O Level Hokkien Exam --

GCE 'O' levels Hokkien Exam
Testing of your Hokkien skills!! Just got this from my Ah Beng and Ah
Lian friends in Southpoint and I can't stop laughing


Instructions:

1. Read the passage carefully
2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage
after reading.
3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah


Section A : Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)

Singalella why become rich.
Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella. She got two sisters,
but the stepmarder hor, and the sisters hor, all damn kuai-lan, so she
quite zhia-lat oso. Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become
the amah. Everyday must cooklah, cleanlah, rublah, massagelah, blow
also simi sai mah pao-kah-liao. If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she
liak. Tak jit zho kah tau-hin. CPF poon boh. Then no new shares oso No
money to contribute S$50 ..cannot go out to bank also. But then, kay piak
eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party. So he say, "oeh, long
chong kee ah." Singalella very happy because she never go party before
but then her marder say, 'Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru your
sisters wu standard. Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and
marder. Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buay pang-sai. That
night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and
cook Maggimee. Her neighbour came over and ask, 'Eh, an-zhua boh kee
party?'


So

Singaalella kong, 'I-wan, lau bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian.' She
never expect but the neighbour say, 'Aiyah, keelah, I give you
money.' So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look
very different. She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already
11 o'clock at night olredi. At the party, Ah Ming also quite shien
because the char bor all buay sui one. Dance floor even got one ah pek
dancing. Just as Ah Ming told himself,'Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat' Singalella
came in. Ah Ming straight away lau nuar.'Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah,
chee kor buay pai.' Ah Ming say to Singalella, 'eh, sui eh, wah ai kah
lee zho flen!' Singalella say Ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here
touch there. ut then just it was 12 'clock one ah pek die on the dance
floor. He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number So after
that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak
ban. So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho
sen-lee.  Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.



GRADES: Gauge Your command of Hokkien

A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly:
Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zhao.
A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien
properly- zhia lat
E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball ? leow leow, mai ka
lang kong you is Hokkien Singabolean
F9. Don't understand rating - kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai lee
kong simi? Ah see lee bah lu gia A2, mian kee gia ritten exemanation.

Another one as usual not found from my email box(since I hate these type of spam)

A revision of a classic here it is....



Girlfriend

Eighteen months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years
without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only
solution was to try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut
3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many
bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried
to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time,
only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage
to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to
Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus
and Cleanhouse2003.  Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and
costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted.
They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary,
Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products
have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0
needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which
needs to be reinstalled every other week.


Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the
new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches
itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called
Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted
me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling
itself.

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North Westgas
said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas
used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, Because they cannot issue a description. It's
a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable
lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".
(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard On the spot and asked him to estimate
the windspeed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind
had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German
prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she
recalled "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn
in February 1946, they spelt out "Heil Hitler."
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers...


"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I
know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be
married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the
Westbound and go in the opposite direction".

"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering
from E&B syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let
you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

"Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is
that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great
time. The bad news is that there is a points failures omewhere between
Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our
destination."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a
security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for
the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some
time together. All together now....'Ten green bottles, hanging on a
wall.....'".

"We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker
Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told
me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things
like that".

"Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these
professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to
a registered charity, failing that, give it to me."

During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver
announced in a West Indian drawl: "step right this way for the sauna,
ladies and gentleman... unfortunately towels are not provided".

"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause ...) "Oh go on then,
stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."

"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please
hold the doors open'. The two are distinct and separate instructions."

"Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that
the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your
bags into the doors."

"We can't move off because some idiot has their f***ing hand stuck in
the door"

"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the
second carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you
understand?"

"Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..)Please move ALL
belongings away from the doors (Pause...) This is a personal message
to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of
the train - put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf
clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up
your a**e sideways"

"May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed
on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint,
it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage

Again another non-email, this list is taken from a UK Chat forum fairly recently ...

Dear Bo$$,

A$ all of u$ have read from the new$paper, the
$ingapore economy ha$ come out of the rece$$ion.
In thi$ life, we all need $omething mo$t
de$perately. I think you $hould $how
under$tanding for the need$ of u$ worker$ who
have given $o much $upport including $weat and
$ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond
$oon.

Your$ $incerely,

Norman $oh.

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays,
NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed
that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as
yet.
NOw the newspapers are saying the world's leading
ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may
go into aNOther recession.  After the NOvember
presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I
mean.

Yours truly,

Manager

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean,Mom waited for a week,nothing.Another week went by,and still,nothing.Then,after a whole month,a card finally arrived.Writen on it,in shaky handwriting,were the words:"British Airways".Mom took out her latest Harper`s Bazaar magazine,flipped through the pages,fearing the worst,and finally found the ed for the airline.The ad said:"Three times a day,seven days a week,both ways."Mom fainted