From some of the threads here, I have seen some comments saying they themselves, their friends, colleagues and relatives regretted marrying.

Is the concept of marriage slowly losing its meaning in modern times?

What are some examples of marriage regrets that you guys can share here?


Edit: To put in context, I am currently looking to date for a long term relationship with view to marriage. But reading some of the comments here which discourages marriage as notion overall somewhat put a doubt in my mind. Is marriage needed after all if we disregard the legal impact on the children?

This post has been edited by Imaginebreaker: Feb 2 2024, 02:56 PM

marriage IS NEVER for SELF-Entitled Person.

not to mention , both SELF-Entitled.

Kids shouldnt have Kids.
Teen shouldnt be married.


Starting FAMILY ONLY FOR ADULT

Maybe you can elaborate more on what is your objective asking is question. So ppl here can give you the appropriate answer you looking for.

If you dont compare or have prejudices, it's better for every ody, not just a marriage.

when you know someone who's down to earth you know he or she relatable cause he doesnt have much ego floating around

find a woman who's curious but not invading your personal finance or boundaries but also content with whatever she has at that particular period of the relationship

pretty women have an inflated sense of ego thanks to bunch of simps in this world, they lack critical thinking and be a slave to consumerism. If you do not have an internal sense of self worth you will easily be a victim to anything exterior.

To put in context, I am currently looking to date for a long term relationship with view to marriage. But reading some of the comments here which discourages marriage as notion overall somewhat put a doubt in my mind. Is marriage needed after all if we disregard the legal impact on the children?

I have included the above in the edited opening post.

if you want it, you will put in the work and make it work.

just be sure its what you really want.

My colleagues told me they regret marrying, they are not really happy for marriage life, some ppl just married for sake of marriage not because of love. if this is the case better to stay single.

its a commitment to each other. if commitment is not both of you are looking for then marriage has no meaning. dive deep and think.

Worth it if you can find a partner to begin a family.

But make sure you are ready in the first place.

And be sure to screen for your partner throughly. Ask critical questions about their finances, morality, life goals etc while getting to know each other.

You listened to the other side of the spectrum or exposed to the other side of the spectrum too much. Continue mixing & get exposed yourself to one sided spectrum will only demotivate you further & further.

Those who went through the relationship / marriage tribulations, only a couple of them successfully got through it to be able to give pointer to the younger generation.

A perfect partner will make your life heaven on earth. A not so perfect partner can make your life a living hell.

TS, do you

1) intend to have children

2) have meaningful emotional connections with your partner, ie can talk about many things, and this goes both ways

3) share common values, outlook in life, etc

if you can answer yes to at least 2 out of 3, then you can consider marriage

else you may want to reconsider marriage.

i'm muslim. I'm married. To me marriage is such a gamble.
You dont know your partner until you stay together under the same roof with her/him.
Besides, during the marriage many life test as an adult that happen, no money, getting fired, in law conflict issue, sickness and etc. It is difference how a married couple and love couple handle the difficult situation. During couple phase all is happy and lovey dovey stuff. After marriage your partner tend to show their true colour.

I dont understand what is the purpose of non-muslim to get married. you can stay together and can test drive some more. if you want to get married be ready all mentally, physically and emotionally. it is long term commitment and not all success until the end.

you still have 3 chances there

there are still few happily ever after marriages out there. it requires huge effort from both to maintain a happy marriage and most importantly, gotta keep the spark burning.

What kind of demotivation?
It only takes a year or two for (self sufficient) adults to reconsider having a child in their late 30s or 40s, life is unpredictable

I saw you written you early 40s already
whats your relationship experiences so far?

It only takes one or two excuse to start considering cheating sexually outside. The world is full of temptations, marriage itself is only useful to give the child have a "proper" upbringing

Nil. I have been single all this while.

still a virgin?
or had some sexual experiences before?
just watch out some potential female predator that goes for your resources

8 years in. no regrets so far. u will have regrets in many things. and yes many ppl divorced or at least regretted they got married. but many also rejoicing their marriages. its normal u hear complains. u wont hear anything otherwise.

