How do I gain the courage to end my life or gain the courage to forget that idea completely?

I believe I'm going through major depression..

Exactly a year ago, my life was completely different. I had a happy and perfect life and it was anything but what I am today.

Well, I have been pretty much single all my life. I've liked people and it has been one sided & vice versa. I never really cared about it as my life was just fine. My time was fully utilised for work, family, friends, gym and my own hobbies..
I was doing well career wise and I had some of the best friends one could ask for.

This changed when I chose to move overseas, across the causeway, the last quarter of 2015. Well, to me it was a new experience and journey.
As a matter of fact, my take home savings is the same as what I was getting here and I took a downgrade in terms of job role. However, I took up the opportunity in hopes of discovering a new journey and finding myself alone.

Initially, the move was seamless. I was happy and my new job was so easy that I had lots of extra time for myself. I started venturing around the new country, finding new things to do, painting, reading, drawing, cooking and so on. Things I never had time for previously.

It all stopped when I met an acquaintance I knew once upon a time. He works there as well though we met in MY sometime ago Let's say then he was coming after me though I kept a distance as I never felt at ease with his intentions. However, when we met again, we became closer. Knowing I was new in that country, he tried to show me around. He was somewhat pursuing me again and me being naive in terms of relationships, I kind of fell for him along the way. From running away, I started liking him and the way he tried to pursue me. All was good until I got to know he was actually engaged sometime before we met again. He never told me but I found out myself. When I asked him, he never denied though he kept saying he was still single/ not married and it was not something of his choice.

By then, I was head over heels over him. He knew it as well and he knew how to play along. I kept feeling stupid for going back to him knowing he will eventually leave me though there was hope somewhere. All his sweet talks. We lived together for 2 months+, went on vacation, spent a lot of time together and I kind of lost myself during that process. I was crazy over him. He knew it and there was some guilt on his end, not sure if it was genuine. It came to a point where he was going to get married. Yet he was out with me, introducing me to his friends and all. He kept saying we are best friends and we will always remain so. I told him how I felt (which he knew from day 1) and that I preferred to part ways if we could never be together. He turned it against me saying I was ruining a friendship (though our relationship was way beyond that) and he never wanted to part ways with me even after getting married. I knew better. He even said if it made me happy, he will marry me instead and stop his wedding, which he never did of course, citing his family was important. During that time frame, he was always with me, never with the fiance as she was elsewhere. He hardly even spoke to her. Eventually, I chose to cut off communication with him. He got married and is happy now. He is also in the same country though I'm not sure where now. I chose to let go knowing I am not going to do injustice to another woman and I deserve better. There's lots of questions, regrets, emotions going on and I feel stupid, naive, dumb, and so on at the same time.

I have gone through hell trying to move on in the past 4 months. I've lost a lot of weight, distanced myself from everything/ everyone and I hardly go out anymore. I can't forget things and well I can't turn back to the person I was before I got into the mess. I tried meeting others though it did not help. I cry everywhere, everyday.

I contemplated suicide for sometime. Even bought meds in the hopes of overdosing. Didn't have the guts to after taking almost half a strip of pills. I've also distanced myself from my family. I don't know why but it's hard for me to talk to anyone.

One side, my family wants me to get married, my friends wants me to become the person I was once, though I want out of this life...

I don't wish to live...Though the only reason why i am still holding on is for my mom. She knows what happened and keeps trying to motivate me to move on.

I thought of coming home, quiting my job though I have not been able to find a job here yet. I've got commitments to pay and hence, the idea of quiting without a job back home is scary. I thought of getting married to forget him, though marriage is not in my luck I guess. I've tried meeting new people and it makes me sadder. Every guy out there wants no strings attached relationship and I am not that person. The entire process has made me feel so low, lose my confidence, doubt myself...I wonder why is it I can't be in a real relationship where people are not looking for lust! I'm average looking, smart, financially independent and yet it is so hard to find someone out there.

I still believe in God though I have stopped praying for sometime.

At times, I feel like I am getting better though deep down I know I still feel depressed. I no longer draw, paint or read as it reminds me of him. I've considered calling befrienders though I doubt it will help...I've sat many nights trying to find the guts to end my life.

