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Advice Wanted Boyfriend's Mother Obsessed With Him, She will call him 10 times a day!

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ccyap003
post Mar 8 2013, 04:20 PM

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QUOTE(nekodaisuki @ Mar 8 2013, 03:25 PM)
You said both of you are adults and I think you guys can have ADULT talk with his mother.
Meet her up and talk about this situation that both of you need privacy and will take care of each other.
Let her understand why she shouldn't call that often.
Instead of calling, teach her how to SMS / Whatsapp.

Previously I have a mother who treat me like a baby too.
Especially after I move out, she call me day and night, I know how it feels listening to the same stuff again and again.

Then I bought her a phone and teach her how to whatsapp and sms after telling her that I'm busy with work and my phone's battery drain fast.
You will need a lot a patience for her to learn.
But guess what?
Now she won't call me unless it's an emergency and she don't nag me anymore because she realise that she is talking about the same thing over and over again when she read the chat history.
The best part of all is the sms-es get lesser because she have her whatsapp group =="

She is plainly boring and have nobody to give attention too so I guess you, ADULTS might try my KID way of handling this over obsessed mother.
Can't blame her for giving all her attention to her beloved son
FYI, my mum was divorcee too
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+1.
At least she is more occupied now.
Like what TS suggest, a hobby would carry away some of her lonelyness

ccyap003
post Mar 15 2013, 10:27 AM

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QUOTE(Neshimaru @ Mar 11 2013, 12:44 PM)
It's alright! Forum is open to all comments. That's where we learn from each other smile.gif If I open a topic and expect only good comments that I can accept .. then I'll be very immature. Of course I don't blame her for loving her son .. but honestly.. we are both working adults and busy at work.. and she would call him during his work. Even though he picks up and say he's busy in a meeting, she would still continue with her long nagging story, not allowing him to put down the phone and it annoys him. And this happens everyday. If he ignores her call, she would be very angry and she would try to call me instead asking where is he (when it's logical that he's working). Sometimes she would even raise her voice at me because her son is ignoring her. Imagine your in-law doing that to you .. breathing down your necks trying to find out your partner's whereabouts .. In fact, imagine your partner doing that to you everyday.. your gf calling you everyday asking where are you? Why you're not home? Nag nag nag, etc etc etc. I thought only crazy girlfriends would do that but not from a mother.

As for moving out of the house, well .. in my opinion he's 32 and i'm 29 .. and it's very much the time to be independent. I don't like to stay with my parents either cause my mother still treats me like a child even at my age ... "My House, My Rule!" concept you know? I realised that when my siblings move out, my mother threats them more and more like than adult instead and it works for me too. But different story from my partner as the mother still wants to pamper him and have him under her wings 24/7.

Nothing wrong with mother wanting to show her love. I highly approve of that! But as to HOW a mother shows it is a different story. To bug us non-stop during our working hours everyday can be frustrating. Partly is my partner's fault for not really talking to her about how he feels. Well .. hope you understand my dilemma ... any opinion is open smile.gif
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Neshimaru,

Just to share my knowledge and experience of a very very close friend of mind.
Her family and my family very very close. Son daughter, father and mother very very close to us.
Both family goes out to do shopping, eat or even having picnic together sometimes.

For children whom the parents like
From what I've seen from my friend whose mother who has better preference for 1 or 2 of her children, at the end of the day, they also move out because they cannot stand the constants phone calls and nagging.
As per one of my friend story, when she moves out, her mom would appreciate her more.

Knowing that she could take care of herself as an adult after married , lesser phone call to her and nagging then onward but have better negotiation terms then onwards especially when she pays her visit.

For children who the parent have lesser preference
Applying the same concept for children whom parents like, she would not make lesser comparison for her children whom she has lesser preference. her family would sometime call me to ask where about is her brother on certain day and I mention, I was with him.


At the end, both children have better relationship among brothers and sisters. When either or both of her preference return, then onward, he/she mention, there is lesser nagging from her and there are at better term.

TS, try to talk to your bf or future MIL and push her for a hobby. By then she would be more occupy and trust more on her children because other parents also trust her children and why not her.

Furthermore, I believe she would also mention her issue of her children to her friends and they would advice her.
I believes in a parents heart, no matter how right is your decision, she will still thinks she is right.
I even says to her that what your son said and suggest is exactly what other people say to you and why did you only listen to other people.

At the end of the day, it boils down to trust for a son as and adult.

I do not say TS is wrong nor her bf mother is wrong.


 

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