No sexual experience. I practiced celibacy (not due to religion).

Thats the tricky part, how to see through the gold diggers

are you planning to have childrens?

There is no definite answer, a lot of people divorce or complaining about marriage doesn't mean marriage is bad for you. Some others said it is sacred and beneficial and meaningful doesn't mean it will be beneficial to TS. In life it is your decision if this is the path you want to take and some lucky or chances you meet the right one. Same when choosing course in Uni, choosing which company to work... Deciding later on to have kids or not and so on so for. There is never a definite answer. It is a journey how you want it to be.

kids need to have legal father and mother legally.

I do plan to have children. But if I found someone who is really compatible with me and she doesn't want children, I am willing to forgo it.

Personally I think if u plan to have children then it only makes more sense to marry, without children you actually don't need to unless you both really mutually compatible and you want to support the other half like to death etc.

But also take in the risk if she is old like above 35, it might be risky for her to bear a healthy child.

Being a human is about passing down your gene, any of us won't be here if back then our ancestors decided to YOLO and think not to let current generation suffer.. Speaking of suffer we all too strawberry to claim we suffer worse than our ancestor before Malaysia independent where there is war yet they still have like easily 10+ Child during that time.

I was married and divorced once. But I still hope to be married again as there are many beautiful and pratical things about marriage.

Even my first marriage, its sad how it ended, but there were plenty of good times. I liken it to the HBO Game of Thrones TV series, the last season sucked big time, but the earlier seasons were good. Overall, it was still an amazing tv series.

Now Im hoping for a better one.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Feb 2 2024, 07:08 PM

"We are here for a good time, not a long time"

I think this is the general mentality of the current generation (of cuz not all) which is probably the opposite of the idea of long lasting marriage.

people will always regret their decision..its lust..will regret not doing the other way

Women sooner or later will ask for marriage. Most men are the same too. You just havent found the person.

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible - Harry met Sally (1989)

a lot of people nowadays dont understand marriage and the commitment

they understand they want to get married but marriage is not just romance, it has a lot of duty, commitment and responsibilities

it's just like a business, it needs to maintain and progress, as people aged, their mindset will change as well, so it's about growing up together

a lot of alignment of expectations to be done from time to time

Never thought abt getting married ever since I was young. The older I get, the more the idea of getting married makes me feel nauseous. I've been in rships before but I realized that I'm much happier being single. Not because I was with the wrong partner but because I'm just too damn selfish with my time now.

Thats why people roll the dice. Move from 1 partner to another in order to find the right one.


Some killer words for men there Both parties can agree on common goals and values at the start of the marriage. But somewhere along the line, circumstances and personal beliefs changes which then might cause the alignment to be disrupted. Then do they regret for not being able to be committed to the original goals or regret marrying a partner that changes to non-compatible values/goals?


You acknowledged that you are a selfish person and I think it is fine because you know your boundaries which is not suitable for a marriage.

I am a self-centred person as well. I tell myself I need to work on improving this aspect if I do want to get married eventually. Else, I'll just be foreveralone.

Thst why u need more experience with women.

This topic always come. Change tittle but same ingredients.

If unsure don’t do. If sure don’t regret. In life wan regret, plenty to regrets. One or two regrets won’t die but don’t everyday regrets this n that

The best part of married you will be a better person. In term of father and husband. If you think me me me(selfish) then don't bother get marry.

This post has been edited by OlgaC4: Feb 3 2024, 10:14 PM

Selfish is where you end up divorce.

Genuine question: Based on my understanding, self centered ppl want everything to revolve around them which means they love themselves very much more than they love others so what makes u think there's still room for another person in yr heart in future?

And that's the reason why I chose to remain single. Best decision ever 😎

That's what I am about to find out. Can I squeeze another person into my life? The foreveralone ending is pretty sad for me

Being married doesn't guarantee u won't be a foreveralone coz there's a possibility that u might divorce yr spouse or vice versa. Or maybe yr spouse suddenly passed away? It's better to get used to being alone n enjoy ur own company to prepare yrself for thar kinda predicament.