I often contemplate if I should try overdosing and at times, I walk around nearby parks and lakes wondering if I will ever have the guts to just end my life there...Coming from a science background, I spent a lot of time reading on how to mix meds and chemicals to make it work...
Worst part, I am now in a country where suicide happens almost everyday and reading the news, I often wonder when is my turn.

For once in my life I am lost and I don't know what to do...

The sad part, once, I was so smart, successful, talented and I used to motivate others. Today I feel like a failure. Not many know what I'm going through though they can see I'm a changed person...

I was once a frequent participant in this forum, met friends from here and today, after a long time, I chose to post this here in hopes of getting some advise.

This post has been edited by Invisblenot: Apr 3 2016, 08:08 PM

You are in the same boat as me.. however.. the problem is because you are alone. Try to surround yourself with friends..find a way to come back home. It will help you. I wonder too at times whether taking my life is REALLY the solution, however it is not. No one is better than your ownself. Like you said yourself, you are financially independent..you dont need anyone to take control or be with you all the time, try to socialize more..there are more to life than just one guy.. and ..

P/S : I am a guy.

Hi there, Thank you.

I've got friends actually who always try to talk to me. It's just that for some reason, I distanced myself and I don't want to be a burden to them knowing I'm sad myself. Life is definitely more worth it than that one guy though the entire thing has killed me as a person..I used to despise those who choose suicide once and today, I am in that position. Life is definitely a good teacher...I really wish to be back though it's tough...because of me, my family is also sad and when I'm back home, I know they are also going through a tough time due to me...my parents are always sad and they kind of no longer speak much among themself..

you seem to be a strong woman, why end it just like that ?
Suicide is an easy way out, think of your family and friends when they learnt that you took your life, its a selfish act.

My best advice to you, is to return home, as living alone in an unfamiliar land could be just plain sad and lonely, its best to return home where you could be well taken care of and recover and fight another day when you're strong again

Parents always do worry about their kids, that is for sure. But at this stage of your life, you and ONLY YOU are in control of your own life, you can help them by moving on indefinitely, and speaking from my own experience, I surrounded myself with colleagues and occupied myself with work. Trying not to think about it. You sound like a very independent person, occasionally you can tell friends and colleagues about your issues, however over-telling your story might bore them since they and you BOTH know the solution. TIME will HEAL, some will take months, some will take years, but my advice is, taking your life is not the answer. Companions do really come and go, even friends, that is just part of life, life is tough some say, be strong. You always have lowyat here.

Hi invisiblenot,

I have gone through a similar situation which resulted in me eating a whole strip of panadol pills but thankfully i didnt die on that faithfully night because i would have regretted everything if i was to have killed or injured myself that day.

At that point of time i was at the lowest place in my life. I was distancing myself from everyone and feeling hopeless in life. But at that point in time which was 2 years ago, i really felt like "what am i living for? There seems to be nothing worth living for.. even if i killed myself it would be better for everyone including myself"

So the continuation of the story. After nothing happened when i took the whole strip of panadol, i broke down infront of a close of mine. I didnt choose to break down (i always tried to be the strong smiling personality infront of everyone else) but somehow it happened that day. I sat there (fyi i am a guy) cried and cried amd told my close friend what happened and what im feeling. He didnt say much other than everyone has the problems in life and its the uncertainties that is pulling you down.

People tend to be bogged down by all the uncertainties in your mind (eg: what if i fail this in , what if this what if that) that amounts to alot of pressure on yourself and you definitely feel weighed down by all that stress and burden.

What you need to do is plan your next step. It could be as easy as getting a new job in malaysia or finishing a side project and work till theres no tomorrow till you get there. Dont plan too far ahead but take one step at a time.

Today might be shit but as long as you hang in there and keep persevering through im sure better days are to come. On the homepage of my phone states "you only fail when you stop getting up." I will never stop trying because Im too indebt to my mom that i need to continue and repay all the comforts in life that i owe my mom and dad.

