We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:


means a smile and this is a frown.


Well, how about some "assicons"? Here it goes:


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) a sore ass


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around


(_x_) kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass



..oo*"""**oo.oo*""*oo..
oo*" "*o.o*" "*o.
o o *o
.o o 'o
o o o.
o o o
o \o/ o
o --0-- o
o. /o\ o
o o o
o o o
o o oo
oo o oo
oo. oo oo
'ooo. oo. ooo
o ""oo,, ,,oO-'Oo, ,,,,,oo"o
o. """""" oo """"" o
'o oo o'
o oo o
'o o o*
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o



You have just been e-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing at your e-mail. This is NOT a chain letter, so if you don't mail it out, you won't have bad luck. (But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?)

A blonde, brunette and a redhead were drinking in a
bar one night, and decided to buy tickets in the bar's
weekly raffle. They each bought a $1 ticket.

When the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. The
brunette won the first prize, a year's supply of
gourmet spaghetti. The redhead won the second prize, a
month's supply of gourmet spaghetti. The blonde won
the booby prize, a toilet brush.

The next week they got together at the bar. The
redhead asked the others how they were enjoying their
prizes.

"Great," said the brunette, "I love spaghetti, and
this stuff is fabulous!"

"And how do you like your prize?" they asked the blonde.

"Not so good," the blonde replied, "I think I'm going
to switch back to paper."

Firstly this is no joke I copy everything from a single page at a website

THIS REAL SIZES

Celebrity Bra SizesCelebrity Bra Sizes

Curious about the bra size of female celebrities is? Look no further, for we
have compiled a bra fitting size list these gorgeous female celebrities as
listed below:

Female CelebrityBra Size
Adrienne Barbeau 36-D
Angelina Jolie 36-C
Alba Parietti 34-B
Ali Larter 32-B
Ali MacGraw 34-A
Alicia Silverstone 34-B
Alyssa Milano 36-C
Amber Smith 36-D
Amy Jo Johnson 34-B
Amy Weber 34-C
Andie MacDowell 34-B
Andrea Rau 34-B
Angela Bassett 34-B
Angelique Pettyjohn 36-C
Angie d***inson 38-D
Angie Everhart 34-B
Angie Harmon 34-B
Anita Ekberg 36-D
Ann-Margret 36-D
Anna Bergman 34-B
Anna Kournikova 32-B
Anna Nicole Smith (before)36-A
Anna Nicole Smith (after) 42-DD
Annette Bening 34-B
Ashley Judd 34-B
Assumpta Serna 34-A
Audrey Hepburn 34-A
Audrey Landers 34-B
Barbara Bach 36-C
Barbara Carrera 36-B
Barbara Eden 36-B
Barbara Hershey 36-B
Barbara Stanwyck34-B
Barbara Steele 36-B
Bernadette Peters 36-C
Bess Myerson 36-B
Betsy Russell 34-C
Bette Davis 36-C
Blair Brown 34-B
Bo Derek 36-C
Brandy (Moesha)36-C
Brenda Vaccaro 36-C
Brigitte Bardot 36-B
Brigitte Nielsen 36-C
Britney Spears 36-C
Brooke Adams 34-B
Brooke Shields 34-B
Cameron Diaz 34-B
Camille Keaton 34-B
Candice Bergen 34-A
Candice Rialson 36-C
Caprice Bourett 34-D
Caren Kaye 36-C
Carly Simon 36-B
Carmen Electra 36-D
Carmen Russo 36-C
Carol Burnett34-A
Carol Channing34-A
Carole Bouquet 34-B
Caroline Munro 36-B
Carre' Otis 36-B
Carroll Baker 34-B
Catherine Bach 36-C
Catherine Deneuve 34-B
Catherine Oxenberg 34-B
Cathy Lee Crosby 36-B
Catya Sasoon 34-B
Charlene Tilton 34-D
Cher 32-B
Cheryl Ladd 36-C
Cheryl Tiegs 34-C
Chris Evert 34-B
Christiane Kruger 36-B
Christie Brinkley 36-C
Christina Applegate 34-C
Christina Ricci 36-C
Christy Turlington 34-B
Cindy Crawford 34-B
Cindy Lauper 34-B
Claire Danes 36-B
Claudia Cardinale 36-C
Claudia Jennings 34-B
Claudia Schiffer 36-C
Courteney Cox 34-C
Courtney Love 34-B
Cybill Shepherd 36-C
Daisy Fuentes 36-C
Dana Delany 34-C
Danielle Fishel 34-C
Danni Ashe (before)32-D
Danni Ashe (after) 34-G
Daphne Zuniga 34-B
Daryl Hannah 34-B
Dawn Dunlap 34-B
Debbie Reynolds34-B
Deborah Caprioglio 38-D
Deborah Norville 34-B
Deborah Shelton 36-C
Debra Winger 34-B
Demi Moore (before) 34-B
Demi Moore (after) 36-C
Denise Richards 36-C
Dian Parkinson 38-D
Diane Lane 36-C
Dolly Parton 40-DD
Donna Dixon 34-C
Donna Mills 34-B
Donna Reed 34-B
Donna Rice 34-B
Donna Summer 34-B
Doris Day 36-B
Drew Barrymore 34-C
Dyanne Thorne 36-D
Elizabeth Berkley 34-C
Elizabeth Hurley 36-C
Elizabeth McGovern 34-B
Elizabeth Taylor36-C
Elke Sommer 36-B
Elle MacPherson 34-C
Ellen Barkin 34-C
Ellen Greene 36-C
Elsa Martinelli 34-A
Emma Harrison 34-C
Emma Samms 38-C
Emmanuelle Seigner 34-B
Erin Gray 36-B
Eva Herzigova 36-C
Eve Meyer 44-E
Farrah Fawcett 34-B
Frances Raines 34-B
Francesca Dellera 34-B
Frederique Van Der Wal 36-C
Gabriella Sabatini 34-B
Gabriella Brum 36-B
Gail McKenna 36-C
Gena Lee Nolin 34-B
Gene Tierney 36-B
Geri Halliwell (ginger spice)34-D
Gillian Anderson 34-C
Gina Gershon 36-C
Gisele Bundchen 34-C
Gloria Steinem 34-B
Goldie Hawn 34-A
Grace Kelly 34-A
Greta Garbo 36-B
Gwyneth Paltrow 34-B
Halle Berry 36-C
Heather Locklear 34-B
Heidi Fleiss 34-B
Helen Hunt 34-B
Helen Slater 32-A
Iman 34-C
Jackie Kennedy Onasis 36-A
Jackie Zeman 36-C
Jaclyn Smith 34-B
Jacqueline Bisset 36-D
Jamie Lee Curtis 34-C
Jane Fonda 34-B
Jane March 34-B
Jane Russell 38-D
Jane Seymour 36-B
Janet Jackson 36-C
Janet Leigh 36-C
Jayne Kennedy 36-B
Jayne Mansfield 40-D
Jean Harlow 34-B
Jenilee Harrison 36-C
Jenna Von Oy 36-B
Jennifer Aniston 34-B
Jennifer Connelly 34-D
Jennifer Hetrick 36-B
Jennifer Jason Leigh 34-B
Jennifer Lopez 34-C
Jennifer Love Hewitt 36-C
Jennifer Rubin 34-B
Jennifer Tilly 34-C
Jenny McCarthy 38-D
Jenny Seagrove 36-B
Jeri Ryan 36-D
Jessica Lange 36-C
Jessica Simpson 34-D
Jewel Kilcher 34-D
Jewel Shepard 34-B
Jill Clayburg 36-B
Jill Goodacre 36-C
Joan Chen 36-C
Joan Crawford 36-C
Joan Rivers 34-B
Joanna Pacula 34-B
Jordan 34-D
Judy Landers 36-C
Julia Roberts 34-B
Julianne Moore 34-B
Julianne Phillips 34-B
Julie Andrews 34-B
Julie Brown 36-C
Julie Christie 36-B
Julie Ege 36-C
Julie McCullough 36-B
Juliette Binoche 34-A
Justine Bateman 34-B
Katarina Witt 36-C
Kate Moss 32-A
Kate Winslet 34-C
Katey Sagal 34-E
Katharine Hepburn 34-B
Kathleen Beller 34-C
Kathie Lee Gifford 36-B
Kathy Ireland 34-B
Katie Holmes 34-C
Kelly Brook 32-E
Kelly LeBrock 34-B
Kelly Preston 34-C
Kelly Van Dyke 36-C
Kim Alexis 34-B
Kim Basinger 36-C
Kim Cattrall 34-B
Kimberly Paige (wwf) 36-C
Kirstie Alley 34-B
Kitten Natividad 38-HH
Kristen McMenamy 34-B
Kristy McNichol 34-B
Kristy Swanson 36-C
Lana Clarkson 36-C
Lana Turner 34-C
Laetitia Casta 36-D
Latoya Jackson 32-D
Laura Antonelli 36-D
Laura Banks 34-B
Laura San Giacomo 34-D
Lauren Bacall 34-B
Lauren Hutton 34-B
Leah Remini34-C
Lee Merriwether34-B
Lee Remick34-B
Leann Rimes 34-D
Leslie Anne Down 34-B
Lila McCann 36-C
Linda Blair 34-D
Linda Evangelista 34-B
Linda Evans 36-C
Linda Hutton 34-B
Lindsay Wagner 34-A
Lisa Hartman 34-C
Lisa Kudrow 36-C
Liv Tyler 34-C
Loni Anderson 34-D
Lori Loughlin 34-B
Lori Singer 34-B
Lorraine Bracco 34-B
Lucille Ball 34-B
Lucy Lawless 38-C
Lydia Cornell36-C
Lydie Denier 36-B
Lynda Carter 36-C
Madeleine Stowe 34-B
Madonna 34-C
Margaux Hemingway 34-A
Maria Whittaker 36-D
Mariah Carey (before) 32-B
Mariah Carey (after) 36-C
Marie Osmond34-B
Mariel Hemingway 32-A
Marilu Henner 36-C
Marilyn Chambers 36-B
Marilyn McCoo34-B
Marilyn Monroe 34-C
Marsha Grant 34-B
Mary Ann Mobley34-C
Mary Hart34-B
Mary Pierce 34-C
Mary Stuart Masterson 34-B
Mary Tyler Moore34-B
Melanie Griffith 34-B
Melissa Joan Hart 34-B
Meredith Baxter 38-C
Meryl Streep 34-B
Mia Farrow 34-B
Michelle Johnson 36-C
Michelle Pfeiffer 34-B
Milla Jovovich 32-B
Mimi Rogers 38-D
Mimsy Farmer 34-B
Minka (before)36-B
Minka (after) 70-HH
Monique Gabrielle 34-B
Morgan Fairchild 34-B
Nancy Allen 34-B
Nancy Kerrigan 32-B
Naomi Campbell 34-B
Nastassja Kinski 34-B
Natalia Cigliuti 34-C
Natalie Cole36-B
Natalie Nell 34-B
Natalie Wood 32-B
Neve Campbell 34-B
Nicole Eggert 32-A
Nicole Kidman 34-B
Niki Taylor 34-B
Nikki Freud 36-D
Nina Blackwood 34-B
Olivia Newton John 34-B
Ornella Muti 36-C
Paloma Picasso 36-B
Pamela Anderson (before) 34-C
Pamela Anderson (after) 36-DD
Patricia Ford 36-D
Patricia Richardson 34-B
Patti Davis 34-B
Paula Abdul 34-B
Paula Barbieri 34-B
Paula Marshall 34-C
Paulina Porizkova 36-B
Phoebe Cates 34-B
Phyllis Davis 36-C
Pia Zadora 34-B
Princess Caroline 34-B
Princess Diana 36-B
Princess Stephanie 34-B
Priscilla Barnes 36-B
Rachel Hunter 36-C
Rachel Ward 34-C
Ramona Drews (before)34-A
Ramona Drews (after) 34-D
Randi Brooks 36-C
Raquel Welch 36-D
Rebecca DeMornay 34-B
Rene Russo 34-B
Renee Soutendijk 36-B
Renee Zellweger 34-B
Rhonda Shear 36-D
Rita Hayworth 36-C
Rita Mero (wwf's Sable) 38-C
Robin Givens 34-B
Rosanna Arquette 36-C
Rose McGowan 36-C
Rosie Perez 34-C
Sabrina Salerno 36-D
Sally Field 34-B
Sally Struthers 34-C
Salma Hayek 36-C
Samantha Fox 36-D
Samantha Mathis 34-B
Sarah Michelle Gellar 34-B
Sarah Young (before)34-B
Sarah Young (after) 44-EE
Sarenna Lee (before)32-D
Sarenna Lee (after) 44-H
Sean Young 34-B
Selena Steele 34-B
Senta Berger 38-C
Serena Grandi 36-D
Shannon Elizabeth 36-D
Shannon Whirry 36-D
Sharon Stone 34-B
Shauna Sand 34-D
Shawn Weatherly 36-B
Shelley Hack 34-A
Sherilyn Fenn 36-C
Shirley Jones 34-B
Shirley MacLaine 34-B
Sian Adey Jones 36-D
Sigourney Weaver 34-B
Sissy Spacek 34-B
Sofia Coppola 34-A
Sofia Vergara34-C
Soleil Moon Frye (before)38-DD
Soleil Moon Frye (after) 36-C
Sophia Loren 38-C
Stacey Williams 34-C
Steffi Graf 36-B
Stephanie Beacham 36-C
Stephanie McMahon34-D
Stephanie Powers36-B
Stephanie Seymour 34-B
Stevie Nicks 34-B
Susan Anton 36-C
Susan Lucci 34-B
Susan Sarandon 36-C
Susan St. James 34-B
Suzanne Somers 36-C
Sybil Danning 36-B
Talisa Soto 36-B
Tammy Lynn Sytch- Sunny36-C
Tammy Parks 36-B
Tanya Roberts 34-B
Tara Lipinski32-A
Tatjana Patitz 34-B
Teri Hatcher 32-C
Tiffany Bolling 34-B
Tonya Harding 34-B
Tori Spelling 34-B
Traci Topps (before)34-D
Traci Topps (after) 36-J
Tracy Scoggins 34-B
Tyra Banks 34-C
Ulla Weigerstorfer 36-B
Ulrika Jonsson 36-C
Uma Thurman 36-C
Ursula Andress 36-B
Ursula Buchfellner 34-B
Uschi Digard 40-D
Valerie Harper34-B
Valerie Kaprisky 34-B
Vanessa Angel 34-C
Vanessa Williams 34-C
Vendela Kirsebom 34-B
Verona Feldbusch 34-B
Victoria Principal 36-C
Victoria Sellers 34-A
Virginia Madsen 36-C
Vivian Leigh 32-B
Whitney Houston 34-B
Winona Ryder 34-C
Xuxa 34-B
Yasmeen Ghauri 34-B
Yasmine Bleeth 36-C
Yoko Ono 34-C
Yvette Stefen Nelson34-C
Zsa Zsa Gabor 36-C

Remember this is taken from this website

No pics sorry

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room
and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car.
The nurse asks him, "Raju, what are you doing?"

Raju replied, "Driving to Durban!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Raju's room just
as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks,
"Well Raju,how are you doing?"

Raju says, "I just arrived in Durban"

"Great," replied the nurse.

The nurse leaves Raju's room and goes across
the hall into Balwanth's room, and finds Balwanth
sitting on his bed furiously masturbating.

Shocked, she asks, "Balwanth, what are you doing?!"

Balwanth says, "I'm screwing Raju's wife while he's
in Durban! Can't you tell?"

Cool !!

>Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussien died and all went
>to hell.
>
>Queen Elizabeth said: I miss England, I wanna call England and see
>how everybody is doing there.... so she called and talked for about
>5 minutes...
>Then she said: well devil, how much do I owe you????
>The devil goes:five million dollars...
>Five million dollars!!!???? She made him a check and went to sit
>back on her chair....
>
>Bill Clinton was soo jealous, he starts screaming, me too, me too, I
>wanna call the United states, I wanna see how everybody is doing
>too...
>he called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he said! :
>Well, devil how much do I owe you????
>The devil goes: ten million dollars.....ten million dollars!!!!!! He
>made him a check and went to sit back on his chair.....
>
>Saddam Hussen was extremely jealous too...he starts screaming and
>screaming... "I wanna call Iraq! I want to see how everybody is
>doing there too, I want to talk to the ministers, to the deputee, I
>wanna talk to everybody"...
>he called Iraq and he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking
>and talking and talking....
>Then he said: well, devil, how much do I owe you????
>The devil goes: one dollar.....only one dollar!!!!!
>Saddam says... ONLY ONE DOLLAR??????
>The devil says: well, from hell to hell it's local!

Things Found Only in America

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the
store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet
Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have
call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first
place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of
eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well:
Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering ...

Not from email but interestingly funny

A German survey shows that as many as 1 in 4 men are now under pressure from sexually demanding modern women. Norwegian experts believe this trend will continue to grow, with men as young as 20 experiencing sexual harassment.
'It is a myth that men are erotic boy scouts, always prepared' said Dr. Kjell-Olav Svendsen as sexually predatory women are causing evermore young men to suffer impotence and poor performance under pressure.

http://www.aftenposten.no/english/local/ar...rticleID=606841

> >Class photo

> >The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
> >persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how
nice
> >it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,'There's
> >Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'" A small
> >voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's
> >dead."

> > Sometime back, Mahathir went on holiday and Badawi was left in charge.
> >
> > Since Mahathir was not around Badawi decided to throw some weight
> >around to show that he is the BOSS now.
> >
> > The day before Mahathir left, he went on an expensive shopping spree.
> >
> > At Lot3, he spotted a very expensive branded T-shirt with a
> distinctive
> >word across the chest - Hugo BOSS. He bought it and wore to office the v!
>
> >ery next day, revealing the word BOSS to everyone.
> >
> > Suay Suay (unfortunately), Mahathir delayed his flight because of his
>
> >wife's headache and decided to go back to office to do some work. When he
>
> >stepped into his office, he caught Badawi by surprise.
> >
> > Badawi then was sitting with his cross-legs up the table, arms behind
>
> >his head, unbutton coat with the word BOSS right across his chest.
> >
> > Upon seeing Mahathir he quickly try to cover up with his coat.
> >
> > Mahathir realizing what was happening, he said: "It's OK, it's OK
> >Badawi, I'm on leave you can carry on."
> >
> > Of course Mahathir was furious and went also to LOT 3 to look for
> >something to teach his deputy a lesson.
> >
> > He thought of an idea and bought a branded T-shirt too, to counter
> >Badawi's by wearing it to office that very afternoon without a coat.
> >
> > Guess what brand ............?
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > BOSSINI (Translated from Malay: Here's the Boss)

Things that makes you go Hmmm

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
---
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
---
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
---
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys
and apes?
---
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all
the
bad girls live.
---
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the
self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the
purpose.
---
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
---
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with
soap?
---
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it considered a hostage situation?
---
10. Is there another word for synonym?
---
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
---
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?
---
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
---
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
---
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid
someone
will clean them?
---
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
---
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
---
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
---
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
--
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow
road
signs?
---
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
---
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other
people.
---

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
---
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
---
25. How is it possible to have a civil war? @#&%$!!!# ?
---
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
---
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
---
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
---
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
---
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of
"assteroids"?
---
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
---
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
---
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he
become
disoriented?

Another found from somewhere


A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his
sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and
found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat
down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said,
"Mom, I have something to tell you: I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the
guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him,
when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and
said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that mean you put other
men's penises in your mouth?"

The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right." His
mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled
around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and
said,


"Don't you EVER complain about my cooking
again!!!!!"

Another around a long time.


On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and to comfort her.

When she ask how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny.
"Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.
It was just the right rhythm.
Nice and slow and even.
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today.
_________________

TYPES OF PEOPLE IN THE MENS ROOM

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts

SOCIABLE : Joins friends in pissing whether he has to or not

CROSS-EYED : Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed

TIMID : Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal and comes
back later

INDIFFERENT : If all urinals are being used, pisses in sink

CLEVER : No hands, fixes tie, looks around and pisses on floor

WORRIED : Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection

FRIVOLOUS : Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit fly
or bug

ABSENT MINDED : Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants

CHILDISH : Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble

TOUGH : Bangs d*** on side of urinal to dry it

PATIENT : Stands very close for a long time waiting, lets it drip dry,
reads with other hand

EFFICIENT : Waits until he has to crap, then does both

DRUNK : Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants

DISGRUNTED : Stands for a while, gives up, walks away

CONCEITED : Holds two inch d*** like a baseball bat

DESPERATE : Waits in long line, teeth clenched, pisses in pants

SNEAK : Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in
next stall will get blamed

There are three major races in Malaysia- Malay, Chinese and
Indian.
The
> > >Malays have the political power and so they set up the party UMNO,
which
> > >literally means "U Must Not Object". The Chinese, on the other
hand,
> > >controls most of the economy and they called their party MCA which
means
> > >"Money Conquers All". Then there are the Indians who have no say in
> > >politics
> > >or economics. They set up their party called MIC. Hence, every
> > >parliamentary
> > >meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"

the last one was funny

Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5C's:
Car, Condo, Credit Card(Gold), Cash and Career

Heard of the 5B's?
B - BMW
B - Body
B - Brain
B - Billionaire
B - Bungalow

And, and addition with the 5K's ...
Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)

We've been reading about the 5C's and 5K's for Singaporeans, now comes
the 5 Numerals and Malaysia's equivalent...

Singapore's "practice" for Simple Living :
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary

Malaysia's "practice" to Simple Living:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House

Attached thumbnail(s)

Nothing to do in d Office ��