Those who remained single or decided to remain unmarried will find ways to justify their decision. Usually, they have tendency to be narrow minded and not open for the other possibility. If your surrounding ppl are facing issue in the marriage, you will only get the reasons not to be married.

In world, there are a lot of analogy. Just take a simple one from works place. If your works place, your boss cannot perform, your colleagues cannot perform, your sub-ordinate cannot performs, you expect yourself can perform under such influence ? Whereas, if you in the environment, where your boss is the super performer, your colleagues are all very productive, your sub-ordinate also very productive, indirectly you will become the performer.

.................................

Those who decided to get children in late 30s or early 40s, there will be new set of problems to be faced by their children as they grow up.

One may argue if the couple have enough resources , why not ? It is not about the resources alone. There is saying ""It takes a village to raise a child". To raise the children properly, is a task of multi generations, not a single generation task. Those who think it is a generation task, there will be something missing in the child as they are growing up.

Raising a child, the grandparent has the role to play. The parent has the role to play. The siblings has the role to play. Imagine how old would the grandparent be when the kid is around 8~12 y.o ?The time when they actively seeking guidance in something that the parent may not be able to guide. The grandparent may no longer be around.

Sometimes, there are topics which are too sensitive to be taught or guided by the parent but the same topics, when it was being talked / guided by the grandparent, it is not sensitive at all. Imagine the parent quarrelling & fighting in their marriage, do you think they are the correct role model to guide the children on the marriage ? The kids will be thinking "you better take care your marriage before coming to talk to me on the topic". I remember when I was small, the topic of marriage was not never being talked by my parent ( conservative Asian parent don't talk about it) but more from my grandparent. Whenever a scenario occurred, they will gave example how should the situation be handled & the idea to handle the issue during their time will indirectly apply to grandchildren's life when they grow up.

This post has been edited by nihility: Feb 5 2024, 09:53 AM

Single or Married both has it's own set of joys and problems..

It's what you are looking for in life

I known people who met their lover at late 40's and 50's, they swear they will be Single forever... I'm happy for them for experiencing different type of love, joy and happiness

I have friends who are still single at their late 40's and 50's , happy with spending most of their days at Club and Bar drinking and chicks.. they are happy everyday there

I have friends who got married to their high school sweet heart, 20 years later they still happily married with children..

I have friend who has 2 children, divorce twice in 6 years, who say they regretted married and have kids now...

I have few friends who divorce after realizing their husband is a Narcissist

in Summary, ask yourself what you willing to give to others, if you are not willing then its best to stay single, if you willing to give your time, energy, money, life then you can consider to get married.. if you are prepare to carry the responsibility of raising a human being, then you are ready to have a child

good luck!

So how do you satisfy your sexual needs?

Or u dont have any more?

Life is not a bed of roses..... But this does not mean suicide is the way out

Same goes to marriage...... The partner appreciation increase over time

imagine by 70s and look back the lifetime, thankful for wife that walk over different tough period

tough period make you realize we need God.

In this world, there is no perfect marriage or perfect wife or perfect husband...There is also no perfect life...In life, there will be pain, depression, happiness, joy and etc...There will be regrets in marriage, there will be also regrets for those who are singles...That is the nature of this world, yin and yang...

The Scripture says, “So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.”

depends on what u want in life.

U can only do so many things at a time.

for example, you do A, B and C, already full commitment in effort and time and concentration, focus.

If u wanna do Marriage, then need to sacrifice either A, B or C.


some people say, if they dont get married, can focus on A,B and C more. for example, career, make money etc.
if this is what u want in life, then dont get married.

but if u also want to build a family, have kids etc, then all these need attention and focus also. so it effects the amount of time u can pour into money making and career.

but if family is what u want, then go ahead.

i have friends who were divorced but i just mention the most ridiculous 1 i heard.
the reason the guy wanted to get married is to change the ex-wife so that she become more mature.
that failed and they were having incompatibility issues all the time. then the guy wanted to have kid so that the ex-wife become more mature and responsible. luckily they got divorced before that.

immature people should not get married.

Lets say I do want to build a family and is really committed to this at the start. What if halfway through, I grew weaker as the relationship progresses and then think I cant do this anymore?