I hope you get through this period of your life just dont give up. Theres much more in life then what we can see.

Ps: im might not be the best person to say this but. A person that doesnt come clean from the start is a liar. And a liar shouldnt be trusted.

I tried occupying myself with work though honestly, my work is just so easy that by 3/4 pm, I am pretty much free. And I don't work over the weekends. It's definitely a change as I used to work long hours prior to this. I was in a management position back here and now, I am back to an exec in my new place. Hence, the challenges are also way lesser. It was good Initially as I got time to do new things, until it all went wrong. I kind of avoid going out as I don't want to ever bump into him or see things that reminds me of him...and he used to like my hobbies - my write ups, my drawings, paintings and due to that, I kind of stopped doing any of it. I love reading and we shared that hobby together. Now, I don't even turn to look at a novel for I know, I might recall memories..

Your life don't revolves around him.
Life offers so much more.
Don't waste your time over things that already passed.

I believes surround yourself with positive people helps. I also strongly suggest you to go back to your family as well, after all, they are the only one that will support you no matter what. During this period of time, you really need to have some encouragement from them to get you back on your feet.

I wish you the best.

I understand where you coming from. Depression makes everything seem uninteresting, mundane, downright drag. Seek Him, continue to do so. Knock, and ask... And you shall what again?

Hi, Invisiblenot, your story reminded me of my past self. I'll share my story here.

I was madly in love with a guy before when I was younger. He sort of liked me too but he never made the commitment. Then one day, sth happened, he dumped me for another woman (or so I thought, long story), and left me in pain.

Well, it took me 8 years to finally let go of the memory and feelings for him. I learnt a lot and tried many ways to forget him, but just couldn't.

The pain was real. I cried till my heart ached with physical pain, I cried till I thought I would become blind soon, couldn't sleep at night, contemplated suicide too...

I sought counselling as well, talked to my close friends and cousins, read counselling books, tried to numb myself... but the pain and memory were still there.

While I was in pain, that guy was dating girls. I saw him changing gf after gf after gf...

I'm a Christian and I believe in God, so I resorted to Him. He said I need to do 3 things:

1. Forgive yourself. Stop condemning yourself. Start loving yourself again.

2. Forgive him and wish him all the best from your heart.

3. Find your meaning in life again. Re-define your life and re-route it. Think of the people and things you have neglected while you were down. Rise from where you have fallen. Get back to the community whether you feel like it or not.

It was so damn tough. It took me about 3 years to rebuild my whole life, set things on the right track, rebuild my self-esteem and confidence, and to really treat him as a normal friend.

Now, when I look at his photos with his gf now, I don't feel the pain any more. & I still believe in love. I know my Mr Right will come along the way.

When you feel that way, you know you are fully healed, with love, confidence and hope in your heart.

you're over the causeway... maybe ghodul can help... he's there too... maaaybe u 2 can get along....

Kenape la kau suka tag aku bile things related to SG. LoL topkek...

Because Ko is a good guy...

Hi ts, u have the major depressive disorder criteria, i suggest u go see a psychiatrist, they really can help u manage the disease trust me. Please dont ever think about suicide, if u does feeling suicidal, go see a doctor immediately.

Salah bro. gua ni pathetic guy.

pathetic guy finish last...

Why is this in serious kopitiam and not in cupids corner ? Ok since it's here i give u serious answer ...

Becareful what you wish for ... you people have no idea what depressed means ... my mom is depressed and you have no idea what depressed means ... so this is a breakup issue and you're depressed? Have u been to hospital before and see real depressed people ? If you're depressed you can still write in forums ? Come on ..

Everyday ppl break up ... why are u becoming like this because of a MARRIED MAN ... wake up ... from the start of the story, you're a strong girl or even lady ... be who you are again ... this man is full of sh!t for what i can see ... depressed is very physiological ... if you think you're depressed, you're depressed .... if you think you're not then you're not ... so don't think about it until you have no turning back ...

