I think the problem lies with your boyfriend's mother, in that her world revolves solely around her eldest son.

I am guessing, she does not have any hobbies, a close group of friends, etc. This would not be surprising if she had sacrificed all of the above for him when he was young.

This is going to be really sticky to handle but the best would be to get her out of the house into her own activities and get her to make her own circle of friends. There are a lot of senior citizen gatherings out there, like ballroom dancing, cooking classes, etc.

Hi TS ... i will try to make this as polite as possible but forgive me if I can't ... first of all I can say I totally understand your bf's mom as my mom is also like that ... I'm in similar position ...

1) From a mom's perspective ... the kid is ALWAYS a kid ... no matter 10 years old 20 30 or even 40 ... that guy will always be the mom's KID ..

2) She's a single mom ... can you just imagine how INSECURE she would feel ... with only 2 sons ... if this 2 sons leave her ... she eat what ? Poor lady ... you guys have no heart ? By the way how in the world can your bf be irritated by his mom ? Only your love towards him is love ? His mom's love for him is not love? Will ur bf be irritated by u if u call him 10 times a day and keep saying i love u i love u i love u ? annoyed by her mom by repeating the same thing ? Last time when her mom is alone without husband .. gotta raise ur bf alone .. crying everyday (if he's still baby) or want a certain toy or what .. the mom got get annoyed by ur bf?

3) If it's to the point her mom is repeating herself like that ... bad news she's probably like my mom ... she is already in state of depression ... and yes serious depression ... not your typical cupid corner omg my bf doesnt pick up my call i wanna die that type of depression ... pls get medical attention immediately ... if she's in serious depression .. she needs EVEN MORE ATTENTION to get better ... so please don't be surprise if she starts calling 20 times per day ...

4) Your bf moved out with u ... I'm guessing her mom would be more traditional type ... i guess her mom would think like you're stealing his son away .. hence making her feel even more insecure ... y would ur bf move out with u anyway ? doesn't wanna care about her mom anymore ? her mom lives alone now ??

Well ... I just feel sry for ur bf's mom that's all .. advice to your bf ... mom will only have 1 ... gf/wife can have many ... good luck to both of you .. advice to you .. if now u cannot tahan her mom ... break up now .. if ur bf love u so much .. run away with u and leave his mom with his brother ... there is no other choice ...

Btw don't get me wrong ... i'm just giving advice .. not flaming .. to be honest initially I was like you guys annoyed too .. but once you think of all these .. you appreciate your mom more .. i hope you guys can do that too ...

Lastly do not ignore her call ... just pick up and say "mom sry i'm really busy i need to go ..." if she doesn't scream or what . then u can close ur phone ... 5 seconds .. not that hard .. if 1 day she really got emergency or what .. u both regret for life

You can act like a sweetener between them. Get them to open up and work things out. Go to her house for dinner let your bf do the talking.

Promise her something like at least visit her once a week or keep in touch with her daily during free time. You guys have to filled up her insecurity.
Shes just like any mother who is scare of being neglected by her baby boy when they grew up.

Tell your bf not to ignore her nor raise his voice on her. After all he only get to have one mom. I am glad that you are a considerate person. Maybe you can be a bridge between them. Abuse your bf la, threaten him that if he doesn't get back with his mom, he will not get what he want from u la lol.

I'm not saying your bf is a bad person. I'm saying what he is now is a product of how he was raised for the past 30 years.

If his mom took him as a substitute for her ex husband (which is a VERY common phenomenon in divorcees with a firstborn son), that son will define his "self" as an extension of his mother. He has developed avoidance patterns which hampers yours and his capacity for dealing with the dependent mother.

Contrary to popular belief, talking will NOT help. People with such traits will only understand a direct consequence of their actions, because they do not see anything wrong with what they're doing. In fact, talking may actually backfire because you are questioning something they had believed they did correctly in the past 30 or so years.

Take corrective actions. Talking will just be a waste of time.

dump him.
many couple endup disvorce bcos of hasutan from the mother in law.

Dump him now , or you will have a hell of time with him later .

its unbearable for the nagging part. If her mother is the introvert type that does not mixed around well, then probably need to get something cultivate a hobby which she can does it alone.
if she is not able to be independent in the beginning, maybe you and your bf can work out something. I just scared that if both of you are not giving her attention, sooner or later when she got into depression, then its hard to predict. Elderly people who are in depression get sick easily.

I think the problem lies with your boyfriend's mother, in that her world revolves solely around her eldest son.

I am guessing, she does not have any hobbies, a close group of friends, etc. This would not be surprising if she had sacrificed all of the above for him when he was young.

This is going to be really sticky to handle but the best would be to get her out of the house into her own activities and get her to make her own circle of friends. There are a lot of senior citizen gatherings out there, like ballroom dancing, cooking classes, etc.

It is almost cute to see such naivete in people sometimes

1) If YOU don't have any hobbies or friends or whatsoever, will YOU be calling your favorite child incessantly?

2) Why do people love fabricating excuses for the fairer sex?

Sigh .. I wish his younger brother can do something about it since he's staying with her. But I pity him.. he's not really the favourite. And he's not happy about it. She showers all her love onto my boyfriend who is her first son but the second son .. just shun aside like a blacksheep. Problems problems problems ...
Yes you're right .. as I mentioned to some here .. she give her whole love to my boyfriend but hardly ever give much attention to the youngest son. I pity the younger brother actually. He's not happy with how much she favour my boyfriend since young. My boyfriend showed me the photo album before. She would decorate the album with his photos with tons of flowers and cut outs and writings ... like a typical scrap book ... but when he showed me his younger brother's album .. it wasn't anything near like my boyfriend's ..

I honestly don't hate her .. but I really think my boyfriend needs to talk to her and do something about it. Not to say throw her into some old folks home of course! I'll kill him for doing that! But I think she needs to be occupied with some other things she love to do ... hobbies would be great.
Well quite logical .. I doubt she's too bored at home that she needs to call him unnecessarily .. i believe it's more than that ... but I can't conclude anything that may lead to false accusation about his mother. Just concern that this will create problem in our relationship. Though I do feel that if she has a hobby now it will keep her mind occupied from all the intense obsession with the phone calls ... Sigh .. I just need help .. I hope my post do not cause any arguments among people here...

Mother issues can be a very sensitive topic but I'm desperate for some constructive advise.

You said both of you are adults and I think you guys can have ADULT talk with his mother.
Meet her up and talk about this situation that both of you need privacy and will take care of each other.
Let her understand why she shouldn't call that often.
Instead of calling, teach her how to SMS / Whatsapp.

Previously I have a mother who treat me like a baby too.
Especially after I move out, she call me day and night, I know how it feels listening to the same stuff again and again.

Then I bought her a phone and teach her how to whatsapp and sms after telling her that I'm busy with work and my phone's battery drain fast.
You will need a lot a patience for her to learn.
But guess what?
Now she won't call me unless it's an emergency and she don't nag me anymore because she realise that she is talking about the same thing over and over again when she read the chat history.
The best part of all is the sms-es get lesser because she have her whatsapp group =="

She is plainly boring and have nobody to give attention too so I guess you, ADULTS might try my KID way of handling this over obsessed mother.
Can't blame her for giving all her attention to her beloved son
FYI, my mum was divorcee too

his bro cannot change what is inside her mother's thinking all of a sudden. Unless the mother realize she cannot get love and attention from the elder son, she will revert to the youngest son. (OMG, i have the same situation)..
TS, its best that you get married soon. Have a baby. Then only her attention can be revert to her grandson. Haha.. just a suggestion.

Are you in relation to my boyfriend?? Haha!! He'll be supporting your idea 100% cause he's trying his best to find ways to propose me! Joke aside.. I think you do have a good idea .. a grandchild would keep her smiling bright day and night .. and i'll have somebody to help me look after when I'm back to work ... of course I would get worried that she may convert her obsession to her grandchild that even me and my HUSBAND have no say to discipline our child!    But good idea nevertheless!! 

You said both of you are adults and I think you guys can have ADULT talk with his mother.
Meet her up and talk about this situation that both of you need privacy and will take care of each other.
Let her understand why she shouldn't call that often.
Instead of calling, teach her how to SMS / Whatsapp.

Previously I have a mother who treat me like a baby too.
Especially after I move out, she call me day and night, I know how it feels listening to the same stuff again and again.

