Unfortunately, guys are not taught dating by parents and at school. Everything is self learning, from friends and movies etc (which are usually not good sources esp movies). So do expect weird stuff esp from inexperienced guys.

In your case this guy seem a bit weirder than normal. Probably very insecure person. Maybe he does have performance issues due to health or physcological reasons. This type probably need more reassurances from the girl.

Let me check with my analyst friends 🤣 . They are usually quite nerdy types and very intellectual. Good ones can earn quite good $$$.

It's an age-gap relationship. He's middle-aged.

First break-up was due to some misunderstanding that triggered his jealousy. I was young and had many admirers back then; wasn't sure if I wanted to be with him, so I didn't cut clean.

We had planned to get married in 2020, but the pandemic struck and we were in forced LDR for 3 years. He was retrenched several times and had health issues thereafter, and sank into midlife crisis/depression. Still unemployed; so, involuntarily retired.

*

He video-called this morning. We cleared the air bit; turned out to be he thought I withdrew because I was in depression due to work issues, while I thought he withdrew because he didn't want me anymore after saying those hurtful words. Both of us are introverts and tend to shut down for days/weeks whenever we feel overwhelmed, so that's when all the misunderstanding/misinterpretation happened. Basically, lack of communication during LDR as both of us were in our downtime and made assumptions of each other.

He's still emotionally unstable, said he couldn't sleep and was so heartbroken; his eyes were red and teary when we video-called. Made me so heartache. He said sorry to me that he hurt me verbally (unaware that his words were that damaging to me, as he was in moments of anger back then), and that he still loved me. I said sorry to him too, for not telling him about my pain and left him quietly... which gave him a shock when he found out I had moved on.

The video-call made us became aware of how our words and actions that affected each other, and we rationalised why we said/did so and shared POVs. Not easy, but healing.

*

Currently, no decision made yet about the current/future:
- If we want to be together again, we have lots of issues to iron out--- both of us are too tired to do the restoration work for now; too emotionally intensive and overwhelming at this point.
- If we choose to stay break off, then he has to accept the reality that I will be with other men, and he must willingly let go and not interfere in the future.

Not the best time to make any decision while both parties are still emo. Will see how things go as time passes...

Thanks for taking your time to analyse my situation and advise me. You're sharp in your thinking and questioning.

& Yes, you are right... everyone thinks I am better off with a young man so that I won't have to go through the pain from the age-gap relationship.

I know this long ago. I struggled with this countless times. Sometimes, I wish I could love him less, or he could love me less, then it'd be so much easier... I'm probably in some of the most complicated relationship ever; super long story spanning over 8 years, deeper and darker than 50 shades of grey. Not for the faint-hearted or simple-minded.

Whenever we quarreled in the relationship, I tried breaking up several times, but he wouldn't let go. It makes him extremely unstable... and dangerous. He's some of the best marksmen around, so... yeah. His bottom-line is I cannot have sex with other men, or he will lose his sanity and...

I know he wasn't joking when he gave me that warning many years ago. Even now, after 8 years in the relationship, when I told him I had moved on and started seeing men for coffee and dinner (nothing sexual), he still couldn't take it and had a meltdown...

so... imagine if I did 'more' with any guys... hmm... better not. Too risky. I can't be in any committed/sexual relationship unless I am 100% certain he can totally let go and will never interfere.



He wants me to love and accompany him to the end of his life, and he is fine with me remarrying after he passes away. If I were more materialistic, I'd marry him for his money, served him well as a caretaker in his remaining years, probably produced one or two kids, and got inheritance after he passed away in a decade or two, and became a rich widow...

but I'm not a gold digger.

What's bothering me is his health issues right now. Sometimes I ask myself if I really wanna spend my prime years with him... but sometimes I feel I should spend his remaining years together because I don't want to have regrets. There's this constant tug-of-war in my mind for years now, especially when there isn't any support from family and friends. It's difficult. I am afraid of making the wrong decision, so I avoid or delay making decisions.

Maybe, it's better this way until someone breaks the equilibrium. I wait for God to tell me the answers on what I should do or who I should be with, or wait for the man to decide and act. I will just accept what life will bring to me. 以静制动，以不变应万变

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& yes, you are right about me feeling cursed by fate sometimes. Perhaps, if I was born in ancient China, I would be a woman whom men would kill to be with. I'm not the most beautiful woman around, but definitely some of the most unusual one.

There's a saying that goes... 好看的皮囊千篇一律，有趣的灵魂万里挑一 (translation: Beautiful appearances are common, but interesting souls are one in a million.)

In Buddhism, perhaps, this is my karma, either from past lives or previous wrongdoings, that I have to bear with and resolve in this life. I admire women who could have simple lives with good husbands and lovely kids. It's really a blessing to be able to live with simplicity. Really, be grateful with what you have.

If I hide a huge part of myself to settle down with a simple guy, I can have the same 'blessing' too... In fact, I had many chances to do so, but this will make me a hypocrite who masks herself and suppresses herself a lot, and hides a lot from her simple husband. I think if I do so, my soul will die eventually despite being alive physically. I don't feel it's ethical to 'deceive' a good guy this way, too.

I need a man who can bring out the best in me, so that I can shine brightly at my fullest... like a polished, well-cut diamond with perfect facets that refracts exceptional brilliance and extraordinary fire... to be treasured and loved fully by the man who can cut me.

& only diamonds can cut diamonds... but... why would such a bling-bling man get involved with me...?   

Unless... he's up for some challenges, like Super Mario trying to save the princess from the dragon. LOL.

... but I'm a 'dark grey' woman.   I'm too hot and spicy to be an innocent princess who lives in a pink barbie world.

I accept myself, and I like myself the way I am. So, just take things as they come.

If a man wants me badly, he will get me 'badly'.