This post has been edited by GymBoi: Apr 3 2016, 11:50 PM

Don b stupid..

juz start all over again.. not worth for u to look back.. u will meet some1 better

Hi All, thanks for sharing your experiences.. I've considered so many things. Either to seek help from a psychiatrist or to try and solve it myself...seeking help from friend's and family, well at times there's a lot of emotional blackmail and all that kind of drives me to do it further...
I tried attending classes to learn new things to divert my mind...Works for a while..

I take walks and so on in the evenings though at times the thoughts to do something crazy comes by, like jumping into the lake...
There were times where I thought of mixing alcohol and meds and overdose on it...I eventually am scared of myself..

At present, I live with housemates though we are not really close friends..and I'm the only one at home usually until late night as they come home late..

wake up... it's not end of the world yet!
there are good, bad and ugly times... that's life!
accept it, learned... and move forward...
you're smart and talented... ur time is way too valuable to be wasting on such mangkuk!
go out... and shout as loud as you want... and let it go!
start a new... many idiots will be waiting for you!

This post has been edited by burn22: Apr 4 2016, 11:21 AM

there will transition period, you had to find way to across it, not against it.
is either you want let it control you and you control yourself.
i share a story here, it is not easy but you need to try
The Pretty Lady & Two Monks: A Must Read For
Everyone!!!!!

The Pretty Lady & Two Monks

Once Upon A Time A Big Monk And A Little Monk Were
Travelling Together.They Came To The Bank Of A River And Found
The Bridge Was Damaged. They Had To Wade Across The River.There They Found A Pretty Lady Stuck At The Damaged Bridge Who Couldn't Cross The River On Her Own. The Young Monk Offered To Carry The Pretty Lady Across The River On His Back. The Lady Accepted. The Old Monk Was Shocked By The Move Of The Young Monk. "How Can Big Disciple Brother Carry A Lady When We Are Supposed To Avoid All Intimacy With Females?" Thought The Little Monk. But He Kept Quiet.



The Young Monk Carried The Lady Across The River And
The Small Monk Followed Unhappily. When They Had Crossed The River,
The Young Monk Let The Lady Down And They Parted Ways With Her.All Along
The Way For Several Miles, The Old Monk Was Very Unhappy With The Act Of
The Young Monk. He Was Making Up All Kinds Of Accusations About The Young Monk In His Head. This Got Him Madder And Madder. But He Still
Kept Quiet. And The Young Monk Had No Inclination To Explain His
Situation. Finally, At A Rest Point Many Hours Later, The Old Monk Could Not Stand It Any Further, He Burst Out Angrily At The Younger Monk.



"How Can You Claim Yourself A Devout Monk, When You
Seize The First Opportunity To Touch A Female, Especially When She Is
Very Pretty? All Your Teachings To Me Make You A Big Hypocrite."



The Young Monk Looked Surprised And Said, "I Had Put
Down The Pretty Lady At The River Bank Many Hours Ago, How Come You
Are Still Carrying Her Along?" This Very Old Chinese Zen Story Reflects The Thinking Of Many People Today. We Encounter Many Unpleasant Things In Our Life, They Irritate And Make Us Angry. Sometimes, They Even Cause Us Lot Of Hurt Or Make Us Bitter. But Like The Old Monk, We Are Not Willing To Let Them Go Away.

We Keep On Carrying The Baggage Of The "Unpleasant
Memory" With Us. We Let Them Keep On Coming Back To Hurt Us, Make Us
Angry, Make Us Bitter And Cause Us A Lot Of Agony. Why?

Simply Because We Are Not Willing To Put Down Or Let
Go The Baggage Of The "Unpleasant Memory/Feelings". We Should Let It Go
Immediately After The Unpleasant Event Is Over. This Will Help In
Removing The Agony.

Let go,
Forgive both him and yourself,
Sleep...wake up to a new day tomorrow!

Perhaps time to reflect and go home?

Life has so much to offer...don't miss out on it!


This post has been edited by DS3: Apr 4 2016, 09:42 AM

Watch or rewatch secret life of walter mitty ?

Love yourself more,
Life's a bitch just make the most out of it.



This post has been edited by mothangel: Apr 4 2016, 01:18 PM

It's part of growing up. Share your issues with really close friends and get support from them.
You are special and a blessing to many ..... those you are helping/supporting b4 meeting this fella. There is still tomorrow to look forward to.