Then I bought her a phone and teach her how to whatsapp and sms after telling her that I'm busy with work and my phone's battery drain fast.
You will need a lot a patience for her to learn.
But guess what?
Now she won't call me unless it's an emergency and she don't nag me anymore because she realise that she is talking about the same thing over and over again when she read the chat history.
The best part of all is the sms-es get lesser because she have her whatsapp group =="

She is plainly boring and have nobody to give attention too so I guess you, ADULTS might try my KID way of handling this over obsessed mother.
Can't blame her for giving all her attention to her beloved son
FYI, my mum was divorcee too

Quick call him la.
Ask him what he thinks..

+1.
At least she is more occupied now.
Like what TS suggest, a hobby would carry away some of her lonelyness

No need to call .. he's been bugging me to quickly get married with him cause he is very much ready to settle down    In fact he plans to propose to me this year and register by this year.  He will be very grateful for your great idea!! 
Hobbies always keep people occupied and HAPPY!

That happens because both of you didn't find some time to find her for a simple dinner. However, you have to make her boil medicine and herb drink and come all the way to your house and give him and just to meet his child.

Now somemore want to tell this and make you seem like a victim. How despicable....

We didn't MAKE her boil medicine .. and I did advice and sometimes scold him many times to go home and see her and spend time with her but he refuse. I can't force people to do things against their will right? I'm just a third party in this family feud. His mother wants me to side her, he wants me to side him. That's why I'm here for help my friend. It's ok I'm ready for criticism .. it's a very subjective topic unless somebody experience it EXACTLY the way I am experiencing now  There's no right and wrong answers here but helpful advice would be much appreciated

I think your MIL needs companion. One thing u should not do is to hurt her feelings. Please appreciate a mother's love and care when she is still around. Not everyone got the chance to be loved by a mother.

She did all those thing just to meet him, you do not expect she came empty hand to see him and sure kena bashed with "You come here for what?" (example). So, she sure bring something and boil medicine so she has a reason to come and meet you and him.

Your method of scolding your bf to go home and accompany his mother of cuz won't work. Scolding never works especially for adult. You shud say lets go back to meet mum for a dinner occasionally and you got something need to give his mum. I dare him wont let u go his mum's house alone

That's why I said "sometimes" I scold him .. mostly I advice cause he's still a man after all.. no point raising voice at him. I even planned for dim sum breakfast with her and his younger brother before but it never work .. he just doesn't want to do it. I really don't want to be the bad person here and I definitely don't want to make myself look like a victim. I hope you understand. Even during CNY I purposely buy her a big expensive CNY hamper to cheer her up, as a reason to see her personally alongside with my boyfriend. In fact even when his mother do come and hand over the herbal drinks she personally made, he would send me to see her instead. He wouldn't want to see her because they'll end up arguing like cats and dogs .. both would be raising their voices outside our home and neighbours would be looking 

I did talk to his mom personally before that he's a grown person already and that in order to talk to him, we have to treat him like an adult. But still the same .. whenever she DO see him, she would nag him with a strict and firm tone. And it's been like this for many years and he just .. snapped. He couldn't handle it anymore. Even his aunt (mother's sister) had to tell her directly many times to stop treating him like a young child. Maybe like what others mentioned here .. she's traditional. And at times she can be so traditional that if he's sick for a long time, she would quickly bring him to see a medium instead of a read doctor thinking it's some "dirty" things disturbing him.

I'm lost ... 

Your bf does not love his mum is it? Pity his mum who is always making the initiative. Even though the method is wrong, the intention is good.

He do love her .. he can get very protective of her if anybody dare to hurt her or talk bad things about her. I also agree with you that her intentions are good though method is wrong    ... even up till today I still remind him to "Please pick up your mother's call and talk to her" .. I honestly don't like to be the middle person cause both wants me to be on their side and I don't want to hurt either one. That's why I blocked her calls temporarily while talking to him nicely to go home and spend time with her or pick up her calls, etc .. but he always tell me that she's very "annoying" .. and he has a very stubborn character ...   Both mother and son stubborn lor .... Anyway I really appreciate you talking to me about this problem! Perhaps I will try to re-plan a dim sum breakfast for the whole family and see how it goes from there.