Hi,

I won't say I can relate to you. I doubt anyone can really relate to your experience. They might have similar one but will never be the same as yours.

Forget about becoming back to the person you once were.
Forget about getting married just to forget that guy.
You definitely are a changed person now. The way you see things especially life & relationship will never be the same again.

But is a changed person now really such a bad thing? Nobody will know & even you won't know now. I guess you just have to continue your journey to find out.

I can't guarantee things will become better as you go on. Hell, you might even encountered situation worse than your current predicament.
But there are 2 things I'm sure of. At some point in your life, I'm sure that despite everything you've been through, you will feel that it is worth to continue your journey.
And while you see life & relationship differently now, you definitely still are smart, successful, talented.
So yeah, hang on there.