> Re-run!
>
> Subject : 4 Lessons
>
> A young Executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m., and then he found the
> Manager standing in front of the shredder with a piece of paper in his
> hand.
>
> "Listen," said the Manager, "this is a very sensitive and important
> document. Can you make this thing work?"
>
> "Certainly," said the young Executive. He turned the machine on, insert
> the
> paper, and pressed the Start button.
>
> "Excellent, excellent!" said the Manager as his paper disappeared inside
> the machine. "I just need two copies."

> A grumpy old man walks into a bank and says to the Teller at the counter,
> "I want to open a damn checking account."
>
> To which the astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must
> have
> misheard you. What did you say?"
>
> "Listen up b****! I said, I want to open a damn checking account right
> now!"
>
> "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this
> bank."
>
> Having said this, the Teller leaves the window and goes over to the
> Manager
> to tell him about her problem customer. They both return and the manager
> asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"
>
> "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just won 50
> million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking
> account in this damn bank!"
>
> "I see," says the Manager thoughtfully. "And you're saying that this b****
> here is giving you a hard time?"

> An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when
> the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind -ese are you?"
>
> The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you
> mean."
>
> The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese
> was
> confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled,
> "What
> kind of -ese are you...Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!?"
>
> The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
>
> A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked "What kind
> of -kee" was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what
> kind of -kee am I?!" The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or
> monkee?"

> There were these 4 guys, a French, a Russian, a German and a Singaporean,
> who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
> appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he
> said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a
> wish.
>
> When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool
> of
> water to become, then your wish will come true."
>
> The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted
> "wine". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman
> was
> so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
>
> Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "vodka" and
> immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
>
> The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "beer". He was so contented
> with his beer pool.
>
> The last is the Singaporean. He was running towards the pool when suddenly
> he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
> "shiiittt...!!!"

> Just a joke....
> ***********************
>
> THE NAKED CARD
>
> The multi-purpose MyKad is the latest version of our perpetually
> metamorphosing IC. With an embedded smart chip, it can also store our
> medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an
> electronic purse and even be used at the National Library. However, a
> recent experience by a holder brought to light the questionable control on
> access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As the
> belated debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering
> pizzas in the near future...
>
> Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Rumah Attap. May I have your..."
>
> Customer: "Haloo, can I order.."
>
> Operator : "Can I have your MyKad number first, Sir?"
>
> Customer: "It's eh..., hold on...... 6102049998-45-54610"
>
> Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Dhaljeet Singh and you're calling from 17
> Jalan Awan Hitam, off Jalan Ipoh. Your home number is 4094 2366, your
> office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 014 266 2566. Which number are
> you calling from now Sir?
>
> Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
>
> Operator : "We are connected to the MyKad system Sir"
>
> Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
>
> Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
>
> Customer: "How come?"
>
> Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
> pressure
> and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
>
> Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
>
>
> Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
> Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
>
> Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the
> National Library last week Sir"
>
> Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family sized ones then, how much
> will that cost?
>
> Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is
> 99.99 Ringgit..."
>
> Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
>
> Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit car is
> over the limit and you're owing your bank 6720.55 Ringgit
> since October last year"
>
> Customer: "Mera Lund Choong..." [Translation]
> Operator : "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing
> loan Sir.
>
> Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
> some
> cash before your guy arrives"
>
> Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily
> limit on machine withdrawal today"
>
> Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How
> long is it gonna take anyway?"
>
> Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
> come
> and collect it on your motorcycle..."
>
> Customer: "Kuti!" [Translation]
>
> Operator : "According to the details in your MyKad, you own a Comel
> Scooter, ...registration number WOB 1123..."
>
> Customer: "Tera peh thenoo picheyo kush karda hunda!" [Translation]
>
> Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you
> were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"
>
> Customer: [Speechless]
>
> Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
>
> Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
> bottles of cola as advertised?"
>
> Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also
> diabetic....... "