It does literally feels like the end of the world. And you feel like you are going nuts, that is very normal. It takes a while to go through it. Remember, it is to get through it, not OVER it as people put it. You will be going thru the emotions like a roller coaster ride. That is called the 5 stages of grieving:

"The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost."

Losing someone we love dearly, whether through divorce, or death, we somewhat experience the same level of stress and despair. Hang in there, and remember to eat, exercise, and be healthy. Doing so helps a lot to balance the sadness and depression.It is tough, the trick is to just do it, like when you go for a run at the gym but really don't feel like it. Just go and do it, and before you know it, it is done.
This site may help a lot, give it a try. You are not alone at all, and all that you are feeling is text book. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/index.html

I moved overseas alone (getting things ready for my wife) about 3 years ago. And I can understand how comforting it'll seem to have someone around in a strange and foreign land. I did the same, although we were strictly platonic and I had no other motives. However; her bf (at that time - now husband) and my wife-to-be both had reservations and concerns; so I guess it's a common thing. In the end, we were close but both of us knew our own limits so we were fine.

Thus I understand why you're feeling the way you are. Having gone through suicide myself (twice) when I was much younger; I can tell you one thing. It's the coward's way of running away (and inflicts more damage) as you're trying to take the easy path out of the problem (which you chose yourself - no one else did).

You have to let go and let what's done be bygones. You "sorta" knew that he was already "taken" but allowed yourself to fall for him. Yes; he exploited you, but it takes 2 hands to clap.

What's done is done. You have to accept it and move on. After all; you have to start reminding yourself what made you move and embark on this journey in the 1st place? It's easy to forget things when we get stuck with problems and these things; but you have to remind yourself to always look at the bigger picture.

Focus on your work, and find joy in the 'lil things in life. This is especially important since you're far away and you would have to be responsible for your own happiness. Don't worry about finding "someone"; because you don't just want to settle for "anyone". Focus on what you need to do and keep meeting people/broadening your contacts.

Travel and expand your horizons. Get involved in a good cause/charity. These are all good ways to keep yourself busy and focused.

Good luck.

This post has been edited by glozz: Apr 4 2016, 05:45 PM

Your mum is sharing your pain silently and you will be doing great injustice to her if you were just end your life like that. Imagine the kind of heart break she is going to go through for the rest of her life. And for that guy? he is happily married. He won't feel a thing at all.

Its JUST NOT WORTH IT. You should live for those who still love and value you and not to end it for those who don't deserve it.

I knew parent who's child committed suicide. They were so devastated to say the least. DO NOT put your mum through this type of life. It will be nightmare for her for the rest of her life.

You need to pick yourself up and move on. There are many more people out there who failed in their relationship. Tell yourself you deserve better because you really do. Don't let someone from the past ruin your once happy life. You can be happy again and your mum will be more than happy to she you be your old self again.

Befrienders KL  

Address: The Befrienders, 95, Jalan Templer, Petaling Jaya, 46000, Petaling Jaya, Selangor, 46000, Malaysia

Phone:+60 3-7956 8144

I can relate your situation clearly that no amount presence of friends and families can help you through. It is only you who need to bear this suffering for a certain period of time.

Yes, you may attempt some crazy idea to end your life because every second while you still breathing, there will be some vivid memories haunt you and start making you crazy. I've been through that and gone through that many times.

First of all, you make a wise decision to let go of him and now, you just need to be brutal to yourself that there is no going back.

For you, after 3 to 4pm, you are pretty much on your own and you can be crazy about yourself since your mind will pretty much occupied your thought rather than your consciousness.

Psychiatrist only talks you through and help you to make sense on the way of your thinking but it won't help much.

You just need to make yourself occupied by starting venture into something else which is out of your boundary because it will take a huge amount of time to understand that very aspect in order for you to move further.

Emotional issues take long time to recover and it depends on how you make use of yourself on something beneficial or unbeneficial.

Take your time to calm down no matter how crazy your thought is and always seek a partner to accompany you to do on something rather than by yourself.

