not "good enough". As empowering as sex is for men, it is equally devastating.

He wants to play, but is afraid to do so. After all, he doesn't know wtf he is doing. Completely unchartered territory, he would be scared handling a willing kitten. So even if handed to him on a silver platter he is not going to take it, and will use his high intellect to rationalise his actions without emasculating himself.

You on the other hand, are a hungry tiger. Is it any surprise he's bailed 3 times?

I'm 99% sure Musk's autism helps him deal with rejection

Please la, the "fiercest" tigers I know have all been very feminine

The more he flirt, the higher he raise the expectation on himself as well. Talk the talk, but couldn't walk the walk.

If you just want to have fun, just take charge and eat him la. If you want a relationship, then its only right to expect him to man up.

The alpha/beta nomenclature needs to stop la

At the end of the day, its all about compatibility with your life goals. Neither should try to seek to control each other, but to work out a good dynamic that allows for proper decision making.

Typically it is said that the men are to lead the family, which means they make the final decision. However that doesn't mean there isn't a discussion beforehand. Biologically men are better at making hard choices without getting bogged down by anxiety. Which also means that the man, takes the accountability for the decision, if anything goes south, its his fault even if the suggestion came from the woman.

Now if the woman in the relationship is better at the decision making than the man, then the woman takes up the leadership role. If she's comfortable with that, then that's ok.

Everything you say here is true, but missing the other 1/2 of the picture.

After he's dominated you, then what? Do you become forever submissive to him? If you do, then you might lose that quality that attracted you to him. If you continuously challenge him, then it might become tiring in the long run, as if he's truly the "alpha" type; it means he has a target/goal in his life to achieve and you may become an impediment to that.

Then there's also your internal feelings to consider as well. All relationships reach a period of stability (you just got out of a long one, so you should know), and even within that there are different stages in life. The constant pleasure seeking and being free spirited works very well when you're young but will become a source of misery if you wish to start a family. Children will anchor you down heavily. The question is whether you can adapt, or whether your self-worth/identity is heavily tied to being a "free spirited strong woman"

Now that's not to say you can't have your cake and eat it too. Just be wary of how you define/identify with terms/labels/value. It affects your overall perception of the world and yourself.

Yes, balance is key

I've seen so many people become miserable because they tied certain aspects too strongly to their identity.

Hmmm.. maybe there's another perspective you should consider.

He might be addicted to porn, hence why he prefer cybersex vs doing something in real. This is not uncommon in men nowadays.

Maybe you just have a type

Speaking as a man... he might totally miss or misinterpret the hidden message in your videos

Bunch of opportunists

Was mystery one of them?

He didnt mention any of this when you guys broke up? sounds super sus

You already know the answer and you're executing on it.

The fact remains that he could just ghost you like that, and after that throw all the responsibility on you as though he didn't have a part in the problem. Major red flag.

Its good that you understand love and a relationship are not necessarily the same thing.

Just be prepared, physical touch might not be his love language

Its sad that you also feel like you have to justify your needs. Some what true that our society doesn't really understand that non-sexual cuddling is perfectly valid.

Btw, what were you thinking la being a physical touch person but being in LDR for 8 years.

You have a different personality, or you just don't access that part of yourself.

Doesn't mean everyone can do the same, or should do the same.

My wife also in the same club

Dude, don't be so quick to dismiss her achievements with luck

Luck is preparation meeting opportunity.

Many people are lucky, they just don't realise it because they were not in the position to take advantage of the opportunity. Some even so lucky to things handed to them on a silver platter but can't hold on to it cause they never prepared themselves for it.

Hardly will you ever see successful people that are there simply out of luck, it takes a lot of effort as well.

Raina has given you good books and suggestions.

I have a more important advice for you though.

Stop pirating. Pay for your knowledge/content.

Until you do so, you'll never be successful no matter how much you read. You need to have skin in the game.

Forgive my old eyes

I've yet to meet an intellectual woman that's not into romance novels; freaks the lot of ya

For starters, you won't appreciate what you read. So it doesn't really embed itself inside you, end up you read and read and read and read, but still stuck in the same place.

If you picked up a book for free, you'll read it whenever. Flip through the pages, do a shallow read, etc. if you paid money for it, you're more likely to extract as much value from it to justify the purchase price.

Its the same reason I always advice people to pay for software which they use to do their work. There is a value perception and re-alignment that happens when you do that; and it changes the way you see your own work/future as well.

Male students flirting with their pretty teacher? Totally normal

Question is, what about the other way around

He is charismatic, but my BS meter explodes with him

I'm starting to think you have a fetish for old man smell

You can buy an e-book reader, which is what I use nowadays. Books I really like, I buy the hard copies to keep on a shelf

as for appreciating what you paid for, its not just that. It goes deeper than that. For example, say from the list that Ralna gave you, say you only had budget to buy 3 books. You would then need something to help guide you to choose which to pick, you would think of areas you want to improve first as your first elimination criteria. Then from that list, you cut it down further by doing research into the author and the book reviews, etc.

Even before reading the book, you've already primed and aligned your aim and value perception to be ready for the book. Then you are more likely to pick up on what the book is trying to teach and embody that into yourself.

Just like how an atheist can read the bible and look for contradictions, a christian can read the bible and see God and Wisdom. The physical text is exactly the same, but the aim and perception of the reader changes its meaning.