haHAHa idiot kiasureans

haHAHhaHA

waahAHahAHah all chun

>Subject: FW: Learning Japanese

>
>
>
>1. How does a broken hearted Japanese call himself?
>Hatikukecewa.
>
>2. What does a Japanese say to a girl when he wants to harass her?
>Marikuraba.
>
>3. How to call a dirty-minded Japanese?
>Otakukoto.
>
>4. How does a group of Japanese boys say when they want to f*** a girl?
>Ramaiboleka.
>
>5. How to call a cheap Japanese prostitute?
>Pukimura.
>
>6. How does a flat-chested Japanese girl describe herself?
>Tetekurata.
>
>7. What does a Japanese man say to a refused Japanese girl?
>Maukasika.
>
>8. How does a Japanese man ask a girl if his d*** is small?
>Konekukecika.
>
>9. How does a Japanese man invite girl to have sex with him?
>Maumainka.
>
>10. How does a Japanese ask if they are hairy?
>Adalebatka.
>
>Amacam, boleh luluska ??????.

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:


means a smile and this is a frown.


Well, how about some "assicons"? Here it goes:


(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) a sore ass


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around


(_x_) kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass



..oo*"""**oo.oo*""*oo..
oo*" "*o.o*" "*o.
o o *o
.o o 'o
o o o.
o o o
o \o/ o
o --0-- o
o. /o\ o
o o o
o o o
o o oo
oo o oo
oo. oo oo
'ooo. oo. ooo
o ""oo,, ,,oO-'Oo, ,,,,,oo"o
o. """""" oo """"" o
'o oo o'
o oo o
'o o o*
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o



You have just been e-mooned! Send this to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people laughing at your e-mail. This is NOT a chain letter, so if you don't mail it out, you won't have bad luck. (But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?)

>Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Saddam Hussien died and all went
>to hell.
>
>Queen Elizabeth said: I miss England, I wanna call England and see
>how everybody is doing there.... so she called and talked for about
>5 minutes...
>Then she said: well devil, how much do I owe you????
>The devil goes:five million dollars...
>Five million dollars!!!???? She made him a check and went to sit
>back on her chair....
>
>Bill Clinton was soo jealous, he starts screaming, me too, me too, I
>wanna call the United states, I wanna see how everybody is doing
>too...
>he called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he said! :
>Well, devil how much do I owe you????
>The devil goes: ten million dollars.....ten million dollars!!!!!! He
>made him a check and went to sit back on his chair.....
>
>Saddam Hussen was extremely jealous too...he starts screaming and
>screaming... "I wanna call Iraq! I want to see how everybody is
>doing there too, I want to talk to the ministers, to the deputee, I
>wanna talk to everybody"...
>he called Iraq and he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking
>and talking and talking....
>Then he said: well, devil, how much do I owe you????
>The devil goes: one dollar.....only one dollar!!!!!
>Saddam says... ONLY ONE DOLLAR??????
>The devil says: well, from hell to hell it's local!

> >Class photo

> >The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
> >persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how
nice
> >it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,'There's
> >Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'" A small
> >voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's
> >dead."

> > Sometime back, Mahathir went on holiday and Badawi was left in charge.
> >
> > Since Mahathir was not around Badawi decided to throw some weight
> >around to show that he is the BOSS now.
> >
> > The day before Mahathir left, he went on an expensive shopping spree.
> >
> > At Lot3, he spotted a very expensive branded T-shirt with a
> distinctive
> >word across the chest - Hugo BOSS. He bought it and wore to office the v!
>
> >ery next day, revealing the word BOSS to everyone.
> >
> > Suay Suay (unfortunately), Mahathir delayed his flight because of his
>
> >wife's headache and decided to go back to office to do some work. When he
>
> >stepped into his office, he caught Badawi by surprise.
> >
> > Badawi then was sitting with his cross-legs up the table, arms behind
>
> >his head, unbutton coat with the word BOSS right across his chest.
> >
> > Upon seeing Mahathir he quickly try to cover up with his coat.
> >
> > Mahathir realizing what was happening, he said: "It's OK, it's OK
> >Badawi, I'm on leave you can carry on."
> >
> > Of course Mahathir was furious and went also to LOT 3 to look for
> >something to teach his deputy a lesson.
> >
> > He thought of an idea and bought a branded T-shirt too, to counter
> >Badawi's by wearing it to office that very afternoon without a coat.
> >
> > Guess what brand ............?
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > {}
> >
> > BOSSINI (Translated from Malay: Here's the Boss)

Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. He
was unable to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his
grand tour.