Let me know what you think about it.

Just find solace in the fact that everyone else whom has gone through a
huge breakup experiences what you are experiencing right now.
Take your time to heal, stay calm and do not let impulses take control of you.

I've told the same thing to those who told me they feel like suicide (surprisingly I've happen to know a few friends along my life that, love problems, family, financial etc)

Suicide need lots of courage and if you have the courage to do so, use that courage to continue lead your life.

You from the start know there's a wolf in the forest yet you decided to walk in to it. You know there's a gutter infront but u decided to fall into it. Whatever u r doing now, do the opposite. Talk to ppl you're not used to talk to, meet ppl at different places, know ppl different kind of ppl. If yr so used to meet exciting guys, time to look for normal or bored ones. You can do the same thing over again and hoping a different result.

I know u are smart, u know it too but it's time to prove it and please believe you can.

Your mind and emotions are now a mess.

find a serene place, sit down, mind blank and just concentrate on your breathing. (aka meditate)

Once you conquer your mind and emotions, what you want to do next is gonna be as clear as the blue sky and bright day.

Woman, if you choose to confine yourself to a box you'll end up drowning when the box sinks. The box might make you feel secure, satisfy your primal needs. But does it still? Open your eyes and realize there's much more to life than only the horizon. Unless you're one of those people who believe the world is flat.

Do I get extra points for clever HDB reference?

the guy is NOT WORTH it for you to end your own life.

Instead, fill you heart with anger and hatred instead of sadness and depression. Plot a revenge on that guy but not with killing him, but by living a good life even without him.

Find someone else and discard the unworthy guy like a useless rotten garbage. You dont need him at all why keep him in your life any longer?

Join a kickboxing club or something and imagine his face when you are punching or kicking.

watch this also


This post has been edited by KiRin_KisHi88: Apr 6 2016, 07:28 AM

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to find it, which is also the hardest part.

I can tell that you're a fighter. So don't give up so easily and keep looking for the light.

Hi,

I won't say I can relate to you. I doubt anyone can really relate to your experience. They might have similar one but will never be the same as yours.

Forget about becoming back to the person you once were.
Forget about getting married just to forget that guy.
You definitely are a changed person now. The way you see things especially life & relationship will never be the same again.

But is a changed person now really such a bad thing? Nobody will know & even you won't know now. I guess you just have to continue your journey to find out.

I can't guarantee things will become better as you go on. Hell, you might even encountered situation worse than your current predicament.
But there are 2 things I'm sure of. At some point in your life, I'm sure that despite everything you've been through, you will feel that it is worth to continue your journey.
And while you see life & relationship differently now, you definitely still are smart, successful, talented.
So yeah, hang on there.

time will heal. nothing is permanent, even people who are together... things always change....

let go of it... we dont always get the things that we want..

Live strong.Don't give up on your life just because you can't handle a problem.Try to overcome it and I guarantee you that eventually you will become a better person.Good luck!

I was in ur shoes b4. I became a complete wreck, lost shitloads of weight, became a severe insomniac.

Marijuana helped a lot with the insomnia, it was the best. Xanax was so-so. Remeron was too bloody expensive.

I took all the advice to go out and present myself. I travelled eveywhere, enjoyed myself... but when things became quiet, the pain keeps coming back.

The real cure was when I met my current GF.

Took me almost a year just to climb out of that dark, deep hole... and I will bear the scars for many more years. But I don't care - I hv someone to come home to now!

So... hang in there. Nothing is permanent, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

That cheating schmuck isn't worth killing yourself over. Heck that piece of shit isn't worth anything. Flush every trace of him out of ur life like he never existed, and look forward to the good things you have in ur life right now.

Best wishes to u..!

Hi , I am a little late to the fray so allow me to just leave my 2 cents.

I see that you have been stung by the fiery hot rods of love. Well to start off, don't blame yourself. It just sound like you made a small mistake but you know what they say, if you're young make all the mistakes you can afford to. Get it into your head that by taking your own life you're not just ending the chapter to your misery but you are instilling more misery in the lives of those you have affected. As much as we'd like to say we own our lives, it is selfish to not think about the people you have touched in your life. There are people who care but ultimately we get sidetracked by what the revolving society has for us.