Some people told me if their 20-year old self had known their married life at 40 would be as it as, they would not get married if they get to redo their life.

thats why its better to choose a quality partner before married, otherwise why would you associate with a negative person?

The relationship with your own spouse will directly influence your performance at work, and with children as well

what have been done cant be undone.

but there is a way out.
breakup.
divorce.


one thing about human nature.
those who say they wont get married if given a chance to redo their life.
lets say they are given the chance, magically a time travel machine. or turn back time, and they dont get married.
u think they wont say, "How i wish i can have a family like my friends, i regret not getting married. "

most people would rather buy a new one than fixing it
thats why consumerism strives
because people are brainwashed there's always something good next
next.... next....and next...
until they completely lose their soul in the process

All these what ifs.. 🙄

I think this is just a cover/excuse for your insecurity to go out there and hunt for a girl. You are probably scared of rejection and failure. Understandable. Its esp daunting when you are already 40 and has no experience.

Hangat-hangat tahi ayam. This is the trait of the male that any female should avoid. Failure in life are common but to give up just because of few failures, that is beyond redemption. Easy to give up half way on reason of becoming weaker but the other half waiting for you sacrifices her youth waiting. If you can give up so easily, don't get into relationship.

Those who change their goal posts regularly are not the good candidate for husband, neither will be a good candidate in the work force to be groomed as the decision maker.

I ask you, if you don't get married, what are you going to do?

remain single?

how has that been?

are you doing anything interesting by yourself ?
Do you feel that your circle of friends are reducing?
Do you feel the need to be with someone or share your life with someone?
or are you contended being by yourself? You like doing things by yourself?

I think your questions really hit home with me. Probably subconsciously, I have been feeling that I am not doing anything interesting by myself and the circle of friends remain stagnant.

I am contended by being by myself but I know there are many things that I cannot do by myself which I want to do, for eg: travel to an oversea country. I don't prefer solo travel for safety reasons.

On the sharing life part, my life is quite boring so I am not sure it is worth to share with someone. But I do believe it can be more interesting once I get a partner.

The fact I have been single all this while and I don't feel anything lacking with it, so the devil's advocate is why not try the other side which may give a better enjoyment in life. From the comments I gather here, the nutshell is you will have regrets whether you are married or single. It's just how deep/bad the regret is which is what I wanted to know from this thread.

everything in life is a risk. Nothing is perfect. If you want to be in a relationship and share your life, there are risks. You may ended up with wrong partner. Or the partner you believe is the one for you but she doesn't feel the same way and leave you.

when i was single, I remembered one forumer in K told me here, that he enjoys his single life by driving somewhere far away, and take his camera and take pictures.

I also did the same thing, I drove my car, to some where, then went to a chinese restaurant to try the food, then unhook my bicycle from my parked car and cycled around the place.

I remembered when I visited London by myself, I took a morning walk, and walk and walk as far as I could. I saw some interesting boats with people living inside berthed by the london river, I also saw some port equipment back in the 1900s that the London municipal council painted and preserved them like a museum, I walked past a very interesting condo design, I wondered how that bulding could stand on its on based on the design. Then it dawned on me, I wished I had someone to talk to about what I was thinking. I just walked around and snapped the photo with my phone. I wish I could take the photo with someone next to me.

Well those were my single days.

About having regrets on my marriage life? No. Because I lived a very long time being single before settling down. I already enjoyed my single life and have enough of it.

Some bachelors aimed to travel to all countries (possible)
having a spouse who wants steady lifestyle wiill not allow that

I am reminded of this single guy who loves to travel by himself.

He recently went to India, he took 500 pictures of himself and uploaded it into his facebook.

His previous travel was to East Europe, he also took 500 pictures of himself n uploaded into his facebook

they get to see different species of people
the culture and the taste of different girls
marriage has its benefit but its for the process of raising one that opens up your soul

as long as each individual knows what they desire

that is not my taste

that is why I asked TS the questions

He does not strike me as a guy who loves to do things by himself.

So whatever you stand for is up to you, I am just facilitating what TS wants.

you can only speculate based on your subjective experiences, because you dont know someone stories unless if you knew them for years

Fallacy statement. I'm married but I never regret. It has and always will be the decision that I'll make. Sometime in life, with too many options, you will experience not fulfilling life because everyday you are dealing with " what if". If the life really works with "what if", there will not be any beggar on the street.

Going for holiday travelling with gf/wife/child are probably the best of ones memory in life.

But if you are taking your gf/wife/child for holiday, better be ready to be their protector and provider. Its a higher duty than travelling alone.

So I would suggest that, while you are single, you do try to experience travel alone. You will be better company in the future.

Life is too short to live in regret. If you make mistakes in life, just learn what you can from it, improve yourself and move on. Better things could be waiting.

This post has been edited by Cubalagi: Feb 6 2024, 02:25 PM

I think your questions really hit home with me. Probably subconsciously, I have been feeling that I am not doing anything interesting by myself and the circle of friends remain stagnant.

This is the reply I got from TS.

what r u trying to talk kok here?

I am not speculating.

what fallacy?
there's no truth in this world
only facts that are created via imagination and personal experiences
If there was truth, everybody would have an ideal sense of output in this world hence there's zero sufferings happen

Suffering is part of life. Without suffering, with everything is perfect, ppl will not know what is ideal. Do ppl want to live in such condition when you can't even differentiate what is the beauty as the is no benchmark/measurement for the ugly ? Just do some calculus thinking, imagine what if everything is at the steady state, a straight line, a monotone, no cry no laughter, everything is perfect - then what is the meaning of life under such condition ?

It is the rotation of the emotions faced in the life, the process of going through it, recognize that you will not be able to avoid it but has to embrace it. Since you cannot avoid it, then make the best out of it in the life instead of complaining & whining about suffering and failure.

Facts are not created by imagination but you work on it to achieve. Regardless how the individual lead our life (if you lead a meaningful & fulfilling life, you will become the example & role model for other, when you lead moderate or unfulfilling life, you will become the lesson to the other) , Heaven don't give a damn to it because the suffering or happiness you experience is part and parcel of the self correcting/balancing society.

This unstoppable progress, we would only be able to witness a fraction of it in our biological lifespan. We would not be able to witness the beginning until the ending of the creation as it is purposely placed in such a way to left us ponder and question.

Marriage requires acceptance, patience, empathy, compromise and ability to forgive.

If human beings did not have imagination, how would it differ from animals and beasts that we're able to achieve things faster and more efficient. There must be real practices and along with tons of imagination. Even religion and equality are human constructs by imagination.

Again, out of the original topic.

I don't mean to generalise for all. The statement is perhaps incomplete. If a person does not know what they really want, then there will be regrets whether they are married or single. Your and @hoonanoo story are examples that can inspire people to see marriage in a more positive light.

Are you a male or female? Your age?

If you have been single all this while…never been in a relationship as a male….it looks bleak for ya…

You gotta be prepared to looksmaxxing hard. Most men are not born with the quality of a chad. A chad is a totally different quality.

You just be there, didnt open your mouth. And women in your class, in your workplace, random women in the streets will look for way to chat with you, asking random question. Exchange contacts. Look further from you.

If you are not naturally born like this. You gotta workhard with looksmaxxing, as what new gen call it this days. Your probably at best 5/10 and below. Hit the gym, look up tiktok eboys that women thirst iver and what fashion style they are wearing.

Start practising mewing long term to get your face more masculine angular look…current online dating and even physical dating is mostly all about the looks.

Even for man. If you are born short…anything like below 170cm…you are living your life in hard mode when it comes to dating life as a man…theres some young dude i know in this forum. Good looking guy. Rich family.

Even own a brand new 3 series, but they never been in a relationship nvr have a gf all his life. Not fat, not skinny. He was just short. Below 165cm…

This post has been edited by max_cavalera: Feb 26 2024, 07:54 PM

Male, late-30s. Not sure what changing your looks gotta do with marriage regrets. Are you married/not married with regrets?

My point is simple. Late 30s u shudnt even be asking this questions. Its either the girl choose you or they dont.

