as per title.

Sorry if this question is offensive/stupid but Im genuinely curious.

I met a lot of old people that are still single (never married) and just wonder why. their age is 40+, some i know are retired like 60+, theres one grandpa i met before too (idk his age, maybe 70+?) , i assumed he is a grandpa with grandchildren but actually hes single and never married.
I cant ask them cause they might get offended. so i ask here lol

i have 1 relative she is 40 and still looking but no luck. I personally think her personality is good, maybe physically not so attractive but ive seen uglier people and people with worse personality have husband/wife.

i dont get it, i thought theres a person for everyone?

so many reasons

-choosy
-shy
-didnt socialise enough
etc..

Maybe it's their choice to be alone. Who knows

yes..
too busy with work and not care about love
got cheated
can decide if gay or what ..
the class 1 stubborn type.

their choice. why need to married, if you don't want to.

I shy and low confident...

>Choosy
>Didnt make any move first

Ayam now middle age. Just last year me so daring ask foreign women 9 year younger than me to marry and somehow she accept. Now waiting for covid before do registration at her country first.

Shy shy don’t dare to go out social with people

im very low confident with my look and kiasu, scare kene rejected

i actually rejected a girl twice (actually i dunno is it im thinking too much or she's just playing/joking), i "rejected" twice becoz we are too young to be together, no work no saving no career. I want her to have her own live and career, jgn bcoz of dating then force ownself to stay at 1 place, i will feel im the bad guy to lock down 1 ppl life.

with my mindset like this i dun think i will have gf unless i become finiancially independence... i am independence already but zero saving, baru fresh grad work 2 years, so i mean until i'm confident with my income, else i will just stay single. if you ask me how much income only i can feel confident, i don't know lol. i think bottom line is at least rm5k, now i age 26 only 3.5k. 5k is just bottom line, i don't think i will feel confident with 5k at all... so it's a bottomless pit mindset probably i will be single forever

This post has been edited by CyrusWong: Jan 3 2021, 04:25 AM

Are u above 40

Hmm i dont know your choice but if you do want a relationship then i suggest dont think this way?
Its like "i only wanna try when im ready" but actually we human are never ready. Even if you are ready, theres still failures. So why not start and get failures even when youre not ready

So, he is not a grandpa.

U see, having a relationship is about two individual making conscious decision to have one and sticks to it.
And there are many reasons and circumstances where people never get to make that decision.

Me for one, never get myself around getting into one nor sticking to one.

I'm irresponsible towards my own life, I can't nor will I be held responsible for another.

Usually alone also top20

there is a retired guy staying alone opposite my house, seems like doing well, however, his thought process is one of a kind, and stubborn.

kind of understand why people like him are single till forever

I do agree its sometimes their personality.
I know one , shes also retired, 60+ still single, doing well.
But selfish and most of the time helps people half heartedly or only if it benefits her back. I can be her fren but I dont want to.

I wish i wont be like her when i grow up

safe to say many women are ok if they are not married. unlike men, i think die die also they need to have a life partner.

but this is just my personal experience.

Well to tell you the truth it's very complex, some people focus too hard on their career, others may hold out for the person who can touch their heart but sadly never meet them, yet others may just not socialize enough. So you really have to look at it from various aspects - it's not a simple answer at all.

For me it's because I'm poor and ugly la LOL

hmm okay the reason why i am asking this is i don't want to be like that. I mean, i know some ppl choose to be single forever but thats not me. I do want to settle down and have a partner one day. I want to know how can I work to prevent that

I have this impression you were trying apps right? Did it work?

what about people who doesn't wanna find someone?
plenty of people enjoy being alone.

I got one late grand uncle
80+ years old stay at home with 2 cars and total contempt
every time I visit sure get some cool antique he collected during the old days

I think he was quite happy with his decision to not get married honestly

yeah I did.
I hate dating apps, but I have to use it cause everyone is doing it
really wish there were no dating app in this world

I know one friend
He is very successful in career
He is smart and very good in choosing everything
insurance, job, pleasing bosses, car, investments

He is good in everyting except ONE
Choosing WIFE
this area, he really sucks
I go to school and college with him, so many girls like him
they tried to woo him
but he not interested
even in the nice girls
why?
because he likes bad girls
really really rotten to the core
So he married one
She is very pretty
but she got a crazy attitude problem
there was once he even considered having an affair in office
Just to get her attention.
so some guys like bad girls with pretty face
they just like to be tortured

that's why you see so many average looking girls
are still single
because guys are suckers to pretty girls
they think with their dicks instead of their brains

I tried that been there done that

didn't qquite like the single life

no friends to mix with
everytime I ask people out, people dread going out with me, maybe because I face problem
even if I didn't show interest in any girls
the very pretty ones, stay far away from me
somehow some crazy girl would come to me, ask me to take her out every day
until I become scared with her constant stalking
and if I try to ask single guys out, they think I trying to homo them
if not homo them, some insecure guy would think I am competition with them for the pretty girls in the group
seriously no fun being single
every day at home, mom nag me.

now married, at least got someone to talk to and do things with.