My advice is, take some time off just to be with yourself. Enjoy life before you start loving again. You never truly learn to love unless you love yourself first. Have fun, go pick up a sport you haven't done yet, go to a night club and get hammered , go to a music festival , join a parade. Ultimately, enjoy yourself. Just take some time off and your bad days will seem a tad better day by day. It's not going to be easy but hey, you don't really have a choice so make yourself comfy and ride it out. Life is a bitch once in a while just when you think everything is great it throws you a curve ball to remind you that it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. Remember, only you possess the choice to make tomorrow slightly more live-able than today.

well,atleast you still got foot,me? i dont,i might never have a chance to walk normally ever again...do i feel happy as i am now? yes i am...
my point is,you are not alone,they're someone who is far more worse than you,you should be happy and be glad what you have now.
do you know how much you worth? google it how much your organs can be sold in black market,now you know how much yourself worth.
u have courage to suicide,why dont have courage to move on? ask yourself.

Sorry Ts for irrelevant posts.
What happened to your foot?

This post has been edited by green_algae: Apr 8 2016, 08:35 PM

Just wanted to say that I'm going through something similar.

I was single for all my life too and I never gave relationships a thought. I was going on with my life like normal until I was pretty old in life and suddenly met someone. Things turned out really badly and I was depressed for what felt like a long time. I'm over that person now but I can't never ever forget that feeling of ultimate hurt.

Since that incident, I felt like I've been 'changed'. I no longer can be 'happy'. I try my best to go by each day but I feel like I have to make an extra effort to make small talk with people. I no longer have faith and trust in people and I immediately assume the worst from them. I battle with myself a lot in my mind. Most days I believe that no one cares about me. Sometimes I am lucky enough to snap out of it for a short while. But the cycle repeats.

The point I want to make is this:

I relate to what you said there. I constantly ask myself, "Why am I like this? Why have I become like this? I never used to be like this How can I get back to who I was?". But after a few years of floating by, I've begun to realise that "this" is me now. It's time to accept that some event in life happened and changed us. And now it's not about looking back at the person we were because that is the past. Now we have to learn to understand the new us, who we have changed into and what our priorities in life are. I'm sure your priorities in life have changed too. Certain things now mean more to you, and certain things mean less.

I'm sorry you feel that way and I just wanna let you know you're not alone. I'm not sure you'll read this message but you can always PM me if you need someone to talk to.

TS, you need to get yourself occupied with other things to distract yourself from all the negative thoughts. Hang out with your colleagues or make new friends.

Always do that, surround yourself with positive people who inspire you and bring out the best in you.

Think of the greatness that's waiting for you in the future if you're back on track. You were there once, why not now?

Don't think of suicide, it's just an easy escape. Think about your family who cares about you and their feelings if anything happens to you.

We arr concern about your being but in wont help except you really want to stand up by yourself and not try to.

you did mentioned you stopped all things that you love to do or avoid going or doing things that will bring back d memories with him.

Love doesnt hurts but people who we loved. Your heart is hurt and as human will start all statments, lies or vow to protect out heart being hurt again.

You decided try to meet others or doing all things but it dont seems helpful. This is because you have harden your heart.

You cant go back to yourself as your heart is wounded. People will be better from time to time because life is a process of learning. this learning proceas are from our problems and mistakes. some people seems solved their problems but yet it become a repeated pattern in their lives.

To move on is to never give up because all problems occurs are within your gifted ability to solve. We live in present and not the past. Dont left our mind and heart in the past.

What Trigger you to make a promise to yourself to stop doing things you love most as you will remind of him?

What phrase cause you to fell regret, naive, stupid, dumb and injuatice to others?

You have been blessed with wisdom and talented. Lota of time, human wisdom are limitations.
Wisdom and talents are from our mind. Emotions are from heart. Heart wounded only can be heal by love, especially from family and God.

I would love you to pm me if you feel ccomfortable to talk in private.