The first time, we got married for the wrong reasons. While I did regret how it turned out, it did produce 2 wonderful children who gave me a sense of purpose in life and spurred me to achieve greater things I would not have otherwise bothered with. Now that they're in uni, I grew the balls to do my postgraduate just for the fun of being a uni student alongside them.

The second time, it was like playing Sonic the Hedgehog and restarting the level all over again, fully knowing where the obstacles and hazards are. Best decision ever, despite being with her for over a decade. I now have a wonderful and loyal companion to enjoy life with, not having to worry about constantly rolling the dice trying to get laid with a million girls as an achievement. With her around, all other problems in life aren't so big anymore.

This post has been edited by ZZR-Pilot: Feb 27 2024, 02:00 PM

most men still have to initiate the dance with women
how many 5% of guys is visible within an average guy life
probably, will never be able to mix around with those guys

for both sexes, as they achieving their capabilities
they get to screen harder.

That is your biggest problem right there. Your question is like you asking, "how does this fruit taste like? I've never tried it before"
Some say sour
Some say sweet
Some regret tasting it.
...Actually, your case is more like, you haven't even seen the fruit. You don't even know what it means to be together with someone. It's a commitment to a partnership with an imperfect person. At any point of time, you both will experience shits or have to deal with each others' shits, so it's important to remember the good times together, and how she behaves in the bad times. It also means that you'll lose freedom to make certain decisions because you need to consider your partner/families.

Without any experience, there's no way you can tell what you truly want. With every encounter, you'll learn more of that. It doesn't need to progress into an official relationship. If you struggle to meet new people then consider dating apps but read more in the pinned thread to understand how to protect yourself and present yourself better for the type of person you want to attract.

Only then you can answer your own question, whether you want marriage or just stay single. Note: it's totally normal that you change as you be together with a person because you reconcile your preferences and values. Even if you regret today, you might not in 10 years, and that's fine too.

Easy, Ramjade already has a template answer for this
Short answer: don't flaunt, eat cheap, observe her

Most people just enjoy the fruit, not the labour.....
Blissful marriage is actually a result of continuous labour from both sides....

the key to a happy marriage is to keep quiet when you are angry.

of course, good sex helps

This post has been edited by cfa28: Feb 29 2024, 02:27 PM

Marriage is a long journey full of trials and tribulations.
For me, its mostly good and learned to give and take.
Nobody is perfect.

1. Plan to married without kid. Why married please!?

2. Late 30, plan to married with kid. Are you plan to work until 60 or 70 please!?

3. Without right Character n Morality. Please stop create problem for this world!

that's right , give and take one of the most important thing in marriage

There's no right or wrong to this question. Boils down to experience.

Mindset do change as you age, but sadly time and tide wait for no men.

Dude.. I can’t live without my wife.. I can’t say it’s the same for her but I think the feeling is mutual..

Assuming you're a guy, unless you're willing and intend to change, and ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED in changing yourself for her, don't bother.

It's a shit show where you'd be compared to to other people's husband for not doing enough while she's up and high on her pedestal.

And no, she'll never forget nor truly forgive that mistake you made 10 years ago.

Bro, don't just look at all the case here, ppl came here because they have issue that need helps. There is a lot of successful marriage couple surrounding live happily. Don't get demotivated by negative case, it's wise to think carefully before commit to marriage, but do not over think. Marriage for love and commitment, do not marriage for the sake of marriage. Good luck.

You gained some, you lose some... satisfactions, regrets, whatever, it really depends on whether or not you cherish what you gain vs what you lose.

I keep follow this topic hope to get insight whether i need to continue marry with GF1 this end of year or with GF2. Time runnning out for me to think

This post has been edited by kesvani: May 8 2024, 11:50 PM

Bro, let me give you the real world answer!

If you want money, just go for sugar mummy! Money = Freedom.

If you have money, just go for virgin or under 21 years old girl! I dont believe you love pigmentation, sagging or loose vagina.....

I want companionship and intimacy with no string attach but not those FWB or one night type as that always about sex but no connection feeling. Got answer?