I am also one year single and thought it shd be better than being in relationship but actually being in relationship is better. If i have 2 options : have someone to love me and dont have anyone to love me, of course I would choose the first one

Maybe another reason i can think of is because of the misleading advice many ppl give out, even in Cupid Corner as well.

That misleading advice is "BE YOURSELF".

For example, if you are boring, then one need to improve himself. Most girls generally dislike guys who are quiet. How are you going to court girls if you are quiet?

One need to attempt to socialise more, there is nothing wrong to socialise more, to talk more, etc.

Unless you can find someone who is compatible with you, that you are very quiet. But that will be a hurdle and time consuming.

Another example, if you are overweight or underweight, then one should attempt to improve himself to reduce weight or increase weight and groom yourself to make yourself attractive.

It is misleading again to say BE YOURSELF without making any attempts to improve yourself.

Unless you are able to find someone who is compatible with you.

So, some ppl might remain single because they listen to the misleading advice BE YOURSELF and forever BE YOURSELF without making any attempts to improve on their personality and their outer appearance.

why dont u make questionaire and distribute to them because if non target people are feedback, that is not represent the actual situation.

1. Some choose such a lifestyle
2. They are independant regardless of gender; so F**k it as "I'm going single since I'm capable and I don't need a partner mentality"
3. Some may not be lucky to score a wife or a husband regardless of circumstances (choosy, introvert .. or worst maybe attitude or character flaw)
4. Queer
5. Companionship is better than marriage trouble .. look at how many stay in together but not married

i shy and dont socialize much
buut mostly is malas to commit to a relationship. scared cannot enjoy hobby like this
i think for me, i will need to find the right person lah

I believe there is a silent majority that want companionship
just that they haven't found one.
in this present life cycle, everyone wants to have career, wants to be successful
no time for marriage n family.
so is really getting harder n harder to find a life partner
so with one's heart still clinging hope to finding a life partner, but haven't found one, most of this silent majority, is Life Goes On.
This is esp very hard for Nons.

sometimes is not about capability, is about needing to share your life with someone
even if it means we take out our money and pamper that person or take our effort to love and do things unconditionally for the person
otherwise how we explain why some single people decided to have a pet
they spend so much money to groom their cat or dog, treat it like their kid.

marriage trouble is very true, but to me, what the heck YOLO. In life there is always Risks. If we don't take the Risks, there is no Rewards. We can mitigate the Risks, by having Wisdom. Wisdom to choose the right partner. Wisdom to take up pre marriage course n prepare oneself to know the expectations of a relationship or marriage. Wisdom to know when to dump a partner when you know things r not going right for the both of you.

the queer factor is very true. They actually not single. They are living a secret life with a same sex partner due to legal issue that same sex marriage or relationship recognition is not recognize here and is viewed with many taboos and also may incur wrath of some vroom vroom people. So they look like single people, but in secrecy they are in relationship.

sometimes these lifestyles are not chosen, is forced upon them. I know a graphic designer freelance, he is quite talented, he sometimes express his desire to be married and start his own family. He is in his 50s. But as a Non, he hasn't found anyone, or anyone remotely interested in him. Also is into his persona, that he is not the type that is all out, gunho to go after girls. He is conservative in heart but in fact, he yearns for a relationship. Just that he hasn't found one and as he ages older, is getting harder n harder to find one. I can relate to him, because I got married late and even started a family very late in age. I found it as a Non hard to find suitable life partner, due to working hours, nons losing desire to get married, etc etc. Until some time back I was able to settle down.

And now I look back, CNY is coming, every CNY, I see more n more of my younger cousins who promote into working life are single. I have to distribute so many ang paus because many remain single. WHat r among the factors ?

1) Queer
2) Some cousins have very bad health issues like diabetic until need injection, probably turn off some very high expectation men
3) IT field makes one behave like a boring n square personality disorder - always looking at phone, ipad or laptop whenever at family gatherings, can't lift a bat eye if you even talk to them.
4) Difficulty to find - got a cousin that is muscular go to gym, got a lot of social friends, still admits difficulty to find life partner
5) give up finding
6) Migration problem - migrated to dead zone Singkie, complain Singkie guys are like spoiled kids.