On the last week of his visit, the RTM crew was present for his
press conference. Although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a
message home to his Cabinet colleagues. Samy caught a chicken and showed
it to the camera. Next he took a goat, and showed it to the camera. Finally
he took a bag and displayed it in front of the camera.

Dr Ling was the first to see the video clip. He said, "Samy is
telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken
and a goat, and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice."

Mahathir watched silently then said, "No lah....what Samy is
trying to say is HE IS COMING BACK. The whole cabinet was puzzled and look to
the old man for an explanation. Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am
coming back" in Indian accent).

Attached thumbnail(s)

> > Lee Sum Wan: Hello can i speak to Annie Wan
> >
> > Mr Sori: Yes u could speak to me.
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!
> >
> > Mr Sori: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: I'm Sum Wan. And i need to talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.
> >
> > Mr Sori: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But whats
> > this urgent matter about?
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe
> > Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is
> > being
> > sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.
> >
> > Mr Sori: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital
> > from the accident that isnt an urgent matter! You may find this
> > hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: You are rude. Who are you?
> >
> > Mr Sori: I'm Sori.
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: You should be sorry. Now give me your name!
> >
> > Mr Sori: I'm Sori !!
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: I dont like your tone of voice Mr and i dont care, give me
> > your name!
> >
> > Mr Sori: Look lady, I told you already I'm Sori! I'm Sori !! I'm SORI!
> > you didnt even give me your name!
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: I told u before i'm Sum Wan ! Sum Wan !!! You better be
> > careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position
> > in the company. He is Noe Buddy.
> >
> > Mr Sori: Oh im so scared(sarcastically).Look i dont care about ur uncle
> > he's a nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog and holding an important
> > position in the company.
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: No Avery Buddy just married my aunt. And Avery Buddy
> > doesn't work there.
> >
> > Mr Sori: Like i said i dont care which one of ur aunt screws everybody
> > and i also know that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!
> >
> > Lee Sum Wan: Which Wan(don't have any idea on how to alternatively spell
> > the name)is my sis!
> >
> > Mr. Sori: I dont know which one is ur sis! Why in gods name u think
> > i do!? Look i got work to do and if im feeling mischievious i'll
> > broadcast it on the P.A system saying. "Attention, someone called and
> > said that anyones brother just got involved in an accident. But not to
> > worry no one got injured and no one was sent to the hospital. But
> > everyone is going to the hospital anyways. The father maybe a somebody
> > but if u're their uncle, u're a nobody. And its not true about her aunt
> > screwing everybody because i havent screw her yet."how bout that!?
> > Toot....Toot....Toot.................

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on
board,butunfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says, "I'm
Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it
would be unfair to them if I died". So he takes the first parachute and
jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says, "I am the wife of the former
President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the
world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President." She
takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says, " I am the President of the
United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics.
And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of
the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die." So he
takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old
schoolboy, "I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good
person and a priest I will give you the last parachute". The boy replies
"No problem your popeness, there is also a parachute for you. America's
most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag!!!!"

§êX Is funny

You should have SEX on days that begin with T:

Thanksgiving,

Tuesday,

Thursday,

Today,

Tomorrow,

Thaturday?

Thunday?

Every Thucking day!



Sex is:

like Nokia (connecting people)

like Nike (Just do it)

like Pepsi (ask for more)

like Coca Cola (Enjoy)

like me (too good to be true)

>For your reading pleasure........
>A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one
>night and he
>sees Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his
>movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his
>autograph.
>
>Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You
>Chinese people
>bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
>
>The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the
>Chinese who
>bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
>
>"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,"
>replied
>Spielberg.
>
>In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and
>says, "You
>sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
>Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that
>sank the
>ship,not me."
>
>The Chinese man, replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg,
>Carlsberg, you're
>all the same."

>Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.
>
>One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
>suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank like a stone to the bottom and
>stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom
>and pulled him out.
>
>When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act, he immediately
>ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to
>be mentally stable. When he went to tell her the news, he said,
>"Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being
>discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of
>another patient, I think you've regained your senses".
>"The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the
>bathro om with the belt of his robe. I am so sorry, but he's dead".
>
>Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry".