Hi invisiblenot,

I have gone through a similar situation which resulted in me eating a whole strip of panadol pills but thankfully i didnt die on that faithfully night because i would have regretted everything if i was to have killed or injured myself that day.

At that point of time i was at the lowest place in my life. I was distancing myself from everyone and feeling hopeless in life. But at that point in time which was 2 years ago, i really felt like "what am i living for? There seems to be nothing worth living for.. even if i killed myself it would be better for everyone including myself"

So the continuation of the story. After nothing happened when i took the whole strip of panadol, i broke down infront of a close of mine. I didnt choose to break down (i always tried to be the strong smiling personality infront of everyone else) but somehow it happened that day. I sat there (fyi i am a guy) cried and cried amd told my close friend what happened and what im feeling. He didnt say much other than everyone has the problems in life and its the uncertainties that is pulling you down.

People tend to be bogged down by all the uncertainties in your mind (eg: what if i fail this in , what if this what if that) that amounts to alot of pressure on yourself and you definitely feel weighed down by all that stress and burden.

What you need to do is plan your next step. It could be as easy as getting a new job in malaysia or finishing a side project and work till theres no tomorrow till you get there. Dont plan too far ahead but take one step at a time.

Today might be shit but as long as you hang in there and keep persevering through im sure better days are to come. On the homepage of my phone states "you only fail when you stop getting up." I will never stop trying because Im too indebt to my mom that i need to continue and repay all the comforts in life that i owe my mom and dad.

I hope you get through this period of your life just dont give up. Theres much more in life then what we can see.

Ps: im might not be the best person to say this but. A person that doesnt come clean from the start is a liar. And a liar shouldnt be trusted.