For 4 is definitely choosy already.

Imagine if you look like Aaron Kwok, you wouldn't want to settle down with some average looking girls or below average look girls anymore.

You would yearn more for some high-class models, that's why "difficult" to find.

Hmm, suspect queer but not admitting maybe

Joke aside, I'm in relationship (LDR) for 8 years and plan for marriage but unfortunately no room for queer here .. so ..

What to do

From young we r brainwashed by hollywood to chase outer beauty

Also porn influence guys to want pink nipple big breast jepunis like women

1. Low self esteem
2. Boring
3. Below average looking
4. Introvert
5. Less female/male friends
6. Traumatize by previous relationship, cheated on, abusive bf/gf, rejection etc
7. Spend most of his/her time working
8. Too shy

yeah i used to believe those kind of advice.
to some extent you do have to believe in yourself but not in everything. Sometimes we have bad traits have to change.

Other misleading advices :
1. "just be yourself and the right one will come eventually" = sometimes true sometimes not. But then again if you are a shitty person, maybe the right one will come in 100 years or never
2. "just keep doing you, do what you love and relationship will come anyway" = sometimes there are ppl so lucky they not looking fr relationship n gets it anyway but sometimes you do need to put effort in looking for relationship. Example if you are a great person but always stay at home never go out, dont socialise, dont use social media/dating app, then how would people find you
3. I hate it when friends say something like "he ghosted you?its because you're too good for him" = no, it means he's not attracted to me, simple as that. that is not a motivational talk, that is bs

too many girl friend. the special girlfriend scared being cheated. even best friend also girl... hahahaha. my case last time la. now married edi.

This post has been edited by edan1979: Jan 6 2021, 02:18 PM

Maybe dont do enough advertisement that your intention to have partner / domestic partnership / scandalship / marriage with someone ? If you dont talk / advertise, how can people read your mind.

As you get older, you get more set in your ways. It is harder to adjust to others.

Relationships take 2, and constant adjustment to each other. When one is younger, there is more room to learn new things, and compromise with each other.

As one gets older, they may get very stubborn, and have formed lifelong habits. It is harder to compromise.

From what I have observed, I think this is why some older people remain single - even if it is involuntary.

hmmm yeah thats true

i'm a male close to 40s and married. some of my male friends are also close to 40s but not married.

some of the things i notice about them are:
a) no confidence in finding partners, not good in socializing
b) introvert
c) may have attitude issue (hot temper)
d) too picky (always want girls up to his expectation padahal he is an average joe with ahbeng face)

i dont think face problem is the number 1 factor. that face problem can be removed easily once girls see your other qualities.

i also notice same problem among girls. so guys expect a lot, girls also expect a lot , thats difficult.
not sure lah but my friends put physical as 1st most important quality. Then only personality lol. If personality ok, we stay. But if faceproblem, we dont wanna know your personality lol

faceproblem is normal. not everyone is born hensem or beautiful.
many of my frens also get pretty/ handsome partners but they themselves are pork chops. the secret is know how to groom and dress well. confidence also important.

but i guess your frens are still young. when they get older then they realize $$$ is the most important. faceproblem is the least of problem lol.

Everyone have secret!

most of my 30++ single friends (including me) are just picky.

I am approaching my 50 and I do have a great bunch of singles , both male and females over their 40s. Late marriage or not getting marry at all seems to become a norm nowadays.
There are many reasons. Some watch too much movie and have high expectation , hoping their partner will be Tom Cruise or Angeline Joline. Some due to economy or to reach a status , spending more time on work, but as when they reach a comfortable financial status, their age already 45 or 50 . Some due to shyness, inferiority and having unpleasant physical look. Some are handsome but playboys. Some choose to chase money than chasing girl as chasing money is easier than girl. HUman is hardest to tackle. Some give up trying. Some being cheated and disappointed. Some may used to their own freedom. Some prefer not being tie down. Some have seen the trouble and havoc of marriages. Marriage is not a smooth and sweet journey, problems guaranteed to happens occasionally and this is the real acid test of the relationship. After marriage only , you see the true self of each other .
After being said, what I observed from myself is high expectation , unable to give in for the less, unwilling to tolerate . After marriage , each person trying to change each other personalities and character and thus relationship start to crack.
To love oneself is not easy but to find two persons to love each other is more difficult. How many can able to find true love? Perhaps it just "tolerated" love.
Physical attraction just start the "love fire" but to keep the fire going is the unseen aspect such as characters, tolerance , each other aim in life.
It is human instinct to look for the best . But the best comes with a heavy price tag and sacrifice. No wrong no right....Each person is entitle for their own choice of living in life.
I like this quote by Ray Croft " I love you not only for what you are , but for what I am when I am with you.". Doesn't mean you have great physical look , I will love you, I wont be your ATM...lol..you need to earn your respect and worth too....

