And that's the reason why I chose to remain single. Best decision ever 😎

That's what I am about to find out. Can I squeeze another person into my life? The foreveralone ending is pretty sad for me

Being married doesn't guarantee u won't be a foreveralone coz there's a possibility that u might divorce yr spouse or vice versa. Or maybe yr spouse suddenly passed away? It's better to get used to being alone n enjoy ur own company to prepare yrself for thar kinda predicament.

Those who remained single or decided to remain unmarried will find ways to justify their decision. Usually, they have tendency to be narrow minded and not open for the other possibility. If your surrounding ppl are facing issue in the marriage, you will only get the reasons not to be married.

In world, there are a lot of analogy. Just take a simple one from works place. If your works place, your boss cannot perform, your colleagues cannot perform, your sub-ordinate cannot performs, you expect yourself can perform under such influence ? Whereas, if you in the environment, where your boss is the super performer, your colleagues are all very productive, your sub-ordinate also very productive, indirectly you will become the performer.

.................................

Those who decided to get children in late 30s or early 40s, there will be new set of problems to be faced by their children as they grow up.

One may argue if the couple have enough resources , why not ? It is not about the resources alone. There is saying ""It takes a village to raise a child". To raise the children properly, is a task of multi generations, not a single generation task. Those who think it is a generation task, there will be something missing in the child as they are growing up.

Raising a child, the grandparent has the role to play. The parent has the role to play. The siblings has the role to play. Imagine how old would the grandparent be when the kid is around 8~12 y.o ?The time when they actively seeking guidance in something that the parent may not be able to guide. The grandparent may no longer be around.

Sometimes, there are topics which are too sensitive to be taught or guided by the parent but the same topics, when it was being talked / guided by the grandparent, it is not sensitive at all. Imagine the parent quarrelling & fighting in their marriage, do you think they are the correct role model to guide the children on the marriage ? The kids will be thinking "you better take care your marriage before coming to talk to me on the topic". I remember when I was small, the topic of marriage was not never being talked by my parent ( conservative Asian parent don't talk about it) but more from my grandparent. Whenever a scenario occurred, they will gave example how should the situation be handled & the idea to handle the issue during their time will indirectly apply to grandchildren's life when they grow up.

This post has been edited by nihility: Feb 5 2024, 09:53 AM

Single or Married both has it's own set of joys and problems..

It's what you are looking for in life

I known people who met their lover at late 40's and 50's, they swear they will be Single forever... I'm happy for them for experiencing different type of love, joy and happiness

I have friends who are still single at their late 40's and 50's , happy with spending most of their days at Club and Bar drinking and chicks.. they are happy everyday there

I have friends who got married to their high school sweet heart, 20 years later they still happily married with children..

I have friend who has 2 children, divorce twice in 6 years, who say they regretted married and have kids now...

I have few friends who divorce after realizing their husband is a Narcissist

in Summary, ask yourself what you willing to give to others, if you are not willing then its best to stay single, if you willing to give your time, energy, money, life then you can consider to get married.. if you are prepare to carry the responsibility of raising a human being, then you are ready to have a child

good luck!

So how do you satisfy your sexual needs?

Or u dont have any more?

Life is not a bed of roses..... But this does not mean suicide is the way out

Same goes to marriage...... The partner appreciation increase over time

imagine by 70s and look back the lifetime, thankful for wife that walk over different tough period

tough period make you realize we need God.

In this world, there is no perfect marriage or perfect wife or perfect husband...There is also no perfect life...In life, there will be pain, depression, happiness, joy and etc...There will be regrets in marriage, there will be also regrets for those who are singles...That is the nature of this world, yin and yang...

The Scripture says, “So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one body.”

depends on what u want in life.

U can only do so many things at a time.

for example, you do A, B and C, already full commitment in effort and time and concentration, focus.

If u wanna do Marriage, then need to sacrifice either A, B or C.


some people say, if they dont get married, can focus on A,B and C more. for example, career, make money etc.
if this is what u want in life, then dont get married.

but if u also want to build a family, have kids etc, then all these need attention and focus also. so it effects the amount of time u can pour into money making and career.

but if family is what u want, then go ahead.

i have friends who were divorced but i just mention the most ridiculous 1 i heard.
the reason the guy wanted to get married is to change the ex-wife so that she become more mature.
that failed and they were having incompatibility issues all the time. then the guy wanted to have kid so that the ex-wife become more mature and responsible. luckily they got divorced before that.

immature people should not get married.

Lets say I do want to build a family and is really committed to this at the start. What if halfway through, I grew weaker as the relationship progresses and then think I cant do this anymore?

Some people told me if their 20-year old self had known their married life at 40 would be as it as, they would not get married if they get to redo their life.

thats why its better to choose a quality partner before married, otherwise why would you associate with a negative person?

The relationship with your own spouse will directly influence your performance at work, and with children as well

what have been done cant be undone.

but there is a way out.
breakup.
divorce.


one thing about human nature.
those who say they wont get married if given a chance to redo their life.
lets say they are given the chance, magically a time travel machine. or turn back time, and they dont get married.
u think they wont say, "How i wish i can have a family like my friends, i regret not getting married. "

most people would rather buy a new one than fixing it
thats why consumerism strives
because people are brainwashed there's always something good next
next.... next....and next...
until they completely lose their soul in the process

All these what ifs.. 🙄

I think this is just a cover/excuse for your insecurity to go out there and hunt for a girl. You are probably scared of rejection and failure. Understandable. Its esp daunting when you are already 40 and has no experience.

Hangat-hangat tahi ayam. This is the trait of the male that any female should avoid. Failure in life are common but to give up just because of few failures, that is beyond redemption. Easy to give up half way on reason of becoming weaker but the other half waiting for you sacrifices her youth waiting. If you can give up so easily, don't get into relationship.

Those who change their goal posts regularly are not the good candidate for husband, neither will be a good candidate in the work force to be groomed as the decision maker.

I ask you, if you don't get married, what are you going to do?

remain single?

how has that been?

are you doing anything interesting by yourself ?
Do you feel that your circle of friends are reducing?
Do you feel the need to be with someone or share your life with someone?
or are you contended being by yourself? You like doing things by yourself?

I think your questions really hit home with me. Probably subconsciously, I have been feeling that I am not doing anything interesting by myself and the circle of friends remain stagnant.

I am contended by being by myself but I know there are many things that I cannot do by myself which I want to do, for eg: travel to an oversea country. I don't prefer solo travel for safety reasons.

On the sharing life part, my life is quite boring so I am not sure it is worth to share with someone. But I do believe it can be more interesting once I get a partner.

The fact I have been single all this while and I don't feel anything lacking with it, so the devil's advocate is why not try the other side which may give a better enjoyment in life. From the comments I gather here, the nutshell is you will have regrets whether you are married or single. It's just how deep/bad the regret is which is what I wanted to know from this thread.