It's alright! Forum is open to all comments. That's where we learn from each other If I open a topic and expect only good comments that I can accept .. then I'll be very immature. Of course I don't blame her for loving her son .. but honestly.. we are both working adults and busy at work.. and she would call him during his work. Even though he picks up and say he's busy in a meeting, she would still continue with her long nagging story, not allowing him to put down the phone and it annoys him. And this happens everyday. If he ignores her call, she would be very angry and she would try to call me instead asking where is he (when it's logical that he's working). Sometimes she would even raise her voice at me because her son is ignoring her. Imagine your in-law doing that to you .. breathing down your necks trying to find out your partner's whereabouts .. In fact, imagine your partner doing that to you everyday.. your gf calling you everyday asking where are you? Why you're not home? Nag nag nag, etc etc etc. I thought only crazy girlfriends would do that but not from a mother.

As for moving out of the house, well .. in my opinion he's 32 and i'm 29 .. and it's very much the time to be independent. I don't like to stay with my parents either cause my mother still treats me like a child even at my age ... "My House, My Rule!" concept you know? I realised that when my siblings move out, my mother threats them more and more like than adult instead and it works for me too. But different story from my partner as the mother still wants to pamper him and have him under her wings 24/7.

Nothing wrong with mother wanting to show her love. I highly approve of that! But as to HOW a mother shows it is a different story. To bug us non-stop during our working hours everyday can be frustrating. Partly is my partner's fault for not really talking to her about how he feels. Well .. hope you understand my dilemma ... any opinion is open

You couldn't be more wrong. "She is still your mom" is exactly the mentality an abusive mom wants you to have because it empowers her to continue abusing you. It makes you the architect of your own prison.

What would YOU do if you're the one in the video clip below? Is she still your mom no matter what? Have you ever asked the question "how can a mom treat her child like that?" instead?



This post has been edited by s2peMocls: Mar 11 2013, 01:37 PM

The poor guy! Listen to the way he talks .. he's so traumatized!! This is a permanent scar in his life!

foremost, a mum is also a human.

Neshimaru,

Just to share my knowledge and experience of a very very close friend of mind.
Her family and my family very very close. Son daughter, father and mother very very close to us.
Both family goes out to do shopping, eat or even having picnic together sometimes.

For children whom the parents like
From what I've seen from my friend whose mother who has better preference for 1 or 2 of her children, at the end of the day, they also move out because they cannot stand the constants phone calls and nagging.
As per one of my friend story, when she moves out, her mom would appreciate her more.

Knowing that she could take care of herself as an adult after married , lesser phone call to her and nagging then onward but have better negotiation terms then onwards especially when she pays her visit.

For children who the parent have lesser preference
Applying the same concept for children whom parents like, she would not make lesser comparison for her children whom she has lesser preference. her family would sometime call me to ask where about is her brother on certain day and I mention, I was with him.


At the end, both children have better relationship among brothers and sisters. When either or both of her preference return, then onward, he/she mention, there is lesser nagging from her and there are at better term.

TS, try to talk to your bf or future MIL and push her for a hobby. By then she would be more occupy and trust more on her children because other parents also trust her children and why not her.

Furthermore, I believe she would also mention her issue of her children to her friends and they would advice her.
I believes in a parents heart, no matter how right is your decision, she will still thinks she is right.
I even says to her that what your son said and suggest is exactly what other people say to you and why did you only listen to other people.

At the end of the day, it boils down to trust for a son as and adult.

I do not say TS is wrong nor her bf mother is wrong.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me .. It's always easier to talk to those who have the same experiences and able to share solutions. Yes myself is not here to say that everyone should support me in going against the mother because I'm trying to come up with a neutral solution where everybody is happy at the end of the day.

Just two days ago she called him again nagging him this and that and by the time he put down the phone, all he could say was, "This is why I do not want to move back home anymore ..."

It's true what you said about trust for a son as an adult. I wish his mother would take this into her heart and learn to accept that. And yes .. I'm still trying to dig out some info from my partner on what she likes to do most so that we can introduce some hobbies for her.. But my worry is that she may think we are trying to keep her busy from disturbing us .. i mean .. she may take it negatively ..

But thanks for sharing your advice..

thank god the father manage to escape in the first place....


u know why~

why not make a time appointment? like 1 day call at 7am,3pm, and 8pm only?

Yea maybe that would help too .. unless urgent, any other non-urgent matters should call at certain time. But it won't really work cause the whole root cause of the problem is that my partner do not like the way his mother is treating him like a young child when he's already 32. And I agree too .. which guy would want to be treated like a young naughty boy that the mother consistently nags and raise her voice at? What more in front of his own girlfriend or wife? I pity him but that doesn't mean I think she's a bad mother .. just that her techniques in showing love is not right ...

btw...why don't u kindly notify her not to call during work hours.....

set with her convenient talking time...says limiting her like around 8-9pm after dinner and don't disturb other time....

ok try this , try to get your BF to tell his mom that he would be busy through out the day , and saying that you will take care of him. and promise to give a call at lunch & night time . Is either you or him making the calls , make sure you are part of it.

Then gradually reduce to a daily call, with similar reason or concrete reason ... then change to message or 2-3 days / call .... then gradually to a weekly update .

This has to be done gradually it might take months or even years.

Well how often does family catch up differ from one family to another.

In the end we need to space to each other be it couples, parents , children , uncle ... etc

This thread will be funny if mom still calling her married son everyday

Yea should tell her .. but not me telling her .. my partner should tell her!



Good idea actually! It's like letting it slide out slowly and quietly without realising...




I'll make sure to keep you people posted when this do happen after I'm married! Of course .. I hope it won't happen at all!!!

At least the aunty was entertaining haha - talk about dysfunctional families - and the fact that their kids are going to produce even more -.-

But still TS can choose to let it affect her a not.

This is really really bad situation.

In another view, she may be experiencing the empty nest syndrome..
Well.. Everyone reaching that age would have a dream of having someone to accompany her everyday till the end of life, now that she do not go out for yamcha so often.

Her only shoulder would be the first son, and now he's gone too.

I'll be distress in this situation and wouldn't know what to do as well..

My bf (now husband) get calls every week from his mum, his grandma, his aunts to ask us to get married.

Lagi stress..

The calls gets more aggressive when we said no...

This post has been edited by ngsyin: Mar 15 2013, 05:34 PM

1) Most likely. What else is there to do to pass the time?

2) Don't believe that I did?

Well I try not to let it affect me .. Now my partner is picking up her calls because he notice the pressure I'm facing having to pick up all the nags on his behalf.

She should start paying attention to her lonely younger son whom is her lesser favourite ...


Aggressive?? Were they trying to force you both to get married??

1) Then you need to talk to a counselor. That is called violating the personal boundaries of others.

2) You sure did. You don't even know the mother and you're already making up excuses for her by saying "she probably doesn't have any hobbies or friends".

Dude, your bitter pessimism in life really shows in all your posts. Maybe you still need that counselor you were looking for back then in Subang Jaya. Or is coming on LYN to denigrate and criticize every other person's post your form of therapy?

1) But isn't that the whole point of the thread? TS voicing concerns that her partner's mother is violating their personal boundaries?

2) None of us know the mum and we are trying to rationalize why she is acting that way. Note the use of Probably: Adverb "insofar as seems reasonably true"; synonyms include "presumably - likely - belike - perhaps - maybe - possibly"