Dunno kurz posted this here, but i got this from him.

kurz:
today at my work place got this one black guy asked me;
what's "fat" in malay?
then i say "gemuk"..
then he shout to his wife; "hey, gemuk!"

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Added on May 2, 2008, 1:24 amBeen reading since post 1 from last week. Towards the end some wat dying off jor

Here's one of the jokes i 've read before.

A reporter was interviewing a couple who has been married for 50 years. Intrigued, he asked the husband, "So how does it feels like to stay married for 50 years?"

"It feels like 5 minutes," said the husband. "Underwater."

---

Added on May 2, 2008, 1:30 amAnother classic joke, i guess it'll still fit under relationship jokes though.

Ah loy goes to Uncle Chu Kang to ask about sex, which he heard from his friends at school.

AL: Uncle chu kang! Wat is having sex ar?

PCK: Oooh.. Having sex ar? It's like digging your nose la.

AL: Is it? Then hor, why must do it in private place le?

PCK: Ah boy u crazy ar? U wanna dig your nose, u go stand in front of your class and dig for everyone to see ar?!

AL: Ya la ya la! Then, why guys don't like to wear condoms during sex ar?

PCK: Ah boy ah, u imagine, u digging your nose weaing a glove. Not the same syiok feeling ma!

AL: Logical! Next is, why girls hate it when they get raped?

PCK *smacks AL's head: Ah boy ar ah boy. Use your brain. U were walking down a street. Suddenly an Indian man come and dig your nose for u, u like it ar?

AL: Haha ya la! Ok ok last one. When having sex, who feel nicer a?

PCK: When u dig your nose, which one feel syiok? Your finger or your nose?

AL: OOOHHHH!!! Thank you uncle Chu Kang!!

This post has been edited by MyKy44: May 2 2008, 01:30 AM

^maybe it means u can order/command the wife around.

^Yeap.

^ah? ok ok la..
Haha i thought it'll be "She turned green and grew in size. HULK!"

^haha! It's his!!

Oh yeah!! Haha another way of looking at shit!

Alamak read this joke everywhere since Fak Lah released his brilliant plan.
Got me laughing and cursing at the same time

Hahaha. Husband: OWNED!

>>suiteng: REPOSTA!!!

^hahahaha. Gatal punya suami

short and concise!

^ Zha Dou again.

^ooohh... thanks for the explanation! Haha another Zha Dou session!

Haha i got some source for jokes (although a bit dirty, but i'm sure we all enjoy dirty jokes better eh? )

The Black Sheep

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

Another round?

With great pill comes big risks

After many years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform his duties as a husband between the sheets. He goes to his doctor, tries a few things, but nothing works.
"It's all in your mind," says the doctor, and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits, the shrink confesses: "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured." The psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor says: "I can cure this."
He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. "This is powerful healing, but you can use it once a year," says the witch doctor.
"All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor: "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says: "All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned; after that it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home, and that night he is so excited and anxious to surprise his wife. They get into bed and he says: "123," and just like magic he gets an erection.
His wife rolls over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

Kids and Toys

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. One night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down .. and saw her husband was holding abattery-operated pleasure device.. a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a "real one"

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent *******," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly: "I'll explain the toy.. you explain the kids.

Rubber Bags.


There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters..

The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

The Scotsman says " That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says " Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."

Where's good ol ALilMisfit?

Grandma Goes to Court




Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?

Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years.

Defense! Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!". And that's when I shot the son of a b****!



This post has been edited by MyKy44: Jul 1 2008, 01:12 PM

Marriage?


Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If u r married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girlfriends r like chocolates,
taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

where's lilmisfit anyway...

>>sir misfit dude: Ya mon WTF is that??!!


Screaming competition



An Italian, a Frenchman and an Indian was drinking at a bar
discussing what they had done the previous evening.

The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body
with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her
scream non stop for five minutes."

The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body
with a special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made
her scream for fifteen minutes straight."

The Indian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all
over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the
butter, then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."

The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours,
phenomenal!

How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"


Indian : "I wiped my hands on the curtains."

Logic of the Pen1s


One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had
written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the
class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and
began her class.
The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word
'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the
culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the
same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on
the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it
gets!"