This post has been edited by wschoo26: Jan 13 2021, 09:04 PM

"Might be just too much expectations in a relationship vs the freedom to enjoy life with a bunch of great friends."

Opinion of a single again 50+ male

Unfortunately, and to be honest with myself, I'm a very handsome guy. No joke, seriously.

The reason I'm still single is that I'm too focused in earning money and in my career, I don't socialize enough.

I guess that's one big reason.

Probably meeting friends through friends?

Men = I believe men do want to get married however now a days they prioritise their career (previous generation they could earn a family wage but now even taking care of your self is hard) and they enjoy their personal freedom. Also whats the main benefit to getting married? Access to s*x and children which is readily available and does not require marriage.

Women = Since entering the workforce salary is effectively halved since we have double the number of workers. Those women you see that are older and remain single are usually educated and they can't accept a man of their equal even though they want equality. They believe they have become successful career women and men will find that desirable however thats now proven the opposite. They need to broaden their horizon and look at men they traditionally would not even consider.

There are many other factors but these are the key ones that come across to mind.

1. Maybe they gave up in dating after their previous relationships ended dramatically and they are so heart broken.

2. They are nice people but they are just happy being single.

3. Maybe they have serious illnesses since young and they do not want to burden others or possibly pass down the illness to their future offspring.

4. They just cannot find THE ONE. So rather than marrying a wrong person, and ended up divorced and live a depressing life, better stay single and enjoy life.

going 40 and not married but have almost always be in a relationship.... lol

Money tak dak
How to get married

Many reasons.. by choice, dun want settle down, cannot find the “one”

there is - look in the mirror.

Picky
Normal look but expect a lot from other

time will tell, anyway action speak louder...grab the chance whenever it appear

1 main reason in a word:
Money

the older they get, the less sociable they are. well at least those around me is. not all people are created equal in terms of getting partner, married or settle down. with difference in personalities and characteristic, most people nowadays prefer to be single to attained freedom and personal space in exchange for naggy partners.

Getting comfortable (selfisolation) is not being socially confident. Thats being avoidant to reality.

I'm almost 40
Freedom.. past relationships/GFs hurting me so much, mentally ill because of it.

Until I can find someone that truly understand me (don't care the look), my hobbies, etc etc, let it be like this. it's great to be single. I'd rather die single than go through that pain again

That doesnt mean you're alpha
you're just mgtow

LoL, I'm still looking, who knows got girl ngam one and try again

find a 27-33 year old woman, thats my estimation

Edit : Thats enough for today

This post has been edited by ChaosXP: Feb 17 2021, 12:59 AM

Why edit after typed out?

Watching too much drama, porn, influencer youtube, tiktok over long time is a problem contributing to increasing nos of people becoming single as they aged. The expectation between guy and girl become super high due to those unrealistic scene. Big boobs, perfect body and face, super romantic, unrealistic lifestyle etc. Internet is making it so easy to access those materials and is changing the subconcious mind of alot of peoples. This so called problem is going to get worst...

https://worldofbuzz.com/japan-appoints-mini...-suicide-cases/

This post has been edited by Singh_Kalan: Feb 20 2021, 12:48 AM

For some reasons, influencers are given louder voice (as in most of the time, stupid people), they speak louder and can be heard more by people compared to pre-instagram era. many people cannot choose wisely and cannot choose who should be their role model. so if influencer A who is promoting plastic surgeries are very popular now, most people follow only and many will think girls should look like that influencer A.

happens the same towards men as well. girls see the sample of "this is how a man should look like" and so they keep that in their mind, unconsciously just making them prefer the men that looks like those that appear in their instagram

ever think why would the designer of Instagram think its important to highlight how many followers a person have?

Stop watching unrealistic drama, porn, influencer tok tok, Instagram.

Nobody choose to be single given a choice. We are social being by default. The default is being change by the media particularly the Internet.

Trying to limit my postings per week haha

thats kinda like doing smth that goes nowhere.

Ladies - out of shape not pretty
Men - no money out of shape

Me thinks shape quite important

i think its important too.
but some ppl think physical shape is not a problem at all..

the price of urbanhood i guess

while the rejected whites come stealing all the asian pu55ie

have yet 2 see more asian man with white girl unlike the vice versa



This post has been edited by skylinelover: Mar 22 2021, 09:27 PM

I'm in my early 40s, not married but have a GF, she's in her early 30s. I think we are ok the way we are and never thought of getting married. I'm working in Shanghai and she followed me and now she found a job as an ID in Shanghai.

I think now marriage is a very brittle institution, I've had friends who married 3 times and then finally learn to be smart after 3 divorces and stayed as partners for the 4th time. I've also had a colleague that has a wife in 3 different countries that he worked in (how he manage that I don't know...please don't ask)

Most important thing is, know what you want in life and don't let others dictate how you should live yours. I've had a few chances to get married when I was younger, but just decided against it. I don't come from a broken family, my mom and pops are still around and they are happily enjoying their retirement.

In my previous company, i had that same question when there are 3 sister that are over 30s still stay single. They are nice, they are financial independent, confident, humorous, ... I don't know why, I think because they learn how to survive indepentdent so they don't bother if alone. And maybe man prefer younger girl, always better to date a young girl who will likely to agree with them instead of questioning or having fight. Well,
My brother married his fisrt love, but its sad they are now separated after 1 year, i hate his wife she disrespect my family, but i feel sad for my bro. Btw, there are so many old ladies around me still unmarried and many divorced case, like.. i always thought that people who married are always happy, they found love and happy ending but , because marriage is biggest deal so maybe people tend to stay safe rather than take a risky chance that last long for life

Marriage life is not for everyone

Might be my personal bias or anecdotal, but I find that girls are more tolerant of face problem than guys are. Of course there are cases on both sides that accepts / rejects, but in general, girls seem more ok with it.

Of course, this is less true on dating apps.

It seems true to me... I will not compromise...

Let me tell you why some people who are old who are still single.

It's simple, they've made the choice to stay like that.
I'm for one falls under that category, i chose the option to stay single to prevent future headaches and problems.

Get money and revenge by sleeping with a hot 22 year old, bulky young guy lol

What do u mean, What revenge? What sleep with a hot 22 year old? Oh hey, i think i have answer for the TS question:
- sis 1: confident, hard to please, a little bossy, Kpop crazy fan girl
- sis 2: standard look, like to criticize , enjoy life without love
-sis 3: too smart, noone can cheat her, rich, good looking, 33 and most man are younger
- sis 4: shy, ugly, too focus on working
- sis 5: romantic, fat, introrvert, dream abt her model and still waitting

Probably location is a factor... Like where I am now and where I used to grow up, those locations/cities/countries have a huge number of single and unmarried people. There's a "common mindset" by these people who have been living in these areas that the choice they have is not what they are looking for... So...it depends... Like if they have a job there, but not a lot of SO choices, but rather stay for job (read: financial security) then yeah they rather be single than have no spouse.

rm10k is a minimum wage for any single person to consider getting married these days. Financial problem adds stress onto your relationship. Women value it too much that they begins to manipulate these guys and treat them like a doormat lol.

U think unker wanna be single?

most of them were tired on having failed relationships, therefore they have no choice but to stay single, and no family for their family tree lines, no descendants for them...

well if its involuntary, what do you think may contribute to your single-ness?

Less female frens... I think

have you try dating apps? or posting in Cupids corner classified?

classified totally useless

also i noticed the male female ratio is severely imbalanced, the page is littered with male profiles

nah, better find in real life, meet real people

I noticed classified lady poster got many likes
Man none

N those man physical appearance stats kinda imba

thats why, as you can see, the ratio is severely imbalanced

when things are scarce, they're valued more, hence the likes, simple economics supply demand
men poster got no more value in classified, they're everywhere, majority looks like loser to me
and if there's girls in there, it's because they got nowhere to go, just like the men

most girl can easily get men attention if they're not ugly, doesnt even need to be pretty, and they wont be in classified

so yeah, it's a vicious cycle in there classified page, the same goes to dating app, in the early days of dating app they still work, now not anymore, littered with scams and unrealistic expectation

hmm, all in all, pretty much everything's doomed, live with it
only money can at least make you a little happier in this vicious cycle we live in

We got some successful stories from /k couple
U a bit negative

the silent is guess

Money can only buy you happiness up to some extent

Beyond that, you will start to feel hollow, emptiness inside, having no one to spend your money to

with money, you can buy hooker services, but after the session, what does that left you

Although I must admit that you need to achieve at least upper mid or early T20 to feel that emptiness, below that, survival is more crucial